[srprisebean3]

I was going to post this on facebook but its kind of long...I'm on my phone so you'll have to excuse any typo's Sorry if this is scattered and doesn't make sense.

So, most of you know DH and I have been trying to start our own bakery. I have no doubt that we would be successful to a certain level as our stuff is leaps and bounds beyond anything currently on the market. I've always been a little hesitant though because the market where we are is SO SO SO SO saturated (seriously, there are 7 cupcake/bakeries in my immediate area), and its such an economy driven product. I don't want to go 30k in debt and then dive deeper into the recession. Anyway, i was all gung ho at first but after mass producing out of our house for 6 months I am just done. I don't enjoy it anymore, I actually dread it and want to cry every time we get an order. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it as a hobby/stress reliever but as a career? Not so much. I still reluctantly agreed to do it because I know that/s what DH really wants to do. I figured either way, one of us was going to be unhappy so I just drew the short straw. The difference in opinion and desire was starting to put a major strain on our marriage and our Finances (despite me repeatedly asking DH has not gotten a job because he wanted to "focus on the business"). The thought of doing something I don't love and dread threw me into a serious depression. Like...serious....The other night we were up until 3am arguing about it. I tried to propose a compromise but the next day DH said he'd rather just bag it and have me go back to school rather than fight all the time.

Of course, I just about leapt for joy on the inside but I STILL don't know what to do! I feel awful for forcing him to give up his dream. When i think of how depressed I was about doing something i don't like, I don't want him to feel the same way! I realize as a parent you do what you have to do sometimes and its not always going to be what you want. But the same could be said for either of our points of view. Who's to say which one of us is unhappy in our job?

The reason DH wants to start a bakery is that he "refuses" to work for someone else (his words) and he thinks that eventually we can just hire people and walk away from it and have all the time in the world as a family. I don't see that happening, and the thinks that because I don't i have no faith in him (i do think we could be successful enough to get by and support our family, but id never be able to walk away from it). I tried to explain to him it has nothing to do with him, but the market, the economy, and the greedy investors we are currently dealing with. He doesn't understand how i could possibly want to go back to school and work 12 hour shifts for the rest of my life.

So basically either we go 30k into debt and our success is no guarantee and He's happy or

I go back to nursing school, we still go 30k into debt but a job is guaranteed upon passing the NCLEX and I'm happy. I think he is hoping that in this scenario he will be able to quit his job after I get a job. Which if I didn't have to pay back student loans he would be. He could drop down to part time though.

I know this is a decision only Mike and I can make but I'd still love some input. I've tried to paraphrase as best as possible but obviously this is a complex situation with a lot more to it than I've explained.

I'm just lost..I wish there was a clear answer or a way for us to both get what we want. Mike has suggested i turn my recipe and passion for baking into a blog. I know a lot of bloggers who make a decent amount of money doing so but for every person that is making money at doing it, there are hundreds who aren't. Honestly though, I would love to do it. I'm such a foodie

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening and feel free to add your 2 cents!

On a side note,

any of you Canada mommies know how much nurses make there? One of Mikes big concerns about my going back to school is that if the health care bill goes into effect in 2014 we will eventually have a system much like Canada and he thinks nurses make jack up there.

[mshah]

I completely understand about turning a hobby into a career. That's what I did with Interior Design, and it just ruins your enjoyment. I also now started baking cakes and everyone is telling me I need to turn it into a business...hells no!

I know it's such a difficult decision, but starting a business together, especially if it's already causing too much stress, can really wreck a marriage. I've seen it happen over and over again. If you're both not 100% into this and seeing good results it needs to be scrapped before it gets much further. The more you go into it the more stress there's going to be.

And your dh's thoughts of being able to hire a bunch of people and walk away is completely unrealistic. That's exactly what my brother thought when he started his own business. Not so. He put in extra hours because it was his sole source of income, and it becomes all-consuming. You begin to live to work, not work to live and it gets so exhausting. It's not as easy as it sounds.

