Day 1 - Pre-baby Life
I was born in 1980. I grew up in a small town called Port Orange, FL, which is just outside of Daytona Beach. I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood and my parents are still married and about to celebrate 40 years this September! Believe it or not, sometimes I was actually jealous of the kids whose parents got divorced. I was just a spoiled brat who didn’t know any better but sometimes I thought it would be cool to alternative between living with mom and dad. Our family was so normal, I thought we were boring.
Here I am with my dad:
My dad wanted only one child, but my mom, who was in charge of the birth control, wanted two.
My sister came along as a surprise 8 ½ years after I was born. I was thrilled to have a sister but I felt like we were too far apart in age to be especially close. Plus, our personalities are very opposite. I’m still hoping now that she’s about to be 23 that we’ll become closer, but most of the time we don’t have much to talk about.
My sister:
My mom worked part-time as a medical technologist and my dad was (is) an engineer. In fact, his dad and granddad were also engineers, so it’s no surprise that I wanted to be one when I grew up. I was always a good student, especially in math and science, and I did geeky stuff like math competitions. I also did lots and lots of sports. I was pretty much a good kid, getting straight A’s and not getting in much trouble, although I had my rebellious moments. I had a boyfriend for a couple of years toward the end of HS and beginning of college that my parents weren’t fond of, but luckily after starting college that fizzled. My parents pretty much dedicated their lives to their kids, making sure we had every possible opportunity and were pushed to do our best. I have enormous respect for those who have overcome adversity to do well for themselves, since I basically was forced by my parents to get straight A’s and had no excuse not to do well. Although there are some aspects of parenting that I do intend to do differently, for the most part I look to my parents as role models for my own parenting. I also appreciate them being strict more now.
I went to school at the University of Central Florida because they offered me a full scholarship plus some living expenses. I just couldn’t turn down a free ride. I started college in ’98. Unlike the men in my family, I’m not particularly mechanically inclined, so I went for industrial engineering since it was more theory than hands on work. I loved my field and did well in school. I had many of the same friends from high school, since college wasn’t far, and even had a roommate that was my neighbor and best friend since we were 7 and 8 years old (I’m about to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in October!). I worked part-time as a waitress at first, and then I became a tutor in the math lab.
My dad always lamented that he wasn’t able to finish his master’s degree (due to me being born and ruining it for him ), and had hammered into me that I should get a master’s since I was about 12. This was always my plan. After starting my master’s I found that I loved it even more than undergrad so I decided to get a PhD. I was like a mad woman going through school as fast as I could. Even though some of my internships were 8 months long (summer + fall), I finished my bachelors, masters, and PhD in 7 ½ years. I was 25 years old when I went to get my degree among a bunch of mostly 40+ year old men. Initially I sometimes had a hard time being taken seriously by my peers for this reason. It didn’t help that I’m also blond. This just made me even more determined to prove myself.
I look back on the last 2 semesters of grad school as the most fun time in my life. It was challenging, yet I had a very independent schedule; I was done with coursework so I just worked whenever I wanted (mostly late at night) and met with my advisor once per week. I remember going to the gym from 9-10 pm, going to bed a 1 am and getting up at 9 am in time to see my DH off for class. We lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment near campus. We had little money, but also few responsibilities and obligations. We were so happy and care free.
Graduation day at my parents' house in FL:
My first “real” job after graduation was as a consultant in supply chain management. It was exciting, challenging, and I got to work with a wide variety of clients. It was particularly challenging because as a consultant, I was expected to have the answers. It wasn’t like in school where I could go ask the professor or go to the answers in the back of the book; I quickly realized that if I didn’t know the answer it was up to me to figure it out! Before baby, I loved absolutely everything about this job, including the pressure and long hours. Now, I’m having a hard time keeping up with everything.
One unique thing about me is the number of places I’ve lived, without even being a military brat.
I lived in FL and then did internships in New Mexico, Oregon, California, and Arizona. After taking my first real job I lived in Arlington, VA, then moved back to Oregon to be with DH. Then we were given the opportunity to house-sit for 4 months in in Couer d’Alene, ID, so we did that before finally moving back and Oregon in ’08 and buying our first home together a few months later. It’s nice to finally have roots somewhere.
