[amazing_love]

I was 41 weeks along on Sunday May 2, 2010, one week past Camden’s due date. I started leaking fluid and wasn’t sure what it was. It was different than anything I’d had come out of me before. We were at my parents house and every once in a while I’d get a small burst of liquid. I decided to call my doctor and felt pretty sure it was amniotic fluid. She told me to go to the hospital to be checked. Jimmy and I went home, finished packing our hospital bag, and were on our way. We were both filled with emotions thinking we could actually be having our baby that night! At the hospital a nurse did a test and told us there was no trace of amniotic fluid. I was really disappointed because I had been so excited at the thought of meeting my baby boy. Later I felt it was probably a good thing since there would’ve been a high likelihood they would’ve started Pitocin since I wasn’t getting consistent contractions on my own. Jimmy and I went back home and hoped Camden would still decide to come sometime before Wednesday which was my next doctor appointment.

At midnight I felt like I was peeing myself. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom holding myself trying to make it stop coming. I tried so hard to hold it all in but couldn’t do it. I felt like I had absolutely no control over my bladder. Liquid got all over the bathroom floor and my clothes were soaked. At this time I was still thinking it was urine and didn’t really think it could be my water breaking. After I finished peeing in the toilet, I got up and fluid was still coming! I was so confused and wondering what the heck could this be?! I felt like my bladder had given out on me. I leaked a few more times and decided to put a heavy pad on so I wouldn’t soak our whole house. Jimmy asked me from the bedroom if I was okay and I told him I didn’t know, that I was really confused, and explained the details to him. He told me I should call and ask a nurse about it. I don’t think he really thought it was my water at this time either. The first nurse I talked to told me to come in so they could check it. She wouldn’t give me her opinion on what she thought it could be, only that she could only help if I came in. Well, I really didn’t feel like going in only to be told yet again that it wasn’t my water. So I called a different hospital and talked to their nurse. She was a lot more helpful and told me it sounded to her like it was probably my water. She told me that it wasn’t a big deal to stay home for awhile and see if the leaking persisted. I decided to follow her advice. If I was in labor I would much rather labor at home for as long as I could.

I started getting contractions right away. At first they just felt like moderate menstrual cramps. Jimmy was timing them for me for awhile but I told him to get some sleep so he could have strength for when I really needed him. It became very obvious to me that my water had indeed broken and this was real labor once the contractions picked up. They were coming consistently every 2-3 minutes. I tried to fall asleep but the pain made it too difficult. I got things ready for the hospital, ate a bowl of cereal, put some makeup on, and did a couple small things around the house in between contractions. I experimented with a few different laboring positions to see what I liked best. The only position I liked at the time was holding onto the counter standing on my tiptoes. I was surprised by how painful the contractions already were and kept wondering whether I’d really be able to go without any medication, assuming the contractions were bound to get a lot worse. I was getting nervous about the pain to come.

Around 4:30 AM Jimmy woke up. I was concerned because there was blood in the amniotic fluid. I also wasn’t feeling Camden move and assumed it was because of the contractions, but then again I was never typically awake at that time of night so I didn’t know how alert he normally was. A nurse told me over the phone that the bleeding was normal. It was this point in time I learned that talking to people made the contractions come less frequently and seem less intense. This particular nurse made me a little mad because she was telling me it sounded like the contractions were not really painful yet because I didn’t have to stop to breathe through them. She said a lot of times when first timers have their water break contractions don’t pick up on their own and they need Pitocin. This irritated me because I was tired of people mentioned this drug to me. I had already had a lot of comments in the days prior from people telling me I was crazy for not wanting an induction. I felt like my baby would come all on his own and that’s just what he was doing!

I labored at home for awhile longer, breathing through each contraction. I felt like resting and snuggling with Jimmy. I tried lying down on the bed but the pain seemed a lot more intense in this position so I stayed standing. At 6 AM I decided we should leave for the hospital. I was concerned about the pain getting worse and the 25 minute car ride being unbearable if I waited too long. I called my mom on the way over. She was planning on going to the hospital and waiting but I let her know in advance that I only wanted Jimmy in the room with me during labor and she said she was okay with this.

When we arrived I ate some saltine crackers before going in, just in case I wasn’t allowed to eat. The receptionist told us to wait in the waiting room which seemed odd to me. I ended up getting the same nurse who checked me the day before, which I didn’t mind because she seemed really nice. They had us go straight to a labor & delivery room. I guess they felt sure enough it was real labor based on what I told them? I was given the option of staying in my own clothes but decided on a hospital gown so I wouldn’t get my clothes dirty. I was checked almost immediately after changing and was 3 cm dilated. The night before I was only 1-2 cm so I had already made progress which I was happy with. The nurse hooked me up to a fetal monitor and told me “I know in your birth plan you wrote you don’t want to be hooked up so we’ll just check you for 30 minutes and make sure your baby is doing well.” Yeah, RIGHT!! I never would’ve guessed that I would end up being hooked up to that thing for the rest of labor!

