[Vincent'sMommy]

One of the things I read about when learning about BLW was the idea not to encourage eating with praise, as in saying "Oh you ate so good!" You all know about how I stress about making sure DS doesn't grow up with the issues I have with food. I really don't want DS to grow up with the idea that eating more is a good thing - I just want him to learn how to eat until he's full however much that is.

So Vincent ate his first meal at my MIL's house yesterday for Easter dinner and, of course, after he was finished she was like "You did such a good job!" and asked me "Aren't you proud of him for eating so good?" I tried to explain to her why we don't praise him for what or how much she eats but I don't think I did a very good job of explaining it. I think that way of thinking is just so ingrained in most parents and grandparents. I just don't know how to really explain it so she will really understand. Any suggestions?

Oh, and my parents are a little better with the BLW stuff except for some reason my mom is always wanting me to give him bad stuff like cookies. She got us a small Easter basket and said she wanted at least one picture of him eating chocolate. I said nope, sorry. I mean, seriously?? He's a BABY and he does not need sweets! I really don't even want him tasting it at this point!

You beat me to it, but I had an easter gripe about MIL too but I have to put mine in the hideaway.

I totally get why you dont want to praise for eating. I mean, it's obvious more and more children are overweight. I know with my age, I grew up being told to "eat everything on your plate". So I did as I was told, so then as an adult, what ever I put on my plate, I still feel like I should finish it all even though Im not hungry anymore. I know that is a mental aspect but I still feel that way because I grew up that way. I refuse to give chocolate to my 9 month old. She is mine, I said "no", and thats that. I have a gripe but Im putting it in the hideaway.

[preciousgiftsmama]

I agree, no sweets for Ty either! No way at this point. That will happen soon enough.

I also agree and I cannot stand people's eating praise. I was not raised that way and no one in my family praises eating and never has. Now my brothers daughter, her grandparents on her mothers side have always driven me nuts because they have always made her eat everything and her mother is overweight so now my niece has food issues and is in total fear of becoming overweight, which she is not. Anyway, dh and I and our families were raised and raise our kids to eat what they need to get full and then they are done. I hope you can have your family see your side of how you are raising him and they can understand and support your decisions. He is your baby, raise him your way.

With that said, my mom said that when I was a baby that my grandma always fed me cookies and sweets and it drove her nuts because my mom didnt want me to eat that stuff but my grandma fed it to me anyway

Keep up the good work mama!

[sweetliberty]

Originally Posted by Vincent'sMommy

Oh, and my parents are a little better with the BLW stuff except for some reason my mom is always wanting me to give him bad stuff like cookies. She got us a small Easter basket and said she wanted at least one picture of him eating chocolate. I said nope, sorry. I mean, seriously?? He's a BABY and he does not need sweets! I really don't even want him tasting it at this point!

I don't have any advice on the first part but this part really stuck with me. I'm VERY glad my parents live so far away (800 miles) because they're constantly telling me and nagging me to give Aaron chocolate and sweets. They even went so far as to give him blueberry muffin while they were here in March...and Aaron is allergic to dairy, which the muffin had plenty of it in it. I told them no, don't give it to him and they did anyway when I turned my back! I found out a few minutes later when he developed hives and then they still lied about it.

Anyway, yesterday I posted a photo of Aaron's Easter basket on Facebook and my Mom kept making comments on it on how he needs chocolate and she didn't see any in his basket, blah, blah, blah. It really irked both my husband and myself. It's gotten so bad that I'm really hoping they don't visit this summer. Aaron has never had chocolate or sweets and I plan on keeping it that way for a while; with his food allergies I'm toying with the idea of giving him something else for his first birthday.

