Mondays*~In The Past, your childhood, where you grew up, your friends, college, just everything you'd want to share about your PRE-MOMMY life!! Would love to see photo's!

Tuesdays*~*A Love Story, how you met your SO/DH, how did he propose, what was your wedding like? Where did you meet? How long have you been together? Please share photos!!!!

Wednesdays*~*Then Comes A Baby In A Baby Carriage, Tells us all about your babies, every one of them! Share photos!

Thursdays & Fridays*~*Ask Away!*These are the days we all get to ask you random questions! So be ready.
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[Lilly Bella]

Ok! but first I have to go get caught up on the last 2 weeks of MOTW so I'll be right back

[Lilly Bella]

ugh seriously my mom is here and making it difficult to write. about her. haha. she creeps around and keeps looking at what i'm doing and it's so very irritating.

About me...I don't know whether to keep it short or tell the whole thing. I guess I'll just start typing and see where it takes me.

I was born on Christmas day in 1980. 7 pounds, 7 ounces. My mom named me Kristen after some girl that shot some guy on some 80s tv show. My mom was 18.

I was the only child until I was 7. Things were actually good until then. Not that any 7 year old really grasps what goes on but from what I remember, I didn't have any complaints. When my brother was born in February after I turned 7, that's when my life hit the toilet.

My mom worked a crappy insurance job, very little pay, long hours. My dad was an alcoholic and druggie (just pot as far as I know) and only worked odd jobs for friends or neighbors. He would (while high) come up with random business ideas and then try to make them work for a couple months before realizing he sucks. So while he was technically a SAHD, he was never there at home or if he was, he was in the garage drinking and smoking with his friends. I had to care for my little brother from the time he was born until I left. My mom worked 2 jobs for a long time so I had to fix dinner and clean after school too. While my dad sat in his lazy boy recliner drinking budweiser (a case a day) and rolling joints on cookie sheets (for the longest time I had no idea they were called cookie sheets, I just figured they were to roll up pot, sad huh?) He taught me how to roll a joint when I was young too. Then would show all his friends, or "buddies" as he called them. That word today still makes me shiver...buddies. Dirty, gross men who drank massive amounts of beer and smoked in my living room and garage day in and day out. As I got older they would always make dirty remarks at me and try to grab me.

My dad was abusive, especially when he was drunk. We always had to pick him up from bars and bail him out of jail for getting into bar fights or just being a stupid drunk. He would come home and get in fights with my mom while me and my brother hid in my room. I remember one fight was so bad that he pushed my mom outside (in her undies) and locked the door. Then he would open it and throw glass jars and cups at her that would shatter all around the walkway, she got so cut up..and my brother and I watched from my bedroom window.

We were ridiculously poor. Even though my mom had 2 jobs with my dad's beer and drug addiction there was barely any money left. We had nothing. I never had nice clothes, I had the same couple of outfits that I had to wear over and over. We never had food, we would eat spaghetti noodles with no sauce and saltine crackers with ketchup. Our house was disgusting and dirty. Our couches were from thrift stores or found out on the street in an alley. We didn't have towels, we had to dry off from our baths or showers with dingy dish towels that had holes. We seriously had nothing and our house was falling apart. The floor in our bathroom was moldy and eventually just rotted away exposing the ground underneath. You think my dad fixed it? nope. We just had a hole in our bathroom floor for years. We had mice and cockroaches too...I remember laying in bed and hearing scurrying across the floor in the kitchen.

My mom was super strict. But not strict in the good way that teaches me morals and responsibility. She was just strict to be mean...I think because my dad abused and controlled her that she in turn took it out on me. I was NEVER allowed to go to my friends house, never allowed to have them over (like I would want them to come over anyway) I was ONLY allowed to talk on the phone from 3:30 until 4 (as a teenager!) It was so depressing and sad for my friends to talk about going to the mall or having a sleepover and I was never allowed to go. I remember in health class we had to make a safety video as a group. We decided to do it about kitchen safety and decided to tape it at Lindsey's house after school. My mom took me and stood in their foyer the entire time. It was so embarrassing And when it was taking longer than expected, she came into the kitchen with her mean face and yelled at me that we needed to go NOW. Then I got grounded when we got home for taking too long.

I hated my childhood. I have no good memories. My dad started abusing me when my sister was born and that's when my life got to it's all time low...

My mom was on bc but still managed to get pregnant with my sister when I was 14. She didn't know she was pregnant until she was 4 months along though (because she was still taking her bc pills and still getting a period because of them) when she was about 6 months, she started bleeding and it was found that she had placenta previa (complete) and was put on full bed rest. So now she was home all day long and barked orders at me until I went to bed. It was the longest 3 months of my life. Every time I didn't do something right she would get up and then be so dramatic about me killing the baby because she had to get up and fix the soup the right way or she had to get up and show me how to vacuum the right way. It was horrible.

