[kellbri2005]

It is hard for me to buy things for baby because I am still sooo nervous that something will go wrong and I will have to return everything. I bought my first purchse yesterday at old navy and when I took the stuff out of the bag I started bawling : ( My 2nd round of blood tests for my 1st tri screening is next week and than the gender/anatomy scan is 3/29. I am just so nervous I am going to get bad news like trisomy 18 or something else. I think I am taking this extra hard because this was our 4th IVF round and we had a loss in June and were trying so hard to get pregnant since 2007.
I am afraid to let my guard down. I just want to be a normal pregnant lady and enjoy this experience but I can't till I know everything is ok. Ughhhh I just want this feeling/nervousness to go away

[Wifey2Jordan]

I definitely understand. I haven't bought a single thing for baby yet. The nerves are hard, but i'm hoping after I feel the baby move, I will relax a little bit. I just try to remind myself that it is out of my hands, and worrying isn't going to do me any good. MUCH easier said than done, but thats what I aim for. I hope you can relax and enjoy the pregnancy soon, it truly is a miracle!

[MeganMomof5]

I'm actually NOT having this problem...I already have a closet and dresser (not to mention big items) for a baby that died...All her things are still in the place I had them in...I returned nothing...If something were to happen this time, I probably wouldn't return anything any way....I went out shopping the day before I found out Ella was dead, I still have the tags on all of her things and I could of returned them, but I never could...I haven't really bought much for this baby, just a few smaller things that were on sale...Once I find out what i'm having I will shop...As scared as I am, I don't think buying things will change what happens.

[kellbri2005]

Originally Posted by MeganMomof5

I'm actually NOT having this problem...I already have a closet and dresser (not to mention big items) for a baby that died...All her things are still in the place I had them in...I returned nothing...If something were to happen this time, I probably wouldn't return anything any way....I went out shopping the day before I found out Ella was dead, I still have the tags on all of her things and I could of returned them, but I never could...I haven't really bought much for this baby, just a few smaller things that were on sale...Once I find out what i'm having I will shop...As scared as I am, I don't think buying things will change what happens.

I am so sorry about your recent loss. If you don't mind me asking, how did she die so far along in the pregnancy? Did they ever determine the reason?

[MeganMomof5]

No I don't mind talking about it at all...I went in for my 21 week appointment with my OB and she didn't have a heartbeat...It was 2 weeks after I had surgery to remove my thyroid (I had cancer)...She was born a week later at 22weeks 3days...I still don't know how she died, still waiting on that...Hopefully I'll find out soon....It makes it hard this pregnancy because i'm too scared to do anything...My doctor told me on friday that he thinks she died because of my surgery (which is funny because I was told the day I found out she was gone that he didn't think that's what it from, maybe he just didn't want me to blame myself)...I think it might of been combo of something was wrong with her and her heart couldn't take the surgery/medications I was on.

[kellbri2005]

Originally Posted by MeganMomof5

No I don't mind talking about it at all...I went in for my 21 week appointment with my OB and she didn't have a heartbeat...It was 2 weeks after I had surgery to remove my thyroid (I had cancer)...She was born a week later at 22weeks 3days...I still don't know how she died, still waiting on that...Hopefully I'll find out soon....It makes it hard this pregnancy because i'm too scared to do anything...My doctor told me on friday that he thinks she died because of my surgery (which is funny because I was told the day I found out she was gone that he didn't think that's what it from, maybe he just didn't want me to blame myself)...I think it might of been combo of something was wrong with her and her heart couldn't take the surgery/medications I was on.

Wow you have been through so much. Is the cancer gone now? I give you a lot of credit. You are a strong person : )

[momof6lopez]

I have never purchased anything for my any of my children until I was past the 7th. month. I was raised superstiouse(msp) my grandmother raised me to beleive its bad to buy anything until then. I know that buying something wont change the outcome of how my pregnancy go's, but since I never did with any of the others, I probably wont do it this time either.

Buying maternity clothes was a huge step for me though, and once I find out the gender, naming my baby will be the next biggest hurdle. We all have our reasons why we wait, loosing baby's is the biggest one. I wish it were easier, but as long as we enjoy the pregnancy, purchasing stuff is just the icing on the cake. We will get there, in our own time!