Sorry, this turned into my own rant. Just be firm with them and if they're anything like my parents don't trust them with him when you've turned your back.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

I know what you mean. I told my mom Juliana will not be getting any sweets until she's 3, because babies' tastes form early and they're less likely to overdue it on sweets if they don't have any in the early years. She then gave me this look like I'm being unreasonable and told me that she's going to sneak treats to her when I'm not around. She acts like she's teasing but I totally believe she will do this. I need to talk to her about it again. I don't even want to give Juliana diluted juice, and I already caught my mom about to do this.

One thing that helped when my mom wanted to feed solids at 4 months and I wanted to wait until 6 was sending her a link to some articles on why it was a good idea to wait until 6 months. She actually read it and harassed me less. I think I'll probably do the same thing about sweets when I get around to it.

Also, there's nothing unique about not giving a baby chocolate at this age. Just about any pediatrician will recommend waiting until 1 year at a minimum, so you could just tell your MIL that.

I do praise Juliana for eating, but not for the quantity. It's more because she's getting good motor control and can finally get things like small pieces of veggies in her mouth. I don't even encourage her to eat if she isn't cooperating. Maybe if your MIL feels the need to praise Vincent's eating, she can focus on his technique.

Originally Posted by preciousgiftsmama

Keep up the good work mama!

Ditto!

[Daffodil]

Uh-oh...we praise Arie for eating well a lot. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, we pretty much praise her for doing EVERYTHING (except, you know, things she shouldn't be doing) because we are dorky excited parents. I never thought that it could have negative consequences. Its more like we are excited that she learned the skill. Hmm, will have to talk to hubby about maybe ix-naying that.

[Vincent'sMommy]

Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR

I know what you mean. I told my mom Juliana will not be getting any sweets until she's 3, because babies' tastes form early and they're less likely to overdue it on sweets if they don't have any in the early years. She then gave me this look like I'm being unreasonable and told me that she's going to sneak treats to her when I'm not around. She acts like she's teasing but I totally believe she will do this. I need to talk to her about it again. I don't even want to give Juliana diluted juice, and I already caught my mom about to do this.

One thing that helped when my mom wanted to feed solids at 4 months and I wanted to wait until 6 was sending her a link to some articles on why it was a good idea to wait until 6 months. She actually read it and harassed me less. I think I'll probably do the same thing about sweets when I get around to it.

Also, there's nothing unique about not giving a baby chocolate at this age. Just about any pediatrician will recommend waiting until 1 year at a minimum, so you could just tell your MIL that.

I do praise Juliana for eating, but not for the quantity. It's more because she's getting good motor control and can finally get things like small pieces of veggies in her mouth. I don't even encourage her to eat if she isn't cooperating. Maybe if your MIL feels the need to praise Vincent's eating, she can focus on his technique.

I get praising for the motor skills part of it. I do that a little bit especially now that he can get small pieces in his mouth (well, sometimes). And I bought him a little more 'advanced' straw sippy cup for his Easter basket and I praised him for drinking out of that, but it's definitely a skill thing. And he was drinking water. I'm also in the 'no juice' camp and I KNOW my MIL (and maybe mom too) will try to give him juice. I'm really thinking about not asking them to baby sit as he gets older since I think they'd be more inclined to give him the sweets and juice then and try to find another mommy who agrees with me on the food stuff.

I did send links about delaying solids and BLW when we started so I will have to find some good ones on babies and nutrition and sweets and send those to them too.

[starrsgirl]

I personally think praise is wonderful as long as you are filling his plate with healthy foods. We praise Emmett a lot for getting food in his mouth as opposed to throwing it on the floor. I put good stuff in front of him, so I praise him when he eats these healthy foods. Also, the biggest thing for me is not to encourage Emmett to eat more if he's showing signs that he is full.

I'm very concerned about the childhood obesity epidemic. I think the best thing to do is model for your kids how you want them to eat. My parents always provided balanced meals and healthy snacks. We didn't keep junk food in the house. On the other hand, DH's family was the other way....high fat meals, sugary snacks, sodas, eating out a lot and he struggles with his weight.