Finally in March of 96, she started having contractions and then when she stood up, she started bleeding so heavily. my dad called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital while he waited until my brother and i got home from school. then we all went up to the hospital. because of the placenta previa, she had to have a c-section and immediately. she wasn't due until the end of April but the placenta had separated and my sister was at risk for dying. Amber was born that afternoon and immediately after everyone knew something wasn't right with her. They wisked her away and my mom didn't see her for a long time. They brought my dad back (he was in the waiting room with all of us) and after about 5 minutes he came busting back through the doors, slammed open the stairwell door and took off. We didn't see him again for 2 weeks. The nurses finally let me and my brother and grandparents go back and see my sister and mom and that's when they told us that they suspect my sister had Down Syndrome. I started crying hysterically because I had no idea what that really meant. My brother (who was 8) didn't understand at all. They sweet nurses asked if we wanted to go see her as she was in the nursery and we did. When I laid my eyes on that tiny 4 pound little person with the coal black hair, I knew she was put into our lives for a reason.

My dad couldn't handle her having Down Syndrome and that's why he left. It took him years to come around to her but since Amber knows no wrong with people and loves everyone no matter what, he had no choice but to love her back. And even though he doesn't like me and was a shi-tty dad to me, he's not that bad of one to her. And I'm very grateful for that because she needs it.

Amber was born with 3 holes in her heart and needed heart surgery. However they wanted her to get bigger before they performed surgery as she was so tiny. They wanted her to be 8 pounds. It took her until December for her to get to 8 pounds. Yes...she was 9 months old and only 8 pounds. Her heart was too weak for her to work hard enough to eat. She would turn blue while eating because she couldn't breathe and eat at the same time. I'm surprised she wasn't put in the hospital and fed intravenously or had a gtube or SOMETHING. But she finally made it, they couldn't wait any longer and she went in to have open heart surgery right before Christmas. She spent 2 weeks at Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. I have so many memories of me and my brother from there. We would ride the elevators up and down, I'd get a wagon and pull him around the entire place, they had a sibling area where they let us do crafts and watch movies. We would go to the mcdonalds and order fries and just walk all around the hospital like we owned it. I think it's sad that some of my best memories are from there..while we awaited the recovery of our tiny sister but that's what it is.

My parents had crappy health insurance who denied my sister's medical bills. All of them. So my parents had no choice but to claim bankruptcy. I remember my mom told me and my brother that she and my dad were going to divorce and she was going to find us a house to rent nearby. I was ecstatic because my mom was a different person when my dad wasn't around, plus I was a sophmore in HS and grew up here and didn't want to leave. But that didn't work out and my mom AND dad stayed together and moved us an hour away. Things got progressively worse, my dad would cheat on my mom all the time. I'd come home from school and there would be a random girl taking a shower in my bathroom. He drank more, did more drugs, beat my mom and me more. My mom still held her job back up in Indianapolis and just commuted every day. Because of my sister's special needs, she took her with her and left her in the care of my cousin who was going to school to be a special education teacher. Sometimes my dad would go with her and hang out with his old "buddies" while she worked.

One day he went with her (she worked 2nd shift btw) and dropped her off at work and was going to come back to get her at 11 when she got off. 11 came and my dad didn't come. He didn't come at midnight or 1 a.m. Finally he showed up at 2, drunk, high, whatever else. He started fighting with her immediately but she just tried to ignore him because she had to get over and get Amber from my cousin's house. My dad wouldn't let up and started physically fighting her. She got to my cousin's house and ran in to get Amber. My cousin had her all ready to go strapped in her infant car seat (remember she was still super tiny). My mom came out and started putting her in the car but my dad was out of the car and walked around and threw my mom on the ground, then picked up the infant car seat and threw it across the lawn. With my sister still inside. He then got on top of my mom and started punching her and strangling her. She had bruised handmarks all over her neck from where he was squeezing SO hard. He was trying to kill her, right then on the lawn of my cousin's house. My cousin heard all the commotion, called 911, ran to get my sister and somehow my dad slipped and my mom was able to get free and ran inside. My dad busted down the door but they had all ran out the back door and down the street. The cops showed up by this time and arrested my dad.

My mom left Amber with my cousin and came home to us (it was nearly morning by this time) Throughout the next morning we kept getting call after call from family members. My mom told us a brief, short story of what happened and that my dad was in jail and never coming back here. She told me she was going to go have a restraining order put on him and pick up my sister, we told her we wanted to go and she said ok. Just as we were walking out the door, my grandma called. My mom told us to go sit in the car but we stood outside the door and listened. I heard my mom say "ok, how much?" and then "sounds good, see you soon" I knew what that meant. I wasn't stupid. My grandma was going to bail my dad out of my jail. My mom came outside and told us we had to stay home, there was a change in plans

We stayed at home all day by ourselves and my aunts kept calling me demanding to know what was going on. I told them all that I knew and that I thought my dad was going to come home and my mom would take him back again. That's all the info they needed.....

