How do I know Im done?? Help me?

.Jessica. · #1 July 29th, 2011, 06:38 PM

Ok, Im sooo lost. I dont know if I should be done having kids. I go back and forth almost hourly. I think about it that much. There are days where I think Brynlie is such a perfect end to our family and Im ok with it. Then there are days that I just have a FEELING that there is another one. Then there is the fact that we cant afford the 4 we have so why would I bring another baby into the mix. But then I fight that with: God will provide if we are suppose to have another baby and money shouldnt be a reason that we dont bring another little spirit to the world.

I am honestly lost. I would just like to know if there is another baby waiting for us. KWIM??
I had a dream (which is how I got Brynlie from a dream and I told DH and he agreed) the other night that I was pregnant with a little boy and I called him little Nasher. haha And if we have another baby and its a boy his name would be Nashton.

So ladies how do you know if your done or not? If you are done do you just have a feeling that there are no more kids? or do you always have that maybe there is one more feeling?

Trish36 · #2 July 29th, 2011, 07:11 PM

haha...I haven't figured that out myself yet. I'm in the exact boat as you having 4 kids and really wanting another one, but probably shouldn't push my luck.

I think though that if you keep on thinking about it you really want to have another one in your heart.

Good luck with your decision. If things works out for us in the next couple of years we might try for #5. Just really depends on our money situation and whether I can convince DH that we are not too old.

dee.76 · #3 July 30th, 2011, 05:39 AM

I know EXACTLY what you mean... We are NTNP, although we are sort of of the opinion that we are probably done.. But secretly I think I would like 1 more.. We have 3 beautiful boys, the eldest 2 are from my previous marriage, so ideally I think secretly I would love to have 1 more to my dh... but we are so very busy and our house is just a madhouse sometimes...

Our eldest has autism, and then the middle child has ADHD and ODD, so hes on medication etc... So its just absolutely crazy here sometimes and I have been getting the 'niggle' of possibly wanting another one of late...

So much so that when I hear of a friend being pregnant I am actually feeling JEALOUS!!!.. Is that nuts or what???... Sigh.. Soooo.. yup I know EXACTLY how you feel!!!...

I think it also comes from our little people getting a little older and sort of losing their 'baby feeling' possibly?...like WOW they are turning 1 already??? its CRAZY!!!... anyway might be a thought...

I am rambling now and am just exhausted so I will stop.. hehe

mrsjl · #4 July 30th, 2011, 06:26 AM

I struggle with this too, it used to be a back and forth battle just like the one you're having. then, it changed a bit. we are fine with 2, for now. we can only fit 2 car seats in our car and we live in an apartment. I just started the pill. I want to get my body back. in a few years (I'm thinking 3 years from now) maybe we can reevaluate. we have a goal to move outside of the city where housing is cheaper, we want to first rent a 3 bedroom house with a yard. eventually, we'd like to buy. but until we have more room and the kids are a bit older, we are holding off on any baby plans. my heart says we're aren't done, that there is one or two more for us, but my head says 2 is fine.

so, if we ttc in 3 years, nathan will be 5 and in grade primary and rebecca will be 8 and in grade 3 when the baby is born. this means we'll all be able to fit in the car and the older kids would be in school during the day. I will be 28 and DH will be 31.

I don't really like the idea of an odd number though. Rebecca REALLY wants a sister, and if we had a third and it was a girl, I might be okay being done with 3, but if it's a boy (who we will LOVE, too) I might want to try for a 4th to get a sister for DD. and then we'd need a second car or a minivan lol

I know this is long and all over the place, but it is how I am feeling at peace right now. I spent one night bawling my eyes out because DH said he doesn't want any more kids and I just can't imagine never carrying a baby or giving birth ever again. so I went on the pill and we will focus on our other goals in other parts of our lives and revisit the baby thing later, we have the time!

I hope you can find peace in whatever you decide!

Rochelle7 · #5 July 30th, 2011, 09:22 AM

My opinion is that you're NOT done. Women I've known in the past who say "I'm done" and have peace in it, don't usually spend much time agonizing over it. Trust your "little voice" inside. I do agree with others that the big 1st bday makes baby fever happen easier but I *feel* it may be more than that with you.

I know for a fact I'm not done and I won't be done after the 4th either. For yrs I've wanted 5 and I'm content with that #. I can't probably have more than that anyways bc of the c/s's. But if I'd had all vaginal births, I def want even more than 5 but well spaced apart (3 or 4 yrs).

I hope you get the outcome you truly desire.

mshah · #6 July 30th, 2011, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AquaPeridot

My opinion is that you're NOT done. Women I've known in the past who say "I'm done" and have peace in it, don't usually spend much time agonizing over it. Trust your "little voice" inside. I do agree with others that the big 1st bday makes baby fever happen easier but I *feel* it may be more than that with you.

Exactly what I was gonna say!

.Jessica. · #7 July 31st, 2011, 10:55 AM

Thanks ladies...I keep thinking that too.
I actually have a friend that has 8 kids and I asked her how did she know that she was going to have so many kids. And she told me that she orignally just want one until she HAD her baby and then she knew she had more. So she just kept going until she just KNEW she was done. She knew that there was no more kids and she didnt feel like something was missing.

So maybe we should have another. My husband just laughs at me when I tell him. But he always use to say he wanted 5 kids. So maybe thats what we are suppose to have?? IDK. He says we can try for a baby everyday if I want....MEN!!
So I guess we might be trying in Jan. cause I always wanted a Oct. Baby!!! We shall see when jan. rolls around.