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  #1  
July 27th, 2011, 11:25 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
My relationship is really on the rocks right now, and I am doing my best to fight for what I lost. I would really appreciate some good thoughts/prayers my way.... because right now I'm barely keeping my head above water.

Thanks
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  #2  
July 27th, 2011, 11:58 AM
New Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 7,967


I hope you're able to work through things. Wishing you all the best.
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  #3  
July 27th, 2011, 03:36 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
Thanks Miss I am doing what I can to repair it, even if that means time apart from Tony (even though the thought is ******* killing me). We have been through hell and back, we can get through this. I know it
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  #4  
July 27th, 2011, 04:11 PM
L-SBB's Avatar Bébé Cowgirl
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 9,810
HUGS i hope things get better soon for you...it sounds like you're doing everything you can to fix the situation. Sorry it's so stressful for you right now.
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  #5  
July 27th, 2011, 09:39 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 427
Praying for you, if that's okay!
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  #6  
July 28th, 2011, 12:30 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squishy View Post
Praying for you, if that's okay!
That would be awesome. Im praying myself, and I dont pray. I need to now though.

Thanks
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  #7  
July 28th, 2011, 12:46 AM
Jintana's Avatar Dragoness
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Milpitas, CA
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Wishing you peace and resolution and a return to normalcy and confidence.
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  #8  
July 28th, 2011, 09:54 AM
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,656
Sending our thoughts to you!
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1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
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  #9  
July 28th, 2011, 11:53 AM
foxfire_ga79
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Prayers headed your way from Georgia.
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  #10  
July 28th, 2011, 03:49 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 26,608
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I'm sorry hun! Will be sending you good thoughts and prayers here too!
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Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
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Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
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Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
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  #11  
July 28th, 2011, 04:10 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
We are semi making progress.... he's at least moved from "no this is over and I cant see you right now because it hurts too much" to still semi doubting, but he is slowly letting down his guard. Basically, he's coming down to the point that the last time we fought and stayed together, it was the "last time" we were going to do this. Well this blow up was kind of silly... but perhaps necessary. He is now saying if we do try again, that I will try the "last time" stuff next time. Which I won't. I said this is it, this has to be it, but he has to give me the chance to change because I didnt stick to my word last time.

I will make a post now explaining the whole situation, and why this blow up was kind of silly, it did have basis, but it's nothing that was that serious. Although, it was needed to get me to see just how fragile we are right now and how hard I need to work to fix this up between us, for the real "last time" which will hopefully end in us remaining together forever.

So... hang tight... I'll explain in a few
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  #12  
July 28th, 2011, 05:01 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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So this might be long, probably will be, but it's necessary to kind of explain the past we had.

Tony and I started off as friends nearly 7 years ago. I had just left Lily's father, just turned 20, and wanting to be free and have fun because of the **** Lil's Dad put me through. I had known Tony since I was 16, but we started to talk and get close. I find out he has a girlfriend, but thats okay, I didnt expect anything to happen. He was a good friend.

Then we talk more and more, and one day he visits Colorado (he lived in Wyoming then), we hung out, and it happened... we slept together. At this point him and his girlfriend were really on the rocks and they both started to date other people. I'd say that there was a good 8 months of us casually seeing each other when he was in town and talking online everyday. We became very, very close. Too close, and he had to end it because his heart wasn't in it in the way that I wanted. Which was okay, we stayed best friends.

So for a few years we each date our own people, but we kept finding each other again. We would break up with someone, and sleep together again.

Then one time something snapped in me... I couldn't mess with my head any longer and sleep with him. So we stopped and I somewhat pulled back. Then to my surprise... guess who reels me in?! We hang out as strictly just friends, but my head was really messed up because I wanted more. One day we went out, and I had to say it. I told him I loved him, and wanted to be with him without this back and forth bs. He said the same, and didnt want to admit it because he said loving someone the way he did scared him.

So for about a year we have an amazing relationship. Truly, it was awesome. Then our "friends" interfere. My "best friend" convinces Tony Im cheating on him. I never, ever, ever cheated. NEVER will. He hangs out with my friend behind my back, lies to me, and it put a rift in us. Then I find out that Tony cheated on me. I was devastated. I find out he had cheated one time prior to that as well. The last time he cheated he was on vacation with his best friend, and slept with his friends wifes friend (isnt that a mouthful!) This becomes key information later.... well I kind of flipped. We were living together at this point, and I had no idea how my world became so broken. We talk, and realize what a lot of our problems were. We got rid of my "friend," and I asked him to not speak to that girl. I do not request much of Tony... but did require that. He blocked her on myspace, and we never saw her when we visited his friend in Wyoming.