I woke up sometime around 1 or 2 am to hear my dad's voice. I remember my mom saying "you better not stay here tonight, we can talk to the kids in the morning" and I felt so sick to my stomach. He left to go stay at a "buddies" house and seriously not even 15 minutes after he left, all of my aunts and their husbands showed up at our house. I had no idea they even knew where we lived. (my mom is one of 4 sisters) they barged in and demanded to know where my dad was. My mom tried to lie but I got up and came in the kitchen and with some unknown boost of confidence I told them that my dad was down the street. I would have never talked back against my mom because she would have slapped me but I felt safe with my aunts there. My aunt, Becky told me she was going to take me to spend the rest of the weekend with her. My mom didn't stop her. As I was packing my bag, my aunt told me to pack everything I could and to drop it outside my window and my uncle would grab it. I was so scared and couldn't stop shaking. I knew what this meant, I knew I would never live in my mom's house again . . . (to be continued, this got incredibly long and I have to go take a shower!)

[Lilly Bella]

So I went to live with my aunt. After that weekend I had to call my mom and tell her I was staying there. I had no idea how that was going to go down. My aunt called my grandmommy (their mom) and let her know what was going on so she could try to help get my mom to let me stay. I actually don't remember much of what I said during that phone call but I do remember my mom calling me a bi tch, telling me I just wanted to live with Becky because she had a big house and a pool, that I thought I was better than everyone else but I wasn't and I was shi tty person and a shi tty daughter and that now my mom had no real daughters because Amber didn't count since she had DS. And just lots and lots of other mean things. But...she let me stay. Thank you God. My life was finally good. My aunt is nothing short of an angel and I thank her still all the time for what she did. The next day we went and registered me for school and she took me shopping to get me some nicer clothes. I spent the rest of my HS career and college career calling my aunt's house, my home. I still refer to Peru Indiana as my home (Greenwood is where I lived most of my childhood though)

When I was working at the local pizza place, they had a daddy-daughter night. All evening long all these dads kept coming in with their daughters and eating dinner together. By 8 p.m. I couldn't take it anymore and asked to go home. It hurt so bad to watch these happy girls with their daddies. I came home and cried and cried to my aunt and uncle. I couldn't understand why my dad hated me so much, what I did wrong? Was I that bad of a person? That's when my aunt called my other aunt and grandmommy and then sat me down and told me something that also changed my life forever.


She told me that my dad was not my dad. And that they thought they knew who my dad was but weren't certain and were sworn by my mother to never let me know that. I was so relieved. I couldn't believe it. It all made sense, finally. I didn't care now that he didn't love me, I wasn't his! With the help of my other aunts and the memory of my grandmommy, we narrowed it down to a man named Charles. I immediately got online and searched and searched. I came across a website of someone who helps people find their biological parents and I posted my story. She called me almost immediately after and told me she would help. A few days later she told me she thinks she found him, that his parents lived in Legonier, IN (about an hour or so north) and with that information, my best guy friend, Jeremy and Zach and I took off.

I don't know if you all have seen My Girl 2 but in that movie the main girl goes to find out who her biological mom or dad (can't remember) is and the first place she goes is the fire department to try and get information. So that's where we went to the Legonier Fire Department. I'll never forget the man that helped us ♥ I told him my story and he knew who I was talking about...both my mom AND Charles. Turns out his daughter was my mom's friend! My mom moved to Legonier after she graduated (she graduated early) and lived with this man's daughter here. And Charles's parents lived just down the road from the FD. Small. Freaking. World. He called up Charles's parents but they weren't home. So then he decided to call Charles himself. I remember the feeling I had that moment when Charles answered the phone. It was something so out of this world. I don't think I breathed.

The man told Charles that he had a girl standing here that very well could be his daughter. Like anyone who just got that bombshell dropped on them, he immediately denied it and was like ***? The man asked him if he knew of a Terri and he denied that too. He asked if he wanted to speak with me and at first he said no, but changed his mind. I can't remember what I said to him but he did say that yes, he did remember my mom. And he even agreed to meet me. I handed the phone back to the man and he jotted down his address, gave us a map (before gps days) and we drove over to the next town of Goshen to meet him.

When he answered the door, I think I already knew he couldn't be my dad but I pushed that feeling down. He invited us in, gave us some drinks and we sat down in his living room. He told me that he didn't think he could be my father because he was in a car accident and in the hospital at the time I would have been conceived. I was heartbroken but still glad I met him. He held a piece of my mom's history that was now a mystery to me and I had to solve it. He told us some other stories and we thanked him and promised to stay in touch.

We drove back to the FD and told the man what happened. He told us to stay here because Trish, his daughter was on her way in and wanted to meet me. When she arrived she immediately came over and gave me the biggest hug and said that she hadn't seen me since I was 6 months old. I started crying. I don't even know why. It all felt so weird. Like I was in a movie.

She told me she didn't think Charles was my dad either. But that a guy named Tracey might be as he had light brown hair, light skin and blue eyes like me (my "dad" and this Charles guy had naturally dark skin, black hair and brown eyes...all very dominant genes. that was my first clue that both of those men weren't related to me) She also told me that my mom dated a black man too but for obvious reason he couldn't be my father either lol

So with that information, we went back home. I felt weird, like we didn't accomplish anything but then did at the same time. 1 week after I had been back home, Charles called me up and said that after he thought about it, there was a chance he could be my dad and agreed to a paternity test. He set it up for 2 weeks later. 3 days before he called and had to cancel and set it back up for a week later. 2 days before that date he called again and again had to cancel. He said he'd call back with another reschedule date but I never heard from him again

One night in college, I was telling my college roomates about my story and they convinced me to call my mom right then and there and just straight up ask. I was drunk so I agreed. I called her and told her I knew that "dad" wasn't my real dad and that I had met Charles and knew he was a possibility and also knew about Tracey (but had no other information on him including a last name) she was pretty shocked but then said that she would take that information with her to the grave and that I would never know I gave up after that. I still think about it every so often. And it still hurts when I read/see/hear about other's daddies and how good they are. And trust me, I thank my lucky stars for Zach each night as he is such a good dad to our kids. I don't know what I did right to get him.