At this point, my advice is to go your way. It's not that one of you will be unhappy either way...it's that in the end you have the foresight to see BOTH of you will be unhappy if you run your own business at the rate this is going.

If it's still just too much of a split decision, is there any possibility of finding a business partner? Perhaps that could lighten the load up a bit. Also, how much experience and education do you and your dh have regarding starting a business? In this economy, it would be pretty crucial to know exactly what you're doing and how to do it. Otherwise, the smallest mistake could have huge implications in an unforgiving economy.

In the end, I just hope you and your dh can make a mutual decision that is best for your marriage and family, because when it's all said and done that's all we really have.

[birdblue]

[Jeanie915]

My opinion....What's more important, your marriage or a dream? No matter what you do, you can always still do cakes or cupcakes out of your home for extra money. I think you should do whatever puts the least amount of strain on your marriage. Marriage is compromise and it sounds like you and dh are trying to do just that. I hope everything works out!!

[TeresaSuperMama]

Okay, I think I can put some input on this as I have run my own business and gone to nursing school. It was also my dreams to go to nursing school. I have gone to nursing school twice (but yet to finish). I always thought I wanted to be a nurse and still think about it often. I will start off by saying having compared running my own business to nursing school as far as stress level put on the family nursing school was way more stressful. My dh was supportive of me going, but all we did was fight the entire time I was in school. There was no part time option for nursing school and it required so much time and commitment that my whole family started falling apart.

Now, as to starting your own business. I think your dh is right. If you do this right and have a good business plan in place this could be his baby instead of yours. You could hire bakers and train them and he could be managing everything. I also totally understand your reservations as $30,000 is a lot of money to go in debt on a possible business. I do not know the laws in your state, but is it possible to run it out of your house for the time being. Do a test run to demo your products and see how much demand there is in your area before sinking in that kind of money. I also would start teaching your dh to help you. If he wants to do this, he can learn to follow a recipe and help with the prep work and the baking. If he can't do the decorating so be it, but if he is the one that wants this then he really needs to learn the business as well.

Thirdly, nursing school will always be there. If you want to go, make a plan for it. Tell dh, that you will support him on this business. Come up with a 2 year plan to get people working for you and him taking over. You could spend the next 2 years taking all the gen ed classes for nursing school. Take one class at a time. First off that will give dh time to get the business off the ground. Secondly it will make nursing school way less stressful on the family if you have all of those out of the way. It'll give you a good idea if you really enjoy going to school too and give you a chance to see how school stress would affect the family. Just my thoughts.

[Juliebird18]

Um...if he dream is to one day work for himself, then he doesn't have to give up that dream. He has to work for that dream. You don't have to be a slave for his dream. His dream isn't a bakery. if it was, he would be the one doing all the baking.

DH says the same exact thing. he doesn't want to work for anyone else and he doesn't understand why I won't "let" him open a business. First of all, he needs to figure out what kind of business he wants. You can't just open a business to open a business. You need to have a desire to do something or have a skill in my opinion.

His idea of opening a business and letting it run itself is very unrealistic. Most small business owners work their butts off night and day. It is not worth sacrificing everything; savings, family, time together - to run this business.

I tell DH that when our kids are older and we don't need his income as badly, then he can realize his dream and open a business. Right now, he has to slave away like the rest of us and work for a stupid boss.

So I guess my advice is, don't look at it like you are crushing his dream. He will realize his dream but on his own. It's not your dream. You don't have to live it out for him.

[.Jessica.]

Oh my Bethany, I could of wrote this word for word (except the baking part) a couple years ago. So, instead of telling my DH that I need to finish school, I let him do his thing. And here it is 3 YEARS LATER and where are we??? We are in so much debt its not even funny. We own family, taxes, we have leans on our houses, we have litereally 3.00 in the bank, my kids are stressed about money IM stressed about money and he is STILL not getting a job. He finally realized that he needs to but of course no one is hiring. It is really hard on our marriage. I resent him for doing this to our family. Im depressed cause I cant leave my house (my van is expired) I cant buy groceries, school clothes, toilet paper NOTHING.

