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so the below is an email i just sent to dh after he left for work....
so we suck at this together. maybe we just need to have a marriage of convience and stay away from eachother otherwise. This obviously does not work.
I try so hard everyday, feel completely unthanked, and then when i am having a hard day, the minute u don't feel i am being tending enough to Drake you call me out on stuff as if i don't hang over him/hold himm etc all day everyday, as if i was not up many many times last night having to sit around wondering why i have the baby that can't sleep through the night despite eating more than a baby his age is even supposed to eat. So excuse me for being so stressed.
So girls, he is such a great guy but he just makes me so angry for some reason with anything he says involving Drake. I know what has happened. I have tried to take on too much in my effort to be the best housewife ever and every time he tries to step in and make a suggestion I just blow up! he left crying this morning b/c he was so hurt as i have an extreme anger problem and when it comes out full force i am not afraid to go nuts and my head might even start twirling round (e.g. excorcist style )
Drake up alll night!! i don't know why...i fed the heck out of him all day and before bed, he took awesome naps yesterday, but then an hour into being asleep he cried for like an hour, just SCREAMING at me. then we woke several more times. i know he should not have to eat at night anymore but i do not know what the h*ll else to do anymore. i am turning into one of those just throw a bottle in his mouth and see if he shushes.
I just feel like giving up. I just feel telling Mark to take Drake to his parents and just sitting here, crying and wishing i could just dissapear. Appanretly i suck at everything right now.
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thank you tasha_mae for the great siggy!
Huge Hugs being sent... Girl you are way overwhelmed... You definitely need a break and some YOU time...
Now this is coming from the pot calling the kettle black here... DH & I are also going through some hard times and fight A LOT --- I definitely feel your pain - My DH tends to take for grantide the stuff that I do - he doesn't hear Emmie or Jackson at night and I finally asked him about it and he said it was because he didn't need to because I was there... MEN SUCK!!!!!
I would maybe suggest some quiet time for you - at least a couple of hours - massage, pedicure, drink, shop --- whatever makes you happy...
I hope that you are feeling better very soon.... I am not sure exactly what to say but know that we are all here for you!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Melanie (me) - Thomas (DH) - Emmie (12-09-08) - Jackson (09-01-10)
Lucky & Booster - furbabies
I'm soo sorry your feeling like that! I know myself it can be actually hard to accept the help when offered, like somehow your failing if you do. That is such an irrational thought, and it sounds like you know that! You are an awesome mommy, and it is really very hard when they aren't sleeping like that. I also think that for some babies, it just really doesn't matter how much they eat....they are just gonna get up! I have one of them! She has no rhyme or reason to her sleep patterns. Hope you and your hubby can get on the same page, so he realizes why you are feeling the way you do....it'll help if he can understand. Hugs mama...hope your day gets better FAST!!!
Is there a mum's group you can go to for some support? They often have people to watch the babies while the mum's get together to chat/vent/cry/whatever is necessary.
I've been to one a few times and it was such a load off. It made it much easier to face the rest of the day/week until the next meeting.
Edited to add: We are late starters to the Baby Wise method and just had our second night where we got 7+ hours of sleep. Don't get me wrong, we still have crummy nights, but we get some really good ones thrown in there as well.
ahhh i just wrote a whole long thing and deleted it... touch mouse pad.....
i don't have time to re type but I am here for you!!!! PM if you want!! you are not alone!!!
haha...is that what that is? that happens to me all the time...drove me nuts the other day when i was trying to write an email to someone. haha....i am not used to my laptop much yet eh?
Thank you girls. I know there is no way to know exactly what is up Drake's booty all the time and it sux for me b/c i am such a type A personality I want to be able to help him and know exactly what he needs. And i def understand that is not possible just has not stopped me from wishing it were the case
And when he eats all night, well it just confuses me. w/ all the talk about them needing to sleep through the night at this age and not need food....to just give them a paci and pat them on the back etc....well HA to that, there is no way with Drake. He would jsut scream and scream etc. He hates paci's
And yes i try way to hard girls. My hands are raw b/c i a constantly cleaning/washing/toilet swishing his dipes. I spend a great majority of any ME time reading about why he is always waking up hungry still even though i keep seeing people's pedi's and books they are reading say they should not be. How do i ever know? When do i just stop doing it and let him scream? I don't know b/c i stay constantly worried he will be starving. And my dh is the one that got me to that b/c if Drake whimpers his answer is always "wanna give him an ounce?"
And i do belong to a mommy group but b/c of the bad weather here the last 2 events were cancelled and i have only been able to go to one so far
But thank you for the support.
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thank you tasha_mae for the great siggy!
I am so sorry your having such a hard time. My DH also never heard the kids at night. Even with the twins I was on my own. Have you tried putting just a little bit of rice cereal in his night time bottle. Like 1/2 tsp? It is something my MIL told me and Tristan usually sleeps from 7pm to at least 5am. Is there a family member that you trust to watch your LO over night. But if you could just get one night of decent sleep you feel better.