I graduated hs with crappy grades. I was smart but just didn't care. I'd rather party and have fun (I mean come on, I was NEVER allowed to have fun 3/4s of my childhood!) I had a little too much fun lol but I don't regret anything. I obviously didn't make it to Purdue that first semester and that was a wake up call. I had to go to Purdue because that's where Zach went (he was a year ahead of me in school) so I was forced to go to Ivy Tech (community college) and made straight As, got a 4.0 for the semester and was able to transfer to Purdue for the winter/spring semester. Thank goodness.

I originally went to school for occupational therapy. Changed it mid semester to speech therapy. Changed it a year later to Special Education. Then started partying again and dropped out and never finished. I feel really bad that I racked up all these student loans with no degree to show for it but I don't think I'll ever go back. Not only do I not want to do what I originally planned but I'm incredibly happy just being a mom and a housewife as 1950s as that sounds.

Like I said, I partied a lot. a lot a lot. We went out to parties every weekend, went to the college bars all the time, I was a fun drunk though Not an emotional sappy one like my bff. I had the best time of my life at college! Don't regret a thing

sooooo....that's my about me sorry it's so ridiculously long. I left out lots too. There were lots of other scary situations with my dad like the time he came after us while we were trying to drive away with a knife and slashed all of our tires. yeah. that was fun. and my parents are still together but they don't talk to each other, they don't sleep in the same rooms. my mom only stays with him for Amber because she doesn't understand anything. She is now 15 and in middle school. Her DS is pretty severe but she can read (LOVES to read) and lives in a tiny town where everyone knows her and accepts her. She is unaware of how crappy my parents live and that's good. My mom does feed her crap and it bothers me so much but nothing I can do about it. My mom is finally going to school for occupational therapy assistant and I'm proud of her. I still don't like her though but she does love my kids (even though she's not that great of a grandma) so I put up with her. I don't talk to my dad at all. He doens't drink anymore, doesn't do drugs but smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day and is on a pill cocktail for depression, bipolar disorder, diabetes, arthritis. I honestly don't see him living another 5 years.

My aunt is awesome. She's my kids "mimi nana" and I friggin love her. She lives in Knoxville, which is 3 hours east and we visit as often as we can. She's the type of mom that I am striving to be. She's always fun, she always plays with my kids, she will be the one holding and bounching the baby for an hour with no complaints while everyone else eats dinner. She's the one that prefers to sit in the back of the van inbetween Riley and Sierra and keeps them company while we drive She makes up silly songs and stories. She is so involved and I love her. I just love her.

Ok I'm done. Bless you if you actually read this all hahahahah!

[Lilly Bella]

About Zach!

We're HS sweethearts! I met him immediately after I moved. Him and his brother were different, they had moved from West Palm Beach, FL not that long before I moved to Peru. He had a g/f and I remember I didn't like her. I hated it when I would see them walking down the hallway holding hands. Ew. Grr.

I had way more guy friends than girl friends (still do) and one of my good friends was supposed to take me after school to a job interview. He couldn't do it hours before and told me that his friend Zach was going to do it. He introduced us and I was terribly nervous. Zach met me after school and took me to my interview. He hung out and waited for me and then we went to his house so he could drop his stuff off. He took me home and we kind of awkwardly hung out by his car in my driveway for awhile before awkwardly saying goodbye hahaha.

Back in HS we all would get on this chat (mIRC) on a channel we created and chat. It was just for our big group of friends from our HS and the one in the town (I went to the country HS) After Zach left, I got on the chat and soon enough it read "Kiddmoney has joined The_Garage" (the garage was the name of our chat room) I got butterflies. He privately chatted me and from that day on, we were inseparable. The summer after he graduated HS, he broke up with me and said he didn't want a HS gf while he was in college. Sad. I know I was crushed but then began dating Derrick. Zach came home for Christmas break and on New Years we were all at the same party. When the ball dropped, I kissed Derrick and then kissed Zach And then...I left the party with Zach. Poor Derrick. He loved me. He still loves me. If I told him that Zach and i were getting a divorce he'd be on the next plane here

From that night on, it was Kristen And Zach. I graduated HS, went to the community college for a semester and finally ended up at Purdue with him. Where we had the best times He graduated and got a job in Chicago and I of course went with him. Zach had been having issues with his bowels and was eventually diagnosed with ulcerative colitus but before his diagnose he was SO sick and lost SO much weight. His new job didn't start until a certain date so he was trying his hardest to get ins and figure out what was wrong with him. Through some misunderstood communication, he was supposed to start a week before he though and ended up losing that job. Then I found out I was pregnant with Riley at 22. We got married quickly and took the first jobs we could because our rent was 1200 and we had NOTHING. He worked at Hertz and I worked at Verizon. I remember we had so little money (and so many bills) that we bought our groceries at Dollar General and then had to go return them because a bill overdrafted our bank account It was one of the most stressful times in our lives.