I wouldn't be worried about a kid eating too much broccoli or anything. But, your kid won't stick to broccoli if he sees his parents eating, say, chocolate or french friend, KWIM?

Yeah, cookies....that won't be happening in my house for a long time either. And when it does, it won't be tied to "finishing everything on your plate". And the amount will be limited.

Edited to add: Oops, one more thing that is big on my list. I always feed Emmett at the table. He isn't allowed to walk around the house and eat and will never be allowed to eat in front of the TV (it actually represses your full feelings).

[shockandawe]

I was going to say I have no issue with praising either, but I find that I only tend to do it if I feel nothing has been pushed. We don't force feed Maggie, and since she has no back teeth, she's been limited to mostly veggies anyway.

My mom and step dad have been the worst about pushing sweets and treats. They are uncontrollable, and it's become no wonder to me why I struggle with my weight...I've been frustrated by it, and told them about it. My biggest concerns were with the fact that they gave no thought to the possibility that they were introducing very allergenic foods (nuts, dairy, berries, you name it). Ticked me right off if I'm totally honest about it.

BUT, I'm also not so iron fisted that I don't also treat Maggie. In my view, we've been extremely balanced in what we've been giving her, and I do my best not to overdue the sweets. She is a thin little girl and her quantities are well within reason and significantly lower than many other babies are eating. What I DON'T want is to create other food issues, like fear of food, or aversions to any food at all because of our paranoia that she'll one day be fat.

All I can do is model better behaviour for her, and that means balance. So, I'm on my diet full force at this point and we're eating the same meals. I just drop the carbs on my plate, and adjust the proteins on hers. There are also plans to ensure she's getting active enough and she will be enrolled in physical activities, and we will take part in whatever we can physically manage to participate in. Though we're not quite there yet.

I guess I would just say be aware that you don't inadvertantly create other issues when you're trying to prevent the one you've already experienced.

[Wren]

I was in a university play group for a few months before I moved, and their philosophy was not to praise the kids in general. They (the students and professors) are very upbeat and friendly, but do more narration of what the kid is doing. For example, "Look Stella, you are crawling!", instead of "Good girl Stella!" I guess they are trying to avoid kids become really dependent on praise.

Food issues are really complicated. For every person who is pushed food as a sign of love, there is another who gets a major disorder because their mother is always counting calories. I am grateful to my parents that they instilled a love of good food in me, but we all have pretty good metabolisms. It is hard if you live really near the grandparents. I'm sure mine will give her sweets, but as long as it is only a few times a year, it isn't going to impact her too badly.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

It just so happens my mom is watching Juliana this week because I'm on another business trip. I went back to the hotel at lunch to visit them, and my mom told me how she had given her juice but diluted it 3/4 with water. I had just told her a few weeks ago that I didn't want her having any even at 50% diluted, and I feel like she's trying to push me. So I told her again, I didn't want her having any juice, and of course she mocked me. Then she said "Well, it's no worse than the blueberry muffin I gave her" and I told her I didn't want her to have that, either. What sucks is that I know I need to rely on my mom to babysit because she's willing to travel with me when I do these trips, so I need to not be completely horrible to her about this or risk that she'll just decide to do whatever she wants when I'm not around.

[AndiNW]

I'll confess, Wyatt had a little bit of white chocolate yesterday . His next "treat" will be his birthday cake. In general, I'm pretty relaxed about sweets, although not at our babies' ages. Both my parents and in-laws are European, so sweets are practically another food group!

I do fall in the no juice camp as well. I don't think DD had juice until about 18 months, and I still dilute it! Also we don't do apple juice here, only orange. I love our daycare because they only do milk and water. Juice is served with snack about 2-3x a month.

The way I see it is that for the next few years at least, I control what my kids eat for the most part and I can control how many treats they get. DD also knows that even though there are treats at her Grandma's house, there are not always treats here. Also when mommy says that's enough, there are no more. DD knows that there are limits and I'm not afraid to say "No". I'm more concerned about pre-packaged, processed lunch/dinner foods and fast food. Children cannot live on just chicken fingers and fries!

