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  #1  
May 19th, 2011, 12:50 PM
♥womanintheshoe♥'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm in a situation with my mom and I need some input. Seems the right place to put this is here as it is a random topic.

I am taking my dc on vacation next week to the town I grew up in. My mom lives there still and has been talking on the phone to some of my dc about trails she can take them on, etc. She has not talked to me directly so I haven't shared my plans with her or vice versa. I sent her this email two nights ago:

As it stands we will be there on the 26th as planned. Tyler told me you shared your plans with him as far as trails, etc. We need to talk because I have a bunch of stuff I have already planned, none of it set in stone as I refuse to be held to a schedule while on vacation yet definitely things I want to do with the kids.

Love, Karen

Before I share her response, would you ladies mind telling me if you think this email is offensive? My purpose was to connect with her, let her know that I'm aware of her plans yet I have some of my own (not set in stone I put in there particularly) so we need to coordinate/work together to set things up.

Will be back to check responses...
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One-time "I'm NEVER having kids!" woman to mama of 11. Love living the beautiful life I thought I never wanted. ♥

Also missing 11 precious little ones here with us but for a moment.

VERY cautiously expecting after two losses early 2013. Hoping and praying my Valentine's Day due date baby sticks this time.

Last edited by ♥womanintheshoe♥; May 19th, 2011 at 01:06 PM.
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  #2  
May 19th, 2011, 02:43 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar I'm climbin' in yo window
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I think your email was perfectly acceptable. I don't think it is unreasonable, whatsoever, to ask that your mother coordinate with you on making plans.
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  #3  
May 19th, 2011, 02:53 PM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think what you wrote is just fine. Not offensive sounding.
Wouldn't it be kinda fun if she took just a few of the kids at a time each day on a trail or something so you can have some one on one time with some of the kiddos too? From what Tyler has shared with you he seems to be excited about spending time with grandma. This is assuming she's one to hold her side of a bargain!
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  #4  
May 19th, 2011, 04:19 PM
♥womanintheshoe♥'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Arizona
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Quote:
So talk. My crime was to be hospitable.

I don't have a ****** thing planned. If you had a lot of things planned, it probably would have been a good idea to let me know -- not because I'm planning anything, but because it is natural for me to think about things the kids might enjoy. My bad -- not.
This is her response to me. How would you respond?
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One-time "I'm NEVER having kids!" woman to mama of 11. Love living the beautiful life I thought I never wanted. ♥

Also missing 11 precious little ones here with us but for a moment.

VERY cautiously expecting after two losses early 2013. Hoping and praying my Valentine's Day due date baby sticks this time.
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  #5  
May 19th, 2011, 04:25 PM
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Yipes! I think she certainly took that the wrong way I don't know how I'd exactly respond to that!
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  #6  
May 19th, 2011, 05:29 PM
Poncho06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I wouldn't respond to that. I send her an email letting her know when you'll be there and what activities you have planned for that she can attend so your kids can see her if they want.
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  #7  
May 19th, 2011, 06:18 PM
♥womanintheshoe♥'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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^^I did send her an email but it was a bit...stronger. I was respectful but clearly told her that her bad attitude would not affect our vacation and so unless she could get over herself she would not see us, period. I did tell her that I will be making my own plans now rather than trying to coordinate with her.

I haven't heard back from her. Waiting for the bomb to go off...
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One-time "I'm NEVER having kids!" woman to mama of 11. Love living the beautiful life I thought I never wanted. ♥

Also missing 11 precious little ones here with us but for a moment.

VERY cautiously expecting after two losses early 2013. Hoping and praying my Valentine's Day due date baby sticks this time.
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  #8  
May 19th, 2011, 06:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥womanintheshoe♥ View Post
^^I did send her an email but it was a bit...stronger. I was respectful but clearly told her that her bad attitude would not affect our vacation and so unless she could get over herself she would not see us, period. I did tell her that I will be making my own plans now rather than trying to coordinate with her.

I haven't heard back from her. Waiting for the bomb to go off...
Go you for keeping your head up high!
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  #9  
May 19th, 2011, 08:48 PM
foxfire_ga79
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Honestly? My response would have been to the effect of "oh quit being such a hormonal cow. You know I was only trying to clarify things to make sure we're on the same page. Go fart and you'll feel better."

No really, that's what I'd say. Her response to you was nothing but an attempt to rile you up/guilt trip you. I wouldn't have allowed her to think it bothered me. BUT, that's just what kind of relationship my mother and I have. Yours might not take it the same way as mine. lol My mom and I have learned that if one of us is mad, the other of us has to blow it off and act like it was a petty overreaction while trying to lighten the mood.
Your mom's response was out of line. It's your vacation with your kids, you have the final say. But if you can say something in a funny way to let her know she went overboard, things might go better.
Good luck!
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  #10  
May 19th, 2011, 10:46 PM
♥womanintheshoe♥'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Her response to you was nothing but an attempt to rile you up/guilt trip you. I wouldn't have allowed her to think it bothered me.
My mom is a manipulative petty woman who, when angered/upset, does anything she can to anger/upset the other person. I've not let her get to me in the past and have used either humor or just gentle redirection. I guess this time I'd had it.

I hate that I responded to her in such a harsh way (harsh, not ugly) because she knows she "got me". But, I hope that because I didn't stoop to her ugliness that perhaps she realizes that I will meet her head on this time.

I'll have to remember your response for future reference, lol! I don't mind humor but this time she just threw her stuff at me at the wrong time and in the wrong way.

Thanks for the input, ladies. I needed to know if I was missing something in the email I sent her and if I was seeing too much in her email back.
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One-time "I'm NEVER having kids!" woman to mama of 11. Love living the beautiful life I thought I never wanted. ♥

Also missing 11 precious little ones here with us but for a moment.

VERY cautiously expecting after two losses early 2013. Hoping and praying my Valentine's Day due date baby sticks this time.
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  #11  
May 20th, 2011, 07:02 AM
Repti.Mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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She kinda sounds like my mom, unfortunately, and that's why the kids barely see her. She's so wrapped up in her own world that it's all about her plans, her time, her money blahblahblah. ANYWAY... I think Foxfire's response was pretty hilarious, and I'm sorry she is being such a hormonal cow!
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  #12  
June 1st, 2011, 07:44 AM
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If it is was me I would have been specific. I go through the same thing when I go back home for like a wedding or something and so I send her a text tell her what days EXACTLY I am going to be there be SPECIFIC in what I have planned and then tell her if you want, we have this day open to spend with you. You have to remain in control of the situation, dont let her walk all over you...
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