[♥womanintheshoe♥]

No jumping, cheering smiley faces here as all I can do is cry. A lot. I didn't want to know, the tech knows me well and assured me I would not find out, but she put the thing on my belly to get started so of course we are all looking (me, dh and a friend) and it's the money shot, clear as can be, right off the bat. The tech was fiddling with the machine so didn't see what my friend and I did and when she did look at the screen she removed the wand fast then looked at me. She saw that I had seen. I said it was OK, totally lied, blinked back tears and somehow made it through the rest of the scan and the useless OB appt following before getting in my car and sobbing.

I have envisioned the birth, seen in my mind my baby being placed in my arms, meeting my baby and not caring if it is a boy or girl, then having my dh look and make the Big Announcement. That is his moment and it is awesome. And that moment is gone, taken from me by sheer dumb luck that the very first shot would be in that area and that clear. The good thing is my dh can't recognize anything on u/s except for the face so he has no clue and my friend said, "I remember this from your last u/s!" (when I had a girl) so dh is convinced we are having a girl and at least he will get his surprise/shock at the birth.

I feel flat for lack of a better word. Empty, void of emotion...well, at least the emotions I want to feel after the u/s. I have no desire to buy anything or decorate the nursery because it wasn't time to do those things, darn it! It wasn't time for me to know who this baby is!!! I cannot stop crying and feel guilty for not just being OK with this. I know it will be fine and in a few days I will be excited but again, that excitement I should be feeling in another 19 weeks or so, not now.

Please, don't anyone say that it is better to find out or that I will bond better now that I know because for me that is not true. I love this baby and felt bonded just fine before I knew the gender.

The only thing I can think to compare this to is if a guy is going to propose to a girl and wants it to be a surprise, but someone spills the beans and says, "Yeah, I saw the ring he bought you!" to the girl.

I'm sorry, ladies. I am incredibly thankful to once again have a baby that is healthy, things are "textbook perfect" according to the tech (who feels horrible, btw). I'm having a baby, my dc are getting a new sibling, no one except my friend and I will know the gender so I do get a secret from everyone and the thrill of introducing my new baby when it is born.

I just have to deal with the fact that my moment - my amazing, heart-stopping, emotion on top of emotion moment - is over and not in the way I would ever have chosen. I feel cheated.

For those waiting for their Big u/s and not wanting to know, do NOT look at the screen until the tech tells you it is safe to do so.

ETA: It's a boy. Team Blue. After 4 girls in a row that would have been some amazing surprise at the delivery for me. We got to see him yawning, totally bored with the whole ordeal. "him" not "it"...dang it, more tears...

[MamaAnna]

I'm so sorry you won't have the experience you were hoping for.

[inyourhonor]

Oh I'm so sorry! I think you have every right to be saddened. Don't feel bad, I hope that you can still enjoy your birth when the new baby comes. *hugs*

[Irish_Wristwatch]

awww im sorry

[♥womanintheshoe♥]

Thanks, ladies. I think I need to go buy something teeny tiny and boyish. Anything to help how I'm feeling.

[Shalyn]

I'm so sorry..........that really stinks! Then theres some women who want to know and don't get to find out.

Well congrats on your boy!

[pthree]

I am so sorry. I know how devastated I would be if the tech accidentaly showed or told us. We're not finding out the gender, and I can think of nothing more exciting than finding out at birth.

It's going to be hard to keep it a secret from DH, too, which really stinks but at least he will still get his surprise - and he's getting another son which after so many daughters I bet will be a big shock for him!!

Your birth will still be exciting and special for a million other reasons, so just hold on to that!

Maybe baby wanted you to know he was a boy so that's why he flashed you the goods

[laisydaisymama]

oh hun I can imagine how upsetting that would be.

I guess the best thing to do is to take advantage.....now you know after so many girls that you get to change things up, so go ahead and get some cute little blue stuff and watch for off season clearance stuff that you can buy in bigger sizes.....

I'm still having a little trouble adjusting to this being a boy, not disappointed really, just not what I expected, so I went and bought a few little outfits and stuff and it was nice to be excited about it

[krystal g]

Oh, I'm sorry. I can imagine your disappointment. I'm sorry you got cheated out of your birth moment. I agree with pp...go shopping and buy something cute for a boy. Although I guess you can't show off what you buy if your DH is still going to be surprised. And I'm also glad you've got a healthy baby growing.

[stephie1012]

oh man that stinks. how crazy that was the first shot. Is this the first time you have ever found out?
i would be so upset, thanks for the warning my eyes will be totally closed until they say its ok.

[KatieHeitman]

I'm sorry.

[noworries]

I'm sorry your moment got ruined. That's terrible. I'm almost in tears for you. Darn pregnancy hormones. Congrats on your healthy little boy though. I'm sure you will start to feel better after some time. And you'll still get to see the joy on your DH's face when he makes the announcement. I know it's not the same, but...

[♥womanintheshoe♥]

oh man that stinks. how crazy that was the first shot. Is this the first time you have ever found out?

I found out with my first two which is why I waited with the rest. And yes, the odds of the first shot being The One are astounding. Maybe I need to go to Vegas tonight.

And you'll still get to see the joy on your DH's face when he makes the announcement. I know it's not the same, but...

I just got back from my noon walk and the entire time I was reenvisioning the birth and my dh getting the shock of his life. It will be fun and special for both of us, just in a different way for me.

I really appreciate the kind responses. Thank you all so much.

[amhk]

I am so sorry for the disappointment! Were you surprised to see it is a boy? Did you have any instincts about it?

[midnight_starr]

Sorry your surprise got ruined..

[Trish36]

I'm sorry your magic moment is ruined! That really does stink. You should go to Vegas tonight! Or at least buy a lottery ticket.

[mommato4]

I'm so sorry you ended up seeing the sex! I have never been able to tell with any of mine even when they point it out! Congratulations on your little boy though!

[*Stacey*]

I am sorry that everything didn't turn out the way you hoped, but congrats on a healthy baby just the same

[momma2princesses]

Totally understand...I would 100% feel the same way.

[rainbow_brite19]

Awww I'm sorry hun That sounds like its extremely disappointing for you...