We do implement the "if you want dessert, you need to finish your dinner" rule. But dessert here could include yogurt, fruit, fruit cup (not the best), ice cream or a cookie. But if DD says she's full before finishing, that's fine but there won't be anything else to eat instead. I hope that makes sense.

[shockandawe]

Originally Posted by AndiNW

I'm more concerned about pre-packaged, processed lunch/dinner foods and fast food. Children cannot live on just chicken fingers and fries!

This is exactly my biggest concern. We're doing pretty well (this is a huge thing for me) over here not depending on hot dogs, or kraft dinner or those other lunchable like things. I figure that's more than half the battle won if I can keep that up.

[Karlie]

I guess I'm pretty relaxed about the food thing. My parents were health nuts and there were no takeaways, and definately no junk food in the house unless it was a super special occasion. The problem with that was that the minute I did get a treat - I would eat as much as I possibly could because I knew treats were few and far between. To this day I can't eat a piece of chocolate and then walk away, I will devour a family sized block in one night and then feel guilty and not eat the next day to make up for it!! I want my kids to have a healthy relationship with food, both healthy and not so healthy. I do praise them for eating healthy foods and I'm happy for them to have access to 'sometimes' foods in moderation too. Which means yes, Luca did get his first taste of chocolate on Sunday!!

ETA: I do get where you're going from on the grandparents thing though. My mum loves feeding my babies and it's always healthy, but not always appropriate for little babies. Like she fed Luca adult yoghurt with chunks of fruit at christmas time (5 1/2 months) when he hadn't even started solids and I guess it was too much for his little tummy and he threw up all day. Oh and my grandma wanted to feed my babies milk arrowroot biscuits covered in milk and mashed up. OMG, how unhealthy and unnecessary is that??

[Ally-Mac]

Originally Posted by Karlie

I guess I'm pretty relaxed about the food thing. My parents were health nuts and there were no takeaways, and definately no junk food in the house unless it was a super special occasion. The problem with that was that the minute I did get a treat - I would eat as much as I possibly could because I knew treats were few and far between. To this day I can't eat a piece of chocolate and then walk away, I will devour a family sized block in one night and then feel guilty and not eat the next day to make up for it!! I want my kids to have a healthy relationship with food, both healthy and not so healthy. I do praise them for eating healthy foods and I'm happy for them to have access to 'sometimes' foods in moderation too. Which means yes, Luca did get his first taste of chocolate on Sunday!!

This is me too. I'm pretty relaxed about this. I want her to grow up knowing she can eat both types of food (healthy and unhealthy), as long as it's in moderation. I've been praising her when she eats good -I personally don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think she deserves praise I want eating to be fun for her ...not a stressful time. If that involves mixing it up with healthy foods and then fun snacks, so be it. I don't want her to be the kid hiding food under her bed because I"m so strict about what she can and can't have. It's hard with a girl I think --- there's a fine line between being healthy and then establishing a bad relationship with food. I don't want her to be scared to eat stuff -- and start counting calories when she's like 7! If she wants a cookie ...great! If she wants an apple...great too! Moderation is the key for us.

[AndiNW]

Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR

It just so happens my mom is watching Juliana this week because I'm on another business trip. I went back to the hotel at lunch to visit them, and my mom told me how she had given her juice but diluted it 3/4 with water. I had just told her a few weeks ago that I didn't want her having any even at 50% diluted, and I feel like she's trying to push me. So I told her again, I didn't want her having any juice, and of course she mocked me. Then she said "Well, it's no worse than the blueberry muffin I gave her" and I told her I didn't want her to have that, either. What sucks is that I know I need to rely on my mom to babysit because she's willing to travel with me when I do these trips, so I need to not be completely horrible to her about this or risk that she'll just decide to do whatever she wants when I'm not around.

