[shockandawe]

So, we're entering a stage where discipline is occurring almost daily. Maggie is definitely stretching her powers of persuasion, and we're having to deal with temper tantrums, and we're trying to teach her that she'll get further using her words to ask for what she wants versus just screaming inconsolably for half an hour.

We're using time out, tylenol and alcohol (mommy's little coping mechanisms...lol), and it's breaking my heart but I'm resolved to win the war. DH on the other hand, is also dealing with the broken heart thing, but wants to be the softy and love the whining and wailing away.

I told him this morning that I want him to be engaged in the discipline. In fact that he has to be an equal part of it...but I told him that I need him to be tougher than me. Coming in to the middle of my disciplining activities (which Maggie is obviously resisting) as the softy is only going to let her win. I think I reminded him this morning we're officially at war with our child LOL.

How do you guys discipline? How do you make it work as a couple? Need anything you can give me...open to all possible ideas?

[sfarrow3]

Well...discipline is such a touchy subject sometimes. I can only speak from my personal experiences..lol..Some things work for some and not others. I sware God blessed me with the most stubborn children known to man! lol..Also what worked for Caden has in some ways failed with London. We do time-outs or breaks, but also spankings (depending on the severity) but mainly we take things away.

London has never had more than maybe a swat on the hand. DH and I have the game locked now when it comes to disciplining together. Caden was basically our guniea pig..lol.. Consistency is so key and for us there is not a tougher parent, we both are equal. We also make it very clear that there is a consequence for your actions! We don't play good cop bad cop ever! Also we are always on the same page and discuss everything.

There are moments that I feel like it's not working and Im talking to a break wall, but that thought is thrown out the window when I realize that I don't have to worry about my 4 year old having a meltdown in public, playing in between shopping racks of clothing and he is constantly getting compliments on how well behaved he is, Caden still has his moments like any kid, but he is an awesome kid!!!

Ohh and the differences between Caden and London that we have noticed is that Caden will get caught every time, because he rats himself out! London on the other hand is very sneaky! lol.. Also Caden is very sensitive (his feelings) and always have been. London could care less. She has a fiestyness out of this world and has no problems rolling her eyes and folding her arms stomping away..lol she is a trip!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

We don't look at discipline as a battle where someone has to win and someone has to lose, but rather, a cooperative effort.

Toddlers like to feel in control of their environments but they do love to please. We focus on telling her what to do, rather than what not to do, and really praise when she does what we want. We also emphasize the natural consequences. "That makes mom/your friend sad when you hit. I know you can be sweet and gentle". "Aw, what a sweet and gentle little girl!" Or ... "We only color on paper, not the floor. That makes mom sad to have to clean this up." "That's so great that you're coloring on the paper. That's just what you're supposed to do! What a big girl. Thank you!" Her natural desire to please comes through. Even though she forgets often, a gentle reminder tends to get her back on track.

I've also found that picking battles and not trying to get my way on every little thing makes everyone happier. We don't have any more rules than necessary, but the ones we have, we don't budge on.

Juliana really doesn't have temper tantrums but when she starts to show frustration we follow the Happiest Toddler on the Block method of empathizing with her. "I know you want that. I'm sorry, it's frustrating, but you could choke on this. Try this instead." That really tends to diffuse the situation. If not, I hold her and let her cry on my shoulder a bit and within 30 seconds she's forgotten about it and on to something else.

[Arei_720]

I'm still getting a feel for the baby's personality. She's stubborn, but her temper tantrums rarely last more than a couple minutes and she's off on some other tangent. If she's about to throw herself back and thrash about, I just make sure she's going to do it on some padded carpet and not the kitchen/bathroom tile. This is easy. I can deal with this.
Her older sister, on the other hand, is constantly pushing buttons and trying to sneak stuff, doing things I would never have attempted when I was her age (sticking her tongue out at Mommy while being disciplined, not once or twice, but THREE times!)

Just remember, this is for her own good and she won't hold grudges down the road when you deny her that cookie.

[sfarrow3]

Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR

We don't look at discipline as a battle where someone has to win and someone has to lose, but rather, a cooperative effort.

