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Seeing DH only on weekends for 10 months :(


Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child

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  • 2 Post By plan4fate
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  #1  
July 23rd, 2013, 08:53 AM
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DH just got a new job 2 hours away - while this is wonderful because he is so happy, it's really going to create a lot of issues. I want to stay at my current job through June since it will be harder to find a job where we are moving. He is going to rent an apt close to his new job so he's moving in a couple weeks. We're going to try to sell our house and then I'm going to live with my parents (who live near my work) until I finish in June. Absolute craziness. If I don't get pg this month or next month, I feel like we're out of luck till June. On the other hand, if one of these two cycles works, it's going to be awful being apart from DH for pretty much the entire pregnancy. This is so much to deal with...I'm a mess! I know we'll get pg when the time is right, but I feel like there is not going to be a right time at all.
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  #2  
July 23rd, 2013, 09:12 AM
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Wow! That is intense! Your a brave lady I could never and would never do that. I am too stubborn and DH doesn't want to miss anything with our 1st one. I really hope it all works out for you. Big hugs to you!
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  #3  
July 23rd, 2013, 09:31 AM
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I have been stubborn for the past two years, but I can't deal with him being depressed about hating his job anymore. I've just finally reached my breaking point.
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  #4  
July 23rd, 2013, 09:39 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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*hugs*

This is the life I've been living since March, and lived last fall. My husband works heavy construction, which means contract jobs all over the midwest. I traveled with him at first... Ohio, Indiana, Ohio.. then I stayed home for Indiana, Indiana, Wisconsin. Well now he's 2 hours away and after having only seen him a handful of times since March we said screw it and I'm moving us down there next week.

Really consider, truly consider.. if the job (your job) is worth the separation. We thought it would be, but it sent us both into a depression that made life hell. Got better once I quit mine, but won't be fully better until I get down there.

I will be very honest. I am a 2nd wife. His 1st has been very very honest that one of the things that led to their divorce (there were many) was him being away so much... anywhere from 6-9m a year. They had a small child and she worked... and it drove them apart. After just a few months apart... I can see exactly why (since I do his share of the parenting plan while he's away). I am grateful for her honesty, because it makes me less stubborn about the situation.
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  #5  
July 23rd, 2013, 09:52 AM
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Thanks so much for your advice, plan4fate. I'm sorry you've had to go through the same thing. Maybe I'll regret this later, but right now not having closure with my job and saying goodbye to my students would just kill me and I'm afraid I would feel resentful toward DH about it if it happened that way. I teach elementary music, so I've had the same students for a year up to 4 years. Some of the staff members are good friends. I know if I need anything, I can count on them and my family to help out. I hate change, so it would stress me out even more to suddenly leave my job rather than having 10 months to plan and job hunt.

The light at the end of the tunnel is a better quality of life (we live in a high cost of living area with awful commutes). We bought too much house up here, so we're not going to make that mistake again. We can find a more affordable home near DH's new job where I could be a stay at home mom if I wanted to be (just need that kid first lol)...just have to make it to June.
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  #6  
July 23rd, 2013, 10:07 AM
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I would give the same advice as Ashley. Really really really contemplate whether or not it will be worth the separation.
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  #7  
July 23rd, 2013, 11:01 AM
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I am so sorry! That just sounds horrible. I third what Ashley says, really consider if separation is worth it.

For me personally, it wouldn't be. In fact one condition I made upon marriage was that DH not take a job that required a lot of travel.

I wish you guys all the best and am glad it will relieve financial burden from you!
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  #8  
July 23rd, 2013, 12:21 PM
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Thanks...I've definitely been thinking about all the options. I think the biggest issue is that we need to be able to afford DH's rent and the mortgage on our current house until it sells, and the odds of me finding a job right away near DH are very slim. Fingers crossed that somehow this will all work out!!
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  #9  
July 23rd, 2013, 01:02 PM
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that is so hard I dont really have any advice just wanted to give you a hug! You just have to do what is best for you and your family. I really hope you work it all out.
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  #10  
July 23rd, 2013, 01:29 PM
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That is tough.

I can relate to that. Although it hasnt happened yet, I know that DF wants a new job and it most likely will be working out of state. I wont be able to go with him, because we have a house w/ a mortgage and I have way too much responsibility at my parents business to leave. He wants to make more money, but I know it will be really draining on our relationship. I personally would rather be poor and be able to see him every night. But this is something I think he has to figure out on his own. We will see, he always talks and nothing ever happens....

If you are able to leave and go with him, that would be great. But if you cant, 2 hours isnt so bad...... you could plan dinner once midweek, meet halfway? Then you only have to go a few days without seeing each other. And just remember its not permanent, find a new hobby to keep yourself busy while he's away.

We are here for you. Big hugs girl.
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  #11  
July 23rd, 2013, 01:44 PM
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That a very tough situation. I completely understand why you're doing what you are though. I personally couldn't do it. DH and I dated long distance for a year. I can't imagine doing marriage with only seeing him on the weekend. I hope the next ten months pass quickly for you and that you're house sells soon.
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  #12  
July 23rd, 2013, 02:09 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I was lucky and had the ability to just say "I'm coming for a few days" and take off and go. I've seen him more sine he's been 2 hours away, than I have the past 4 months. lol. 2.5 hours is piddly compared to the 10hours away he was for months.

We know we will be apart again.. the next job will be in Kentucky or Indiana (there's also prospects in New Jersey and.. um... oh Oklahoma). Until I can pack the house, and find a new one... I'm stuck being far away. I just hope the next move isn't while I'm heavily pregnant.. cause I'll be plunking my butt on the couch and paying someone to do it.
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  #13  
July 23rd, 2013, 04:37 PM
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I love the idea of meeting halfway for dinner in the middle of the week! We could definitely do that. Honestly, his last job had such long hours that sometimes we weren't able to spend any quality time with each other until the weekends anyway. My job keeps me very busy and I have a freelance job on the side, so I think and hope that time will go quickly. Thank you all sooooooo much for your advice and support!! Plan4fate, good luck with everything. I'm sure it's tough to be so flexible like that.
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  #14  
July 23rd, 2013, 11:57 PM
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So sorry for what you're going through. No advice just
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  #15  
July 24th, 2013, 02:57 AM
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I dont have anything to add to what has already been said. To be honest, it's a sucky situation either way and I'm sorry you're in that situation
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  #16  
July 30th, 2013, 06:47 AM
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DH has a job that he is away a lot for months at a time, and even when he's home, he's gone a lot. It makes it really difficult. Just this month, he was gone the week I was ovulating.

I'd ask if it was truly worth it to you to stay, but for years I stopped whatever I was doing to make our relationship and our marriage easier, and as a result I'm unhappy in my current job.

As hard as it is, I think you have to have faith that when it's supposed to happen it will. Also, having the weekends together is better than nothing and will still make it possible to conceive. Hopefully you (or he) will have at least a few long weekends to take advantage of. Also...although not ideal, maybe when you are ovulating if the weekend isn't enough, one of you could drive to meet the other one for just that night? Or meet in the middle?

Stay strong! :hugs:
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