Finally when I was 8 months pregnant, Zach got a job offer to a company in our home town. We took it, bolted from our Chicago apartment and moved into his parents. Our life then started to take off ♥

I love Zach He's such a great guy. We have a lot of the same traits and a lot of opposite ones that we just go so well with each other. He's very go-getter and will get things done right then and there and they will be done right. I'm such a huge procrastinator that I just now read and replied to the first week's MOTW hahahahahahahaha We like the same things, we find the same things hilarious. We aren't serious people, we LOVE to have fun. We are always laughing and smiling. We have never had a huge argument, ever. We have a great life and I love every second of it.

We'll be married 8 years this November

[*BabyMaMa*]

OMG...I just cried like a freaking baby! Like..sobbed and boo hoo'd. Kristen, anything good that happens in your life...you 100% deserve it. I couldn't imagine being as positive and well rounded as you are after the sh it you've been through. You are truly amazing. I love your Aunt for rescuing you, and helping you to become who you are. It makes me so sad to think that kids have to deal with situations like what you went through, and I just wish they all could make it out as well as you did

I cannot wait to ask questions!!!!!

[jessanddane]

Wow you are an awesome writer. Your childhood story had me in tears....first because of your terrible "dad" and then because of your awesome aunt! Glad you have an amazing life now!

[sfarrow3]

OMG!! your story is very touching and inspiring. You have definately touched me with how courageous and strong you are. Your dad is an awful awful person! It truly amazes me how despite what your mom put you through you are still able to tolerate her on some level. You have made me really want to attempt to "mend" things with my mom or at least try to forgive her for the past hurts! I love the story of you and Zach he definately sounds like a "keeper" hahaha and you all have never been in a "huge" fight OMG! That's great!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

You are an amazing woman to survive all of that! It's just unbelievable. It makes me appreciate my childhood even more. I can't believe the way some parents treat their own children!! You are obviously an incredible mother so you have overcome the past and used it as an example of what NOT to to rather than an excuse for being the same way. Kudos to you, mama!

You really are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing your story. I really think it helps other to know they are not the only ones who have have a bad childhood. Im so happy your aunt rescued you.

It sounds like Zach is really your knight and shining armor, and you deserve that! Im with you on looking at my dh and thinking how blessed my kids are to have such a wonderful father just as you do too.

[preciousgiftsmama]

I just read your whole story so far. I am so sorry your childhood was so so terrible, but I am very thankful your "dad" is not really your dad. I pray someday you shall know how your bio-dad is. What a blessing your aunt took you. Your life really turned around then What a wonderful love story with your dh. Cant wait to hear the rest!!! Pics? pics? pics?

[Lilly Bella]

you all are sweet, thank you i don't have any photos from my childhood. my dad burned them all. i will go see what i have upstairs. mil has a lot from zach and i in hs and college, i should have scanned them while i was there for 2 weeks but i forgot.

[Lilly Bella]

grumble. i typed out all of Riley's birth story and my laptop crashed! grrr.

Ok. So anyway. Zach got a job in Chicago immediately after graduating. We went up there for a couple of days (July 7th and 8th to be exact ) to look for apartments. We stayed in a hotel and well . . . you know . . . We didn't use bc, I hated it so we did the always reliable pull and pray method. Except when you are a slightly intoxicated the pull part doesn't always happen so you have to double up on the pray part

We spent the next couple of weeks moving in and at the very end of July I realized I hadn't had my period since June 21st. I thought it was just a bit late (I had longer cycles and o'd later than usual too--still do) because of the stress of moving, the fact that Zach was so sick with colitis and now he has lost the job he had because of a misunderstanding. But I decided to go get a test anyway just so I could see it was negative. I remember walking into Walgreens, staring at all the tests and feeling sick to my stomach. I couldn't be pregnant, it was ONE TIME. What are the chances?! I picked a test at random, sped home, took it, sat it on the counter and then Zach and I sat on the couch in silence for 5 minutes. We went back into the bathroom and I sat on the tub as Zach picked up the test. It was positive and I collapsed into the tub in a rage of hysteria. I knew I always wanted to be a mom, always. I have plenty of experience with babies from my sister but I wanted to do it all the "right" way, I wanted to be married, have a house, have a good job so that I could save and then stay home. Here we were living in Chicago with a 1200 dollar a month apartment, no jobs, we couldn't afford anything and now I'm pregnant!? Zach picked me up and carried to me to the couch and told me it would be all ok ♥ I'm so thankful for him!

