[Daffodil]

Ugh, I know I should appreciate hubby's help, but he works so much that I really take care of Arielle I would say over 90% of the time. We always discuss her and he always gives his ideas but honestly I'm sick of it. I get annoyed because Im the one doing things and because I'm the one raising her, I want to do it my way. And he gets upset because he never gets any time to spend with her and he knows I of course do things my way and he wants input too. I know its not his fault he can't spend more time with her (unless he finds a new job that is more flexible) but it still makes me mad when he spouts his opinion.

Like I"m SO excited her bed is arriving this Friday and I know it'll take awhile, but I really think she might do better in her own space in her own room. LIke I said, I'm not going to rush her. But he always says things like "oh, its so much better that she is with us, like when she wakes up at night, we are right there". I mean, that's the only time he gets to spend with her, but I think its more important she gets a good night's rest, and that we get a good night's rest. I'm frustrated because I know he won't let her cry at all. Like I won't let her CIO, but i think its ok if she fusses for a few minutes. I know it'll be a long process, but I also know I won't have his support, and unfortunately, he IS here at night.

I guess this is something every couple sometimes goes through, differing opinions, but I feel like he should just let me do what I think is best. I want his support, not him playing devil's advocate to me all the time. Even though I do the same to him.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by Daffodil

I'm frustrated because I know he won't let her cry at all. Like I won't let her CIO, but i think its ok if she fusses for a few minutes. I know it'll be a long process, but I also know I won't have his support, and unfortunately, he IS here at night.

When you say he won't let her cry at all, does that mean he'll get up with her? I'm guessing the answer is no. Have you explained to him that babies need to learn to settle themselves to sleep?

You know, sometimes what I do is send articles to DH to read. Usually he either doesn't read them or skims them, but then since he hasn't read them he knows that he's not as qualified as I am to make a decision so he's more likely to leave me alone. :-)

I have a little bit of a different problem with DH. He doesn't mind if I let Juliana fuss just a little, but he doesn't want to be woken up and I can't let her fuss for more than about 5 seconds without waking him up. And I don't want him to sleep in another room, but I think we might have to do that for a week or so and see if it helps.

[Daffodil]

I actually send hubby to sleep on the couch sometimes because between his snoring and Arie's night-wakings, I don't get any sleep at all!! And I sleep on the couch before I work on Saturdays... we just started it and so far I'm loving it! LOL He's not so happy of course.

To answer your question, except for Friday nights, no he doesn't get up with her. What he DOES do, however, is as soon as she makes a squeak, he'll cuddle next to her. If she sits up, he'll lay her back down. If she starts crying, he'll tell me to give her a bottle or change her diaper. So basically he assures that she will never learn to put herself to sleep (well, maybe when she is 3 or 4) and assures that she will wake up even if she was heading back to sleep in the first place. I have told him numerous times, don't open your mouth at night. But he ALWAYS DOES IT.

He really loves her to death and misses her so much but he needs to understand that I need sleep and she needs sleep! I'm hoping she just magically sleeps through the night in her new room but I doubt it...she's just not that kind of baby. I need to have a talk with him though, because I DO want to start trying to get her to go back to sleep herself, maybe have a lovey instead of us...I am seriously not trying to kick her out I just want everyone to get some sleep.

[sfarrow3]

My hubby works alot and he does the same thing at times, but it really doesn't bother me because due to him being absent it is his way of still trying to be apart, if you get what I'm saying. I'm not saying your points aren't valid, because I agree totally that a baby needs a good nights sleep, but what I normally do is pick my battles due to my hubby being gone so much. You said that you want him to let you do what's best, is his advice totally bad? (well maybe not the sleeping issue) can you bend a little on somethings so hubby can feel more included and it won't seem like a battle or differences of opnion. I actually feel really bad for my hubby that due to his job he can't spend as much time. So I try to find opportunites where he can feel included as much as possible. We now discuss everything like changes in bed routines etc. I know in my head what I want, but by me including him on the decisions and disscussing it, it is easy to get him on board with my ideas. When I had my first one we were on totally different pages when it came to parenting, but over time it has gotten so much better.

[Mama2Owen]

I kinda feel the same way. I basically do everything for Owen, so when DH interjects his opinions, it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job, when in reality, I'm the one who knows what is best/what works for our kid. DH has very little patience. Can't stand to hear Owen cry. So I feel like sometimes I'm walking on eggshells trying to keep both of them content.

Not that I don't appreciate DH...he works his butt off so that I can be a SAHM,but still...if you're not willing to jump in and participate, don't be so opinionated!

[sfarrow3]

Originally Posted by Mama2Owen

I kinda feel the same way. I basically do everything for Owen, so when DH interjects his opinions, it sometimes makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job, when in reality, I'm the one who knows what is best/what works for our kid. DH has very little patience. Can't stand to hear Owen cry. So I feel like sometimes I'm walking on eggshells trying to keep both of them content.