Whoops I hit enter too soon.

My point is...do whats right for your family.
How much more schooling do you need? My sister in law just got into this school in Sandy that you dont need any pre reqs...kinda like Provo college. Its like 18 months and your a nurse. the problem is its EXTREMELY exspensive. But if you want some info on that let me know

Also do you want me to let you know if there is anyone hiring? I know he doesnt want to work but if there is a good job then why not? I know that Sara Lee was hiring not sure any more but they make really good money and have like the best benefits. (my hubby cant work for them as he walked out without 2 weeks notice ugh)
I hate how they say "I dont want to work for someone else" yah well neither does ANYONE but we do what have to.

ps.We need to get together. Oh and I wish you would of told me that you didnt feel like making cakes. I would totally understand. Honestly I dont want to make another hat EVER.

[srprisebean3]

Thanks for all the input guys! It really does help! You all make great points and have given me more to think about.

As far as schooling goes I'm already done with my gen eds and had actually been accepted to nursing school when I found out I was pregnant with Kingston. Because of my history we decided it would be best if I withdrew. So, basically all I have to do is take the core nursing classes so I have a lot less on my plate than most (40 credits vs the 72 most have going into it.). Yes it will still be stressful but at least I love it. I'm weird. I love school. With me going back to school my family will also be more capable of helping out with the kids. It's easier for them 2-3 days a week versus every single day. Our plan was basically the kids would be living at the store with us!

Theresa, we've been doing it out of our house for 6 months and i just can't do it anymore! It's 10 times the work while watching kids and trying to clean. It wouldn't be a big deal if he helped, but he doesn't. Also, Where we live there is a bakery that kind of has a hold of the market (they have 10 locations and 2 within 10 miles of us as well as a cult following) and while I think our stuff is better I don't think most people will care enough.

[srprisebean3]

Jessica, I'm trying to PM you but it's not letting me! Probably because I'm on my phone! I'm sorry you guys are going through that! We are in the EXACT same situation so I feel for you! Our is from the last 6 months of Him
Not wanting to work while we get the business up. I tried to tell him he needs to work until we get it up and running but he won't and now we are broke! I'll be sending you a message as soon as I can get my hands Om the computer

[TeresaSuperMama]

Originally Posted by srprisebean3

Thanks for all the input guys! It really does help! You all make great points and have given me more to think about.

As far as schooling goes I'm already done with my gen eds and had actually been accepted to nursing school when I found out I was pregnant with Kingston. Because of my history we decided it would be best if I withdrew. So, basically all I have to do is take the core nursing classes so I have a lot less on my plate than most (40 credits vs the 72 most have going into it.). Yes it will still be stressful but at least I love it. I'm weird. I love school. With me going back to school my family will also be more capable of helping out with the kids. It's easier for them 2-3 days a week versus every single day. Our plan was basically the kids would be living at the store with us!

Theresa, we've been doing it out of our house for 6 months and i just can't do it anymore! It's 10 times the work while watching kids and trying to clean. It wouldn't be a big deal if he helped, but he doesn't. Also, Where we live there is a bakery that kind of has a hold of the market (they have 10 locations and 2 within 10 miles of us as well as a cult following) and while I think our stuff is better I don't think most people will care enough.

Well, if he's not pulling his weight on this I can certainly see your reservations. I wouldn't go forward with it if he's not willing to be putting a lot more work into things. I liked school a lot too, and would love to go back, but we ran into problems because my dh sucks at being a mom. One day I may return to it. Who knows. Good luck to you with your decision.