Another unique/quirky thing about me is that I’m extremely frugal. I’ve always saved a significant portion of my income, even when I was 17 years old working part-time as a waitress, and began investing in the stock market at 17. It seems like I should have been born during the great depression or something. I don’t know what exactly I’m saving for; I just like the idea of sacrificing a little today and get back a lot later on. I remember when I was 10 years old, my dad explained compound interest to me, and why I should save at least 10% of my income. It was definitely a “do as a say, not as a do” type of conversation, but it totally sunk in more than anything else he’s ever told me. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday, down to what we had for dinner as we were talking. When I was 19 I had enough saved to buy a three-bedroom townhouse that I lived in and rented out to two friends. I charged them low rent, but still made enough to cover all of the expenses for the townhouse with their rent. This was my first experience as a landlord, and I was hooked. I began studying real estate investing and made a goal to have 100 rentals some day. With my buy low, fix-up, rent high strategy, I had to sit out the RE bubble but I kept studying and planning my strategy over the course of several years. I remember deciding that I would name my company “Bling Investments, LLC” because the houses were my “bling”. I had/have little interest in jewelry, purses, shoes, and all the stuff women are supposed to like.
In 2007 I started actively looking for rental property. I scared off two different realtors. One told me that I was wasting her time and would never find something cheap enough to meet my criteria, and the other simply stopped returning my calls and emails. I remember being mad and going for a run one day the whole time thinking about how someday I’d have 100 rentals and would bump into those realtors and let them eat their hearts out. I ran a lot back then, and I’d chant to myself “Bling Investments, LLC” to get myself through a long run but also to get myself through the long months/years as what I somehow knew to be the “before” period of my success as a real estate investor.
In March of 2007 I bought my first rental property. I’ve slowly accumulated more since then, all dirt cheap cosmetic fixers that we rehabbed, and I now have 31 rental units. I came to my senses and did not name the company “Bling Investments, LLC,” but other than that things are going almost exactly according to the plan I devised 10 years earlier.
One of my favorite houses, a triplex:
One last notable thing about my pre-baby life is that I was an egg donor 6 times. It was an awesome experience. I got to travel to different places, make income that was quite a lot for a poor grad student, and I got to help people have babies. My first donation resulted in boy/girl twins. All 6 of the cycles were successful, resulting in a total of 11 babies! Apparently I am very fertile. I am friends with one set of parents and they’re actually my Facebook friends, so I get to see pics of their twin girls all of the time. One of them looks like a clone of me, so much more so than Juliana, who favors her dad. My experience as an egg donor was one of the things that pushed me to TTC earlier than we originally planned, since I learned that fertility is not a given. Now that I’ve throw in teasers for days 2 and 3, I will close with that.
Day 2 - Love Story
I met my husband, Casey, on an internship at a high tech company in Rio Rancho, NM. It was June 10, 2000 and we were at a party for the interns and new hires. I was standing in a group of people and I saw a good looking, tall, fit guy and my jaw dropped. I had already had a few beers by the time I saw him, so I bravely walked up to him and said “I don’t think I’ve met you yet” and extended my hand. He shook it, and it was like electric current was going through us. We spent the next several hours talking, playing cards, drinking beer, and watching “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”. He told me that he wanted to get a PhD in computer engineering and work in research and development for a semiconductor manufacturer designing the next generation chips. He had had this goal since he was 8 years old. I was impressed by his ambition, because I hadn’t ever met a 20 year old guy like that. I also loved that he was very down to earth and not full of himself, despite having many qualities that would justify it. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I was well on the way to being in love with him by the first night.
I had come with some other people and my car was parked at their apartment. When they got ready to leave they asked me if I wanted a ride back with them and I said no. I passed up other offers for a ride until we were the only ones left at the party and he had no choice but to give me a ride back to my car.
I think I made it quite clear that I was interested, and he seemed very interested in me but never even ask for my number. I was bummed! The next Monday at work I had a voicemail from him asking if I was available for lunch. As it turned out, he had a girlfriend when we first met. He called her the next morning, woke her up, and broke up with her. He also called his best friends back in South Dakota and told them he had found “the one”.
We started spending lunches, evenings, and weekends together. We both had a goofy grin on our face for the next couple of months. He took me to Santa Fe, Colorado, the Grand Canyon, and Mexico. It was a great summer, until Labor Day weekend when he had to go back to South Dakota. His internship was January-Sept. and mine was May-December. We had both been feeling it, but the night before he left we both whispered “I love you” for the first time at exactly the same moment. It was uncanny. We had a long distance relationship and I visited him several times that year, and he flew back to NM in December to help me make the drive back to FL and meet my parents.