Toddlers like to feel in control of their environments but they do love to please. We focus on telling her what to do, rather than what not to do, and really praise when she does what we want. We also emphasize the natural consequences. "That makes mom/your friend sad when you hit. I know you can be sweet and gentle". "Aw, what a sweet and gentle little girl!" Or ... "We only color on paper, not the floor. That makes mom sad to have to clean this up." "That's so great that you're coloring on the paper. That's just what you're supposed to do! What a big girl. Thank you!" Her natural desire to please comes through. Even though she forgets often, a gentle reminder tends to get her back on track.

I've also found that picking battles and not trying to get my way on every little thing makes everyone happier. We don't have any more rules than necessary, but the ones we have, we don't budge on.

Juliana really doesn't have temper tantrums but when she starts to show frustration we follow the Happiest Toddler on the Block method of empathizing with her. "I know you want that. I'm sorry, it's frustrating, but you could choke on this. Try this instead." That really tends to diffuse the situation. If not, I hold her and let her cry on my shoulder a bit and within 30 seconds she's forgotten about it and on to something else.

I agree with this one 100%, picking your battles is also key

[shockandawe]

So we do all of that too...I don't want to give the impression that Maggie it out of control, but when she blows, she really blows.

We have the thrashing temper tantrums, and she has hurt herself, and even then I try to temper my reaction because well, you were warned you were going to hurt yourself, you did it on purpose, and well, this is the natural consequence. I'm glad to hear all the feedback here though. I thought I was about to lose my mind. I'll have to read that book. I'm already using that technique but maybe it's got more info that will help.

I think my biggest issue is that she knows the words (most of them anyway), and she knows how to use them. I think she may be either forgetting when it's appropriate to use them, or just plain trying to see what will get her furthest. But regardless, when I speak, I need her to listen and respond accordingly. Last night we walked in the door, and the whining started. I proceeded to tell her to stop with the whining while I kept doing the things mom's do - dishes, getting her milk ready for dinner, trying to show her that whining doesn't get you what you want...the whining continued, and now she's trying to climb on me. I pick her up, the whining and crying continues/gets worse. I put her down, she throws herself back on the floor and hits her head. Put her in time out, it continues, but quiets a bit. I pull her out, tell her to say I'm sorry, and quiet...it gets loud again. Finally after this dance had lasted half an hour, I grabbed her milk out of the fridge, we went upstairs, she hollered the whole way up (total meltdown), when she saw her milk on my nightstand, she grabbed it and all was better. Like nothing had even happened. But she knows "milk please" "sip please" "water" "juice" "more"...There was at least 10 different ways she could have told me she wanted milk, and the crying started before I even got her sippy cup out of the cupboard, so her reason for crying and throwing the tantrum is still a real mystery.

On the flip side, I too have one of the most polite and well behaved kids most of the time. She's soooo good when we go out, gives the impression that she's the easiest going kid in the world. It's just that when she goes off it's a full on nuclear size meltdown.

[Daffodil]

I'm not really disciplining her, just using redirection. She's actually not naughty at all. But if she wants to fuss about something even if I try to distract her, I just let her. Sometimes she just needs to let it out, and that's ok.

[sfarrow3]

Originally Posted by shockandawe

So we do all of that too...I don't want to give the impression that Maggie it out of control, but when she blows, she really blows.

We have the thrashing temper tantrums, and she has hurt herself, and even then I try to temper my reaction because well, you were warned you were going to hurt yourself, you did it on purpose, and well, this is the natural consequence. I'm glad to hear all the feedback here though. I thought I was about to lose my mind. I'll have to read that book. I'm already using that technique but maybe it's got more info that will help.

