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Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child

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  #1  
March 16th, 2005, 04:26 AM
dreaming_of_baby's Avatar cupcake monster
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Illinois
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WHo knows your trying to conceive? Have people tried to tell you you're to young?
No one knows I live with my parents right now and I really don't feel like dealing with them. I moving in with my boyfriend this summer, and hope to be expecting by then. My family are the kind of people who just have to spring stuff on them; if you try to tell them in advance they just try to condem you.
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  #2  
March 16th, 2005, 01:19 PM
oicyur's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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In my personal opinion being ready isn't always a matter of age. Someone who is relatively young could be just as ready, if not more, than someone in late 20's early 30's. It depends on the person and how they were raised. A lot of the time if the person is younger than you were when you got pregnant or married it is harder to swallow.
I am 20 yrs old. I got married last summer when I was 19. A lot of people gave me a hard time for being so young, but those who know me best knew that I was ready. Those same people aren't surprised that I'm TTC right now because they know me and know that I've been preparing for these times my entire life and I'm ready.
What I'm trying to get at is that age doesn't really matter, it's how ready physically, mentally, and financially you are. Depending on your personal situation I would listen to what your friends and loved ones have to say and then listen to your heart and pray about what would be best for you. Once you've come to an intelligent conclusion than go for it all the way and disregard the negative. It's important to be open-minded, but it's also important to make up your own mind.
Good luck with everything!
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  #3  
March 16th, 2005, 03:25 PM
~*kath*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Not everyone knows in my family. But its not the issue about them saying anything to me about it,, only my two sisters know. I know my family and they would be asking me all the time when the baby is coming, just ask too many questions about the whole situation and I think that would bother me too much. They already ask enough questions about when they're getting more babies in the family from us, I just don't want the pressure from them.
Nobody has told me I'm too young, probably because my one of my sisters had her first at 16, my brother had his first at 18, my other sister had her first at 21 and my SIL had her first when she was only 14. Not that our families encourage us to have them young, they just don't see it as a big deal for me when I am 20 to have a baby, because everyone else in our family turned out fine, married with the same person they had their first with, own their own houses, have careers etc (not that all that stuff is most important).
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  #4  
March 16th, 2005, 04:40 PM
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I like this topic, good one! I am 25 I will be 26 in august, my dh is 34. I just started a very high up position/career this past August. I wanted to be there a year so that I would get medical benefits/maternity leave. I lost my grandma who raised me and was my mother in December 2004. It left a void in me and made me realize that the "stuff" is not as important as people. I went off of the pill and had a lot of complications from a ruptured ovarian cyst. Our families know that I am having "problems" but not that we are trying. They want soverign control and it is not something that they should have a say in.

I also have a sister in law that is really nasty! She is getting married in April and is 30. She refers to me as so young, blah blah. She tries to compete with my husband and I. When she heard about my problems I told her that we were going to see what happens, and she responded by saying that's not such a great idea you are too young! SO, his parents do not know, my dad does not know but My Mom does. I can't wait to see the look on my sister in laws face! I have to get pregnant before april 30th!

Nicole
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  #5  
March 16th, 2005, 04:48 PM
~*kath*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Nicole--> good luck with getting pg before April 30th! haha I know what you mean about SIL.
I have been sensing that my SIL is getting competitive as well. This will be her second child that is due in may, and her and SO still aren't married, but they own their own house. Anyways shes always saying that they need to get married before us and before they bought their house recently she said they had to buy a house because she was older than us, therefore she needed to buy before us. I tend to ignore it though.
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  #6  
March 16th, 2005, 06:00 PM
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Wow! I'm glad I won't have a SIL! I'm getting married Nov. 23rd and my 20th bday is on May 4th. My fiance is 25 and has a good job in computers. He knows that I want to be a SAHM when we have kids and recently I've told him that I'd like to start TTC ASAP. My mother had me when she was 20 and she raised me on her own and when I was growing up we had really hard times and I was the oldest and had responisbilites that no one else could understand. My Future MIL always talks about not wanting my SO and I becoming poor but I know what it's like to be poor and she's always saying that what we have isn't good enough which is why really nobody likes her. I know if I were to tell my SO and his family I was pregnant they'd freak out but the only person I'm close to in my family is my mother and she would be very supportive because she lives with us and sees that we are really ok. Sometimes I feel like I'm on everybody elses schedule living my life the way everybody thinks I should be living. So when I feel like this is the time to start and everybody is telling me it's not I feel like a puppet.
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  #7  
March 16th, 2005, 07:06 PM
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Carzy Tempe lady-

I can relate to what you are going through, my mother in law and sister in law think that we should wait for who knows. I am 25 and my Dh is 34. We wanted to be done having kids before he is 40. We want 3, so we have to start now. I am the oldest of 4 children. I got a bum deal and always took care of my younger siblings and have been more of a mother to them than my own mother. I missed out on my childhood because I was taking care of them so my Mom could shop or do whatever. I yearned to have children and wanted to get married and settle down. Mainly because I never connected with my own mom and want to connect to my own children and make their childhood so much better than mine. I am telling you this so you understand that people have children for different reasons. I always thought that I could have children whenever I wanted. I decided to try in December after losing my Grandma (who basically was my Mom) and found out that mother nature was not so kind to me after all. If you and your husband want that I say go for it. On the other hand just having been through the newlywed phase the first year of marriage is hard! It is such an adjustment in itself. Enjoy your time together and make the decisions now before you get married. ANd have fun trying! Best wishes-