Here we are at the beach, the first time he saw the ocean:
The first year of the long-distance relationship was hard, probably even more so for me than for him. One issue was that Casey didn’t like to talk on the phone and we often had awkward silences. I thought talking on the phone was the next best thing to being with him, whereas to him it was just teasing him that we couldn’t be together. Casey has many amazing qualities, but smoothness is not one of them; he’s incredibly blunt. To give an example of how bad it was, he once told me that talking on the phone with me was a waste of his time. Ouch. That made me depressed for days, until he finally explained that what he meant was that he was very busy with studying and didn’t have any news to report. Another time he said that coming to see me on Easter weekend wouldn’t be worth it. I took that the wrong way too, but he meant that it was too short and he didn’t have money for a plane ticket. Eventually, I began to understand him, and stopped taking things harshly. Now when he puts his foot in his mouth I laugh and give him the “you’re so lucky I put up with your **** look). And I’m glad now that he’s not smooth, because, well, he probably would have gotten someone hotter than me if he only knew how to talk to girls.
For the next two years, we arranged internships in the same locations so that we could be together. In 2001 we interned in Beaverton, OR and in 2002, in Santa Clara, CA. We had no relationship issues whatsoever when we could be together; it was the happiest time in our lives. We graduated with our bachelors degrees in 2002 and Casey moved to FL to do his masters degree. Things were much better then.
One June 10, 2003, our 3 year anniversary, he proposed. He took me to the hotel where we stayed in Arizona on one of our side trips from NM, that first summer we spent together, which happened to be the first place where we DTD.
We were married the following May, almost 4 years after meeting. Throughout the engagement I never once got cold feet or questioned what I was doing, I just simply was ecstatic.
Our engagement portrait:
At our wedding:
We're both about a foot taller than the little old guy who was the officiant, LOL.
I feel like Casey and I must have been made for each other. I’m so lucky to have gotten him, and I tell him often if it weren’t for him I’d probably be with some loser because I would have given up trying to find someone as good as him and settled years ago. I hate to brag, but how many guys are exceptionally brilliant, yet also physically fit and attractive? Most guys as smart as him are physically and/or socially a mess. He’s also almost as crazy frugal as me, we’re both into the same hobbies (especially working out and traveling) and on the same page about almost every thing. He’s one in a billion for me and I tell him how lucky I am to have him so often he gets sick of hearing it.
The next several years were very happy. We went to graduate school, did a couple more internships in Arizona, and traveled the world for conferences and for personal trips. Our favorite trip was to the Galapagos Islands, but we also went all over Europe, South America, the Caribbean, and later, to India.
DH in Germany:
Galapagos:
Australia:
India:
In 2008, Casey achieved his goal that was 20 years he the making; he graduated with his PhD in computer engineering and accepted a position in research and development with the company where we had interned so many times. This was quite an achievement for a guy who grew up on a ranch in South Dakota, who put himself through college at state universities, and had no one encouraging him to do well in school. I was (and still am) so proud of him, in awe of him, and head over heals in love with him.
In over 10 years together, aside from my misinterpretation of his less than smooth comments during the first year, we never had a major disagreement. It was amazing how we seemed to be the male and female versions of each other, just different enough to keep things interesting. I was constantly in awe of the fact that someone so awesome chose me, and yet, strangely I seemed to have somehow tricked or bewitched him into to feeling the same about me. I constantly thought to myself “My life is incredible. This is too good to be true.”
Having a baby stressed our marriage. We both have fairly demanding jobs and a VERY demanding baby that doesn’t sleep well. Between work and trying to be the best parents we can be, there’s little time left for each other. Sometimes I’m sad and miss how things used to be pre-baby, but then I look at Juliana and I know she’s worth every bit of the misery she’s put us through and that things will improve soon. It took me a while to realize that our relationship, which used to be effortless, is now going to require some nurturing. I’m sure we’ll be able to work out these issues and our relationship will be stronger because of them.
Day 3 - Along Came Baby
Casey and I had always wanted to have two kids, but at one time we said we’d have the first one at 35 so we’d have plenty of time to be established in our careers. I don’t think we fully thought that through in terms of the timeline and our fertility. I already mentioned on day 1 how my experience as an egg donor made us rethink our timeline.