[MeganMomof5]

No cancer isn't all gone...Well they got it all, but I never did my radiation...Pregnancy hormones make this cancer agressive, so there is a chance it can come back....I did not want to have surgery while pregnant, and even told my doctors, but I was told it was best and the baby would be fine...Of course over the months i've blamed myself...As of right now i'm getting blood tests done once a month, and i'm meeting with my endo at the end of this month...I assume they will give me neck ultrasounds to keep an eye on things...They will not operate on me while pregnant again even if something came back...I have a feeling that it will be alright though

[Kumii]

Sorry about your loss...
I am the same way. When I walk into the store, I am afraid to get excited. Fortunately, I have not lost a baby, but this fear is with me all the time. I have not seen a doctor yet and because of this my pregnancy seems so surreal. I finally got a little bump this weekend which means that baby is there and she/he is growing. I need to make sure everything is ok before buying things. I doctor appointment is next week, but that will be my first one... I will be waiting to have an u/s to be completely certain that things are ok...

I am the same way.....I have lost 3 babies since August 2007 and I am still terrified that something will be wrong this time.....I lost my twins at 16 weeks and thinking about that time in my life still devastates me.....I didn't know it was possible for your heart to break over and over again from the same memory.....

My sister lost her first baby at 22-23 weeks, so I don't think I'll ever feel safe in this pregnancy.....anything can happen....even after the baby is born....I guess we just have to put all our faith in God and just believe that whatever is meant to be will be

[The Jenny]

I had a really hard time with Hannah, but this one I feel like things are going to be ok. I have a really hard time getting pg and I believe god will only give me as much as I can handle. So I just put my faith out there and believe things are going to be great!

[-Trish-]

I'm feeling the same way. I bought a bunch of things for my pregnancy in 08...and then lost the baby Jan 09...I'm further along than I was then and actually have seen and heard the heartbeat several times (didn't last time)...but I still can't help thinking something will go wrong.

[Happy Song]

I have has three losses since may 2009. When I found out I was pregnant this time, I bought an inexpensive little (relative term as i bought a 0-3 mo as my last baby was a biggie) blue velor sleeper and hung it on the wall. I did this as a reminder than this pregnancy is going to be differnt and we are indeed going to bring home a baby this time.

I had ten years infertilty and concieved my daughter as a suprise. After she was born we got pregnant on accident and then the subsequent three pregnancies were all achieve before I had a period after the losses. So just to concieve so many times in a row is amazing! my last mentral cycle was march 13 2009~

[redbirds]

Such heartache on our board... ((HUGS)) you ladies are amazing and it truly shows how precious the angels and these living little beings are

I am nervous because of age, but slowly beginning to enjoy it, since the NT scan was very promising. I also finally told our in-laws this weekend, but havent' told anyone else yet, but will soon.

I think, if you've experienced TTCMA (which is how we conceived this little one) or are older and keep getting the stats thrown our way, or have experienced any loss with babies, it is terrifying to think something can go wrong and truly difficult to enjoy the pregnancy.

I JUST began to relax about DD sleeping, as the SIDS thing scared me to death. She's out of the typical age bracket for SIDS, and so I am able to check on her at night without holding my breath out of sheer fear. Being a mother makes everything else trivial. Our love for these children, angels or living, transcends all else, and this heightens our worries. It's natural. It's instinct. It's why we will all be exceptional mamas!

[MonkeyBugMommy]

I, too, lost a baby in June (on Father's Day). I can't get excited about this pregnancy and I still haven't told anyone about it, other than a couple of close friends and my husband. I have not bought anything at all, and something I even forget that I'm pregnant. I feel so unattached because I'm so afraid that I will lose my baby. I'm hoping that after I have my big u/s and know the sex of the baby and see that the baby looks fine that I will feel better and start to get excited, but I just don't know if the worry will ever go away.

I'm sorry that so many of us are going through the same thing.

[erinelizabeth83]

Wow! I am so sorry for what so many of you have had to endure. You are all amazing strong women! I'm paranoid about losing my baby and I haven't experienced a loss. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for those of you who have lost babies. My heart goes out to you all and I hope that you are able to put some of the fear aside and enjoy your pregnancies. Because it really is a miracle.

[molly_jean]

I had a loss in November, 2008. I had my first appt. over 3 weeks ago, and my next one isn't until next week. I feel like I'm holding my breath until then. I have a doppler, but I wish I wouldn't have bought it, b/c I can't hear the hb. (My nurse said it's hard for her to find it before 16 weeks a lot of times, and to put it away). I bought a crib bumper set with bumpers, a sheet, and little quilt, b/c my mom wanted to go shopping this weekend, but that's the only thing I've bought for baby.
I keep telling myself that it's in God's hands, but it is still hard sometimes.

[kellbri2005]

Wow. So many of us have gone through heartbreak. It makes me feel better that I am not alone in feeling this way. Pregnancy is so complicated that anything can happen. I just can't wait until I ca relax (a bit).

[-Jen-]

Same here...I haven't bought a thing for this baby yet...prolly won't til sometime in the summer...was the same way with my other 3...after the 1st I had some stuff to pass down to the other 2 but I didn't buy anything new til much later