Log In Sign Up

First Time TTC


Forum: Trying to Conceive Your First Child

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Like Tree3Likes

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Trying to Conceive Your First Child LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
December 27th, 2013, 05:58 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
Posts: 27
My husband and I have been ttc for about 6 months now with no results and there are moments when I just want to give up. Blood work and consultations with my OBGYN have brought up no reasons for the problem nor a solution. The only thing my OBGYN can think is that my body is taking longer to restart normal functions after getting off the pill. I had to take medication to force my cycle after 149 days of nothing. Now my system is regulating on its own, finally. I've been charting my BT every morning (same time every morning) and the results are looking more and more like a roller coaster. No pattern in sight.

I have wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember and now that my husband and I are able to try and with everything going so badly with no results or even a reason why, my heart just breaks more every day.

What makes me feel like a horrible person is that there are so many women that i know that are getting pregnant without even trying, without even wanting to get pregnant and I feel so angry towards them because of it. My mind keeps thinking, "I've spent months trying to change my habits and make my body ready to carry a child safely. I have been doing everything I'm supposed to to help myself. I have planned and prepared myself and my husband and I have prepared ourselves as a couple, too. We have done everything we are supposed to, yet these women who do not even really care that they are pregnant, do not see how much of a blessing they have, who haven't taken the time and energy to prepare themselves are having these easy and no stress pregnancies that they did not even have to try for!"

These thoughts make me feel like the worst human being alive. Someone I know from middle school announced that she is pregnant today and my first thoughts were, "You barely take care of yourself! How do you expect to take care of a baby that you WEREN'T PREPARED FOR OR EVEN WERE TRYING FOR?!"

I am a horrible person. I should be happy for all of them but all I can feel is destroyed that everyone seems to be getting pregnant when my whole world is collapsing because I can not seem to get pregnant.

This is breaking me. My husband keeps telling me to be patient and that it will happen for us and when it does that it will be so special and wonderful that the wait will be worth it. He stays so positive and supportive that it makes me feel like an even bigger b!$?&.

Does the pain that comes with every negative test ever get easier to bear? Or does it just build and build and get worse until the positive one comes up? It hurts so much to think that we could be facing months and months more of this pain before getting results that make it worthwhile.

My heart is breaking and I do not know how to handle it....
Reply With Quote
  #2  
December 27th, 2013, 08:36 PM
Courtney
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Kansas
Posts: 163
*Hugs* Try not to get too discouraged (I know that's not helpful, sorry!). A lot of women take several months for their cycles to regulate after coming off the pill, which makes it extra hard and frustrating when TTC.

I've never been on BCP because I knew when I got married I wanted to have babies right away. Well, we got married in August 2012 and I have yet to ever see my BFP. Does it hurt seeing that single line every month? Yes. Does it get easier? No, not really. I've just had to try my hardest to keep a positive attitude (VERY difficult for me, I get negative very quickly and rather extremely, much to the chagrin of my DH) and trust that my body knows that right now is just not the right time to carry a baby.

Oh, and I think it's pretty normal to have jealous feelings towards women who get pregnant without even trying. As long as it's not consuming you, I wouldn't worry too much about it! I have certainly had my share of tears and strong, not-so-nice feelings towards other people getting what I have wanted for so long....

I'm sorry I haven't been more helpful... Good luck with TTC, and I sincerely hope you get your BFP very very soon!!
__________________
Me (23), DH (27)
Married in August 2012. TTC #1 ever since.
May 2014: Finally got our BFP!!!


Reply With Quote
  #3  
December 27th, 2013, 09:50 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,600
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
*hugs*

It really does take a while for some to regulate after coming off the pill. Hopefully you'll regulate soon.

