So here are some pics that were taken at the cemetery yesterday...I was a little bummed that DH didn't at least stop by at some point....but whatever....he said he doesn't like going out there, and I can't really blame him...I don't *like* going either....but I think it's the right thing to do...nonetheless, here are some pics

A close up of the headstone and the 2 little valentine bears



The Vday Flowers (those have been out since the beginning of February, along with the bears)


Two balloons, for TWO boys that are loved beyond words (the wind was blowing, it was the best pic I could get)

[Skeetz]

Oh Brandi thanks so much for posting. I'm so sorry about everything you have gone through. I know it's weird DH doesn't like to go, but people grieve differently. It's hard to get my mom to take me to my grandmother's grave. I'm so glad, though, that you have the strength to go out there and visit them. They may not be here physically, but they are always with you. And don't forget we are always here for you too!!!

[Justjeni]

Thanks for sharing the pictures. I'm sorry that you dh didn't want to go or stop by. Like Mary said though everyone grieves differently. I'm sending big hugs your way!

That is so touching and beautiful Brandi You are right, it is hard for many (including myself) to go to cemeteries sometimes. You are a wonderful mommy

[downunderchick]

Thanks for sharing something so personal
Your boys graves...(sorry dont like that word but couldnt think of another) look gorgeous. How very sad that your Husband didnt go but as mentioned everyone grieves differently. My uncle had his daughter pass away as a teenager and he very rarely talks about her, dont know if he goes to her site. Its just his way of dealing with it.
Your boys are watching over you
XXX

[DarkStarLB]

Brandi, it truly is a beautiful site. I couldn't imagine what you went through to be where you are today, but know that your boys will always be watching over you and love you for the wonderful mother that you are; as well as us all that love you here!

[Mars]

That was beautiful!

I lost my only brother 17 years ago on Feb 12. When the date comes around, even though it was so long ago, I remember him and miss him so much. I imagine what a handsome young man he would be and I wonder if he'd be married, etc.

They may not be here physically but they'll always be a part of you and forever in your heart.

[PlasticFork]

I hope this doesn't come off sounding wrong, but...that tombstone is the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through. Thanks for sharing the pictures. They are beautiful.

Thanks for all of the support I'm sure Asher and Noah feel so very loved

As painful as it is to visit the cemetery and to think about what *could've* been.....in a strange way it brings me a sense of peace to see their names on that teddy bear headstone....So many people in my life have tried to pretend that my boys never existed, but seeing their NAMES just warms my heart...because THEY WERE REAL and THEY ARE LOVED.....when I feel like everyone has sucked the life right out of me...I know that I will never lose the joy I felt (and still feel) in my heart when I think about my little miracles....

[Em2528]

AWWW Brandi, that is just beautiful! You are such a great mommy, always bringing little things for each holiday to your boys. I think its so wonderful, I love it, and I love that you share it with us. I would be doing the exact same thing as you if I was in your shoes, they DID exist, they were born into this world and they are real....so all those people pretending they dont exist are wrong. I hate that too though, I feel like just because I dont have my babies to hold in my arms, everyone is wondering why im so upset because they "barely" existed in there eyes, being that I was only a few weeks pg each time...but to me they did and I know they did, because as soon as those two pink lines showed up on the test, there was a baby inside of me. Love ya girl...keep on being the great mommy that you are! HUGS

[Oriyan]

Awe Brandi, that is beautiful. I know I dont know you, but I followed your story. Everyone grieves differently. My cousin died at the age of 18 almost 3 years ago now, and i WISH i had a grave i could go to (he was cremated). Maybe one day, DH will be thankful that that is there.

[snsgirl336]

Thank you for sharing that Brandi. You did such a beautiful job for your boys! You are a wonderful Mommy to remember the boys the way you do. They know their Mommy loves them so very much and they are always looking over you!
I'm so sorry that some people act the way they do about your boys. It's not right, and it's not fair in my opinion. I wish some people had more compassion in life.

Thank you again for sharing those pictures, it is really touching. Sending you lots of HUGS Hon!!!

[MommaDucks]

hey brandi, i am just lurking, and wanted to say those are beautiful pictures!

[FruitLoopLace]

I had to stop by and say thank so much for sharing apart of your personal day with us. Those are beautiful pics! I love the flowers and the bears are so adorable. I think that you must be one of the strongest women I know. BIG HUGS and Happy Be-lated Valentines to ALL four of you!

[Skeetz]

Thanks for all of the support I'm sure Asher and Noah feel so very loved

As painful as it is to visit the cemetery and to think about what *could've* been.....in a strange way it brings me a sense of peace to see their names on that teddy bear headstone....So many people in my life have tried to pretend that my boys never existed, but seeing their NAMES just warms my heart...because THEY WERE REAL and THEY ARE LOVED.....when I feel like everyone has sucked the life right out of me...I know that I will never lose the joy I felt (and still feel) in my heart when I think about my little miracles.... [/b]

I am so sorry people do that to you. No one should ever tell anyone how to grieve or deal with a loss. NEVER EVER especially when it comes to children. You're so awesome Brandi. I don't think I would be able to do this. I am so glad it brings you a sense of peace. You deserve it. You will get your bundle of joy soon Brandi. And, as I told Lindsey, when it happens it will be well worth the wait. We're always here for you!

[BabyBird]

OMG Brandi that is so sweet. I just love that headstone every time I see it. It is too precious. Thank you for sharing the pics with us.

[ashleighgurl]

Those pictures are beautiful. Just like the other girls on here have said, everyone grieves differently. My DF lost his father when he was pretty young, and the only time he will go there is on the anniversary of his death. And, he has a real hard time even talking about it. I have to just let him "lead" me to it, like he has to begin talking about it, otherwise it just upsets him so much. You did a wonderful job with the pictures and the grave. I love the teddy bear. Keep staying strong hun. We are all here for you.

[Jlynn]

It is beautiful. Again i am so sorry for your loss. You are going to make a wonderful mommy( you are already a mother) You are so sweet and thoughtful.

Thanks girls....I still haven't shown the pictures to DH...I told him I was going out there to leave some balloons...and I really want to show him how nice everything looks because he hasn't been out there since right before Christmas....but I'm almost scared to show him because he acts like he's mad that I go out there.... That's just another reason why I LOVE you girls so much! You let me share personal stuff with you and you don't get upset with me...

I love the bears brandi! I think you are a wonderful mommy to celebrate these holidays with your boys.