[Daffodil]

So I don't know how many moms in this playgroup can answer this question (I know Tyla can, not sure who else), but I exclusively pumped and now am formula-feeding my daughter since she could never get a good latch, but I REALLY want to breastfeed my next kid.

But I'm feeling this weird kind of guilt about it...like if I breastfeed my next kid I'll automatically have a stronger bond with him/her then I have with Arie. Its stupid, I know, but..I just don't like that feeling. So my question is...does anyone else have this same feeling? Does it last? We are actually planning on having our next kid soon (no, not pregnant yet, and not sure how long it'll take, maybe it'll take awhile), so they might be close in age, and I don't want a baby who is so addicted to my boobs that I feel like I'm neglecting Arie, who never even had that. Does that make any sense? But I still want to breastfeed!

Its not a huge deal and it wouldn't stop me from breastfeeding, but every time I think about it, I feel bad.

[Karlie]

Sort of. But the other way around. I breastfed Noah exclusively for 6 months, and continued to 14 months. I breastfed Luca exclusively for like a week, and stopped all together at 8months. Sometimes I feel guilty that I ripped Luca off compared to what Noah got, and worry that maybe he wont be as smart or something equally ridiculous because he didn't get as much breastmilk. Part of the reason I started supplementing so soon was because I did feel like I was neglecting Noah by spending an hour on the couch breastfeeding Luca. I think it took me longer to bond with Luca than it did with Noah, but that was because I was preoccupied with making sure Noah was ok with the new baby. I had the same fears as you about neglecting my firstborn, and possibly ended up neglecting my newborn as a result! I think at the end of the day all you can do is give it a go and fingers crossed you have an awesome breastfeeding experience the second time around. Arie wont care, she still received bm for her first 6 months (good job mama!) and gets to sleep on your arm everynight, it sounds like she's bonded perfectly fine.

[sfarrow3]

Well I wasn't able to breastfeed Caden. I got an infection in my incision and was on strong antibiotics! I was going through so much at the time that I chose not to BF. I also had an issue with my supply, my milk never came in. Anyway it bothered me so bad and I swore that if I had another I would breastfeed. Well I had absolutely no problems with my supply or anything with London and breastfeed her for about 6 months. I ended up stopping due to the stress of my job and the inability to maintain an adequate supplyonce I went back to work.

To answer your question I did carry around a ton of guilt because I didn't breastfeed caden which really just motivated me for the next baby. My bond with London is no way stronger though than it is with Caden. The method of feeding them has no bearing of the bond we have and the the love I have for them..... KWIM...for me it was more of I know I can do this!

[Lilly Bella]

being a mama is tough enough, there's no room for guilt

[Jule'sMomInOR]

I know there are plenty of moms who struggle with BF the first time and figure it out with the second. My DH was formula fed and his two younger sisters were breastfed. My DH has a PhD in computer engineering and designs next generation semiconductor chips. Neither of his two sisters graduated from college.

Now you know that it's difficult, so you'll be prepared and probably ace it from day 1 with the next baby.

[Daffodil]

Originally Posted by Karlie

Part of the reason I started supplementing so soon was because I did feel like I was neglecting Noah by spending an hour on the couch breastfeeding Luca. I think it took me longer to bond with Luca than it did with Noah, but that was because I was preoccupied with making sure Noah was ok with the new baby. I had the same fears as you about neglecting my firstborn, and possibly ended up neglecting my newborn as a result!

Oh my gosh, that's so funny that you mentioned that because a part of me was thinking "if this kid is going to be attached to me so often, I'm going to have to spend every other waking moment with Arie!" Its probably so difficult having 2 kids so close in age when they are young...but I still don't want to wait lol

Mariah, I knew it would be difficult the first time around as well (of course, I didn't think it would be so difficult that I wouldn't be able to do it!), but I'm really hoping second time is the charm because after all that pumping, my inverted nipples aren't so inverted anymore LOL. Plus I am more comfortable holding babies so I'm hoping the next baby will sense that.

[dinamommy]

I think all Mamas must carry around some form of guilt about this or that at one time or another. This may sound really silly to some of you, but I feel guilty that I stopped nursing Tyrael when she was 9 months old, just because I didn't really know any better and thought I should be done. I then breastfed Bella for a little over two years and plan to do the same with Eli. The truth is that Tyrael will never know or even care that I breastfed her for the shortest time of all my kids, but it may always bother me. She is a well adjusted child who really loves her sister and brother. None of my kids has ever been jealous of the baby for getting more attention. Yes, Eli is my neediest child right now, but it all just seems to work and all of my kids are taken care of and loved.

My sister, like you Seema, has a really bad time with latch with her first baby. She quit nursing pretty much right away and just went to the bottle. Her second baby was very sick at birth and was life flighted to the city where she stayed for a little over two weeks. When she got home, she wasn't very interested in nursing either since she'd been on a bottle for all that time. My sister is now pregnant with her third and is going to try to nurse for a third time. I'm pulling for her! I'm sure she feels guilt about what happened with her first two also, but what can you really do about the past? Nursing can really be challenging and all you can do is give it your best shot. I hope it works out for you this time. As far as I can see, you should have no guilt whatsoever about how you did things. You PUMPED for a very long time. That is MUCH harder than just nursing a baby. I hate pumping. It hurts and takes up so much time. Kudos to you!

[bundle2baby]

Originally Posted by sfarrow3

The method of feeding them has no bearing of the bond we have and the the love I have for them..... KWIM...for me it was more of I know I can do this!

I agree...my experience was similar. I had a really tough time with my daughter (she was premature), had difficulty with the latch, etc. I struggled with "mommy guilt" for quite awhile after that. This time I was determined to make it work, even though we had a lot of challenges (for different reasons). I actually ended up with "mommy guilt" again.. was I bonding more with my son?? would I feel differently about him than my daughter?? BF or not, I've been given two beautiful blessings whom I have a unique and special bond with.

[faith143]

I agree with Kristen...not enough room for guilt.

I nursed different lengths of time with both my babies and have such a strong bond with BOTH of them...

Circumstances are what they are regarding breastfeeding and you have to do what is right for you and your baby...no one else knows that but you.

I understand the feeling though...not related to breastfeeding...I was worried about having enough "room" to love my second baby as much as my first. **** pregnancy hormones were rough! My son was 10 when she was born and for awhile I was a single mom --so we had a lot of time when it was just us. He's close with his dad and his stepdad, but it was really hard for me during my pregnancy with the guilt about what might change for us.

Let each baby have their own experience and you, your own with them...embrace that.