Log In Sign Up

Back...


Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Trying to Conceive Your First Child LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
November 18th, 2011, 10:33 AM
Lav's Avatar
Lav Lav is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cape Cod
Posts: 2,215
Hi TTC #1 girls,

guess I'm back to join you. I learned Tuesday night that I'm miscarrying. My little baby was about 9 weeks old and had a beating heart, which DH and I saw go at 159 bpm just a little over a week earlier.

I'm so devastated I feel like I'll never stop crying. I can't motivate myself to do anything but sit around and stare into nothingness. I'm not much hungry these days but force myself to eat anyway. Yesterday night I didn't even feel like having ice cream - and usually I can hardly go a night without.

Last night I got heavy cramps, so bad I thought someone was fishing around inside me with a knife. When I went to the toilet, with a feeling as if I needed to move my bowels, after a while I felt like water rushing out of my vagina for 2 seconds. After that something came out of there that made me feel like having diarrhea from the wrong hole. And then there was a huge piece of something - I'm guessing tissue. I saved it, cuz my doctor asked me to save a sample of the tissue I may find. I bled like crazy then, dripping all over the place. But the pain was gone for the most part after the water and other stuff had come out. Today I don't bleed much. But the emotional pain just won't subside.
I feel like I lost a part of myself
__________________
Elli's journal



my little love bug Savina Celestiale arrived 10/16/12 measuring 6lb 5oz, 20 inches
Reply With Quote
  #2  
November 18th, 2011, 10:49 AM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,267
I am so very sorry. I know there's nothing that anyone can say to take away your pain, but I do hope that time will help you to heal, both emotionally and physically. We're all here to support you and listen. I just wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.

I would also like to suggest that you introduce yourself on the TTC After Loss board. Just know that there is a whole community of women who have gone through what you're going through now, so please don't feel like you're alone.

__________________


Thanks, *Kiliki*, for the perfect siggy!


Click here to read Jack's baby journal.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
November 18th, 2011, 11:01 AM
KatieKat's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,570
I am so so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking. You are in my thoughts, sending lots of healing your way.
__________________

~thanks to Jaidynsmum for my perfect siggy!~


Reply With Quote
  #4  
November 18th, 2011, 11:29 AM
JandJC's Avatar #2 due in April!
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Chicago Area
Posts: 2,277
We welcome you with open arms and are here to support you XO. I am so sorry to hear this. Feel free to vent it out everyday, it always makes me feel better to put things in writing!
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #5  
November 18th, 2011, 11:53 AM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
my heart goes out to you. I am so so so very sorry. I know nothing any of us here can say can take away the pain.
anyways.
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
Reply With Quote
  #6  
November 18th, 2011, 11:55 AM
Lav's Avatar
Lav Lav is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cape Cod
Posts: 2,215
Thank you so much. I just came from the doctor who is covering for my gyn. I described last night's events to him. He said I passed everything. Whatever a D&C would have done, I already did it. He then examined me and said there is not much more blood, the cervix is closed and the uterus is normal size. He said I should wait through one regular menstruation and then I could try again to get pregnant. I will probably grieve for yet a long long time, but I'm truly glad that he thinks I can try again after just one cycle.
__________________
Elli's journal



my little love bug Savina Celestiale arrived 10/16/12 measuring 6lb 5oz, 20 inches
Reply With Quote
  #7  
November 18th, 2011, 12:33 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,267
I am at least glad to hear that you passed everything naturally. That will certainly help your body to heal more quickly. When you are ready to try again, we're all going to be here to cheer you on. I hope you'll feel like you can post anytime... at whatever pace you decide.

__________________


Thanks, *Kiliki*, for the perfect siggy!


Click here to read Jack's baby journal.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
November 18th, 2011, 12:58 PM
Lav's Avatar
Lav Lav is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cape Cod
Posts: 2,215
Thank you Junie,

I took your advice and posted in the TTC after loss board too. It does help, although it plays on my heart strings. I think that letting the tears out helps healing though. At least that's what I've always believed.
__________________
Elli's journal



my little love bug Savina Celestiale arrived 10/16/12 measuring 6lb 5oz, 20 inches
Reply With Quote
  #9  
November 18th, 2011, 01:21 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lav View Post
Thank you Junie,

I took your advice and posted in the TTC after loss board too. It does help, although it plays on my heart strings. I think that letting the tears out helps healing though. At least that's what I've always believed.
You should let yourself cry all you want! I had a very early loss a couple of cycles ago, less than 5 weeks into the pregnancy. Even though I logically knew that it happens all the time, it still hurt a lot. And even though I logically knew that it could have been a lot worse, happened a lot later, it still hurt a lot. It's hard for every woman that goes through it, but it's especially difficult when it's your very first pregnancy.

I'd like to suggest that you find a way to memorialize your baby. It could be simple, like buying a special ornament for your Christmas tree. Or you could plant a tree. A lot of women name their baby. I know that each passing day will help you little by little, but you'll never completely get over the loss. And you shouldn't. But you should grieve as long as you want. And, yes, crying is incredibly therapeutic. So get it all out, as much as you need.
__________________


Thanks, *Kiliki*, for the perfect siggy!


Click here to read Jack's baby journal.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
November 18th, 2011, 04:21 PM
LWiegel's Avatar Lauren *Expecting #1!*
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 812
I am truly sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. I went through the same thing twice this year. It hurts so badly and you feel alone because it was your body. I found this website right before the second time and it helps so much. It really helped to talk to other women you have gone through the same thing. But yes, crying helps too. I wish you the best of luck with everything and if you need to talk you can always find someone here!
__________________



Lauren's Pregnancy Journal.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
November 18th, 2011, 09:51 PM
SabrinaH's Avatar Pregnant with #1!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,147
I am so sorry for your loss.
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #12  
November 21st, 2011, 12:58 PM
Lav's Avatar
Lav Lav is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cape Cod
Posts: 2,215
Hi,

thank you all so much. I woke up Saturday morning and my eyes began to tear. I just wanted to cry again. Then the rest of the day and Sunday I was fine. Today I get fits of crying again. I just want this to stop. The blood is just another constant reminder of what happened.

