x-posted from November 08
PR
I know I don't post a lot, but I just wanted to let you know........
It is with great sadness that I tell you that my little Elli will likely not survive. She suffered a head injury at home at about 8:10pm (central time). She was in cardiac arrest when the paramedics arrived. They revived her in the ambulance but she crashed again once she got to the hospital. They were able to revive her once again, but she is very, very, very sick. She was flown to Minneapolis Children's Hospital which is where Nate and I are at right now.
The news from the intensivist and the neurosurgeon is grim. Elli has a subdural bleed that covers a large portion of her brain. Although the bleeding pockets are not huge (like an egg pushing down on her brain), it covers a large surface area more like a blanket.
She is doing nothing on her own except keeping her heart beating. And even that, they are giving her adrenaline to keep it at a decent level. She is ventilated and not making a single effort at breathing. She has not been sedated at all, yet she shows no pain grimaces or other movements when they pinch her toes or try to inflict a bit of pain on her.
She is scheduled for another MRI at 7am (central) and we will know more then. They are not optimistic at all. Nate and I will probably have to make the hardest decision of our lives. But we will wait until bith sets of grandparents are with us. It just so happens that both of our parents were travelling this weekend. So his parents normal 4 hour drive will be about 9. And my parents normal 3 hour drive will be about 15.
Just please keep us in your thoughts and prayerss we navigate what the best thing is for Elli. I can't believe this is happening!! Please, please, pray.
UPDATE (12:05pm 6/26):
We will not be bringing home a live baby. Elli has 0% chance at survival. In order to legally declare her brain dead, we have to wait 24 hours and do repeat testing. But all of the physicians (4 of them) agree. She has absolutely no chance at living. So we don't think we are going to wait out the 24 hours...none of them think 24 hours will change anything anyway.
We are spending as much time as possible with her. Kissing her, rubbing her hair, touching her nose, stroking her eyebrows. We're just waiting for Nate's parents to arrive. Then we will also have to make the decision about whether or not to donate her organs. A large, large part of me wants to. I want to help other babies. But the selfish side of me wants to be able to hold my baby girl while she passes. I won't be able to hold her if she's in the OR.
We'll be having Now I lay Me Down to Sleep come take pictures of our last moments with our baby. We don't think we want to see the pictures right away, but we decided that we better have it done otherwise if there comes a day that we DO want to see the pics, we won't have them.
So that's where we stand. My sweet little Elli will soon become an angel.
UPDATE #2 (3:42am 6/27)
My sweet baby girl earned her Angel wings at 3:10pm on 6/26/11, in my loving arms with daddy laying his protective hands over her tiny body. She fought so hard and I am so proud of her. She was born on 9/13, and she will forever be 9 months and 13 days old.
I know a lot of people through JM and FB have been wondering what caused the head injury. And although I am tentative to write about it, because I don't want to scare anybody, I feel like it will answer *some* questions. For those who have been cross-posting to other boards, please copy and paste or link to this to let people know who may be wondering.
Bottom line...she should still be with us. It was just a normal fall from a standing position. All 29 inches of her. She had crawled over to my husband who was sitting on the couch. I was sitting on the floor holding Addi and Livi was sitting next to Nate on the couch. We were engaging in our normal bedtime routine with the big girls. Anyway, Elli pulled up to her knees using Nate's knees as assistance. So then Nate lifted her to her feet and was supporting her under her arms.
She saw a pair of bunny ears on the floor from Easter that the big girls still like to play with. So Nate supported her by the rib cage with his knees while he picked up the bunny ears to put on his head. He was wiggling them at Elli saying "honey, look at daddy. Look at daddy, baby" She reached up to grab them and slipped out from Nate's knees striking her head on the CARPETED and PADDED floor. We were both RIGHT THERE. It wasn't an accident where we stepped away for a second and something bad happened or she got into something. My husband was PLAYING with her and making her LAUGH!!!
I don't know why such a fall was so deadly. Kids fall backwards all the time (which is why I'm so afraid of writing this because I don't want to instill fear in anyone else). But it was like a 1 in a million fall. My older kids have taken worse tumbles than that and they're here, healthy and thriving.
I don't know if it was the way she arched her back to try to be able to reach as high as possible that caused her to fall backwards with her head being the first thing that hit instead of butt or shoulders or what.
That't it. A normal fall. From standing height. 29 inches. And it killed my baby. My world is forever changed.
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My Baby Elli (UPDATE 1st post)
I'm so, so sorry you are going through this! I can't imagine 
my siggy, Jaidynsmum, thank you!!
Thanks to Alethia for the awesome siggy!
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