Not that I don't appreciate DH...he works his butt off so that I can be a SAHM,but still...if you're not willing to jump in and participate, don't be so opinionated!

Does he not help? My hubby is very hands on so I can't really relate I guess. It would not be cool if I did all the work and he didn't help. All hell would break loose! He doesn't like to hear Owen because he gets annoyed by his cry? I'm sorry but babies cry. Lol

[preciousgiftsmama]

Its sweet how much he loves her It just always warms my heart when I see daddies that love their children so much. That is one the qualities I love most in my dh. He loves our kids so much and would and does do anything for them.

Every families dynamics are different, but my dh has always left the raising of the children solely to me. I make all the decisions about every aspect of them and he doesnt even voice his opinion unless I ask for help/opinions on something regaurding them. Sometimes if I do ask his thoughts on a childrearing matter, and his opinion is different from mine, that will irritate me because I feel I know whats best since I raise them and then I wonder why I asked him at all? He is basically our kids "good time play toy" "whoohooo daddy is home" kind of dad. He will step in like I say if needed but he would rather just be a funtime to them.

I hope he jumps on board with you on the sleeping arrangements!

[Mama2Owen]

Originally Posted by sfarrow3

Does he not help? My hubby is very hands on so I can't really relate I guess. It would not be cool if I did all the work and he didn't help. All hell would break loose! He doesn't like to hear Owen because he gets annoyed by his cry? I'm sorry but babies cry. Lol

That's exactly what I told him. They cry, and sometimes it's for no apparent reason. DH does work a lot...he's gone from 5:30 am to 6 pm. I could ask for more help, but honestly, sometimes it's just easier to do it all myself bc it's become so routine.

[sfarrow3]

^^^yeah i honestly thinks it depends on your household. Im not a SAHM, I work full time so at my house we have EQUAL roles. Since Im working and helping bring in the income he also has to help on the home front equally ( well its never equal I do more just because Im the mommy i think..but its pretty close) . There is no way our household would function properly w/o it being that way. If I was a SAHM maybe it would be different..I'm not sure.

Originally Posted by sfarrow3

^^^yeah i honestly thinks it depends on your household. Im not a SAHM, I work full time so at my house we have DUAL roles. Since Im working and helping bring in the income he also has to help on the home front equally ( well its never equal I do more just because Im the mommy i think..but its pretty close) . If I was a SAHM maybe it would be different..I'm not sure.

I worked full time with Kaitlyn and dh and I had 50/50 roles. Everything was equal, from bathing her, to cleaning to cooking dinner, dishes, laundry... Everything was split equal. Now that I'm a SAHM, It's about 60% me, 40% him just because he is home for 2 days after each shift so in reality, he's home as much as I am unless its his shift day (I know that all sounds complicated, but it's not).

He is a cleaner, and he helps equally with the kids. The only thing that is just ME, is laundry. That is because he is known for drying items that shouldn't be dried, and mixing darks with lights, etc... So I am the only one allowed to do the laundry. Plus, I've very picky about how I want it done.

I am truly thankful to have a dh that is so involved with not only the kids but helping too.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by Daffodil

I actually send hubby to sleep on the couch sometimes because between his snoring and Arie's night-wakings, I don't get any sleep at all!! And I sleep on the couch before I work on Saturdays... we just started it and so far I'm loving it! LOL He's not so happy of course.

To answer your question, except for Friday nights, no he doesn't get up with her. What he DOES do, however, is as soon as she makes a squeak, he'll cuddle next to her. If she sits up, he'll lay her back down. If she starts crying, he'll tell me to give her a bottle or change her diaper. So basically he assures that she will never learn to put herself to sleep (well, maybe when she is 3 or 4) and assures that she will wake up even if she was heading back to sleep in the first place. I have told him numerous times, don't open your mouth at night. But he ALWAYS DOES IT.

He really loves her to death and misses her so much but he needs to understand that I need sleep and she needs sleep! I'm hoping she just magically sleeps through the night in her new room but I doubt it...she's just not that kind of baby. I need to have a talk with him though, because I DO want to start trying to get her to go back to sleep herself, maybe have a lovey instead of us...I am seriously not trying to kick her out I just want everyone to get some sleep.

My DH is kind of the opposite. He does help some, but sometimes I get really, really exhausted and want help from him and he's like "Just let her cry" and I refuse to do that. Since he doesn't agree with my "bending over backwards to keep her happy" the he doesn't feel like he needs to help. Not that he doesn't help at all, but I would never expect things to be 50/50 even though we both work. Heck, 80/20 would be nice but I get more like 90/10.