[Venus]

Hi ladies,

I wanted to ask a few things..first of all I BF DD from august 2010 till July 2011..I reduced it a bit in the end so had my periods in July..initially it was very heavy and lasted quite a few days. I counted days in Sept cycle and it was about 10 days.. last 5 days being lighter, so I went to see my doctor..she said she needs to send me for scan..the scan lady asked why I am having this and I told her, she said okay lets find out why you are having heavy periods..after she was done she said she will send report to doctor..thats standard procedure she is not allowed to say anything. The doctor called me after 10 days and said there appears to be a cyst but we can scan that again in a few months time..I started asking her a few questions like why the last few days the blood appears to be brownish and why I feel dizzy sometimes..she was a general doctor so she referred me to a specialist..who said they will do the scan and gave me appointment for april..in april on the day I asked DH to come early from work and he said its difficult he can't and I am just doing something unnecessary..but I was adamant and he promised to come early but he did not came in time, I missed my appointment, now the next appointment date is in end of May and this time I have arranged for a care taker to look after kids and not relying on him..but each time we have an argument he somehow picks up on my appointment..like I am doing time pass, or what if I find out something wrong or you dont have to know everything what ladies used to do in olden days etc etc. he is being really mean..constant reminder of it is scaring me so much and I dont want him to jinx it. My periods are very regular, I can tell the date when I get them its just that they last 8 to 10 days as opposed to 4 to 5 days, they are not as heavy anymore either. I googled a few days back and some ladies wrote that its normal when you are 30 plus that the length of period changes.

Also with DH, I am trying so hard to make our marriage work but its not happening, when I start being nice to DH he takes too much liberty like making mess in house, farting in sheet, yelling at children and then when I tell him not to he says to children mum is so annoying and we come back to square one and start fighting again. I started gym last week and he has been saying I am going out to get away from responsibilities!! When I started gym I had muscle pain and instructor suggested using hot water bottle so I made hot water bottle last night to keep in my sheet, he said I am drama, and at night the bottle's nob somehow became lose and water leaked in the middle of night, I was soaking wet and had to change sheets & my dress.. this has never happened before and I feel he jinxed it. I am so scared.

I know at this point DH & I don't like each other, but in past we did and if we got separated now then it won't bring good to anyone, not to children, not to us and will give unnecessary stress to parents of our unsettled life. They know we fight and argue but they don't know what we say when we do, and they think its normal for couples to fight. I just want to live peacefully ..I wish I knew how to deal with everything..thanks for reading if you did, I feel like crying...please do share your thoughts.

Thanks.

Venus

[krsnow]

Im sorry that you are going thru all of this! I don't know if I have any good advice, but is it possible for you guys to go to marriage counseling? It sounds like he is being a hard on you & a little insensitive. Just remember that you have to take care of yourself regardless of his opinions. Your health should come first, and if he disagrees you should ignore all that and make your dr. appts anyway. Hopefully the period thing is normal, I know it is common to have irregularities and maybe your body is still trying to adjust from the nursing. Also I think stress can alter your periods. I would say not to worry until your dr. actually tells you that there is something wrong. Hang in there and I hope things get better!

[Irish_Wristwatch]

((hugs)) Im sorry he is treating you so poorly, that is completely unacceptable IMO! Would he be willing to see a councilor with you? so that the 2 of you can try to work through any issues you might have....

FWIW I truly believe that children are better off with happy parents in 2 homes than with miserable parents in the same home.

[KirstyB]

Originally Posted by Irish_Wristwatch

FWIW I truly believe that children are better off with happy parents in 2 homes than with miserable parents in the same home.

I totally agree.

[Venus]

I see separation as a failure..only in my case..because my husband has one problem which is poor attitude towards everyone and this is a recent development. He doesn't smokes and drinks occassionally, he is turning vegetarian and if someone visits us then he cooperates..but only if they are visiting for a day or two..any longer than that and they can witness one of our drama. We have been married for 11 years and he initially had no temper and was a sweet & generous person and was not the same..he has gradually gone to evil side of things and I want to take him back from here. I must find out how.

