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This may be long, but I need to get it out to people totally removed from the situation.
I am slowly realizing (and quite harshly, realizing) that those I thought were my friends, aren't. Those that seemed to be just acquaintances yet still friends (we just rarely see/speak to each other) are my true friends. It's a hard slap in the face to realize. I know people have told me for ages certain people didn't treat me right, yet I am always the person to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt.
And that kicked me in the ***.
It all started about 2 years ago, when my 2 "best friends," whom I called my brother and sister, completely and totally betrayed my trust.
My girl best friend, Hilary, met a guy online and within a week, yes, a week, had him move across the country, move in, and get engaged. I met him and did not like the way he talked to her or me. As the next couple months went on, she alienated every person in her life, including me, for this guy that turned out to be mentally abusive and addicted to pain pills. I finally had to distance myself for my own sake because I was so, so sick of being hurt by my friend changing and literally dropping me on my ***. She seriously called me a "fuc*ing dyk*" as if it was funny, fully knowing I have a lesbian sister. She talked crap about my parenting, which had no valid complaints. She started doing drugs and just changes. It hurt me sooo, soooo bad. After months of not talking, she calls me one night crying saying she was so sorry, she was wrong, and was leaving her fiance. She said I was always right and we made plans to meet up and talk in person. I go to sleep, wake up 3 hours later (I stayed up with her all night consoling her, despite me having classes) and saw a facebook message that she was back with this guy and didn't care what anyone thought. I told her to choose her best friend or him, because I refused to watch this guy destroy her any longer.
She chose him.
So I moved on, such is life.
Then my male best friend starts putting ideas into my boyfriends head that I was cheating on him (which would never, ever, ever, ever, EVER happen). I was absolutely insulted that he would do that. He is gay, and he started telling me my boyfriend and him messed around. I have NO problem with homosexuality... but Tony is straight. He kept feeding me these lies which he said "was in my best interest" and fed lies to Tony. Tony ended up cheating on me. My "friend" LAUGHED about it, and thought it was funny that I was clueless as to what happened. It broke my **** heart, this guy was like a brother. I just didn't know what his intentions were. I proved to Tony that I never cheated, and he realized that he was wrong for ever doubting me. We moved past him cheating and have been stronger than ever. But it took us removing this person from our lives to get our relationship back on track.
So for a long time it was just Tony and I hanging out, with a few friends here and there that we had neglected over the years and now they are our "best friends," or at least closest friends. They had our back no matter what.
Then just this weekend I get a message from a friend saying she deleted me off facebook because I was a bad person to speak ill of others and started drama. I was clueless as to what she thought... I don't talk to anyone. I dont speak ill of anyone. I got very, very upset when my two best friends hurt me but that was between us and I never vented to anyone else. I was so hurt that I was just done, and no one else was brought into that equation. True, I probably said some hurtful stuff to them, but when you are hurt your emotions fight back, and it's sometimes irrational. But I had no idea what she was talking about... at all.
So talking to Tony we find out that this girl and others in my boyfriends old production company (DJing) are having a reunion party... with Tony not invited. For no explanation. We thought it was maybe because of my two old friends saying something, but they don't talk. So we think, what the hell did I do? And realize we left one person out of the equation... my boyfriends ex. We were friends until we got together. She has always been mad we are together, and is upset that Tony doesn't see his daughter... but his daughter was adopted and she has a good life. Why does he need to see his daughter when she has parents?! I haven't even talked to his ex in a good 3 1/2 years, and yet this girl is most likely the one that got my old friends opinion of me to change. Which hurts, and angers me. I just fail to see why I say nothing yet I'm one to "'start drama," yet someone else vents to her, and that's okay, and her opinion of me changes. It makes no sense. I know she is close friends with Tony's ex, but our friend prided herself on not listening to others garbage and allowing herself to make her own opinions of people. Yet I get thrown aside. We used to see each other nearly twice a week, have always been cool, and I just don't get people. I just really don't get people any more.
So it's been a harsh slap in the face that my "friends" are not friends, and those that have been the closest to me lately would have never crossed my mind as being a close friend. It's good, just a weird realization.
In other words... Tony and I have been amazing and had one of those weekends that reminded us why we are together, and it reminded us of the weekend we got together. It was a weekend we sorely needed, and it makes me happy. Amidst this bullcrap with friends, I know I can count on Tony
Thanks for listening... just really jaded about people in my life right now. Blah!
Thanks guys! We are certainly looking at it as a positive thing. No use wasting time on those that don't care.
I have been kicking *** in school, and it's been nice to have classes that truly push me so hard that it really, really makes me focus. These classes are **** hard, and yet I am getting an A on every assignment. Certainly makes me feel accomplished because these classes are truly harder than anything Ive ever experienced, lol. It's good though.
So despite getting kicked down, other things have been really great. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, lol
My boyfriend had lilies and irises sent to my house for V-Day. They were BEAUTIFUL!
He also didn't get me a Christmas present, which caused some issues (not because he didn't get me anything, but some comments he made). So it's made me a bit bitter, lol.
Well he ordered me something and won't tell me what it is until I see him. I am almost positive he got me hoodie footies, I thought he was going to get me them for V-day. He is teasing me about this "really late goof present" and I am going nuts.
I really will flip out if they are hoodie footies. I want those soooooo bad, lol!