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acceptance versus not quitting?


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  #1  
August 16th, 2012, 06:05 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: An American in Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 7
Hi all.

I am new here but just thought I would ask... I am plus size (26/28) and have been for many years.

I wasn't big as a child or early teens, but I became pregnant as a teenager and put on weight. Having a bad marriage and no parental support (or any family, for that matter) I became a stress eater.


This is what I am curious about... do most overweight people wish they were different, or have you learned to love yourself just as you are? If you have accepted yourself, how did you do it?

It seems a bit confusing, really. I want to be healthier. I want to look and feel better. I want to be proud of myself. I have tried so, so so many times. I even have a lap band and still haven't lost weight. I have lost some weight over the years but it always comes back. Stress and depression will never be gone from my life and it sabotages my weight loss efforts.

If I learn to accept myself, I may be happier in life... but I won't be healthier, and I will also be a quitter for not continuing with my goal of weight loss.

So which way do you go? I still haven't decided... fat and happy or never give up trying to lose it?
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  #2  
August 17th, 2012, 01:23 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 250
To tell you the truth, I was happy with myself....at first. I started off pretty petite in my early high school days. But gradually started putting on weight through out high school. I also had the type of mother who was not happy with a size 12 daughter. So I tried my hardest to get to a size 10 and when I did I had to be a size 8.... needless to say it really destroyed all love for myself. As a grew a bit older, I met my DH and I was already plus size but at the lower end. When we got married I was roughly 18/20 and had a lot of problem areas but never really thought anything about it. When we started down the path to get pregnant my weight was a stand still and I was under 200. We started medical treatments to help with our efforts to get pregnant. As the month wore on, I began to stress eat all the time. It was my only comfort in our world at the time. Before I knew it I was at 220. After our IVF failed I lost all love for myself and became rather depressed I could not get pregnant and give my DH a child.

After a while I was just the plus size fun loving girl once again. I joked about my weight but never really stopped to say hey, you are fat, go on a diet. Recently I started looking at pictures of DH and I when we first got married and it made me sad. I was so pretty back then, even a bit plus size. Since those days I have ballooned to a whopping 260 lbs

Knowing that a doctor will never see me at my size... I am going on the HCG Diet. I really wish I had taken better care of myself, but I LOVE FOOD. I am the cook in my family and sometimes with our budget eating healthy has not always been an option. When things started looking better for us, we ate out all the time.... BIG NO NO for wanting to maintain or lose weight really.

So to answer you question after my long response, I do believe it really depends on the person. I live in Colorado (the "healthiest" State in the USA) and feel so out of place. Also, with my DH being military I just feel so out of place with other wives who are so much smaller than me and go running/jogging with their husbands....

The one thing that really hurt me the most was about 2 months ago I went home to visit and at a dinner party with a few of my friends from high school. One of my best friends, Daniel, was joking about how our 10 year reunion is right around the corner.. and poked fun at how much different I was then when I was in high school.. meaning my size.. I smiled and joked thought it, but on the drive back to my parent's house.. I literally cried myself to an emotional breakdown...

So when I got home, I started contacting doctors to help with my efforts and my PCM has been amazing He is monitoring my diet as well as helping me with Tricare to maybe get reconstructive surgery after I am where I want to be. We had talked about lap band and gastric bypass, but I had wanted to try the gastric sleeve, and at this point, Tricare does not cover it SO I am going to try this on my own, IF NO LUCK, then I am being referred to a weight loss doctor for the gastric bypass. FINGERS CROSSED I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT SURGERY, but if not I may be asking you loads of questions about weight loss surgeries!!!


Sorry for the long response... this topic is just very sensitive to me and I really have no one to vent to about it.
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  #3  
August 17th, 2012, 07:19 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Small Town, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 5,639
For me, it goes both ways. I have always had a weight problem and in highschool I was always the fat girl. Thankfully I was friendly and outgoing so I never had a problem making friends.

The problem is, I (so I have been told) always had a really pretty face. I was so sick of hearing "if you could just lose some weight" blah blah blah. So I did everything I could and lost almost 100lbs between 2003-2004.

I felt so good, it was like a drug. I want to get back there.

I was 200lbs when I met DH, started working out agian and got to 170lbs. By our wedding I was 220, got pregnant at 250, stopped the scale at 297 before delivery and right now I am around 255.

I don't really diet though. I just try to eat well and we don't buy processed foods anymore.

To be totally honest, I think we owe it to ourselves and our families to never stop striving for a healthier life. I want to live to see my great grandchildren being born, and I know at this weight it won't happen. To just "give in and accept yourself" is throwing in the towel and taking the easy way out. (just my opinion).
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  #4  
August 17th, 2012, 07:54 AM
Buggymom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,117
I'm able to accept it but I also never quit...I try not to beat myself up either. I feel like I am always trying to lose weight. I would love to be the size I was when we got married 11 years ago.

I was 135 when I got married. My weight always bounced between 115 and 135 depending on how active I was. Birth control put me up to 155. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and I stress ate up to 170. Then I became pregnant with twins...and miscarried (2004)...that shot me up to 194. In 2005 my dad passed away and it was devestating. My weight got up to 225. Finally, I started watching what I ate and lost 20lbs. Then I got pregnant (and I have PCOS)!! The first trimester my I put on 30lbs. I ended up with gestational diabetes. By 8 months I had put on 45lbs. The last month I ended up with pre-eclampsia so I had put on another 30lbs of water----putting the grand total up to 280!! (pre-eclampsia and diabetes caused kindney failure) After my c-section the nurses gave me lasiks to help relieve the water weight and I lost 40lbs of water in the hospital!!
When I got back home I was 240. I slowly made dietary changes and added walking (15 minutes per day to start---then ending at around 1hour per day). So now my daughter is 5 and I have lost around 70lbs---so I'm around 170. I am not very tall and am still considered overweight....so I would like to lose more. I have been on blood pressure meds for 2.5 years now and it would be great if I could get healthy enough to not need them at all.

I know my body will never be perfect and I'm okay with that. My stretch marks and extra skin won't get me down. In the long run....it's not about how you look. It's how you feel and always wanting to be around for your kids. ~~That's just my opinion.
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  #5  
August 17th, 2012, 07:28 PM
Vicki...'s Avatar Mommy to Caleb & Ethan
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ravencliff WV
Posts: 13,907
I don't really feel I do either at least not at the moment, I have been struggling to loose weight for years, sometimes successfully and sometimes very much the opposite, I have lost a bit over 100 lbs in the last year, but still find that I struggle daily with making the right decisions and not over analyzing everything I eat or even think of eating, sometimes I get so down because it seems i have to stay so focused on weightloss and my diet plan that i never get to just relax and live my life as a happy mom and wife, but I know I need to lose this weight and be here for my kids. i have ruptured disks in my back so any added weight only makes the pain worse and increases the likelihood of me having back surgery or ending up in a having more problems. Sorry this was not much of a good answer to the question at all, i am so depressed about my weight issues right now
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