How often does DH go out?

Juliebird18 · #1 August 14th, 2011, 12:03 AM

I am so mad at DH right now. I just can't stand him sometimes.

It is midnight and tomorrow is his night off so he wants to go out and go to the bar to meet up with some new friends. Ok, but he just went to a bar a few nights ago when he had another day off. He ended up getting really sick. He says it was food poisoning. He slept the entire day.

I look forward to his days off because he will help with the baby and I get a little bit of a break. Well, when he goes out, he won't get up the next morning until after 12pm. Or I have to wake him up. And then he is pretty much useless and will sit on the couch the whole time.

So I am angry. I never get to sleep late and I still wake up 2-4 times a night with the baby. DH doesn't even believe me that I wake up because he doesn't hear the baby cry.

He wouldn't even hear the baby if he was in the same room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So anyway, he says it's normal for a person in his 30s with a kid and wife at home to go out once or twice a week after work with friends. I understand his need to go out with friends but I really don't think most guys his age go out that often and leave their wives at home ALL day.

So how often does your DH go out?

noworries · #2 August 14th, 2011, 12:15 AM

Um, maybe once every 4 months. I would be super ticked if my husband went out twice a week and then didn't help with the kids on his days off.

Irish_Wristwatch · #3 August 14th, 2011, 04:04 AM

not very often, but we dont have any close friends here, so he has no one to go out with, occasionally a friend will drive up and they will have a guys night, but that usually just involves staying home and drinking a few beers and playing video games. I would say that happens maybe 3 times a year

Lv2Mommy · #4 August 14th, 2011, 04:31 AM

Umm, without me, rarely. he does go play basketball one night a week for a couple hours but that's it. I don't think there's necesssrily anything wrong w/couples getting out occasionally with friends, BUT not if it means he's useless the whole next day as well, and not if it means you aren't getting the break you need as well.

MamaAnna · #5 August 14th, 2011, 04:45 AM

At least once a week, but nothing like that. He does solo runs to stores sometimes for pipe tobacco or whatever and every Saturday he goes hiking in the woods by himself. Starting in November he'll be out Friday night, Saturday and Sunday setting and checking traps. He would never step foot in a bar though so I don't know what it would be like if he would.

mrsjl · #6 August 14th, 2011, 05:45 AM

very rarely. he went to a concert with his dad and brother a couple of weeks ago, and he went away for a night to a car show, with his dad, in July.

neither of us get out very often. a few times a year I would say.

you should set something up so it is fair, like he goes out one night a week and you go out one night a week.

Rochelle7 · #7 August 14th, 2011, 06:33 AM

Once every few months. But mostly bc he's pretty anti-social.

I'd be mad, if I were you. It's just not fair.

sunshyne57 · #8 August 14th, 2011, 06:35 AM

My husband never goes out....he has no friends here.

inyourhonor · #9 August 14th, 2011, 06:40 AM

My husband is 30, has 3 kids and has been out maybe twice since we've been together? He doesn't have any good friends here where we live. This is all by his choice, I don't make him stay at home.

I<3HelloKitty · #10 August 14th, 2011, 09:26 AM

My DH is 32 and has several friends living around here. He goes out with them to a bar maybe once every couple months, and I usually have a girls night at the same time. Sometimes the baby goes to her grandparents and sometimes I bring her with me, but he doesn't go out without me very often at all unless it's for a work function.

M-n-MsMama0510 · #11 August 14th, 2011, 12:46 PM

SO goes out maybe once a week with some guys but he always lets me have a night if I need to. So were pretty even.

MariyaEvans · #12 August 14th, 2011, 12:54 PM

My boyfriend also really likes to go out, he says he's 25 and needs to have a social life to remain sane lol but he usually asks me to come and he never minds if i go out, so i can't complain....much

amhk · #13 August 14th, 2011, 01:05 PM

Never. Not that I would be opposed to him going out once in a while, but he is always so tired from work that he doesn't want to. If he went out every so often, I would want to have the same opportunity. We hardly even get to have a date night, so that would need to happen before either of us would want to go out with friends.

rainbow_brite19 · #14 August 14th, 2011, 05:42 PM

Almost never. We are both homebodies and don't have any friends around here as of yet (we are new to the area) so really, never. I wouldn't be opposed if he did, he's just not to a bar-hopping kind of guy. Once in a while he gets up early and goes hiking either alone or with his Sister and a couple friends, but that's different than going out. Like previous posters have mentioned, if we had a night when we were able to go out (which hasn't happened since Jackson has been born because he is very clingy to us/won't go to other people) we would go out TOGETHER.

Everyone is different so while I don't think it's a bad thing that the way your DH unwinds is to go out with his friends, in my opinion it's unacceptable for him to do it twice per week and leave you with the baby all day on his only days off. I would be livid. He needs to either suck it up and get up in the morning despite his "food poisoning" to help you/spend time with his son, or just not go out so often. You deserve a break too, probably more than you give yourself credit for.

krislati · #15 August 14th, 2011, 06:06 PM

My husband doesn't go out often but when he does, I expect him to get up and help the next day. At least up by 10-11 but I also expect the same in return.

hilachu · #16 August 14th, 2011, 06:08 PM

i think you need to have a serious conversation with him
you are both entitled to still maintain your free time and have fun but if hes the only doing it its really not fair
my DH will go maybe once a month or so but if it was every night and than sleeping until noon - heck we're not teenagers anymore

KMH · #17 August 14th, 2011, 09:55 PM

I think it is unacceptable for a married man in his 30s with kids to go out to a bar twice a week with friends and then shirk his parenting responsibilities the next day...just my opinion. I understand that he needs to unwind once in a while, but I think he is taking advantage of you.

mommydiva · #18 August 15th, 2011, 05:42 AM

My DH is pretty anti social when it comes to going out. however that is also effect because 1. We do not have close friends here that he would want to go out with and 2. He is ALWAYS working so when he is actually free to do something he spends it with Rosie.

However before we moved he had gone out a few times but ended up causing WW3 in our place(I was pregnant) because he didn't get home till like 4am and well that just made me irate.

Now when he goes on TDYs where they have free time he will go out every chance he can and again stays out till 3-5am and we argue. Not that he is going out per se but because he is going out every weekend sometimes during the week and spending money that we dont' really have as well as I think if roles were reversed he would totally play the your a mom that is inappropriate type crap. So we butt heads on that when that happens.

I would seriously have a talk with him and fine if a person wants to go weekly. However he can't sleep all day. I would totally be one at this point where I would wake DH set DD down and say see ya later and head out and do my thing. Or I would set up a girls night out.

*~*SnowHibiscus*~* · #19 August 15th, 2011, 07:37 AM

Uh once every few months. I would be LIVID if he went out a couple of times a week and then lazed around the next day. EFFF that!! It's bad enough that mine works late a lot, if he were out partying...omg I would lose it.

Kick him in the kidney everytime the baby wakes up. I went through that with our first, he couldn't hear her and it was like waking the dead trying to get him up so I usually had to do it. After dealing with a near psycho wife, he's much better about hearing our second.

I also think you should start going out and leave him home with the baby every once in awhile. Everyone needs some time off but twice a week is absurd.

BSandDsMommy · #20 August 15th, 2011, 07:23 PM

My husband is 29 and neither of us go out unless we all go he had a friend come
over a few weeks ago while I was with my mom and sister, but he had the boys and it was bc the guy had a 2nd job for him other then that we don't go out or hang with friends we both know we are now a family and it's ok to have friends and do things but with his work hours we want to spend all our time together and our going out is with family or the 4 of us to eat and something fun for all the kids or eat and grocery shop lol