That's a tough situation. I know my mom doesn't always agree with what I do (she says I read too much!), but she always respects my wishes. On the other hand, she seems to do things her own way with my sister's children. Maybe you could be really specific about what you want her to have. For example leave sippy cups with water, specific snacks, etc. That way she doesn't have any excuse.

[Daffodil]

Originally Posted by Wren

I was in a university play group for a few months before I moved, and their philosophy was not to praise the kids in general. They (the students and professors) are very upbeat and friendly, but do more narration of what the kid is doing. For example, "Look Stella, you are crawling!", instead of "Good girl Stella!" I guess they are trying to avoid kids become really dependent on praise.
.

Ok, that seems kinda like ridiculous overkill to me LOL But then I guess avoiding sweets seems ridiculous to some grandparents?

[AmandaEliz]

I praise Ethan for eating, but not Avery. Ethan turned into a very picky, difficult eater at about 26 months. He decided things he had been eating for months were unacceptable & he was going to determine he didn't like things just by looking at them. He went from eating anything I gave him to Mr. Picky Pants over night. We always gave him balanced meals... protein, carbs & veggies. Then fruit for dessert or snack. Then all the sudden he just refused to eat 75% of what we tried to feed him. For Ethan, it just seemed that all the work I put into getting him to eat healthy foods went out the window in 1 day when he suddenly developed his own very strong opinion.

I never really thought about praising eating leading to unhealthy eating habits. One thing I get mad at DH for doing is offering Ethan a snack when he's throwing a fit. To me that encourages comfort eating and/or rewards unacceptable behavior. Now, he will get whiny when he's hungry, but he usually tells me he's hungry & I'm generally already cooking dinner when he starts.

[dunerchick]

Originally Posted by Daffodil

Uh-oh...we praise Arie for eating well a lot. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it, we pretty much praise her for doing EVERYTHING (except, you know, things she shouldn't be doing) because we are dorky excited parents. I never thought that it could have negative consequences. Its more like we are excited that she learned the skill. Hmm, will have to talk to hubby about maybe ix-naying that.

There isn't any thing wrong with it. I praise my 5 year old for eating well and will always continue to do so. He races BMX he is active and healthy praise isn't going to make him obese genetics and lifestyle will.

[Mom-Mom]

Originally Posted by Karlie

I guess I'm pretty relaxed about the food thing. My parents were health nuts and there were no takeaways, and definately no junk food in the house unless it was a super special occasion. The problem with that was that the minute I did get a treat - I would eat as much as I possibly could because I knew treats were few and far between. To this day I can't eat a piece of chocolate and then walk away, I will devour a family sized block in one night and then feel guilty and not eat the next day to make up for it!! I want my kids to have a healthy relationship with food, both healthy and not so healthy. I do praise them for eating healthy foods and I'm happy for them to have access to 'sometimes' foods in moderation too. Which means yes, Luca did get his first taste of chocolate on Sunday!!

Our house wasnt that strict, but there wasnt any junk food in the house until i was in high school. So whenever it was in the house, i chowed down. Once i ate an entire box of Drumsticks ice cream cones in one night. So i try to be some what lax when it comes to food. For Easter, there wasnt any candy in their baskets, but Charlotte ate some foods most ppl would freak out over. She had turkey, mashed potatoes, cheesy hashbrown casserole, 1/2 of a roll, grilled sweet potatoes, deviled eggs (one and a half) and some bites of bday cake. I dont worry about food allergies, they dont run in our family, she has even had peanut butter & cows milk already.

Personally, i try to be relaxed about food bc both myself & df are overweight...i want them to have a healthy relationship with food in hopes they dont become overweight, too. My 2 yr old is basically a vegetarian by her choice, lol, she would rather eat broccoli then cheeseburgers, but on occasion does get cheeseburgers for dinner. I believe it is all about balance, i dont forbid foods bc i dont want them to develop eating disorders bc of it.