After some observation she thought it was best to stay on the monitor because Camden’s heart rate would drop a little bit during a contraction. Jimmy and I were both a little confused as to why she was making a fuss over this, because the night before when she said his heart rate looked “perfect” it was also dropping some during contractions. I always thought this was normal. Jimmy and I anticipated the moment I would be able to get up and walk around. We would watch the monitor and both agree that it looked good and I should be off in no time. We were both in a very good mood and super excited to experience labor and the birth of our baby boy. Just as we would start getting our hopes up the nurse would tell us “I just don’t feel comfortable with how his heart rate keeps going down”. Of course we just wanted the best for our baby so we trusted that staying hooked up was the safest thing to do (not that we felt we really had an option).

Time is a bit of a blur to me but at some point my mom came into the labor room. I remember at first feeling unsure and confused as to why she would come in since we already made it clear we weren’t going to have her in there. But after her being there for a couple minutes I was surprised to find myself not minding her presence at all. She was in and out of the room through labor and if I felt like being alone with Jimmy I told her and she respected my wishes. I got a heparin lock placed in my arm which felt irritated the rest of labor. Then later the nurse felt it necessary to give me fluid through an IV because she didn’t feel I was getting enough fluid on my own. I ate 3 grape popsicles throughout the day. I found it hard to eat even that because contractions seemed so frequent I didn’t feel like there was much time in between. In reality contractions were coming every 2-5 minutes, or at least that’s what the nurse said. As time went on the contractions got worse and worse. The nurse would hold up a chart with smiley and frowning faces numbered 1-10 and ask me how bad the pain was on a scale from 1 to 10. When I first arrived I told her “an 8 because I should probably save the 9 & 10 for later” ha ha. A little later she asked again and I told her a 9 but only because I was saving the 10 just in case. At some point the pain was at a definite 10, the worst I had EVER felt! The intensity is very hard to explain, although at its worst I remember telling Jimmy and the nurse that I was sure it was as bad as being shot and possibly even being burned alive. LOL. I kept thinking how I wished I could skip the labor and go straight to us being with our baby. I felt very emotional thinking about him coming and finally being able to hold him.

In an attempt to get Camden’s heart rate up, the nurse had me laying down moving from one side to the other (the most painful position for me). The least painful position was on my knees, facing the back of the bed. I would hold onto the back of it and breathe (or more like moan loudly) through each one. Jimmy was there using his hand to help guide my breathing. We had practiced a couple different techniques beforehand and only one was somewhat useful. I saw Jimmy’s hand moving up and down and tried focusing on when to breathe in and out but it was SO hard because it seemed my body had a mind of its own. He kept telling me how good I was doing and giving me other words of encouragement. I found it helpful to squeeze part of his hand with my thumb and index finger. I didn’t do it hard at all; it was mostly a sort of tapping to distract myself from the pain. I was allowed to stand next to the bed but couldn’t go far. I would lean on Jimmy as a contraction came. All I really felt like doing was getting in the tub. I asked the nurse if I could get in for just 30 minutes and she said no because it would only take a minute for baby’s heart rate to get worse and for something bad to happen. Of course I wasn’t about to put my baby at risk so I didn’t push the issue any further.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through labor without any meds if I had to be confined to my bed. I was pretty much just letting as much time pass as I could before getting an epidural. I know it can sometimes slow labor and I didn’t want to risk that happening. I finally asked her to check me and when she told me I was 6 cm dilated I felt satisfied enough with that number to ask for the epidural. I remember feeling like the anesthesiologist couldn’t get there fast enough! It didn’t seem like much time at all before he showed up and got things prepped. He asked me if I had any questions and I asked him how many times he’d done this. I also told him he was about to become my new best friend. LOL. I was pretty nervous as I’ve never had a needle in my back before! I was in a sitting position, hunched forward so my back was arched. Jimmy was standing in front of me and I had my head resting on his chest and was grasping onto his shirt with both hands. I was holding very still and just hoping I didn’t get a contraction as he was putting the needle in (luckily, I didn’t!) I told Jimmy to keep me distracted so he was talking to me about Camden being there soon and at the same time I was praying to distract myself. I felt a slight stinging and then no further discomfort after that. I was quite surprised how painless it was! It didn’t take long at all for the meds to start working. I was surprised! I remember the following contraction being painful but the one following it was already a lot less intense. I kept commenting on how wonderful it was and it really was! It wasn’t long at all before I had absolutely no pain and was in a very cheerful mood and smiling and laughing. This state of relaxation didn’t last for long however…

