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But what will WE teach ours???


Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child

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  • 1 Post By butterfly721

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  #1  
March 28th, 2013, 07:18 PM
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When DH has a 1/2 day at school and I'm not subbing, I usually go for the whole day... teach my speech class (which is a whole 30 minutes long) and then help where I can.

At the start of class though, a young man stuck his head into the room and I told him that he needed to go back to his class. He mouthed off to me and turned around. Well, I wasn't letting THAT go. I caught him in the hallway and told him that was an unacceptable way to speak to a teacher. He responded with even more disrespectful words and rude actions.

To make a long story short, he and I had a nice long chat with the superintendent about respect and then we spent a nice half hour together in detention at 1:00 (when we both wanted to just go home)! //End Rant.

I'm over this situation now. He apologized to me, I accepted, we're gonna be ok. But it doesn't change the fact that this young man doesn't respect most of his teachers, and has even LESS respect for women teachers. And fellow female students.

He's not the only student who I've seen this trait in, and it saddens me to no end.

So I pose this question to you... What will you teach your little boy or little girl to make sure they grow up to be a kind, caring adult??

I will make sure that if I have a son, he will know that women are to be treated with every ounce of respect and kindness. I will make sure any daughter's of mine know that a man who doesn't treat her like his equal is not worth her time. And I will make sure they all know that PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE and deserve to be treated with respect no matter who they are, what they believe in, or how they are treating you.
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  #2  
March 28th, 2013, 07:55 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I could go on and on about this... but let's just put it simply Sass, back talking, poor attitude etc are not tolerated in this house and are all punishable offenses.

Reme loves his teacher... gives her VERY little sass. So we tell him he talks to everyone the way he would her. That gets through to him.

A personality disorder runs through DH's family, It comes from his mom's side. Our goal is to not need to medicate our children to have them be respectful. that might mean they live a very boring life (ask Reme, who's current in trouble for back talking and eye rolling). My mom has a hard butt on two of her 3 kids... guess which two grew up respectful. She kinda gave up on the 3rd. LOL
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  #3  
March 28th, 2013, 09:35 PM
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The problem is kids are allowed to get away with it at a very young age and parents don't follow through on their threat of 'listen or else'.... Where I am from it's not just a matter of getting grounded...the kid will get spanked and no love tap either...NOT TALKING ABUSE HERE..THERE IS A DIFFERENCE....and then grounded too.....when I set curfew for my nephew and he says 'uughh why 10?' then we say 'oh, did I say 10 it just went to 9:45... do you have anything else to say'.........

We're strict and he know he can't get away with stuff and my phones rings constantly and its him saying can I come stay with you this weekend.... he knows we love him, say what we say because we want whats best and he knows he needs discipline too...kids need boundaries............
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Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
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Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
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  #4  
March 28th, 2013, 09:47 PM
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This is just my opinion, but I think that a lot of this disrespect stems from poor communication skills.

A lot of kids simply don't know how to communicate. When I hear teenagers talk, it's like they are talking in "text speak." They don't even realize that they aren't making sense.

Plus, it's a lot easier to be disrespectful when you aren't face to face with someone, like over the internet or through text messaging. This disrespect naturally bleeds over into face to face communications because it's so easy to get away with on-line. I think kids honestly feel it should be okay in real life, too.

I don't mean to turn this into a rant on kids-and-the-internet, but it always irritates me when younger people act like a time never existed before cell phones and the internet. I'm 29, and I can CLEARLY remember when no one had the internet or a cell phone. It also was not all that long ago that text messaging didn't exist.
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  #5  
March 28th, 2013, 09:56 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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my mom only had to threaten us with a spanking...

Reme is getting Sassy so we're having to really work hard at making him see it's not ok. Of course it doesn't help that my Niece is HORRIBLE when it comes to Sass and no one does a thing about it.... and guess who Reme loves more than anyone else in the world? Yup, her. It's probably a good thing they see each other rarely... or we'd have more trouble on our hands.

We've started with not accepting his apologies. He's been ingrained that if he's in trouble, to say sorry and it gets him off. Well... we no longer take it. If he breaks something, then looks at me and says I'm sorry. I point blank say "no you're not, now you've broken something and lied to me. Room." He will cry, want to go home etc... but when his mom does it.. he cries and wants to come here. LOL

I'm not really big on fake apologies. If I punch my brother, I'm not sorry I did it. If I was, I wouldn't have done it in the first place. We plan on implementing punishment instead of forced apologies. Oh, you punched your brother? Go see if he is ok, and then go to your room while we decide your punishment. A friend has a shirt for her kids "I hurt my brother, I'm not sorry I did it, but I sure am in trouble!" After a few times having to wear the shirt in public/school... the kids stopped fighting. If the child is genuinely sorry they did it (ie doing something that might not be a big deal, but the child cries and then the child feels remorse) they may apologize, but they will still have to deal with the consequences.

