[MaddiesMommy223]

Hi everyone
I am a lurker, 31 years old and married 8 years. i am due with girl #2 July 18th. It will be a planned C section, so I am probably going to deliver at least a week early. My other daughter is 4 years old and the coolest little girl I know, but I might be partial

Anyway, I wanted to say hi, and introduce myself as well as post a topic since I have been on here for a while and feel you guys are all friends despite not knowing me.

Last night my brother informed me that after asking my mom, she said she was not planning on holding a shower for me for this baby. She said its not "customary". My at-the-time close friend threw my first shower, and I think my mom was jealous and upset she didnt get to throw it. I figured this time it was her chance. Now mind you, my mom ADORES my 1st daughter, probably spoils her and treats her better than me but as soon as she found out I was having another baby she got a big attitude because concerned that my 4 year old is going to have to share attention, etc. She has not shown one sign of caring for this baby. I think shes concerned that this one might list my in laws better than her.. jealous much?? It blows my mind and being the second child myself I thought she would understand, but she just doesnt seem to care. I am having a hard time accepting that she wont consider throwing a shower for this baby. Any advice? Sorry for the rant, but I figured some of you could understand. I just keep thinkin "I cant believe my own mom doesnt want to throw me a shower" Is this baby this bad????

[alinne1026]

First of all, welcome & congrats!!

Have you tried having a heart-to-heart with your Mom letting her know how it makes you feel? I know it's a difficult conversation to have but it might be a good place to start. I know my Mom was a little weary of what having dd#2 would do to dd#1 in terms of attention but once dd#2 arrived, everything fell into place. Keep us posted!

[Arei_720]

My mom was nudging us the entire time to have a "little sister or brother" for our daughter. Siblings are nice to have around- I'm glad I have mine!
Talk to your mom about it, but be careful: we can be very emotional with our abundance of hormones

oh and welcome~

[shockandawe]

Welcome and congratulations.

First, my mom is anal retentive about most things shower related. She had absolutely nothing to do with my bridal shower, and tried to get out of hosting a shower for me this time. She's decided to do it I think because I told her it was "fine if she didn't...that I'd just get everything on my own. My girlfriend has too much on the go at the moment to host one for me". This is my first child, and I think my Grandma barked at her well enough to make her go along.

I DO know that no matter who threw this shower for me, when/if I have my second, there will be no shower - not if it's 1 year from now or 8 years from now, in my circles a shower for the second child is not customary. It has nothing to do with the child's value, just that on having a second child (in my circles), it's expected that either you "have everything you need from the first shower" or that "you're well enough established to be able to handle what you need on your own with the second".

Try to have the heart to heart with her to better understand why she doesn't want to have a shower before you allow yourself to feel more hurt by it. Some people are just really old school, and that won't change over night. Ask her how she feels about the new baby - you may be surprised at what you hear. She may be overcompensating with your daughter now, to fill the gaps that will allow you to focus on the new baby when it arrives. Who knows? Just try to find that understanding part of your heart before you approach her. I know it's easier said than done.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Bridgett_H]

Welcome and congratulations!!

I don't really know about the whole shower issue.... I'm from a really small town, and things are VERY old fashioned around here. I was always taught that there's no shower beyond the first baby, and family (moms, sisters, aunts, cousins...any family) should have nothing to do with throwing the shower. With that said, I was given a shower for my second because we lived out of town, and my ex's work wanted to give us one. Now, I've been having people asking if I'm going to throw a shower....like just have a party, and invite some people. I don't want to offend people by not doing this, but i was always just taught not too. What we're thinking of is a welcome baby party at our house after the baby comes. Maybe grill hamburgers or something... idk.

[Wifenmomalwys]

First, Welcome and glad you decided to introduce yourself

I think once the baby makes her appearance, your mom will come around.
As for the shower, she maybe just Old Fashioned. Maybe you could talk to her and explain that times have changed.

[ElizabethS]

Welcome aboard! We are having baby #1 together, but it's child #5 for our family. DH's mom threw a baby shower for both of his sons (3 and 15 mos now). My mom threw a shower for both of my babies (DH has adopted them...but originally was not bio dad) and they are 4 and 23 mos.

My mom and his mom are teaming up to a throw a shower for this baby ONLY because we had both sold all our baby stuff..thinking we were done having kids then we got remarried, and ended up expecting again. Otherwise we wouldn't be having a shower!