Today marks our 2 year mark ttc... so I fully get how tough it is watching and waiting.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #4  
December 28th, 2013, 02:11 PM
butterfly721's Avatar TTC #1
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,612
I'm sorry. You aren't a horrible person. It is very difficult to be happy for others who get pregnant easily without wanting to when you are trying so hard to get pregnant, too. Also, I think it's possible to be very happy for others but still be sad for yourself because it is something that you want so much, too.
__________________
April 8.16.13
Reply With Quote
  #5  
December 28th, 2013, 11:10 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
Posts: 27
Thanks, Ladies. These last 6 months have seemed like an eternity. I don't know what I'd do/feel if we were up to 2+ years. Every thread on this site that I have read just makes me believe more and more that those of us that have a tougher time are the ones who truly have an appreciation deeper than anyone else for what it means to be "Mom" to a tiny little human being. I'm trying my best to stay positive. I think a place like this, is what I needed. A support group who understands and someplace that I can give my support to others. I truly believe that kind of connection with other women who struggle TTC is what helps all of us through.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
December 29th, 2013, 06:45 PM
MusicFanatic79's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,100
Sorry you're having a rough spell! Unfortunately, it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to get pregnant. TOTALLY normal. That's why your doctor didn't necessarily find anything "wrong".. you still have a good 6 months to even reach that statistic. I know, it sucks. ((hugs))
__________________


Reply With Quote
  #7  
December 30th, 2013, 07:40 AM
momology's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6,296
First of all you really should not feel like a bad person. You didn't say anything in this post that I haven't heard many times before (or said myself). I think we all get to feeling that way at some point and it is because TTC is something you have no control over and something we all want so bad. It took me about 6 months to regulate after coming off of BCP before my doc would even let us start trying. Hang in there Sounds like you are on the right track! Feel free to share your chart as well if you want us to take a look. Hopefully your BFP is right around the corner!!
__________________

Thank you *Kiliki* for the amazing siggy!!

Expecting our first baby August 25th, 2014!!!


Reply With Quote
  #8  
December 31st, 2013, 10:47 AM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
Posts: 27
What is the best way to share my chart? I have it in picture form from the app I use. I'd love the insight because it is gibberish to me.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
January 1st, 2014, 04:19 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 300
I have been off of the pill for about 8 months & my body still hasnt regulated... just give yourself more time, it can easily take a year to regulate. After that, it can easily take a normal couple a year to conceive.... so, patience is the name of the game!!! Yes, I am SO with you in sharing those feelings- especially when someone who DOESN'T want a baby gets pregnant!!! Seriously?!?!?!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
January 1st, 2014, 05:09 PM
Super Mommy to be
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,146
You're not horrible. We all have encountered women who are pregnant and we all thought those same thoughts. We don't act upon those thoughts and say nasty things or wish ill will on them or their baby and that's whats more important.

My DH and I have been TTC for more than a year now. I'm 35 so of course I partly blame my age..... Hugs to you. I hope your stay on this board is short and you soon have your bfp.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
'Blessings' by Laura Story (What if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise)
Glorious Ruins
Reply With Quote
  #11  
January 6th, 2014, 05:56 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
Posts: 27
I saw my doctor the other day and left her office in tears. She told me that she will not do anything medically to help me until I loose weight. Even my DH who was in the room with me says that she was unnecessarily harsh. Most people say to me, "Well if your doctor says you are too fat to ovulate then it is true." Others have told me to get a second opinion. She says that I will not ovulate till I loose weight and she wont help me ovulate with medication until I loose weight.

Out of anger at her actions and words I have started a workout plan. My DH says that fueling that anger at what she said into a plan will help me. I do not know that for sure or not. Either way, it was a big hit to my heart and to my emotional state. I am not overly overweight. My DH and my friends say I am "curvy". My weight, because I was always very skinny until college has been a very deep wound. My Ex-husband always berated me about it, wether it was an extra 5 pounds or more. He tried to tell me what to eat and if I ate something he thought I should not have, I got a lecture.

Now to have my OBGYN, whom I have trusted for years now, act like she did and say the things that she did, basically telling me the months of failure are my fault because I am fat, I feel so angry at myself. I feel like I am a horrible Mother to be because she says that I have not taken proper "care of myself" and have not "done what was necessary to prepare myself for pregnancy."

