[angel3y35]

Hi ladies. We've officially started the hunt for an agency. DH always said if we didn't get pregnant we would adopt but I could never really get him to commit to anything. Our loss this week has put a fire under him though. I guess when we found out I was pregnant he realized how much he wanted a child. He gets out of the military in May of 2011 and once that happens we won't be able to afford m/a anymore. Most insurances around here don't even cover RE visits much less the prescriptions, IUI, that kind of thing. We've talked and decided for sure to start everything in October if I don't have a sticky bean by then. Around Feb/March of 2011 if I'm not pregnant we're going to consider me having a hysterectomy while still on Tri-Care since they'll pay everything. That's going to depend on how bad the endo pain has gotten by then. I know the process can be time consuming so we've given ourselves 5 months to do research on different agencies in the area, fill out all the questionnaires, and raise some money. Right now I've found one about 2 hours from here that gives preference to couples who don't have any kids because of fertility issues. I'm excited knowing that one way or another I will have a child in the near future instead of just hoping one day.

How did you decide which agency to use? Did you meet with them, talk to other clients, research on the net?

Sorry for the book....I didn't mean to make it that way.

[Kari_B]

HI Paige,

I'm so sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking.

One of the things you have to decide before you get too far is what kind of adoption you want to do. Do you want to adopt "Waiting Children" - children that are in the foster care system and parental rights have already been terminated, this costs little to no money at all; International adoption - can sometimes take a bit longer and almost always requires some form of travel to the country, this can take a lot longer and you will almost never be able to adopt a newborn through this route as the process can be drug out for months, even years; Infant (domestic) - you'll be hard pressed to find an agency that will do a closed adoption these days, most of the time you'll have some kind of openess with the BM and/or BF though this route, and my agency says the process from approval to placement is about 18 months.

Once we knew what kind of adoption we were interested in, we had to decide if we wanted to use an agency, an adoption facilitator or an adoption lawyer. We went the agency route, and it sounds like that is what you guys are going to do as well. I just opened the phone book and started making phone calls. At the time I didn't know anyone in my area that had adopted, or had been adopted, so I didn't know which places were good or bad. I interviewed 6 places over the phone, and of the 6 we went to meet with 3 of them face to face. I checked all three of them on the BBB website to make sure there wasn't any funny business going on. One of the things that was really important to me was finding a local agency. I wanted to know that if I needed my social worker I could stop by the office in town and see her right away. There are several agencies that are all very good but over an hour away, and while that isn't really that far... I just liked the idea of having someone RIGHT HERE to help me if/when I need them. After the first meeting we knew it wasn't the right match, it just didn't click and certainly didn't feel right. After the second meeting I knew we had found our agency. Everything about them just felt perfect, I trusted them and was very comfortable. We still met with the third agency, but by then, I already had my mind made up.

Then we just jumped in head first! We kept the process moving ourselves. We were always on top of all the paperwork and getting it filled out and back to them ASAP to keep our end moving. We didn't want to be the reason things were held up. It really showed our agency how determined we are to make this happen. We have gotten several compliments on how quickly we have stayed on top of everything and even were asked recently to talk at one of their outreach meetings to potential adopters to explain how our process went. The one thing that I keep reminding myself is that probably one of the ONLY parts of the adoption process that I will have control over is the paperwork and profile... I can make those things go as quickly as I want and make the profile look exactly how I want it to. The rest is up to our BM and I'll have to patiently wait when we get to that point. I'm a control freak, so I'm taking advantage of all the parts I can right now.

Well, now I've written a book... sorry this got so long! Let me know if I can be more help, PM if you'd like. Good luck! The one thing I can say is that it's one of the most exciting times in our lives and we are SO happy that adoption is the path we are on now.

[MommaLee]

Hi Paige. I have no advice, but wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss and I hope that everything goes smoothly with the adoption process or whatever the future takes you to.

[angel3y35]

MommaLe--> thank you for the good thoughts!!

Kari--> It's OK that you wrote a book. I don't mind and will take all the info/help i can get. I know we want to do domestic. We want an infant and international is just so much more expensive plus the time off work to fly to whatever country you're adopting from. And since we want an infant foster to adopt wouldn't work. Maybe for our second kid but for now I'm selfish and want a baby. Plus I couldn't take a child into my home for weeks, months, years, and then have them taken away. My sanity couldn't take it. I just have to talk DH into the open adoption. I know that 95% of adoptions now are open and he isn't to keen on that idea. I would love an agency close by but unfortunately the closest is Birmingham or Mobile (same as the RE). Both about 3 hours away.

[Kari_B]

My DH was a little hesitant about open adoption at first too. Frankly, it kind of scared me as well. But the more I learned about it, the more I came to love the idea. I actually bought a few books and did a lot of research online about open adoption. Overall, it just makes more sense.

Good luck on the agency search, it was one of the hardest parts, but well worth it once we found the right place. And be honest with them about any hesitations you might have, one thing I have learned is that they want to help you be 100% ready for whatever is going to come your way. And keep in mind, the openess is determined by you and the BM. She might not want that open of a relationship either. It really all depends.

Keep us posted!

[4eyes]

Hey we are using Bethany Christian b/c they do infant adoptions and they are pretty large.

[tawny63]

Hi, I'm back for this board . We used Lifetime Adoption from California to adopt our first child. We priced and checked around and they have a low flip rate and you don't have to wait very long. They mostly have newborns, and have BM's in 50 states. You can choose the level of open-ness too. We went "live" to adopt in mid-August 2007, and we got THE call August 29th. Not only were we matched, but she had already been in labor for 24 hours. We got our son that evening.

Our family has generously donated most of the money we need to adopt again so hopefully we can get back together with Lifetime.

Hope this helps.