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  #1  
April 24th, 2011, 01:13 AM
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I've posted before about my niece. She is 9 1/2, and somewhat of a Hell-spawn. I hate to call her that, but oh my gosh the kid drives me nuts! She lies and antagonizes anyone she can but can't stand to be called out on it. The things she does just makes me look at the situation and go "Really? Did she really just do that, thinking it was okay?"

For example, destroying Lilys toys. It's a toss up of what toy we will find destroyed in some way or another. Or stolen. Last time she was here she tried to take some of Lily's littlest pet shop animals. My Mom caught her and just asked "Is there anything of Lily's you maybe forgot to put away? I know what animals she had, and she will know if something wasn't put away" she gets this look on her face, runs upstairs to go to the "bathroom," but instead tosses the animals she pocketed into Lily's room. She does stuff like this all. the. time. Or makes fun of Lily for he encopresis, or anything else that Lily can't help, like the gap in her teeth that makes her whistle when she talks (I think it's cute!). You get the picture.

Well today we were seemingly having a great Easter, but this tends to be too good to be true. Something ALWAYS happens when she is here.

So she is packing up, getting ready to go home. My Mom got her a build a bear for Easter, and so she had that big box that they come in. She puts her bear in there, and then in front of me, grabs Lily's Ramona and Beezus book, and puts it inside of her box. Now this wasn't any mistake of any sort, this was from the top of Lilys book box, which hadn't been touched by any of the kids all day. It was across the room, so she didn't "accidentally" grab it nearby. I immediately take it back and said "Kaitlyn, what do you think you are doing, that isn't yours!" and she just looks at me, closes up the box, and walks away. I was seriously dumbfounded that she once again, tried to take stuff that was Lily's. It just looked like she thought she was completely entitled to it!

I just don't get her. She is constantly disobeying us, or egging her brother on, or teasing Lily. She is boy crazy to the point that I'd be seriously shocked if she wasn't pregnant by 16. I love her to death, but **** she is hard to be around when she terrorizes my kid and nothing, and I mean nothing, gets through to her to just be good. It makes it so hard to be around her when she just loves to do the complete opposite of what adults tell her to do.

Grrr. Just a vent. I just wish that for once she could come over and things would be nice and peaceful. It never, ever, ever goes that way
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  #2  
April 25th, 2011, 01:45 AM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
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What do her parents do when she acts like this? Does she get punished?

Sounds like they really need to get a hold on her before she gets older, by the sounds of things she's going to be a little terror

And to steal right infront of you!! Most kids steal behind your back but if she's doing it infront of you, she truly doesn't care...wow.
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  #3  
April 25th, 2011, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by ~Dayna~ View Post
What do her parents do when she acts like this? Does she get punished?

Sounds like they really need to get a hold on her before she gets older, by the sounds of things she's going to be a little terror

And to steal right infront of you!! Most kids steal behind your back but if she's doing it infront of you, she truly doesn't care...wow.
Their Dad isn't welcome in our house. But my sister sometimes says things, sometimes lets her go. She says K is "different" and treats her different due to it. She does have learning disabilities, but she absolutely knows right from wrong.

The teen years? Yeah totally not looking forward to them!
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  #5  
April 25th, 2011, 08:04 PM
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Originally Posted by godzgrl4evr View Post
I'm mainly just lurking... but what would happen if you didn't allow her over? Is this possible? If nothing else, it could be for Lily's benefit. Just a suggestion.

ETA: I don't want it to cause any turmoil in your family.
It won't happen. I live with my parents while I'm in school, and my mom always breaks down and gives in, despite knowing that my niece is a terror when she's here.

Plus, it was our holiday gathering, can't really tell her no. We already have banned my brother in law from the house (LONG story) but banning the kids my mom wouldnt do. When they stay the night I either go stay at Tonys or just hole myself off doing homework so I dont have to fight with them the entire night.
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  #6  
April 25th, 2011, 08:14 PM
Israeljustice's Avatar I'm a yankee doodle dandy
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Oh that sounds like my little cousin Brandy when she was nine, and I feel sorry for your sister because she'll probably have a VERY long, tough road ahead of her! I know some people are probably thinking "why don't they just punish her, get a grip on her now" well it's not that easy, because no matter what punishment they give her, it probably makes no difference she probably acts unaffected by it, like she just doesn't care. She hates rules, and is very selfish. Am I right?