I was definitely young and naive during that pregnancy. I didn't question anything, just went with whatever my dr said. I didn't research anything either, just thought everything would be fine and dandy My pregnancy was ok except for the hyperemesis that left me hospitalized 4 times because of dehydration from vomiting. I was only 102 pounds when I got pregnant and was down to only 90 when my dr put me on a high calorie diet and shots in the booty of phenagrin. I did go onto gain almost 40 pounds

We moved back to Indiana when I was 8 months pregnant and into my MILs house. I just found the first OB I could (should have looked at more but whatever) and the end of my pregnancy was boring and lasted years. haha. Finally at my 40th appt, my b/p was super high so I was going to come in the next night to start an induction. We went out to eat to celebrate and arrived at the hospital at 6 p.m. on April 1st. They put cervidel into my cervix because I wasn't dilated AT ALL. I remember in the middle of the night I had to poo SO BAD. I called the nurse and she helped me get my iv stuff and get into the bathroom. I sat. Nothing. I came back out, she helped me get back into bed and re-hooked up. Then again, I had to POO OH SO BAD. Same thing. This went on a few more times and finally she was like "SWEETY I THINK YOU ARE HAVING CONTRACTIONS, NOT POO PAINS" I was like, oh, that explains it hahaha. So they gave me some morphine in my iv line and I was fine and went back to sleep.

They started pitocin at 6 a.m. the next morning and I had been in labor ALL night and was dilated to a 4 with intense contractions already. After a couple hours I was still at 4. They upped my pitocin. And they kept upping it. Finally I was a 5 and they broke my water. My contractions were so intense that they were coming on top of the other and not stopping. I remember I couldn't breathe and couldn't relax and was freaking myself out so they called for an epidural. After that, I was fine. But then I started to feel weak, nauseous. The dr thought I was in transition and checked me but I was still a 5. Then my heart rate shot up and they could NOT get it back down. And then Riley's heartrate went up (at one point his was around 220) This went on for an hour and I was still a 5. They could not get my heart rate to go down and were really concerned as to why Riley's was high. Then I developed a high fever and the dr said, this is it we need to do a C, things aren't getting better. So off I went. I was frightened. I threw up all over myself and they gave me anti naseau meds. And all kinds of other stuff. I kept blacking out during the c-section but I do remember hearing him cry and I will never forget that moment. At 6:02 p.m. on April 2nd, 2004 I became what I was waiting for my entire life . . . a mama. Riley was born 7 pounds, 15 ounces and 21 inches! He had a horrible cone head from being stuck in my birth canal for hours but he was perfect. And amazing. And beautiful. And mine ♥

I'm pretty sure this the night we checked in and not the next morning...as I wouldn't have been smiling haha


Zach minutes before he was about to become a daddy


Freshly born!


At home


Before I knew anything about photography lol but still one of my favorite photos ever




About 6 months old


11 months


15ish months


Almost 2


2 years old and Easter


First haircut


2.5


3



4



5



6


7



Ok I'll write about Cici in a bit Thanks for reading!

Riley is so darn cute! (of course so are the girls)

Be back to write more...

[Lilly Bella]

When Riley was 15 months, I wanted to try for another baby. I started charting right away, using opks, preseed, everything I could. Nothing was happening. Every chart looked perfect, perfect timing, perfect rise but then my temp would drop and af would show. I was getting so upset and after an entire year, I contacted a new dr. He did all the tests on me and Zach and everything seemed normally. He gave me clomid to try and that's all i needed because the next month I was pregnant! I was so excited! Sierra's pregnancy is way more documented than Riley's I feel sad about that because I wish I would have taken pictures but being crazy thin my entire life, I had some sort of weird body dysmorphia with him and I thought I looked like I was 550 pounds and hid from cameras




18ish weeks, I believe




Painting my belly



The night before I had her and her room that I was crazy proud of (my first nursery!)








My pregnancy was just like Riley's only I was sicker with hyperemesis. Hospitalized several times, put on a high calorie diet. Awful. I threw up every day of my pregnancy, sometimes up to 6-8 times.

I had a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks and 3 days and she was born at 8:24 a.m. weighing 7 pounds and 12 ounces and 20 inches. I felt at that moment my life was complete, I had a boy and a girl...a son and daughter! I was crazy blessed and oh so lucky ♥ She was a great baby, took to nursing right away, slept well and seeing Riley as a big brother was beyond words. It seriously took my breath away to see these 2 little people that were mine. That grew in my belly. And here they were and they were so perfect! My heart swells a million times a day for them!
Just born

[Lilly Bella]

Sierra is a spitfire. She's tiny, barely 28 pounds at 4.5 and still wears 18 month clothes lol She's all attitude but shy. She's bossy, mean, demanding but will cuddle with you for hours. She LOVES babies and LOVES to help me. She's nuts at times but we love her and have never smiled or laughed as much as we have for the past 4 years!













She's been a gymnast since she was 17 months old















Uhhh ok that's enough Kenna Kins next!

[Lilly Bella]

It didn't take me long to realize I wanted another baby. I did like how spaced Riley and Sierra were (2 years and 10 months) so I wanted the next to be 2.5-3. We started trying the winter Sierra was about to turn 2. Took several months and finally in April I got a bfp. I was so excited again because my due date was EXACTLY 2 years and 10 months! This baby and Sierra would be exactly the same age apart as her and Riley. It was perfect!