She told me that my weight will make me not ovulate. I have multiple friends who are much more overweight than I am that have had multiple healthy pregnancies and births and now have happy and healthy children. She says that my weight is screwing with my periods and causing them to not be right. She said that as long as my cycle is shorter than 25 days or longer than 35 I wont ovulate. Mine are averaging 40 days. Again, I have a good friend who has two to three periods a year that has had 2 happy baby girls who are now age 3 and 1.

I feel like my OBGYN is putting me into a box along with every other stereotypical woman on the planet trying to scare me. All it has done is tick me off.

Has anyone else ever had their OBGYN tell them things like this?? What did you do??
Reply With Quote
  #12  
January 6th, 2014, 09:57 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,600
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
Everyone is different sweetie. One of my JM friends didn't ovulate on her own until she lost 10% of her body weight. I'm quite curvy, about 220lbs, and I Ovulate just fine on my own. My not getting pregnant is less about weight, and more about the fact my body no longer produces enough progesterone to sustain a pregnancy.

Your doctor could have been nicer about it, but she could be right.

She is however wrong about the length of cycle and Oing. People ovulate late all the time and get pregnant. I myself have ovulated on cd28/29.. the day my period was due! We weren't ttc then, so we obviously didn't get pregnant, but I did O.
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #13  
January 7th, 2014, 08:22 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 300
Try not to take your doctor's words about your weight as a criticism of who you ARE. She could have said it more tactfully, but I imagine she ONLY said it trying to help you & be honest with you, not with the intention of hurting you. HUGS!!! How much weight do you need to lose? Did your OB offer to help you find a good nutritionist? If not, see which one she would recommend. Think of it not as getting thin, but as getting your body ready to get pregnant. Another plus is that if you are eating a proper diet with lots of colorful veggies & fruits, most of your vitamins, etc, will come from your food instead of a pill, which is the best way to get them anyway! And don't think of it as a "diet", think of it as a lifestyle change- you want to live a long healthy life & be a great example for your kids, too. You can do it!!! & feel free to brag or vent to us any time!!! HUGS!!!
CelticGradhaich likes this.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
January 9th, 2014, 04:30 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
Posts: 27
I have to loose 70 lbs before she will help me. She did not give me a nutritionist's info, but my Mom is Gluten intolerant (on the verge of Ciliacs) and who is trying to loose weight too so we are working together.

My DH is former military and helped me come up with a workout routine that I can do. Two days a week of Zumba, two days a week at the gym on a treadmill and elliptical, and two days of ab workouts here in our apartment. When I go to the gym my Mom goes with me and we cuss at the ellipticals together. Lol. We call them the "devil machines".

I got a bunch of fruits and veggies to snack on and I already quit drinking sodas. They were making me sick so I have been without anything carbonated in over 5 months. I also found a link to 20 crock pot receipes that you put together and freeze all at once that have lots of veggies and good protein. You just thaw them overnight in the fridge and throw them in the crockpot before you leave in the morning.

I basically decided to fuel my anger at her delivery of the information into my desire to show her that I can do this. I have my yearly appointment with her in March so I am determined to loose as much as i can before then. Show her that I can and will do this.

I know that it will eventually turn into "for me" weight loss. I have not gotten there yet. I am still in the "mad at my doctor and wanting to show her what I can do" weight loss.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
January 9th, 2014, 08:12 PM
Rainbow Catcher's Avatar Bound and Determined
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,424
my advice is to find a new doctor. That is what I would do. Find a fluffy-friendly doctor. Keep on your plan - it will do nothing but help you to lose weight and become more healthy, and it might just help your fertility! but find another doctor. You shouldn't be made to feel like you are beneath help because you are overweight. For a doctor to say they are not willing to help you because of your weight is shameful and absurd and I wouldn't tolerate it. Keep up the good work with your exercise and dieting - I definitely know how hard it is!!!
__________________
Forever missing our angel, 6/7/13.