Reme just gets a time out for every backtalk or eyeroll. He has a habit of making faces at us when we are having serious talks. He spent 45 minutes in his room one day... 5 minutes for each time he did it... When he's a bit older, he will have to write lines... by hand.
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  #6  
March 28th, 2013, 09:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly721 View Post
This is just my opinion, but I think that a lot of this disrespect stems from poor communication skills.

A lot of kids simply don't know how to communicate. When I hear teenagers talk, it's like they are talking in "text speak." They don't even realize that they aren't making sense.

Plus, it's a lot easier to be disrespectful when you aren't face to face with someone, like over the internet or through text messaging. This disrespect naturally bleeds over into face to face communications because it's so easy to get away with on-line. I think kids honestly feel it should be okay in real life, too.

I don't mean to turn this into a rant on kids-and-the-internet, but it always irritates me when younger people act like a time never existed before cell phones and the internet. I'm 29, and I can CLEARLY remember when no one had the internet or a cell phone. It also was not all that long ago that text messaging didn't exist.
Agreed1 I Say too much time on the 'gadgets' make for poor social skills!
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Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
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  #7  
March 28th, 2013, 10:19 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly721 View Post
This is just my opinion, but I think that a lot of this disrespect stems from poor communication skills.

A lot of kids simply don't know how to communicate. When I hear teenagers talk, it's like they are talking in "text speak." They don't even realize that they aren't making sense.

Plus, it's a lot easier to be disrespectful when you aren't face to face with someone, like over the internet or through text messaging. This disrespect naturally bleeds over into face to face communications because it's so easy to get away with on-line. I think kids honestly feel it should be okay in real life, too.

I don't mean to turn this into a rant on kids-and-the-internet, but it always irritates me when younger people act like a time never existed before cell phones and the internet. I'm 29, and I can CLEARLY remember when no one had the internet or a cell phone. It also was not all that long ago that text messaging didn't exist.
Totally agree. texting really has only become super popular in the last 3/4 of a decade.

My brother's are bad for the text speak. I mean, I am too... in a text message that's approaching 160 characters and I only want to send one message. Outside that, I'm a fully sentence person. Always have been. I won't even answer a text that's in complete text speak, even if I can understand what it says.

And Reme, and other kids, WILL be required to speak English (or any other true language of their choice) in texts, IM's and emails. We were talking about this the other night, the kid will never have privacy. LOL. We will be checking everything. We won't be reading it, but if at a glance we see nothing but textspeak... he loses privileges. We also don't allow phonetic spelling, even though it is something we know he will be taught in school... they had it put in his IEP, poor kid can barely read and write, don't confuse him!


Something I've noticed as well... and this is not a dig at working moms... but irl most of the kids I know who are horrible with their attitudes.. are either latch key or day care kids. Their parents aren't home enough to deal with them like they should be dealt with. That or those specific parents just don't give a rats heiney... which is also entirely possible. My mom was all up in our space, all the time... we didn't get away with ANYTHING.

Hell, I'm 29 and my mom would still give me a smack if she felt I was out of line. Or she would try.
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Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
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Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
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  #8  
March 29th, 2013, 12:35 AM
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DH and I are both middle school teachers do we come home with stories that make each other cringe. I can sympathize with you because I know exactly how you probably felt in that situation (and side note- kudos for getting the superintendent involved, our hasn't come around sice August!)

We feel like, because we do see what's going on at the middle school age now, were going to be very "involved" in our child's school experience and their actions. As far as behavior, ESP if we have a boy, my DH is an awesome example of respecting women (i.e. he gets upset with me when I open the door for myself) so I feel like we won't have to do much "teaching", our child will just lead by example... Or at least I hope.

It's scary nowadays! The world is changing and those kiddos are changing faster. Good thing we're going to have parents like y'all!
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  #9  
March 29th, 2013, 04:48 AM
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Good topic! I think we will teach respect. There used to be a lot of chivalry in the south with men opening doors for women and such. It's nice, but I do tend to fall toward the women's lib movement where I'm just another person.

I am pretty competitive and when I ride I join up with the women to race our boys and we call ourselves the girl power bad @sses. So raising a girl would be about holding her own in a world of men and raising a boy would be about showing respect.