But then. When I was 6.5 weeks, I went to the bathroom and saw blood when I wiped. I immediately freaked out. Got online and googled. Posted on my message board that if ANYONE was up to please call me, I needed to talk to someone right then. I called my aunt and my bff but no one answered. Everyone assured things were probably fine and that to call my dr in the morning. Except, I was going to find a new dr this time around so my first appt wasn't for another month with the new dr. I called them and they said they couldn't see me but sent me for blood work. I went, had the blood work done and was told to call back tomorrow. I called first thing and they said my numbers were fine. But I was still bleeding so they wanted me to come back tomorrow and repeat them. I did and my numbers rose only by 100. They seemed like it was fine and told me to come in at my regular appt in 3 weeks. I was pissed and crying. Then I got cramps and called them back. They told me there was nothing they could do and I screamed at them through the phone, cussed them out and threw my phone across the floor. Here I was, possibly losing my baby, in an emotional mind f*ck and they were being SO cold and heartless. I'm sure there WAS nothing they could do but you don't say that to someone in the process of having their first miscarriage. You don't.

My cramps were SO severe so Zach took me to the ER. They took more blood and it came back and the numbers were still in the range they should be. The ER doc walked in and said "congratulations! you are pregnant!" I started blubbering and then crying. He just backed back out of the curtain. They took me for an u/s and there was a sac and pole there but no heartbeat. They told me it could still be early but by this time I was 7 weeks and i knew that it was rare at 7 weeks to not see anything. They sent me home and told me good luck.

I seriously think everyone that works in the medical field needs to be schooled on the emotional distress of a miscarriage and what NOT to say.

I called my original dr back the next day and told them what was going on. they made me come in right then and there. Took my blood, did an exam. The dr said my cervix was closed which was good. And he told me all kinds of positive stories about women who bleed when pregnant and that he had one patient they had to give blood to because she lost so much for no reason and the baby was fine.

I had to repeat the blood work 2 days later and only 3 hours after I had it done they called me. My number had dropped to 49. The day before I passed what I was certain was the baby. I was so distraught. And upset. And drained. The miscarriage went on for 1.5 weeks and every other day someone was telling me something different, I was pregnant, I was fine, I was losing it, I was pregnant, I was having a miscarriage, No I wasn't...it was just awful.

Afterwards I didn't go into a depression but instead turned into this freaky working out addict. I did p90x religiously and ran at night. I lost 20 pounds, had a 6 pack and muscles all over my body and practically NO body fat. I knew I wanted to get pregnant again but we just kind of not really tried. I had planned on really getting serious in the spring.

One night in October after we dtd I sat up and said "im pregnant and it's a girl!" zach thought it was the tequilla talking and laughed little did he know . . .

[Lilly Bella]

My pregnancy with Kenna was the worst. My hyperemesis was so bad, I threw up all over the place, all the time. I don't know why it's so bad. And each one has gotten worse. I fear what it will be like if we have a 4th. Good thing it's all worth it, huh?

When I was 25 weeks we went down to Gatlinburg to visit my aunt. I walked around a lot and one night noticed a LOT of pressure and pain. I tried to stay off my feet until we went back home. I made a dr appt for that day and when he checked me, my cervix was thinning out and really short. I was put on bed rest. I was bummed. Zach had a new job position that required him to travel. Every week. To Nashville. He left early Monday morning and got back really late Friday night. My inlaws helped with the kids and I'm forever thankful.

I went in for my scheduled C at 39 weeks.

(birth story written a day after she was born)

We had to be here at 6 a.m. Which meant getting up at 5 a.m. which also meant no sleep. I should have taken a tylenol pm.

They inserted IVs, took blood, did all the regular boring stuff and at 8 on the nose I went into the OR. I was in there for a long time before Zach got to come in though. First they couldn't find the numbing medicine they use before they insert the spinal tap needle and medicine. We had to wait forever until someone found some. So the anesthesiologist did the spinal and for those that don't know, I got a spinal leak from the last time with Sierra and it was the worst week of my life I was incredibly nervous. I laid down and he touched my neck with a cold, wet something. Then asked if I could still feel the coldness as the touched each side of my belly up and down. I could. Then he asked if I could wiggle my toes. I could. He asked if I could lift my legs. I could. Yeah, I wasn't supposed to and he didn't like it and said it wasn't working right and that he could put in an epidural as well or put me to sleep. Duh. So I had a spinal tap AND an epidural!