Well over the years since then I have a tendency to push him away. I think I get scared of getting hurt, so I hurt others before they can do it to me. But I can't do that to him. We go through this tug of war process hurting each other, then semi fixing it, and not finishing what needs to be fixed.

So finally, it all comes to a head on his birthday (the 22nd). I have been feeling like **** from my medicine and took it out on him. I wouldnt even make his **** birthday cake... I was seriously being an old hag. I hate this medicine and how it makes me feel, and did quit yesterday. Im not taking it any more. But I made him feel crappy and regret it. The next day he was going camping, and I didn't want to go. To be fair my medicine makes me so hot, that being in the scorching sun wasn't my idea of fun. But then he came home later the next night, and I could tell something was bugging him.

We then start bickering about our relationship, and our actions. Things seem to go okay, and I mention how a guy friend requested me on facebook that previously tried to break us up. I didnt accept, and he said "But you accepted before." Which is true... a few years ago I did accept his request, but took him off about a week later. Well I then say "To be fair, I saw you readded that girl from Wyoming. I didnt cheat, you did. But I trust you, and know you wouldn't do anything with her. But to be honest it does bug me." He then starts to say how he's not happy and how I've been acting, and how we are done. I havent been the nicest, but surely didnt see this coming.

So ever since it's been this in-limbo feeling, where we are taking two steps forward, one step back. I am promising to change on my end, and asking for another chance to not be the royal ***** I've been. I accept that I hurt him and am determined to change it. So for now... it's just waiting. I don't know what will happen. I am hoping we can go up to the casino for the weekend and stay in a suite and just relax. Or go camping, even despite my body probably not regulating from my meds by then. I can go and feel like crap... Id rather show him Im determined to change my actions and win him over again. So for now... that's how it is. Its not completely done, we are moving closer to another chance than we were yesterday when it was as if he didnt want to speak to me. But he did assure me that no matter what, he will be in my life as a friend. But right now... I just don't know where we stand.

He is my best friend, the person I want to raise my daughter with and help him raise his son. So Im willing to try anything to help bring ourselves back to what we once were. Im just hoping it isn't too late and he gives me a chance
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  #13  
July 28th, 2011, 09:35 PM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
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Location: Australia
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Good luck with mending your relationship, I truly hope that you guys can patch things up and be happy together.
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Nothing is better than being with your family. Finally reunited after 5 long months <3
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  #14  
July 28th, 2011, 11:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
I think we are getting there... we have made a ton of progress today. Actually talking, and I think he is willing to give this another chance. I'm not pushing him, but we are at least more on the "try again" side than the "no way" side

Thanks for the thoughts
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  #15  
July 29th, 2011, 02:50 AM
*Dayna*'s Avatar Aussie Mama
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,329
That's great!!! It's such a harrowing time when you don't know what's going on. Good luck to you, hopefully your news keeps getting better and better.
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Nothing is better than being with your family. Finally reunited after 5 long months <3
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  #16  
July 29th, 2011, 10:47 AM
New Mama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 7,967
I hope you and Tony are able to work through everything. It sounds like that's what you both want. Just take it one day at a time. Good luck.
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  #17  
July 30th, 2011, 04:00 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Posts: 26,608
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I hope things are still getting better! I'm sorry they've been rough!
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Awesome siggy made by Jaidynsmum

Me: Hashi's, PCOS, Insulin resistant, Multiple miscarriages
Polypectomy - 08/21/14 Laproscopy - 12/05/2014
Him: MFI low count, low morphology, low motillity
Seeing MFI specialist/RE in 2015. Vitamins started August 2nd
Cycle 1: Clomid cd3-7 ~ bfn
Cycle 2: Clomid cd 3-7 ~ beta negative (< 3)
Cycle 3: Lap on cd 2 - Femara cd 3-7 - Testing Christmas Day
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  #18  
July 31st, 2011, 12:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,090
This weekend was EXACTLY what we needed. We spent a nice weekend with the kids but had some quality alone time as well. I think the crap in our lives was kind of infiltrating the relationship more than it should, plus both of us not working out our problems was totally messing us up. Getting away from everyone else but the kids was really nice. I think it will be okay... the weekend was a reminder of why we are together, and why we need to work harder. So it was good

As a side note... Lily didnt do too well in her swimming lessons. She didnt pass the second level and couldnt do much real swimming. Well we took the kids swimming, and all of a sudden she can swim. Not terribly well, but if she fell into a pool she can absolutely hold her own. I couldn't believe it, it was like a lightbulb went off and suddenly she can swim!! So I am super proud of her
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