[HopeTea]

I hate to post about good news only to have to follow it with bad news so soon after, but...

The Bad
On the evening of the 2nd, I started to bleed. It was about the amount of a "medium" period for me, but was only when I wiped. I went to bed hoping this was just more spotting, and that it wouldn't be there the next day. I started having painful cramps that kept me up for a good part of the night, but I didn't think I was bleeding. Got up in the morning pretty much soaked in blood, and have been bleeding ever since. It's heavier than any period I've had (I have fairly light periods), and I'm even passing clots. Most are small, but some are about the size of a dime. The painful cramping has stopped, and I only feel a kind of tightness in my uterus off and on. Hard to describe it really. Anyway, at this point I understand I'm having an early miscarriage. The first day of heavy bleeding I realized this, and was gutted. Aside from the bleeding, today I had a pretty significant temperature drop. My symptoms have also been fading since about the day before the bleeding started.

The "Good"
I tried to be strong and remind myself that early miscarriage are a sign of a fatal error and that the baby wouldn't be able to survive no matter what I did. Then I tried thinking of the whole thing as a heavy period instead of a miscarriage, and that helped a lot. DH has also been very supportive (even going out to buy bags of giant pads and cleaning the bathroom rug I keep bleeding on - how is that even happening?!)

I have always been a very optimistic person (at least when not under the influence of out of control hormones). I have had quite a few rough spots in my life, and I tend to be the type to just assume it will all be OK no matter what. We are definitely disappointed, but we know it wasn't anything we did wrong, and we are eager to try again as soon as we can (after the bleeding stops and we get a BFN).

The...Strange?
I know this is in no way connected to my miscarriage, but I thought about it yesterday. The day after the disaster here in Japan, I started bleeding. I had already gone through my period maybe a week or two before, but it started again from stress. It went on for about two weeks before it finally stopped. On January 1 of this year, we had another quake. Not nearly as big as the ones we had with the disaster of course, but the biggest one we'd had in awhile (I think it was a M. 7.0 and occurred about 140 miles from us). Then my miscarriage started the next day. Like I said, I am not suggesting it's connected at all, it just crossed my mind and made me remember that time in my life.

I think I've mentioned this in my journal or another post, but it was a few months after the disaster was when DH and I first started talking about TTC. That kind of experience really makes you re-evaluate your life and what you want out of it, and I guess it made us realize how ready we were. And now, just like after the disaster, we have to stay strong and keep hold of our optimism and hope for the future. Not that there's even a comparison, but remembering all the emotions, and all of the destruction and death that occurred here in Japan, it reminds me just how lucky we are, even now.

Some day, soon enough, we will bring a beautiful baby into the world!

[JennyLee]

So sorry for your loss Sounds like you are doing pretty well dealing with it, and I hope you bounce back quickly, both physically and emotionally.

[Belita]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt at peace at first with my loss, but then it started to hit me and I became devastated. Feel free to join the TTC After Loss board. The women there are great.

I'm glad you're feeling positive, but if you need to talk feel free to PM me.

[junie22]

Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry to hear this. My first pregnancy ended in an early loss, too. It's a terrible thing to endure, but I really admire your attitude. You sound a lot like me after my loss, and I think that mindset will really help you through this trial in your life.

Sending you tons of healing vibes. I wish you a sticky BFP as soon as you're ready to try again.

[IndyMommyWannabe]

Oh Jack. I just want to say how incredibly sorry I am for your loss. Hopefully you will heal soon enough and get your sticky bfp.

[HopeTea]

Thanks so much to all of you. It really means a lot to me.

[Wizza]

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope to see you get your sticky bfp soon.

[KatieKat]

I'm so sorry to read this Jack . Sending lots of healing thoughts your way!

[Nicholle ttc]

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss! You have such a great attitude and spirit. I hope that you will be able to try again soon and that your next BFP ends up with a beautiful baby after a H&H 9 months.

[kbpeanut]

HI Jack. I am so very sorry for your loss. I suffered a loss last year as well, and I can relate to the feelings you are having. You have a good mindset to realize that the loss happened for a reason...hoping that is helping you through this difficult time. Hang in there!

[SammyJ]

So sorry for what you are going through right now, but I do have to say your attitude about everything is truly inspiring in light of it all. Hang in there! I really hope you get your sticky BFP soon!

[dansyl]

I'm so sorry, honey. A lot of us have when through a loss, including myself, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I'm glad you have such a good attitude. It will happen for you. :hugs:

[HopeTea]

Thanks again, ladies. I appreciate the messages so much!

[JandJC]

Just wanted you to know how much I admire your outlook. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Stay strong and we are all here for you!