10/19/14 - DE IVF, Transferred two 8-cell embies (3dt)
10/28/14 - 1st Beta = 70 at 9dp3dt
10/30/14 - 2nd Beta = 163 at 11dp3dt
11/5/14 - 3rd Beta = 1300 at 17dp3dt
11/17/14 - U/S - Twins, both with flickers of heartbeats!
11/25/14 - One twin stopped growing and lost their hb. :'( The other measures perfectly, hb: 157.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
January 9th, 2014, 08:46 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,600
Send a message via MSN to plan4fate
70lbs?! Geeze my doctor's an absolute Jerk and even he only wanted 10% of my body weight gone. (usually the first 10% is the hardest and it keeps going from there).
__________________
~TTC #1 together 2 years and counting ~


Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
Reply With Quote
  #17  
January 10th, 2014, 06:33 AM
Rainbow Catcher's Avatar Bound and Determined
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,424
yeah mine said that for whatever reason, 10% seems the be the magic number (no matter what weight you're starting from). I'm working on my 10% as well
__________________
Forever missing our angel, 6/7/13.

10/19/14 - DE IVF, Transferred two 8-cell embies (3dt)
10/28/14 - 1st Beta = 70 at 9dp3dt
10/30/14 - 2nd Beta = 163 at 11dp3dt
11/5/14 - 3rd Beta = 1300 at 17dp3dt
11/17/14 - U/S - Twins, both with flickers of heartbeats!
11/25/14 - One twin stopped growing and lost their hb. :'( The other measures perfectly, hb: 157.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
January 10th, 2014, 02:47 PM
Mslily1125's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 2,513
I am slightly overweight, at 160lbs (145lbs would be normal for my height) - and even my doctor mentioned losing weight to boost my fertility. So don't think that you are alone on this one!

My doc told me that even losing 5%-8% of your body weight can jump start your body into ovulating on its own. She went ahead and put me on Clomid anyway, but she warned me that she could "put me on medications and draw blood all day long, but if I really want to get pregnant I need to lose some pounds!"

**Big Hugs** to you anyway, because I know it's tough to hear. I remember sitting there and thinking..."Wait. Am I fat??"
__________________



Make a pregnancy ticker
Reply With Quote
  #19  
January 10th, 2014, 08:55 PM
Rainbow Catcher's Avatar Bound and Determined
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,424
I found this article empowering and wanted to share

Fertility Advice for Overweight and Obese Women | Preparing for Pregnancy | Pregnancy.org
__________________
Forever missing our angel, 6/7/13.

10/19/14 - DE IVF, Transferred two 8-cell embies (3dt)
10/28/14 - 1st Beta = 70 at 9dp3dt
10/30/14 - 2nd Beta = 163 at 11dp3dt
11/5/14 - 3rd Beta = 1300 at 17dp3dt
11/17/14 - U/S - Twins, both with flickers of heartbeats!
11/25/14 - One twin stopped growing and lost their hb. :'( The other measures perfectly, hb: 157.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
January 10th, 2014, 09:08 PM
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: DFW Area, Texas
Posts: 27
I am simply taking it day by day and trying to stick to my workout plan. I have really upped my Zumba and gym workouts plus ab exercises. I plan on loosing it one way or another. It is honestly time for me to just bite the bit and do it. I want to feel better about how I look and just.... Feel better in general.

You know what? I guess I finally got over the anger at my doctor and fell into the "I want to do this FOR ME" category. I just realized that as I typed this.

It was weird because every minute on the treadmill, elliptical, or upper body weight machines was like one more step to get where I want to be.... I guess you could say it is where I wanted to be going for a very long time. I miss the in shape me. The me that felt good about how I look. The me that LIKED blue jean and swim suit shopping. The me that was confident in any dress or any setting.

These days I just compare myself to everyone else: My hair isn't as nice. My skin doesn't look as good. My outfits don't make me feel as confident as they look. I know this thinking is bad for me.... And I think I have found the point that I am tired of feeling that way.

So... Now this is for me. Now every step I take and every minute of sweat is for ME.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
emotional , heartbreak , no results , ttc

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:25 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0