[mrsjl]

I just wanted to throw this in: there are job postings here (Nova Scotia) for nurses, and the wages are $29-35/hour.

what do nurses make where you live? (keep in mind, our dollar is not equal to your dollar, and nurses make something different in every province in Canada)

[erleigh]

I can't imagine starting a business when you can't stand doing it anymore. That sounds miserable. Does he have a big interest in the cake business or is there maybe another type of business he could open himself so that you can both do your own thing? Also, this economy is TERRIBLE and it would make me nervous to have our sole income be from the cake business. I think there will always be nursing jobs available though. I hope this made sense. I've had 2 kids talking to me the whole time I was typing. LOL

[srprisebean3]

Thanks again everyone!

Erin, He has zero interest in cake decorating and cupcakes. He just wants his own business, and I'm good at it so he figured why not? Julie said it best, his dream is to work for himself not own a bakery. So, I'm not killing his dream....totally....we will figure something else out.

We still have to find out if its possible (financial aid wise) for me to go back to school but if it is then I'll be back in January! I never felt completely at peace about opening up a shop but the second we took it off the table and started looking at other options i was completely flooded with relief and I finally have a sense of calm and peace about things. Quite the 180 from being stressed, depressed and anxious all the time! I'm actually excited about our future now.

So, be on the lookout because if school works out (i should know this week) we will be turning our "business" into a blog and I'll start posting recipe's, pictures and tutorials. So, if you've had your eye on a cupcake you can make it yourself now

[Trish36]

Nurses in Ontario start around $20/hour, more if you work at a hospital in a union enviornment. A lot of them work part time picking up shifts but I don't think there is a shortage of work here.
Good luck with whatever you decide, but I think you should follow your dream. If your DH's dream is to have a business then he can take over the bakery and not have you do all the work.

[Jeanie915]

Originally Posted by srprisebean3

So, be on the lookout because if school works out (i should know this week) we will be turning our "business" into a blog and I'll start posting recipe's, pictures and tutorials. So, if you've had your eye on a cupcake you can make it yourself now

I definately want the link to that blog!!

[Trish36]

yum! I love making cupcakes but can never find great recipes. Glad you've made a decision you are happy with.

[.Jessica.]

Uh I want a link FOR SURE....Id pay you for a recipe..I cant figure out how to make a good icing recipe. Im excited for you to finally have some peace with the future. Keep us posted about whats going on.

[forest]

I think you are totally making the right decision! He needs to figure out a way to make HIS dream work himself without totally relying on you. Too me it sounds like his real dream is to not work at all (mine too, lol!) but I don't think it is realistic. I was looking at starting an online business but it is in a saturated market as well. I think in that kind of market you really have to have something big that makes you stand apart. Keep us updated please!

[mshah]

Uh, yeah sign me up on that blog! I'd KILL for a crusting buttercream recipe that works in high humidity but doesn't taste like solid powdered sugar!!!!!

has dh ever thought about being a sales rep? he still works for a company, but is primarily his own boss. it could be a good middle ground. When they get good enough they even begin to hire their own teams and become the boss themselves.

[TeresaSuperMama]

Originally Posted by srprisebean3

Thanks again everyone!

Erin, He has zero interest in cake decorating and cupcakes. He just wants his own business, and I'm good at it so he figured why not? Julie said it best, his dream is to work for himself not own a bakery. So, I'm not killing his dream....totally....we will figure something else out.

We still have to find out if its possible (financial aid wise) for me to go back to school but if it is then I'll be back in January! I never felt completely at peace about opening up a shop but the second we took it off the table and started looking at other options i was completely flooded with relief and I finally have a sense of calm and peace about things. Quite the 180 from being stressed, depressed and anxious all the time! I'm actually excited about our future now.

So, be on the lookout because if school works out (i should know this week) we will be turning our "business" into a blog and I'll start posting recipe's, pictures and tutorials. So, if you've had your eye on a cupcake you can make it yourself now

I actually think that is a very good idea! If you do it right you could make money with that and go to school.