Am I an awful mom by not having a birthday party?

Missitta · #1 May 30th, 2011, 10:55 AM

We are not planning on having an actual party for River for her 1st birthday. Not that we are planning on doing nothing but we don't plan on inviting people over and having a ton of presents or anything. Probably just a trip to a park and a smash cake with a couple presents to open.

To make me sound even worse, my son hasn't ever had an actual birthday party and he's going to be 6 in December. Again it's not like we don't do anything, it's just that he hasn't been interested and he tends to get overstimulated easily and have behaviors when things don't go his way. We tend to do something he likes to do like go to an indoor play arena or do Build a Bear and have a party with just the 4 of us for his birthdays. DH and I had decided because of his behaviors and general lack of interest with having friends over we would wait until he asks for a party. We decided that we would give him and any subsequent siblings a choice on their birthdays if they wanted a party or if they wanted a choice of activities day with maybe one or 2 friends. But now I'm feeling kind of guilty because River doesn't have behaviors and is SUPER social plus she has a cousin that is a day younger then her and is having a huge get together for her birthday and I don't want River to eventually feel left out when she's older and sees lots of parties for her cousin and not for her. DH feels like she won't remember her 1st birthday at all so theres no reason to spend a bunch of money and have people bring her a bunch of stuff she will barely use. Plus he wants to save money for bigger gifts for Christmas for both kids which makes sense. I don't know. I was comfortable with our decision til I saw all of your guys cute ideas now I kind of want one.

Irish_Wristwatch · #2 May 30th, 2011, 11:03 AM

we arent having a huge party either, just some family over for a bbq and cake. Huge blow out parties arent my thing regardless of age. When they are older we will let them have a party with friends if they want one, or like you said, pick a fun activity and have a couple friends join us for that.

I do love seeing all the cute ideas people have for theme parties, it almost makes me want one too

rachel_anne · #3 May 30th, 2011, 11:35 AM

I wont be having a big party for Holden, either. I will do a little get together but mostly just family and a couple close friends.

KMH · #4 May 30th, 2011, 11:48 AM

I'm glad it's not just me! We aren't having a party, either...we don't live near family, and having big parties where our friends feel obligated to spend money on toys that will clutter up our already full house just doesn't sound like much fun. I like seeing what everyone else is doing as far as themes and parties, but that's just not my style!

Don't feel bad...you have to do what works for your family.

crystaljean81 · #5 May 30th, 2011, 01:35 PM

Even though we are doing a "theme" for Lyla's birthday, it's not going to be a huge bash!

birdblue · #6 May 30th, 2011, 02:06 PM

No need to feel guilty for doing things differently! I like the idea of giving the children a choice for what they want to do...when Sam get's older i'm sure we'll do that also. I likely won't have such big parties for all of his birthdays. For this birthday we're going to have a big bbq at the park and there will be horseshoes and volleyball and activities for the kids, it won't be constant on him attention. It's really just a good reason for everyone to get together.

mshah · #7 May 30th, 2011, 07:59 PM

I honestly like what you're doing. I debate about having a party as well, and secretly would prefer just me, DH, and the baby. However, nearby family would be upset if they couldn't be part of it, then I feel like it would be rude of me not to invite friends who've invited me for their kids' parties and then it just goes on and on. Small, simple, and intimate just seems so much more meaningful, imo.

krislati · #8 May 31st, 2011, 05:54 AM

I am also trying to decide on what type of party to have, we usually do a big party but we will be moving and going on vacation in August. So it will be a super busy month, I start to feel guilty about the thought of not having a big party. But you are not a bad mom on what ever you decide, you have to do what is best for your family.

Celine · #9 May 31st, 2011, 10:06 AM

I am also not having a big party. I just went to a big party (my friends baby turned one) and she said if she could do it differently she would invite less people. I think we are having a small cozy party for family and one or two close friends. I have a few ideas what I want to do for Sophia already. I think no matter what kind of party you throw (or if you chose not to do a party at all) it will be special since the babies just want to be around their parents (specially mommy) anyways. And it is true, they won't remember their 1st b-day.

mommydiva · #10 June 1st, 2011, 06:16 AM

As of now we aren't doing anything either. More then likely it will be just DH, DD and I. And shoot with the way things are going DH may not even be here. But growing up for us birthdays weren't about parties really as much as celebrating the special day with things like you get a special breakfast, choose the dinner, and then a few presents and cake. So we will be doing something similar as she gets older like a special birthday plate and things like that. I am sure though had we not moved and were still around our friends we would have had a BBQ but it still would have been very small and simple.

noworries · #11 June 1st, 2011, 09:22 AM

Neither DH or I are big on big parties. While I do like having a theme and making a special cake, etc. we usually only invite my parents and sisters and DH's parents if they can make it.
You do what works for your family, it in no way makes you an awful mom.

Calendula · #12 June 1st, 2011, 02:59 PM

I grew up with parents who thought birthdays should be a family affair. I think the special day-trips together are going to be a lot more memorable than a party with friends. It is good that you're open to the alternative if they ask for it, though.

When I was little, I loved getting to pick a small trip somewhere, or a special place to go to lunch, etc. for birthdays and celebrations.

austlanabmv · #13 June 2nd, 2011, 08:01 AM

my kids are 11, 10 and 8 and they have never had a huge .... invite everyone over birthday... we usually have family over or just us and a birthday cake and presents .. so wyatt will not have a huge birthday either.. my mil my parents my grandparents and my brother sil and nephew . that will be it

I<3HelloKitty · #14 June 2nd, 2011, 08:04 AM

We're having a bbq/pool party but it's not going to really be any different than what we do every weekend with our friends now that it's summer time. I'm going to bake a cake and have some decorations, but really we bbq and swim at someone's house every weekend now. It'll just be our turn to host that weekend.