I think my biggest issue is that she knows the words (most of them anyway), and she knows how to use them. I think she may be either forgetting when it's appropriate to use them, or just plain trying to see what will get her furthest. But regardless, when I speak, I need her to listen and respond accordingly. Last night we walked in the door, and the whining started. I proceeded to tell her to stop with the whining while I kept doing the things mom's do - dishes, getting her milk ready for dinner, trying to show her that whining doesn't get you what you want...the whining continued, and now she's trying to climb on me. I pick her up, the whining and crying continues/gets worse. I put her down, she throws herself back on the floor and hits her head. Put her in time out, it continues, but quiets a bit. I pull her out, tell her to say I'm sorry, and quiet...it gets loud again. Finally after this dance had lasted half an hour, I grabbed her milk out of the fridge, we went upstairs, she hollered the whole way up (total meltdown), when she saw her milk on my nightstand, she grabbed it and all was better. Like nothing had even happened. But she knows "milk please" "sip please" "water" "juice" "more"...There was at least 10 different ways she could have told me she wanted milk, and the crying started before I even got her sippy cup out of the cupboard, so her reason for crying and throwing the tantrum is still a real mystery.

On the flip side, I too have one of the most polite and well behaved kids most of the time. She's soooo good when we go out, gives the impression that she's the easiest going kid in the world. It's just that when she goes off it's a full on nuclear size meltdown.

That's London! LOL

[Daffodil]

Oh and Becky, keep in mind Maggie is a little bit older than most kids in here...she is probably doing things ours will do in a few months lol

[shockandawe]

Originally Posted by Daffodil

Oh and Becky, keep in mind Maggie is a little bit older than most kids in here...she is probably doing things ours will do in a few months lol

gosh I hope you guys don't have to deal with this. It's not fun by any measure!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by shockandawe

I'll have to read that book. I'm already using that technique but maybe it's got more info that will help.

There is also a video in case you want the 1.5 hour summary.

Or you can go here and fast forward to the 2 minute mark for a quicker summary.

The Happiest Baby & Toddler - KTLA Morning News
The Happiest Toddler - Inside Edition - YouTube

The Happiest Toddler DVD Excerpt
The Happiest Toddler DVD Excerpt - YouTube

[mommytokem]

I'm terrible when it comes to disciplining Noah and dh has called me out on it a few times, but I'm working on it. He likes to be held a lot and I can't always do that especially if I'm fixing dinner but I've figured out a couple of things that work, one is putting him in his high chair and giving him some craisins and a sippy of water and he'll sit there the entire time I'm making dinner. Or this morning I was working with Keegan and his school work and Noah was just screaming, I let him sit on my lap and he continued to scream. I just put him in his bed that way he's completely removed from the situation. I do occasionally slap his hand if he is reaching for something he's not supposed to have. With the other kids we do spank when necessary but we also use timeouts and take things away but it varies for the kid and the offense.

[shockandawe]

Originally Posted by mommytokem

He likes to be held a lot and I can't always do that especially if I'm fixing dinner but I've figured out a couple of things that work, one is putting him in his high chair and giving him some craisins and a sippy of water and he'll sit there the entire time I'm making dinner.

So this is a major issue for me as well...and putting her in her chair didn't work cuz she wasn't close enough to the action. So now I have to set her up on a chair at the counter, and let her "cook" with me. I give her a pot or bowl with a spoon and she has a grand old time. Even getting her a kitchen she could cook in at the same time wasn't good enough. Still makes cooking dinner an acrobatics act for me, but I'm managing it better, and she stops screaming and seems to really enjoy it.

[preciousgiftsmama]

We dont really have discipline at this point. He will get mad, and if he is tired he can throw a fit but we just engage him in something else (or its just time for cuddles,nursing and night night). He listens really really well. We are very impressed how well he minds. Julia has always pushed the limits but Ty does not seem to have that personality. He is never ever naughty at all. The only reason he would throw a fit is if he gets mad that he cannot make a toy do what he wants, or if he really wants into something and he cannot have it.Thats it. We just say "no no" to him and most of the time that is enough. We have never yelled at him, nor hit him in any form (personally, we do not spank our kids). Dh and I have the exact same outlook on raising our kids. We have incredible patience with them and basically just raise with lots and lots of love and attention and fun. So far, we have had no problems with any of our 4 kids. Hopefully Julia and Ty will be as easy as the twins were to raise.