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Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials
of a few people who did....
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly... "How much do you
charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around
and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word... he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I
had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I
was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think
I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we
were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No,
I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to
laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran
amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked
me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last n ight!"
The silence was deafening after this
frightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what
they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity
and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me
was screams of laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems
with potty training and I was on him constantly. One
day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining
room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something
funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept
thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,
and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have
an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his
pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled,
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly
choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made
me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing
for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor
who will, in the future, likely think before she
speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't
get any... a true story ... We had a female news
anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last
night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but
half the crew did too ... they were laughing so hard!
Nicole: Tom's Wife [5.7.05]; Mommy of Thomas [9.6.05], Collin [1.17.08], & Bailey [10.2.09]