This surgery was so scary I don't know why and I don't remember Sierra's being so scary. I was terrified the whole time I think because with Sierra, I went in 8 and she was born at 8:24 so it was FAST. This time we all sat around in the cold, eery, white OR for an hour before the surgery could even begin. The c-section went fine and smoothly and normal but I think I could still feel some because I know you are to feel pressure, but I was feeling some pain too, not incision pain, but afterwards when they suck out your uterus, I could feel it, especially up top I wanted to die

Anyway, they got her out and I heard her cry and everyone was talking about her hair and her chubby cheeks and yada yada yada and all I could think about was IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL!??!?!?!?! Finally everyone screamed what it was and Zach mouthed the words "it's a girl!" and I cried so hysterically It was THE.MOST.AMAZING feeling ever. The best feeling I've EVER had. Do not find out! You guys will never know how awesome that single, quick, tiny, precious moment was. My heart flip flopped, skipped 50 beats, went up into my throat and I cried a cry that I will never cry again! I fell INSTANTLY in love with her and everything I've endured these past 9 months were so incredibly worth it and more! Zach cried too, I'm pretty sure I think he was secretly hoping it was a girl ♥ There is definitely something about daddies and their daughters and now he has two of them. What a lucky guy

She was born at 8:54 (they started not even 10 minutes before, my dr is so quick ) and weighed 7 pounds and 14 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long!!! I told you all she was huge She is my 2nd biggest baby, Riley wins at 7 pounds 15 ounces and 21 inches and Sierra was 7 pounds 12 inches and 20 inches. Crazy how they are all pretty much the exact same, huh?!

After the c-section was rough. I hate how gross and nasty you feel. I hate how you can't move and this time they put these weird things on my lower legs that fill up with air and put pressure so the blood circulates and the were SO FREAKING ITCHY that I cried and then around 4 a.m. I ripped them off and spent one hour itching my legs before I quickly put them back on when the nurse came back in.

Makenna is awesome I seriously just love her so much it hurts! She's perfect and sweet and loveable and yummy and smells so good and her feet are so tiny and her legs have tiny rolls and she has a dimple on her left cheek and dark hair (but not on top, darnit why do my girls have mullets?!) and a cute little nose (a Sutton nose for sure ) and looks just like riley and sierra did when they were born and ohmygoodness I can't stop looking at her! She is going to be the perfect little ending to our family! I am crying typing all this out, that's how happy and perfect everything is! She latched on almost immediately after were back in our room and nursed for 20 minutes straight! Then latched on several more times throughout the day but did not want to nurse at all at night. She slept for over 6 hours without nursing, she just wouldn't do it, she was too sleepy. Even diaper changes with cold wet wipes did nothing to her. She nursed great this morning and then did the same thing again, she slept for nearly 5 hours straight this afternoon and wouldn't nurse nor could I wake her up enough. But she just had a really good nursing session and my boobs are much fuller and I could her swallowing a lot so she's getting more and more each time.

Sierra's in love, of course! She doesn't want to give her up and when someone else has her, she says "my turn." and not in a question form she has already helped change her diaper and wiped her too. She helped me nurse her and sat and rubbed her head and kissed it.

Riley really wanted a brother so I was worried he might show his disappointment. We told him first before everyone and since my c-section was so early in the morning, they just stayed at Zach's parents house until they got the call and then came in. So Zach called him on speaker phone to tell him the news so he could tell everyone else. After we hung up, Zach's mom said that Riley told her it was a girl and that it was ok he was going to love her anyways Riley also said he didn't want to hold the baby (before we had her) but he did and held her for a long time, he loves her. But in true 6 year old fashion, he has 434758475987542975912 questions. Thank goodness I bought him "What to expect with the baby comes home" book that will help

Anyway, all that to say Makenna is here and worth every single thing and we all adore her and love her and my family is complete and perfect She's everything we could have asked for























But...my family is not complete! I 110% want a fourth But for now, I couldn't ask for anything more. Thanks for reading! I feel like my life has such a happy ending that's almost unbelievable. Or that my childhood wasn't real. I don't have an answer for how happy a person I am or how I could come out on top. Proof that it's not always how you were raised will form you into the person you become because based on that I should be an alcoholic, have no job, live in dirt and be abused. But I'm not. I'm far from those things. And I'm truly happy and in love with my family. I absolutely do not take anything for granted. I thank God continuously for giving me this. I know it could have gone another way so easily. Remember when I said I knew my sister was born into our family for a reason? If she wasn't, or if she did not have Down Syndrome, we would not have moved away, my dad's problems wouldn't have gotten worse, they wouldn't have had to claim bankruptcy and my aunt wouldn't have saved me. I would not have met Zach, marry him, have 3 completely amazing children and be living in our house here in Nashville, happy as a clam

[Daffodil]

I've been TERRIBLE about reading and responding to these MOTW's (if I haven't responded to anyone's, its not because I was disinterested, its because I wanted to really comment and ask a great question and then never got around to it...I am such a procrastinator its not funny), but I wanted to respond to yours Kristen, I am SOOOO glad you got your happy ending...but you know what? I don't think its just chance. Part of it is, but I think its mainly YOU making your life and your family's life so happy.

Your story is amazing and your kids are so cute!!! I think I've got a special feeling about Sierra since she's in the same position I am in in my family...older brother, younger sister. Well, probably not for long, since I have a feeling you will have a 4th!

Sierra's room is DARLING. Can you show us a picture of Riley and McKenna's rooms? Are the girls sharing?? ETA: Oops, forgot McKenna is sharing with you at the moment!

[alinne1026]

Amazing!! Everything about your story is so inspiring. You have overcome everything that life dealt you as a child and have maintained your optimisim and love for life...plus you are super talented at photography!! Your children are gorgeous. I could learn a lot from you since I tend to 'sweat the small stuff'.