Brandy has Borderline Personality Disorder, look it up, you may see some of the same traits in her!
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  #7  
April 25th, 2011, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Israeljustice View Post
Oh that sounds like my little cousin Brandy when she was nine, and I feel sorry for your sister because she'll probably have a VERY long, tough road ahead of her! I know some people are probably thinking "why don't they just punish her, get a grip on her now" well it's not that easy, because no matter what punishment they give her, it probably makes no difference she probably acts unaffected by it, like she just doesn't care. She hates rules, and is very selfish. Am I right?

Brandy has Borderline Personality Disorder, look it up, you may see some of the same traits in her!
From what I've learned she seems like she might be on the ASD, honestly. And yes, she's very selfish. If things about her, thats great, if not, the world ends. Rules? Yeah, she doesn't follow them well.

And my Mom and I have said the same thing... we dread her teen years... I'd seriously be amazingly shocked if she wasn't pregnant by the end of high school.
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  #8  
April 25th, 2011, 11:47 PM
sweet.hun's Avatar We're Complete <3
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Lurking...but I wanted to ask if you and your mom have permission to punish her when she is over there. If so, I would appropriately punish her for what she does. Either make her have time out, make her clean dishes, whatever you feel is the correct way.

It may be futile attempts to get some obedience, but she may be like my nephew and start to learn that you don't do that crap at grandma's house.
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Last edited by sweet.hun; April 25th, 2011 at 11:52 PM.
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  #9  
April 26th, 2011, 02:17 AM
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Originally Posted by sweet.hun View Post
Lurking...but I wanted to ask if you and your mom have permission to punish her when she is over there. If so, I would appropriately punish her for what she does. Either make her have time out, make her clean dishes, whatever you feel is the correct way.

It may be futile attempts to get some obedience, but she may be like my nephew and start to learn that you don't do that crap at grandma's house.
Oh yeah, totally! We do time-outs or take away fun things, like not going to the park or playing with the wii, etc...

Doesnt work though. My niece just cries the entire time, and when my nephew gets put in time out he just says no and openly defies me. It does take a lot for my nephew to really defy me though, he is pretty good but he has his moments. As all preteens do.

But my niece, ay yi yi, as soon as shes in trouble she just cries the entire time and asks to go home. Then the punishment doesnt even phase her!
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  #11  
April 26th, 2011, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by godzgrl4evr View Post
That makes sense then...

Depending on how long she's there, and if it's possible, what about hiding the toys or putting them where she can't get them? Are there any toys she doesn't really mess with that Lily could play with during this time? I'm just trying to think of ways that might help you out. I'm sorry you are going through this.
We do hide certain things that may break easily or are really special. But even still, even if Lily doesn't care much for a toy she really shouldn't do anything bad in the first place.

But to add another story!

Last night I was frantically trying to finish my term paper. I get done, and its nearly 2am. I see my niece on facebook and she posts something. It wasn't one of her games updating or something... she posted something herself. I sent her a message saying "Kaitlyn, why the hell are you online at 2am?" No answer.

Get online after school today, and her answer was "Because I felt like it." So we call her Mom and tell her that hey... shes online WAY late at night. She denies everything. Im all "Kaitlyn, I have the message. You can't deny that!" she still denies it and insists she sent it right before she was supposed to be in bed. Riiiight.... and im freaking santa claus!
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  #13  
April 26th, 2011, 05:10 PM
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My sister ultimately believes my niece. I must of been hallucinating last night! Yes, believe a 9 year old over a 27 year old!
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  #14  
April 26th, 2011, 08:08 PM
sweet.hun's Avatar We're Complete <3
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Wow. Your sister is totally in denial about her child me thinks....
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  #15  
April 26th, 2011, 11:48 PM
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Originally Posted by sweet.hun View Post
Wow. Your sister is totally in denial about her child me thinks....
Indeed. I mean really, I dont say things to get her in trouble just to do it. Im doing it because hey, Id want to know if my 9 year old was on the computer at 2! Its typical "parent" stuff adults should know about.