Junie, I find it a little bit hard to name my baby without knowing its gender. But what I did was, I had a pregnancy journal - a nice hardcover book with the relief of a mother holding her child. I started it when I found out I was pregnant, to leave it to my child once I'm gone. In that journal I wrote my special goodbyes to my lost baby and I will continue it for my future child, when I get pregnant again.

I remember once, many years ago when I had bad depressions, one day I just started crying without any specific reason. I didn't know why I was crying in the least, but I cried so hard, I sunk to the ground and just wept and wept. And when it was over, I was surprised at how good I felt. It's always so amazing when you get feelings and experiences completely new to you.

Again, thank you all very much. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible a second miscarriage must be, and I pray to god that this won't happen to me. I think I would break down completely. I'm really not that strong emotionally/mentally.

Now, the last two days I've been having some pain when pushing on the toilet, or even when I'm not on the toilet. Sometimes I feel it when I walk. I can feel the pain when I press my lower abdomen, or when I move in a certain way, or even when I blow my nose. Just sitting on the toilet letting things flow out without any pressure is painful. It's not a cramp-style pain but more like a stabbing pain, located very low, and it seems to be stronger when my bladder and/or bowels are filling up. I called my gyn. She said she'd like me to do an ultrasound before I see her on Wednesday, to make sure I don't need a D&C. I can't believe that there is still any tissue left. The doctor I saw Friday (he examined me then) said the uterus was normal size, the cervix was closed, and all looked good, and according to what I told him about Thursday night I had passed everything.
I really just hope there is nothing left. I don't think I can go through any more of this. It's hard enough as it is but to constantly be reminded by pain and blood makes it so much harder.
__________________
Elli's journal



my little love bug Savina Celestiale arrived 10/16/12 measuring 6lb 5oz, 20 inches
Reply With Quote
  #13  
November 21st, 2011, 01:05 PM
Mom2JDub's Avatar (formerly junie22)
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 11,267
How very beautiful, that you've kept the journal. What a great form of catharsis for you and such a wonderful way to memorialize your little one.

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that your ultrasound reveals that everything has passed naturally. I can imagine that it makes the closure process that much more difficult when your body doesn't seem to be cooperating the way you'd like.

Definitely keep us posted on your appointment and everything else. My heart goes out to you, and I just wish I could give you a gigantic hug.
__________________


Thanks, *Kiliki*, for the perfect siggy!


Click here to read Jack's baby journal.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
November 21st, 2011, 02:24 PM
jojo2bee's Avatar Matthew's Mommy!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Denver, Colorado
Posts: 2,386
I am so sorry to hear that! Were all her for you!
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #15  
November 21st, 2011, 04:52 PM
MillerMom2b's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Cape Cod, Mass
Posts: 270
Im so sorry for your loss. I went through something very similar and it took me a while to stop crying. It helps that there are ladies here to talk to. I agree with Adrienne on the memorial. We are all here for you.
__________________

Thank You Claire1979 for by beautiful Siggy!




Reply With Quote
  #16  
November 21st, 2011, 07:26 PM
Wizza's Avatar TTC our first since 2009
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,929
I'm so sorry for you loss and am hoping you don't need a D&C.
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #17  
December 1st, 2011, 11:40 AM
Lav's Avatar
Lav Lav is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cape Cod
Posts: 2,215
Hello ladies,

I've been absent for a little while. I saw the doctor since the last time I posted here, and I had the ultrasound. It looked like some tissue from the placenta was still left in my uterus. The doctor wants to watch it for a month. I'll have another ultrasound on the 21st and a doctor's appointment on the 29th. If that leftover isn't gone by then, she will probably have me get a D&C
I really hope it'll be gone. I remember something coming out, but I can't remember if it was before or after the ultrasound - I really hope it was after, because that could mean that it was the rest of the tissue.
I stopped bleeding a couple days ago and feel completely normal physically now. I wish I'd get my AF soon, so I can try to get pregnant again! I want that baby so bad.
__________________
Elli's journal



my little love bug Savina Celestiale arrived 10/16/12 measuring 6lb 5oz, 20 inches
Reply With Quote
  #18  
December 1st, 2011, 12:52 PM
Mrs.Paradise's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Utah
Posts: 6,340
Im just now seeing this... Im soooooooooo sorry for your loss... Im just heart broken reading this! I have never gone through what you have and it just breaks my heart! HUGE SUPER DUPER FREAKING BIG FAT GIANT MONSTER HOOKER FANGBANGER I TRULY hope you get your STICKY bean soon!
__________________
[url=http://lilypie.com]
Reply With Quote
  #19  
December 1st, 2011, 12:57 PM
Lav's Avatar
Lav Lav is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cape Cod
Posts: 2,215
Thanks so much Mrs.Paradise. That actually made me smile
__________________
Elli's journal



my little love bug Savina Celestiale arrived 10/16/12 measuring 6lb 5oz, 20 inches
Reply With Quote
  #20  
December 1st, 2011, 04:40 PM
missa3428's Avatar TTC#1 I want 2 b a MOMMY
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Henderson, NV
Posts: 1,256
I'm sorry sweetie! I hope talking to the ladies in ttc after a loss will help. I hope things get better with time.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:01 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0