He thinks he is the cleverest of all in the world and in his opinion counselling is a spoof business done by some lazy good for nothings people and he is not a fool to go to them ..so gets irritated if I ask him to see a marriage counselor..he says you have gone crazy. So I wonder if I can go to counselor alone?

[Irish_Wristwatch]

you can definitely go alone, it might be very helpful for you to talk to someone about how you are feeling, I dont know how much it will help your marriage though, if he is not willing to put in any effort to make things better. How does he feel about separation? have you talked with him about it at all?

you say he has just recently developed his poor attitude, is there something going on with him that could cause that, maybe something at work?

[Venus]

Hi Bree, when I talk about separation he says thats fine do it..but in front of friends says he was joking!! He thinks all these talks about making something work is just waste of time and women do that, you can see less number of men ranting like that..he will go on and on about it.

He does have more pressure at work which is new company far away but its not going to change any soon.

[Irish_Wristwatch]

If it were me, personally I would take the kids and leave, or ask him to leave.. even if its not permanent it will give you both some perspective about what you want, maybe your DH will see that you are serious about this and he will realize he needs to change, and if not then i dont think he deserves to be with you

You deserve better than how you are being treated. If he's not willing to work on your relationship, then the failure is on him, not you. And yes, you can go to relationship counseling by yourself and I think it would be a really good idea for you.

[KirstyB]

Originally Posted by Irish_Wristwatch

If it were me, personally I would take the kids and leave, or ask him to leave.. even if its not permanent it will give you both some perspective about what you want, maybe your DH will see that you are serious about this and he will realize he needs to change, and if not then i dont think he deserves to be with you

Again, I agree.

[HeartHelloKitty]

I agree with what the other ladies have said. No one deserve to be treated that way and coming from a family where my parents waited until I was in college to divorce, I can say its not healthy for the children to be seeing him treating you this way.

Sent from my iPhone using Forum Runner

[KMH]

Originally Posted by Venus

He thinks he is the cleverest of all in the world and in his opinion counselling is a spoof business done by some lazy good for nothings people and he is not a fool to go to them ..so gets irritated if I ask him to see a marriage counselor..he says you have gone crazy. So I wonder if I can go to counselor alone?

Sounds like most men I know I was skeptical about seeing a counselor when DH and I were going thru a rough time, but it was incredibly helpful for both of us. It wasn't a sit-on-the-couch-and-tell-me-about-your-childhood type of thing, our counselor gave us skills. We re-learned how to solve disagreements and how to compromise. We had homework assignments that helped remind us what we liked about the other person. We set goals for our marriage. It was amazing!

I would try to talk to your DH about going, but even if he doesn't go, you can absolutely go by yourself. At least you will know you gave it 100% is things don't work out.

[Celine]

Hi. Sorry you are feeling down. I like the idea of taking the kids and maybe staying with your parents if that's possible. Just to get away for a weekend. And clear your head and so that Dh can clear his head. And that he knows you are serious.

With regards to the heavy longer periods you should definitely get it checked out now and not wait around. Have you gone to the GYN yet? I think cysts do go away on their own?

If you are losing a lot of blood you should start taking iron pills. That's why you could feel dizzy. Are you getting out of breath walking up and down stairs?

I know all about bleeding like a pig every month. I had fibroids and didn't know what was going on with all the bleeding.

Hope you take care of yourself. And that your situation gets better.

[Venus]

I haven't been to gyn yet.. I will go next week..it has been 7 months since last check up and I feel better except after 5 days I get about 2-5ml of blood ..brown or red..for another 3-4 days..so I keep wearing small pads.

I will go to counselor alone..my parents live in different country and visiting them or relatives/friends is really not me..I feel this is my house..he should leave but he says ..no , I can't practically push him out or can I?..so that's usually another debate..I don't want kids to stay away from their home & school either.

I really want things to work ..and I feel someone who has handled this type of situation can be of help..that's why I asked here and hence I am taking on board the advice of counselling and visit one counselor soon.

Thanks.

Venus

[HeartHelloKitty]

I hope the counselor is able to help you! Good luck!