I'm at my wits end...

cbnurse04 · #1 September 5th, 2011, 09:32 PM

With my older DS being mean to my younger DS. About a month ago, my older DS started being mean to my younger DS. Last night, for no reason, when Holt was walking by my older DS, DS stuck his foot out and tripped Holt. Holt landed face-first on the carpet, busting his lip. I'm a traditional parent, and I spank, put him in time out, take away his favorite things, etc. None of it seems to work, though. My older son is 3, and will be 4 in December. Holt is 13 months old. Today when they were taking a bath, my older son got mad at Holt and pushed his head under water and held it there. I was sitting right there, but it took me a second to register what was going on. I grabbed Holt and pulled him out of the tub, made sure he was ok, then grabbed my older son and paddled his butt all the way to his room. Once his pj's were on, I made him go to bed. No amount of talking or reasoning with him gets through to him that he could seriously hurt his little brother. Tonight was it for baths together... they will be separate from now on. I'm just so frustrated and tired of how mean older DS is to Holt, and I don't know what to do anymore. Holt has recently started to be more active - running, climbing, just into stuff in general. I don't know if Holt being in older DS's stuff and wanting to be around him is making older DS feel invaded or what. The aggressiveness and being mean to his little brother has to stop though. Sorry for rambling on and on, I just don't know what to do.

alinne1026 · #2 September 5th, 2011, 09:41 PM

I'm in the same boat as you with my dd (2 1/2) bullying Kellen. Some days are worse than others but she will shove him down, try to poke him in the eye, trip him, lay on him, hit him with her toys, you name it. Like you said, no amount of reasoning or enforcement of consequences helps! I am hoping she is just not at the age of reason yet and this is just a phase. It makes me very upset that she just doesn't get it...or that she may just have this jealous or mean streak

So, no advice here but will be anxious to see if anyone does.

Karlie · #3 September 6th, 2011, 02:45 AM

That's been my life for the last 13.5 months. It seemed like we were making progress but then Luca started doing **** to Noah so Noah started retalliating and we're back at square one. I think it's what happens when you have boys close in age!

sfarrow3 · #4 September 6th, 2011, 06:54 AM

I really have no advice. I have two kiddos as well, Caden is 4, but he never is malicious about it. I mean if he hurts her it is because he wasn't aware how rough he was being. DO you think he is doing it for attention? Are you able to spend one on one time with him?

#5 September 6th, 2011, 07:05 AM

what shantel said. My kids are 3 1/2 years apart so my oldest will be 5 in Jan. Im just wondering if your oldest is feeling left out? Since he is still pretty young, it could be that he is doing it to get your attention and with kids they dont care if it negative attention or positive attention as long as you are giving it to them.

Are you able to take them each and do different things? For me we do story time, and the other one stays home with daddy. Now when he works I take them both, but usually once a week (I try to do more but it is at least once a week) each kid gets one on one attention, even if it's just running to the store with just one of them.

sethsmum · #6 September 6th, 2011, 10:30 AM

I think its generally an age thing. Seth wasn't too bad. He would give Caspar the odd wack when he thought no one was looking but that was it. Caspar was pure evil from the ages of about 2 till a few months ago. He was full of lots of anger because he struggled to express himself. I like you, am a traditional parenting (although we don't smack). He would have privileges, toys etc taken away time out and such but nothing worked. He has calmed down loads now though and is really caring with Toby. He hated him at first. I caught him giving him a proper smack loads of times, he would laugh at Toby when he hurt himself too. It worried me quite a lot but like I said he has got so much better.

Like Shannon said, I do try to make sure each boy gets some time alone with each parent during the week.

Arei_720 · #7 September 6th, 2011, 11:12 AM

We are having a little of this coming up ourselves, with our 6yr old DD picking on and trying to be physical with her sister when she's unhappy. For us, it's not only that she's into her stuff and pestering her more but also she's more of a big kid, so DD1's perception of her is different.

preciousgiftsmama · #8 September 6th, 2011, 10:01 PM

I have no advice as that is not an issue I deal with, just wanted to add that I hope your DS1 calms down soon. I cant imagine how horrible it must be to deal with that type of sibling rivarly.

cbnurse04 · #9 September 9th, 2011, 08:52 PM

Thank you for the replies. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this. We take him special places often, and spend one on one time with him, so I don't think it's that. DH did take a new job and is out of town often, so I am wondering if that has something to do with it. A couple of days ago, I enrolled him in 3-4 yr old soccer, so I'm hoping he can take out some of his aggression on the soccer ball. We'll see anyway.

ElizabethS · #10 September 10th, 2011, 01:58 PM

We haven't had too many problems. Surprisingly my 3yo, Cady, is super super gentle with him. She gets upset when he hurts himself and we call her "Momma Cady" because she comforts him. Perhaps its because she is a girl? My 5yo (almost 6yo) gets frustrated with Ethan when he is in his way and we've had some trouble regarding that but nothing too aggressive. All I can say is make sure you try to keep things routine and save some 1-on-1 time for him each day even if you have to keep him up a 1/2 hour longer than your LO.