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THANK YOU BAM FOR MY AWESOME SIGGY
Always Remembering Otis, Evan Navarro, Riley, and Patrick
~September 2010 DDC's Perfect Angels~
well i feed him oatmeal at night. That should be the same right? i mean in like sitting in his tummy to fill him up? and you knkow i really doubt he truly is hungry i just think he wakes up and freaks and get comfort sucking on the bottle but not on a paci
maybe i need to look at babywise since it is supposed to be schedule related...may help me LOL.
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thank you tasha_mae for the great siggy!
I just wanted to add some And say that, I think someone said it to Kelli, but for every book that says they should be STTN, there is another that says it's too early. Max STTN from 6 weeks until almost 4 months. Then he quit, and he really hasn't started again. Last night, he was up to eat 4 times. You aren't alone
Could your DH maybe take Drake to his parents for the weekend? Or for a night, even? You could have the house to yourself, relax, maybe have some girlfriends over to drink wine and chat. Make something indulgent for dinner. Watch a movie or some TV. And get a good nights sleep. Sleep in in the morning. Just relax. Maybe it will revitalize you.
Hang in there. Your fist baby is overwhelming, especially if you are not getting along with hubby. My oldest didn't sleep through the night consistently until she was close to 10 months old. Books may tell you what is average, but every baby is not the same. Try not to get too frustrated.....it will get better!!
Ditto to Nichole!
I remember all the fights I had with my DH that stemmed from a cranky baby and exhausted mama. It was a tough place but it gets better. Tell yourself that. Tell Drake that. Tell your DH that.
The only thing you should try to give up is perfectionism. People are not judging you by how perfect your schedule is or peaceful your kid is. Trust me! They may offer to help but that doesn't mean they think you're doing things wrong. Some babies are high anxiety and drama and mommies need breaks!
(hug)
I agree with the other that you need a BREAK sweetie. TELL your DH that you need a break. You have been doing everything and you need some time to be yourself, sleep, relax, etc. Have him take Drake to his parents house over night. It is amazing what sleep with do to your mood and your mind set. Plus if you are able to just have an evening to yourself to do something that you enjoy, that will also help. It is SO hard with babies that don't sleep through the night. My first was an awesome sleeper. Jack, not so much! I had no idea that it was this common for babies to not sleep through the night by this time! It makes my face burn everytime my MIL asks me "Is he sleeping through the night yet? NO?! He should be! He's almost 6 months old!" I have just come realize that he will not until he is ready. I try not to fight. Yes, I absolutely get frustrated with the crying, waking up all the time, but I try to relax and realize that "this too shall pass". And DON'T listen to people who tell you that he should be sleeping through the night. All babies are different and some babies just don't! Mine doesn't and a lot of other girls here are going through the same thing. I know it's also hard when you read posts about the babies who are sleeping so well. Makes you wonder why your's isn't. I'm right there with you. I don't have good advice because I'm there with you, but I do absolutely think that you need at least one night to do what you want AND to sleep through the night! Hang in there hunnie. You don't suck at everything. You are a mama who is so deprived of sleep with an unsupportive DH and you feel like you need to do everything to perfection. Being a mama is the hardest job out there and you need support to do it. My DH is also not very supportive and it sucks. Just know that we are here for you. Sorry this is all jumbled! My mind is going in a 100 different direction right now!
Lots of hugs sweetie. You are definitely overwhelmed. I hope you get some "me time" soon. Maybe DH could take Drake and you could take a bath and read a book, or do something that relaxes you? It may help you tremendously.
Okay - here is my suggestion --- QUIT READING!!!!! Know that Drake is Drake and no one else... Drake is going to do what Drake does regardless of what the books or other mommies say...
If it turns out that Drake wakes up in the middle of the night because he is hungry - then feed him - you are the one living with him, not the experts, not the docs, not any one else... he is YOUR child and only YOU know your child... I would say take the ques from Drake and Drake only... Ignore what other people say (yep really hard for those Type A - my DH is this way)... but I think that if you and DH get on the same page for sure about just reading into baby Drake and yourselves that maybe it will help...
Also - realize that baby doesn't just make an extra step in your life it is an EXTRA HUGE STEP - normallcy is out the window - the way you used to do things - gone - and I know the Type A is not able to handle such change and chaos very well (my DH flips out)... but know that if you stop, take a deep breath, look around and say okay I will do this today and the rest can wait... and it can - it won't matter if a dish is put away today or tomorrow - there is only enough one person can handle and you honey have taken on about 5 -- add in what I am sure is some sleep deprevation which only hightens everything like 10 times...
Give yourself a break - you are doing a great job... Drake loves you - you are the best and only mommy for him... He doesn't care if the house is spotless or the toilet is scrubbed every Wednesday at this time - He feeds off of your emotions and when mommy and daddy are happy so is baby...
I hope that this helps...
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Melanie (me) - Thomas (DH) - Emmie (12-09-08) - Jackson (09-01-10)
Lucky & Booster - furbabies
Take a break if you can! Get a babysitter, friend, or family member to watch him. Then, take a nap! I think if you could get a little space for even just a couple of hours, you would feel better. I know, easier said than done. And I need to take some of my own advice.
I just wanted to say that I have a night baby, too, and my pediatrician does NOT expect her to sleep through the night. I'm not supposed to even entertain the thought! :-) So, if the dishes don't get done, or the laundry isn't put away, whatever. I've got more important things to do.