I can’t remember how much time went by but the nurse checked me sometime later and I was still at a 6. I was nervous because I know hospitals tend to push pitocin and c-sections. The nurse became more concerned about Camden’s heart rate and gave me an oxygen mask, which I had to wear for the rest of labor. So much for eating that pudding I was looking forward to… I had been hoping the latter part of labor would be relaxing. We put in the movie “A walk to remember” (one of my favorites) but I wasn’t able to watch it. Although the pain was gone, I was unable to enjoy labor even after getting the epidural because of all the fuss the nurse was making. After all I went through during this time I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it without some pain relief. I would have been so miserable! They had me moving from side to side to help the meds numb everything evenly, but then had me staying on my right side because they said baby did better on that side. The lowest I remember his heart rate getting was in the 80’s. I was so concerned when it would go down that it would keep going down and I would lose him. The nurses had me all worried and worked up over it! She said if I didn’t start progressing faster they might have to do a c-section. There was the dreaded word I didn’t want to hear. I couldn’t believe she actually felt things were bad enough to consider that. I was completely okay with doing one if it was really medically necessary and my baby was in real danger but I wasn’t a medical professional and had no idea how I would know whether it was really necessary. All I knew was my instinct was telling me everything was just fine. The nurse was keeping in contact with my doctor and always made it sound like my doctor was on the same page as them and like they were all her ideas.

Lucky for me my body was progressing on its own. The next check I was 8 cm, and very shortly after that I was at a 9. I was very happy about it but the nurse kept talking about how my body had better hurry. I felt like my body was doing a great job! I briefly remember my doctor showing up at some point but can’t remember much from this visit. I’m pretty sure she left and said she would be back around 2:30 PM and that’s when she estimated Camden’s arrival. She was almost right on with her guess! I was 10 cm sometime between 2-2:15 and my doctor had me start pushing at 2:20. I started on my hands and knees. My legs felt really funny and I had to have help getting them in that position but I was still able to do it. At first I couldn’t feel much when pushing although I do remember saying I felt a little pressure in my butt. I asked my doctor how to push and she told me just to push like I was having a bowel movement. I put all my focus on how I was pushing and she told me I was doing a good job. Soon after they had me turn back onto my back, although I was propped up. Jimmy was on the left side of me, my nurse on the right, and the doctor down below. They would tell me when I was getting a contraction (I couldn’t feel them at all) and I would push when they told me to. They had me pushing 3 times during each contraction for 10 seconds each time. After a little bit of time I started having more feeling down there and could actually feel the urge to push. As time went on the urge got stronger. My doctor started leaving it up to me when I felt the need to push. It felt really good because it made me feel like I was more in control and not just relying on everyone else to tell me what my body was doing. I was doing the work all by myself and it felt so empowering. Toward the end of labor the urge got so strong that when I felt it I would be like “okay okay okay” and just push. Along with that feeling I was able to feel discomfort. I’m sure it wasn’t nearly the same as what I would’ve felt without meds but I could definitely feel Camden’s head as it was coming out. It seemed like it was crowning for a long time. My doctor kept playing with his hair. LOL. She had me feel the top of his head and that was surreal and cool at the same time. I’m pretty sure Jimmy felt it as well. He was watching a lot of the birth and helping me at the same time. When I was pushing I would hear him, the doctor, and nurse saying things like “you’re doing awesome… great job… keep it up… you can do it... etc.” They were telling me how great of a pusher I was. It made me feel really good and helped motivate me even more. Jimmy was helping me hold one leg up and the nurse was helping with the other, although toward the end I was holding my own legs. I could feel a pain toward the top of my vagina and it felt like I was tearing (later I found out that I had indeed torn in that area). My doctor was doing perineal massage as I pushed which made it more uncomfortable but I knew it would be worth it. I looked up at one point and saw about 3 new people in the back of the room. I was like “who are they?” Someone told me but I didn’t really listen. I also didn’t feel like I cared all that much although it did seem a little weird because they were all just watching me give birth, like it was no big deal.

