[birdblue]

I was wondering how other mothers deal/would deal with this situation...If you have a family member who is generally nasty towards you, often rude, belligerent, constantly uses harsh tones and calls you names such as "*****" or "stupid" would you allow your child to be around this person alone?
Would you assume that they would be proper when with the child and not belittle you to the child and allow them to have a regular relationship with the child?
Would preventing the child from being alone with this person be depriving the child of a possible good relationship and selfish on your part, or would it be for the best?

Thanks in advance for replies!

[M-n-MsMama0510]

really depends on who it was. If my mother or something talked to me like that. I'd have a talk and let her know what is and is not ok... if it didnt stop then yes, I would remove my child from that enviroment. If it was a uncle or cousin... simply saying "nope, not happening" would be alot easier.

No one should be talking to you like that.

[birdblue]

It's my sister, we have always had a rocky relationship but lately it seems that she is more hostile to me than normal...perhaps she's on her period. And there isn't any talking to her about it, if anything i think it would make her lash out more frequently although i don't even see her letting me finish the conversation, she would either tell me to leave her space, walk away from me, or go offline if i tried to discuss it with her online. I try to avoid her the best i can lately, and usually it works. Both of us and my boyfriend live with my mother...it's a long story, and usually it works out really well for everyone. We live in a large farmhouse and everyone has their own space. (Boyfriend and i share the attic style upstairs)

She has expressed being very excited for the arrival of her nephew and has posted on facebook about how she can't wait to show him off. However her constant negativity towards me and rudeness has been causing me to ponder this which is why i ask.

Part of me feels like i can't trust her not to belittle me to him. (granted this really shouldn't be an issue until he is a little older, but still) And the other part of me feels like i am being immature and that it would be wrong of me to not allow him to be alone with her...that i would be in a way depriving him of a possible positive relationship.

[laisydaisymama]

I pretty much agree with Kristy, my automatic answer is no way would this person be around my child, alone or not. But if it was a parent or grandparent I would have to think about it.

I would probably tell that person that you aren't going to let someone be around your child that is going to teach them that it's okay to treat you or anyone else that way, or risk your child being treated that way themselves. If they care, they'll stop. If they don't stop, they aren't too worried about being around you or your child.

[jess sanchez]

go with your gut..i don't have negative family members around my child

[sunshyne57]

If it were me, my children would not be exposed to this person....family member or not. But then again, I can be resentful like that.

Maybe tell your sister if she wants a relationship with your child, then she needs to work on one with you first or maybe have you, your BF or someone else present. The last thing your baby needs is having someone talk bad about you.

Good luck and I really hope you can work something out!

[birdblue]

Thank you ladies for your responses! I really feel that i won't want him to be alone with her due to to this issue (and a few others), you're support makes me feel my feeling on this isn't unjust or petty and will give me the strength to tell her "no" when/if she requests to spend time with him alone, unless things improve, which i really don't see happening.

[mshah]

I wouldn't allow it until her behavior improves. There's no need for your child to see anyone disrespecting you in front of him.

[mommydiva]

My rule is if you can't respect me as a person doesn't mean we have to actually get along but more on the line of tolerate each other then you have no place in my life or my child's life.
At this point in my life I am sick of trying to make peace with everyone and always being the bigger person so I have no problem cutting them out of my life or at the very least keeping the distance to where communication is at bare minium.

I dont' really get along with most of DH's family anymore I will tolerate them but at this point I would never put myself in their presence either without DH around.


With it being your sister maybe write a letter if she blows it off you got your answer. I am sure she is excited and all that.

Good Luck I know its a hard spot to be in.

[TeresaSuperMama]

Well for me I generally pick my battles. People like that I just try to keep limited exposure to. I find it easier to avoid then to flat out say you aren't going to be around my kids. I just limit the amount of time they are around them and don't make an effort for me to see them, but if they happened to be some place I was I wouldn't make a scene about it either.

[sunnysky24]

[*~*SnowHibiscus*~*]

No way. Family or not. Just because you are family doesn't give you a free pass to treat me like ****. And that's not an example of how people should treat each other that I would want set for my child.

[lala2007]

Wow I am going through the same thing. I am so sorry you have to deal with this too. I am also thinking about if I want my child around my sister. She always says she is excited etc for the arrival but she is also very rude to me. The other day she told me I could kiss her butt and she is planning to go out of town right around the same time I am due which will leave my niece with my mom who plans to help me. I really wish I had good advice but I don't because I am in the same boat. : (

[jrsygurl4life]

Wow, didn't know you had to deal with this kind of stress/negativity during a time that u should feel supportive and loved. You should defiantly say something and if it continues or if she ever does say things in front of your child I would restrict your child's exposure to her.

(Hugs)

[ZZ0607]

Sorry to hear about that. And no, I would not allow that person to be around my kids. I would not use the kid as bait either. Just, if you can't show respect to me, then why should I expect you to show respect to me for my child's sake or even show respect to my child himself? It's not immature, it's healthy boundaries. And I would tell her what's up. Simply state that you don't like how she's be treating you recently and that you believe that it would set a bad example for your son, but that you'd be happy to be around her more if she chooses to show more respect and civility. Period. She is free to change or not. That's her call. And she can blame herself if she chooses not to change and therefore does not enjoy as much time with you and your son.