Nicole
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  #8  
March 16th, 2005, 07:14 PM
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KAT,

your sister in law sounds like mine! Mine is so competitive, and my husband really wants a baby first because his sister has been trying to compete with him forever and he is older. Hopefully it will happen this month! I would love it. I am slightly concerned about the chance for multiples. Who knows. Are you married yet? My best advice is do what you want to do! No one can tell you what is right for you! EVERYONE SEES ME AS A CAREER WOMAN----That is the furthest thing from what I am, I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mom, but part of it is I am not built that way and also because my DH is getting his business going and right now I am the bread winner. SOO does anyone else have this problem?

Nicole
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  #9  
March 17th, 2005, 03:20 AM
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Excellent topic girls! Well I am going throught a lot of the same things. I got married when I was 21 and everyone acted like we were to young DH was 24. My mom who I usually get along with great couldn't understand why I wanted to get married so young, but towards the end she was super supportive. Now we have been married for almost two years. I'm now 23 and DH is 26. We just recently started TTC and no one knows. Except for a cousin who is like a sister to me. When I become pregnant (which is hopefully this month) I plan to spring it on everyone. As you Nicole my family and my in-laws see me as a career women, which I am, BUT you can be both. Right now I'm going to school full time and work full time, but will graduate before I would be due with a child. I plan to graduate middle of december. My husband and I are ready for a little one. Right now we have an 8 mth old kitten and we treat him like our son. We are both so excited to become parents. My mother and MIL both got pregnant in high school so they feel I should be old before I bring children into our marriage. My mom won't even listen to me when I talk about us having children. She feels she was robbed of her childhood. I try to tell her that Joe (DH) and I have had our alone time with marriage and now we want a family. I do feel that the first year of marriage is challenging, but we built a house our first year and lived with the in-laws for a short time while that was taking place, but I feel we have had so much fun getting to know one another. I think that it is a really special time to have to yourselves, but everyone knows when they are ready for a baby.

I also have problems with my SIL. She is completely jealous of me and DH. It is so annoying. She has made so many stupid decisions in her life its almost funny. Considering she was married and got pregnant by another man and now is married to this man and she doesn't get along very well with this man so she decides to have a second baby thinking things would get better. Everyone knows that children don't always bring a marriage closer. They have filed bankruptcy and think that they should be able to spend money like water, then tell my husband and I that we have so much money why don't we give them a loan. We both have great jobs, work hard and were lucky enough to have a lot of money saved up to build our beautiful new home. Now she wants a new house and they don't have any money at all. Kind of a sad story. It is so hard to get along with her because she competes with us all the time. She has two girls and my husband wants a boy so bad so he can have the first boy. Kind of funny!! She acts like she wants us to have a baby, but in some ways it scares me because I don't want to have her be competitive with our children. And I know she will be. She uses her children all the time to her mom and dad. Claiming they better do this and that for the kids. Kind of sad!! BUT girls the good part is we learn from people like this. We learn not to be as crazy and rude as they are.

Baby dust to everyone!! And hopefully we all have BFP soon!!
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  #10  
March 17th, 2005, 04:48 AM
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HEHE sorry I want to stick my nose in here because we get this crap already! And it's worse because we have one baby. I have a 'friend' term is used VERY VERY loosely. When I had JUST had freja she told me it wasn't fair that I had a husband and she didn't and SHE should be the one with the husband and I should be the single mom.

NOW we're in the process of moving and she's started in on how UNFAIR it is and SHE should be the one to move away first so we should stay here. *rolls eyes*
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  #11  
March 17th, 2005, 06:40 AM
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No one but my best friend knows. We've hinted to people that we were contemplating on starting TTC in July after the weddng, but we haven't said for sure.

I think I don't want to tell people because I'll get the 'you need to be married and ALONE for a little while' speech. I don't want to listen to it, so I don't tell anyone. FH & I made up our minds, so that's what we're doing..
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  #12  
March 17th, 2005, 06:45 AM
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OHHHHH!!!! It is great to know that I am not alone! My sister in law is so jealous that she actually borrowed money from my inlaws (her parents) to buy a house that she cannot afford in the same area as us! She tells me how young I am, when I got my job she told her parents that I would probably make 40,000 and I make over 100,000. She puts me down, refers to me as so young, and it has built a lot of resentment. She was in our wedding as a bridesmaid, and in April I am doing a reading at hers! I am so glad that I don't have to wear a dress though, I am hoping that the clomid produces twins! I would love it! I want them more than anything! Babydust girls!

Nicole
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  #13  
March 17th, 2005, 06:47 AM
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Great posts Crystal and Nicole.