After about an hour and a half I started hearing people mention things like the vacuum, forceps, and episiotomy. Apparently some of them thought I wasn’t getting him out fast enough on my own. I started pushing even harder trying to get him out because I really didn’t want those other interventions! My doctor told me she might need to help me out (meaning cut). I said “give me just one more contraction” and she said okay. I pushed with everything I had but he didn’t come. I felt a bit discouraged because I was doing all I could. I still felt like I could do it own my own though. I never once doubted it. My doctor seemed to have confidence in me but was still mentioning other things which confused me because it doesn’t really seem like her personality to do so. At 4:15 she told me she would give me until 4:20 (the 2 hour mark) to get him out or she’d be helping me get him out. Of course I was determined to do it all on my own and this gave me that extra push to make it happen. I would push as hard as I possibly could with each contraction. Jimmy, my doctor, and the nurse were going crazy with excitement telling me that he was almost there! I could especially tell a difference in Jimmy’s tone, probably because he had never witnessed a birth before. With the last contraction I pushed with everything I had. It hurt but I just pushed through the pain and didn’t stop and finally…. out came his head! The doctor told me to push his shoulders out and with the next push out came his body! He was born at 4:18. She sucked stuff out of his mouth and immediately placed him on my stomach. He was crying and I reached out to hold him. His body was slimy and warm but it felt awesome to me. After a long time waiting I was now looking at the precious miracle that had been inside me for nine months, It was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had and the best experience of my life. Someone came and put a blanket or towel over him and I was able to hold him. I was surprised by how alert he was. I don’t know the amount of time that went by, only that I wished he could stay with me like that forever. Everyone was saying how he looked pale. It’s like they never stop being concerned about something in that hospital! A lady came and took him to “check him out” and Jimmy went with them to the other side of the room. When they brought him back I was able to try to breastfeed him. He was so motivated from the very start. He would open his mouth so big and tried his best but couldn’t latch on. Awhile later a nurse weighed him (7 lbs. 10 oz.), measured him (21 ½ inches long), took his footprints, and other standard newborn procedure (except for the stuff we declined on). A nurse helped me onto another bed and they gave Camden to me and wheeled us to a postpartum recovery room. He was so content looking up at me and making the cutest cooing noises all the way there. Hearing his little voice was incredible to me. I felt like he knew I was his mommy from the second he saw me. I’m proud of myself for pushing him out by myself. It was a very empowering, indescribable feeling.

Camden’s hand was up near his head when he was born, so I tore at the top rather than the bottom. I really believe I wouldn’t have torn at all if it wasn’t for that. I talked to my doctor the following day about my labor experience and she told me she had been really frustrated with the nurses because they kept mentioning a vacuum and other things and she knew none of that was necessary. She said she only made it seem like she was considering those things to get them off her back. She never mentioned the word c-section to anyone and didn’t feel like Camden’s heart rate was even a real issue like the nurses made it sound like. I completely trust my doctor and really doubt I will be delivering at that hospital with my next baby.

We stayed at the hospital until the following day. Jimmy was amazing with Camden from the very start. I don’t know why but I was surprised with how great he was and how he seemed like such a natural. I had been around babies a lot more than him and all of a sudden I felt a bit unsure of myself and yet here he was without a care (or so it seemed). I feel like this experience has not only brought on a new kind of love toward our child but has made the love we have for each other stronger than ever. While labor and delivery didn’t go exactly how I had planned, it was perfect because it was the birth of my amazing baby boy. It’s hard to explain the love I feel for Camden or the feeling of completeness I now have in my life. I prayed for a baby for a long time and he was definitely worth the wait. I feel so blessed for this precious gift God brought into our lives.

[ChrissySTL]

I loved reading your birth story! I'm sorry you had some not so great nurses...I had one nurse (for a very short time thankfully) who was terrible and it really stressed me out. The nurses make all the difference in the world!

Glad you got to push him out on your own!!! I bet that was a pretty amazing feeling!

[Twhylite21]

Congrats! Sorry you had issues with the nurses, but I'm glad the birth went well overall!

[Shea131]

Great story!!! I really enjoyed reading it! Congrats on baby Camden!! He is such a little cute man!!

[Shantastic27]

Great story! I felt like I was there with you in the delivery room! :-) Congrats!

[ChicaChels]

yay Krista! I have been WAITING to read this!


what a great story!! sorry about the crappy nurses though

[Kittynoah]

Congrats!

[krissy1989]

Congratulations, Krista!! I am so proud of you! Some of your birth story sounded so much like mine---especially since my DH is a Jimmy, too!

I'm sorry that your nurses were such a pain. I don't know why they panicked so much over Camden's HR dropping between each contraction. Caleb's did the EXACT same thing, going down to the 80s and 90s with each contrax. But while I was the one panicking, my nurse and MW kept reassuring me that it was fine. They didn't once try to push a c-section or anything like that. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.