But I guess my sister doesnt see that. My niece and nephew absolutely grind my patience because they so openly defy me. It makes me the "mean aunt" but if they just listened we would get along great. One of the last times my niece was here we had a great time, and she said "Aunt Weazie, you and Lily are really nice!" I said "See kaitlyn, we dont have to fight, we can all have fun if you just listened and were good when you are here!" But the next time shes here its just fighting nonstop.
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  #17  
April 27th, 2011, 08:47 AM
mayandsofiasmommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sounds like a few problems going on. First, sister believes her daughter. That is a red flag to me. When that happens, it usually means there is little parenting going on and the mom acts more like a friend. So, if that is the case, her behavior sounds pretty consistent with that. Is she promiscuous at all? Not just boy crazy, but promiscuous? If so, I would suspect sexual abuse. If just boy crazy, not so much. Putting toys up when she is over may help, but I bet she would steal just about anything. She is looking for attention and looking for boundaries. She doesn't have limits and boundaries set at home, and yes, at first she will rebel against them, but she NEEDS them and is craving them. It's likely why she is stealing stuff.
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  #18  
April 27th, 2011, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by mayandsofiasmommy View Post
Sounds like a few problems going on. First, sister believes her daughter. That is a red flag to me. When that happens, it usually means there is little parenting going on and the mom acts more like a friend. So, if that is the case, her behavior sounds pretty consistent with that. Is she promiscuous at all? Not just boy crazy, but promiscuous? If so, I would suspect sexual abuse. If just boy crazy, not so much. Putting toys up when she is over may help, but I bet she would steal just about anything. She is looking for attention and looking for boundaries. She doesn't have limits and boundaries set at home, and yes, at first she will rebel against them, but she NEEDS them and is craving them. It's likely why she is stealing stuff.
She's not promiscuous, but does talk about kissing boys a lot. She likes to shorten her school skirt, but no real actions. I am confident no sexual abuse would be going on, as she never, and I mean never, leaves my sisters side. My sister may not discipline her right but she absolutely would never hurt her kids. She would kill anyone that did.

This was her response to me today about me saying that hey... I was online, I saw you. She said "i was not on facebook at 2:30 in the morning i was sleeping so it had to be a ghost then because i was sleeping at 2:30 in the morning so it wasint me then and mommy said i can not be on facebook when nobody is home so got to go to bed good night because i am not at school i am at home im sick good night "

I am waiting for her answer as to why she said "because I felt like it" when I asked why she was up late then if it's a "ghost" **rolls eyes**

She definitely gets boundaries when she is here. I dont care if it looks like Im mean, if she does wrong she will be in time out. Same as Lily... my sister has said that the kids dont like it when Im hard on them and I told her I expect the same thing if Lily was there and misbehaving. If a kid does something wrong it shouldnt be just tossed aside.

Also, my Mom said she's been sending her text messages saying "Hi bob" and my Mom asks "who is bob?" She said thats just a joking name she calls people. So now we are wondering if there is some person she is talking to online called Bob, or if Bob is some real person. I just dont know.
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  #19  
April 30th, 2011, 08:21 PM
mayandsofiasmommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Why is the dad banned from your house? Also, they should probably get her evaluated- now you said she has learning disabilities. Does she have an IEP? Here, when they do an IEP the school psychologist is involved and if there are any red flags about oppositional defiant or borderline personality, they usually pick up on it (but not always). If not, I would encourage the mom to get her evaluated. There is something going on with this girl.
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  #20  
May 2nd, 2011, 12:56 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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A better question to start with is why does a 9 year old have unsupervised access to the internet, let alone facebook?!?!?!?! That would be the FIRST thing to go. No internet when someone's not there to watch. All computers pass coded.

I pity you hun. I do. A friend of mine had a sister like this, her parents sucked with boundaries too. And they're regretting it now. She's a senior in highschool and they had to get her an IUD because she wouldn't stop sleeping around. They were terrified she'd get pregnant and "never remembered" to take the pill. All started as boy crazy and pushing the limits.....

Hopefully your sister starts doing her children a favor and parenting them rather than trying to be their friend. That will come later in life, once they're grown up.
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