While my parents were authoritative I don't see myself in that way. I am strict. The kids for whom I babysit know not to mess with me. I've started watching a particular toddler who is sassy and he has been put in timeout for being nasty and for giving me sass. I always try to label the offense. It's never that he is a bad kid, but rather his actions are bad. With kids it is about finding out what punishment sinks in to them. Ignoring him and putting him in the time out chair works very well for him.

Also, I have read a lot of parenting books while babysitting. And I think with anything it has to be about consistency. If I say "child, if you touch those glasses on the counter again then it's a time out for not listening and obeying me" then you better believe I'm following through with timeout of he touches the glasses again. End of story. That was the rule.

Kids DO want consistency and boundaries. I agree 100%.
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  #10  
March 29th, 2013, 09:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post

Something I've noticed as well... and this is not a dig at working moms... but irl most of the kids I know who are horrible with their attitudes.. are either latch key or day care kids. Their parents aren't home enough to deal with them like they should be dealt with. That or those specific parents just don't give a rats heiney... which is also entirely possible. My mom was all up in our space, all the time... we didn't get away with ANYTHING.

Hell, I'm 29 and my mom would still give me a smack if she felt I was out of line. Or she would try.
Ditto above...LET ME REPEAT no disrespect what so ever to working moms!! But this was the BIGGEST factor/reason I would give to people when they asked why my DH and I didn't have kids........so as you know we've been married 16 years almost..... well I never wanted to give my kid to someone else every day and get him/her back at the end of the day in time to bathe and put to bed...I used to tell people my kid will be learning other peoples rules etc. Not mine.. And I have observed that kids who spent their days at a baby sitter or worse yet their time split between several people like 2 days at this grandma and a day at this babysitter and a day with this other family member or friend was not as well behaved as most kids who were with their STHM...so people used to say have your mom keep the kid for you...and I said so I just have a kid expecting my mother will be tied down everyday...no, she brought up me and my brother I can expect she will just automatically be my baby sitter!! Of course I'm sure I'll have to beat her away with a bat once I have a kid but you know where I'm coming from.................anyway I am in a position with my work where I can work from home a lot and not tied to a 9-5 job in a shop or work place so to speak....I work full time but I can set my schedule a work to my own specs a lot of the time, so I feel better about it......

Always told my working friends no disrespect to them what so ever for working and having kids since I know that it takes 2 people to make ends meet these days and if you want kids you have to do what you have to do........

So that was a little off topic but it boils back down to being consistent and I find too many babysitters have different rules and some people don't follow thru...

oh here's one to try... we have made our nephew set his own punishment...once we knew that he knew what he did was wrong we'd say now what do you think your punishment should be, and if we satisfied with what he said we'd say well you just set your own punishment....

Our nephew told a few lies to get out of trouble over Christmas and I made him write 20 scriptures out of the Bible condemning lying!
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Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
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  #11  
March 29th, 2013, 09:31 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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^^Reme gets the shuffle. L works, so he's either with us, with his step dad, or his grandparents. L, M, DH and I are pretty much on the same page. We've worked hard to get a semi equal dynamic for him. His grandparents? pfft... They take full grandparents spoiling rights. Drives me INSANE. My grandmother spoiled me, but she NEVER went against what my mother said was the law unless my mother was being unreasonable...

But we hear a lot "Nanny would let me have it/do it/watch it/eat it." I'm not very nice when I hear that... I asked him the other day if Nanny let him play with a loaded gun would it be ok? He told me yes.....

I've already told DH.. since I don't get along with my inlaws as it is. They either follow MY rules and spoil within them, or they will not get to see the kid. I won't be played. DH bet me a month of sex twice a day that my rules go out the window in the first 10 minutes at his parents house and we never have to go there again.
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Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
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  #12  
March 29th, 2013, 03:36 PM
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We will teach respect and to be polite: please, thank you, yes ma'am/ sir, no m'am/ no sir. We will teach a son to respect women to to open doors and pull out chairs and that women are to be cherished. We will teach a daughter that guys should treat her with respect and speak kindly to her. I also and pretty strict. I do not take sass or bad behavior especially in public.
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  #13  
April 7th, 2013, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by left_field View Post
The problem is kids are allowed to get away with it at a very young age and parents don't follow through on their threat of 'listen or else'.... Where I am from it's not just a matter of getting grounded...the kid will get spanked and no love tap either...NOT TALKING ABUSE HERE..THERE IS A DIFFERENCE....and then grounded too.....when I set curfew for my nephew and he says 'uughh why 10?' then we say 'oh, did I say 10 it just went to 9:45... do you have anything else to say'.........
Same with us. When we say we mean it, they know they are up for a spanking if they don't listen. Sometimes if we promise a spanking and forget they will even remind us!
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