I know many women suffer from baby lust. My first and worst craving for a baby hit when I was 19. My husband and I were engaged at 17. We married when we were 22. We could have started having children early, but there was so much we both wanted to do. I wanted to finish college. We both wanted to become established in our careers and to buy a home. Not to mention we wanted children when we were both financially able to support them. We have been married five years and are now just considering having children. I do not regret the amount of time my husband and I got to know each other. I realize we waited a lot longer then most couples, but I think a couple needs a year or two where it is just the two of them. Just the joy of being together and creating a special bond. When baby comes along it is no longer just the two of you. Your time together is scarce, because there is another human being that needs your undivided attention. The one thing I will miss the most when we actually have a child(ren) is the alone time I have come to expect (and cherish) with my husband.

Dani
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  #14  
March 20th, 2005, 11:33 PM
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Dani~ I agree completely about spending that first year alone. I have enjoyed it more then anything. I thought after I finished my associates degree we would get married and have a baby. Then I started to realize I wouldn't be satisfied without my bachelor's degree and decided to hold off on the children part. I have not regretted a minute of it. We just started TTC and I plan on graduating in dec. Hopefully I will be due in dec. My husband and I both work nights right now and I have to say we spend almost every waking moment (except work time) together and I think it has been so wonderful just us. We know everything about eachother and think it will only make our bond even stronger when we have children. We have been through a lot and feel like we could tackle any situation together. For example. When my husband and I got married, built our house I brought my cat with us. She was 5 yrs old. My husband having grown up on a farm didn't care of cats, but grew to love her as much as me. And I treat my animals like children. We both were VERY attached to her. She started to get sick this last summer where she was throwing up almost every day, then in August she quit eating. I noticed one day before I went to work at 6p.m. that she looked jaundice. I told my husband who agreed. That night I went on the internet and read that she could have fatty liver disease which is caused from a cat not eating. We took her to the vet that morning and I was right she had to stay for 3 days. They inserted a tube in her jaw that ran to her stomach, my husband and I had to tube feed her 5 times a day. I had to work so My husband picked her up from the vet and couldn't believe how sad it looked. She looked so rough I can't even explain it. At first site it made you cry. Well over the course of the next couple of days of tube feeding she didn't look any better. One morning after a 12 hour shift, I came home in the morning to tube feed her and she threw up all over, including throwing up the tube. I had to rush her back to the vet for them to put the tube back in her stomach. She did this again another two days later. Things were getting rough because of working 12 hour nights and getting up every two hours to feed her. Then on Labor day weekend we were supposed to go up North, but with this going on I didn't want to leave her. I made my husband go because it didn't pay for us both to be home. He figured he would go for a day or two and then come home. It was his grandma and grandpa's cabin and they get mad if you change your mind and don't go. Well he left on thursday and everything was fine. Then on friday morning she threw up her tube again. I called the vet to let them know I was coming in, then called my husband crying my eyes out. I told him I knew they were going to tell me that I had to put her to rest because she wasn't getting any better. My husband told me I was nuts and to take her in and then we would schedule an appointment at another vet clinic that specializes in this sort of thing. They were located 3 hours away and they would put the tube in the stomach instead so she couldn't throw it up. I still cried all the way there because I just had that feeling(Espeically because my dad had to be put to sleep exactly one year that day of old age) . Even though hubby told me I was nuts. He knew she would make it. Well I took her to the vet and they were going to put the tube back in so they took her back, and then the vet came back out and I knew just by looking at her what they were going to tell me. I started to cry my eyes out before she said anything. She couldn't believe I knew what she was going to say. I had to make the decision to put her to rest, she was getting worse when they ran tests instead of better. I got to say good bye and then I had to take her home in a box. Talk about one of the saddest days of my life. I called my husband right away and he couldn't believe it. He was going to come home over 3 1/2 hours but I wouldn't let him. Most people thought we were nuts, it was a cat, but no one could understand she was our child. It was rough because my mom came over (even though she has always hated animals) to help me bury my cat, she was even crying. Then my MIL pulled in the yard and I had to tell her what happened. My MIL has a dad that they take everywhere and they love like I loved my cat and she actually said to my mom something about it's a cat. I ended up riding up north with my MIL and FIL to see my husband and they kept acting like it was a cat and not a dog so why do i care. It's funny how insensitive people can be. About a month later my husband and I decided to get another cat. We searched everywhere. We wanted one that looked like her. Well I searched the Humane society web sites and found on that was about 2 hours away from our house. My dad took me to go look at it because my husband was at work. I came home with him. Now my husband and me treat this one like our child. He rarely stays home alone. He loves car rides adn we take him to my parents and my in-laws house. My husband tells me we are ready for children because we have so much love to give. I can't wait for that time. Hopefully it comes sooner then later. Sorry for going on and on about something that some of you won't care about!! LOTS OF Baby dust to everyone!!
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Talon Joseph Born: December 17, 2005 8 pounds 2 oz.
Kaylee Jo Born: December 6, 2006 7 pounds 11 oz.
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  #15  
March 21st, 2005, 11:53 PM
Beccaboo's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That is so sad Crystal, but some people just don't care because it's not their animal that it happened too.. I bet if something happened to an animal of theirs they wouldn't have the "I don't care" attitude!
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