The retrieval for my last egg donation cycle was October 2, 2009. DH and I had decided to start TTC in February of 2010, when I turned 30. I decided not to go back on BCPs so that I could start charting and getting familiar with my cycle and fertility signs. My first cycle after an IVF cycle had always been wacky and about 2 months long. I figured I’d never ovulated before about 6 weeks, so I had some time before I had to worry about BCPs. I was taking vitex, aka chaste tree extract, because I had heard good things about it helping to regulate your cycle. I had no idea how effective it would be. DH and I started using protection on day 12 of my cycle. Well … I know pregnancy symptoms aren’t supposed to show up this early but around day 16 or 17 I started feeling inexplicably tired and going to bed at 8 pm, which I’d never done. I did this 4 or 5 nights in a row and I started getting worried. At this point, a nagging though “Could I be pregnant?” went through my mind, but I thought it was so very unlikely. I told DH that I thought I could be pregnant, but he didn’t believe me. I took a test but it was negative, but it was too early. Shortly afterward we went to South Dakota for Thanksgiving, and I brought a test with me there. The day before Thanksgiving I tested and sure enough, it was positive. We told DH’s family in person and called my family on Thanksgiving day. I think we were pretty shell shocked at first and didn't really process it for a while, but eventually we were very excited.
Here we are at 8 months pregnant, with our first "baby", Fedora:
When the pregnancy was confirmed, the reading and research began. If you’d asked me two years ago what kind of mom I would be and what kind of parenting choice I would make, I probably would have said I’d have a scheduled c-section so I know exactly when the baby is coming, so it’s easier to plan my leave from work. I also would have said I’m going to get my baby on a schedule and STTN ASAP because I need my sleep for work, and that I definitely won’t co-sleep, at least not longer than the first few months. People who co-sleep are weird! Well, I did a complete 180 from all of those things. I read some books by Dr. Sears including “Attachment Parenting” and the advice resonated with me. I became determined to be a very responsive, devoted and attached mother.
I decided early on that I wanted a natural childbirth, and I used Hypnobabies (Hypnosis?!? That’s for wierdos!) to help me achieve it. Luckily everything went according to plan in that regard. On July 30, 2010, our beautiful daughter Juliana Lael was born at 5:03 in the morning. Life hasn’t been the same since.
A few minutes after the birth:
Day 1:
5 days old:
For the first two or more months of her life, I felt extreme paranoia that something bad would happen to her. We could be in the car going 15 miles per hour, and I’d have these acute visions of a car plowing through a stop sign and hitting her. It was disturbing. Another version of paranoia I had/still have is that I could not sleep without her snuggled up next to me before she was 8 months old. I was paranoid about SIDs, and also, I didn't trust anyone (not even my mom or DH) if I was sleeping. So, we slept together and still do.
I've been lucky enough to be able to work from home most of the time, and I had my mom as a nanny here from 2 months when I went back to 5 months. I had a hard time letting my mom do anything. I drove myself crazy trying to work, yet be with her constantly. I have an office, but most of the time I worked downstairs near her Pack ‘N Play. I was getting behind at work, not sleeping enough, and trying to do too much.
DH & Juliana:
I remember for the first couple of months, Casey and I thought she was an easy baby. Ha! Starting around month 3, my little princess became very high maintenance. She needed to be rocked, walking, nursed, or a combination of the 3 down to sleep for every nap, and there were about 5 back then. She’s only slept through the night a handful of times (all after 9 months) and seems to demand attention constantly. Every once in a while she’ll manage to play with a toy for 10-15 minutes and entertain herself. This is pretty tough on me, but she’s worth the effort.
6 months birthday:
About to get her infant massage:
7 months old, going to swim class for the first time:
I feel like I’m in constant conflict now. I’m definitely very career-oriented, and wish I could be a super star at work like I used to be instead of the mediocre employee I've become. On the other hand, I want the best possible care for Juliana and I feel like I’m the one who should be with her most of the time. I do think I’m a better mom with a bit of a break every now and then, but I have hard time now taking a break to spend time with her every couple of hours. Things are beginning to get better.
Now the big question is, will Juliana ever have a sibling? I change my mind constantly. I'd love to have another baby, but I wish I could skip the first 9 months. I just enjoy her so much more now that she's interactive, mobile, and communicating somewhat. Plus, I can actually go more than 2 hours without nursing! So, we're playing it by ear and even though I think we'll probably eventually go for another baby, we'll decide in another year or 2.
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