[ShannonMVT]

I am really upset right now and don't know what to think.

Dh's sister called and told us she is pregnant. Not only that but she is 5 months pregnant. With her boyfriend who she is not even serious about. She didn't even know until 5 weeks ago.

Right now people in Dh's family are trying to tell her she should give the baby up for adoption. Her boyfriend wants to live together and raise the baby with her and I think that's what she will probably do even though I know the family will be upset if they aren't married, plus they believe this guy isn't marriage material.

My feelings are all over the place. I feel bad for my SIL because I know this isn't great for her. She was trying to get her life together and go back to school and now all of a sudden this happens. But at the same time I am so jealous. Why does it get to be her and not me? Just hearing her talk and say that she is thinking about what is best for the baby and how all her hormones are going crazy and how it would rip her apart to have to give her baby up...it kills me because I want that. I want to have a baby growing inside of me and love it so much and know I would do anything for it.

I know it's petty, but I'm also upset that now we won't be the ones to make my in-laws grandparents. She will get to have the first grandchild. If we hadn't lost our Dear One, he would be born right around now, everyone would be excited for us and then SIL's baby would have a cousin close in age.

I haven't had to deal with anyone really close to me being pregnant before now. I thought I wouldn't have to since no one I know is TTC. Now I know I'll have to watch her belly get bigger, go to her baby shower, see and hold her baby and have a new little niece or nephew when I so desperately want a baby of own. I don't know how I'm going to hold it together and be there for her when she has everything I've hoped for growing inside her.

[LindsLuvsSi]

Awwwww I'm so sorry Shannon!! I kinda know what you are going through. The second cycle of TTC right when we got a BFN my SIL called saying "you're gonna be an aunt/uncle." I bawled for weeks. They weren't even trying and got what we were trying for. It hurt. Then the next cycle my other "SIL" (DH's best friend's wife, they are like bro's) told us they were expecting. That hurt too. They were due a month apart. I thought for sure we'd get pregnant by the time their babies, our nephews were born, but that didn't happen. It hurt so much, hearing them talk about how they HATED being pregnant and the morning sickness and everything. I would have given anything to experienced that. It was hard seeing their u/s and newborn pics, but I realized that I had to deal with it because they are my nephews and I wanted to be a good aunt not a bitter one, so what helped me was I went out baby shopping for them, maybe that will help you. I hope you get pregnant before she's due. (that's crazy she just found out~ ) Good luck and Hang in there. (I can imagine the loss of Dear One makes it even harder, we hadn't had our miscarriage till after the nephews were born. I'm sorry Shannon)

[wishingxxx]

It's never straight forward is it?
You are gonny have your time,and you'll forget all this ever happened with your SIL,dont feel low about it,it could be a good thing for her, (Her boyfriend wants to live together and raise the baby with her),you're gonny love spending time with the baby too,i know i absolutely dote on my neice and nephew, they were here before i was TTC,and in a way they made up for us not having any children.
I hope this helps,i dont mean it to sound like you are making a mountain out of a molehill,because i know you arent,and it does hurt,but you can be happy for her and enjoy her time with her,then itll be you!!!
Plenty training too lol!!
Good luck honey,its all good!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS......Lindsey,your new siggy is gorgeous xx

[Celry]

Your reaction is completely normal and understandable. I am not a crier, but I was bawling when my sister told me she was pregnant again. She and her husband weren't preventing, but weren't trying either. She'd just stopped breastfeeding their first child and hadn't had AF yet. This will get easier. With time, you'll feel better about this. Even when you're ok with it, you'll probably have days when it hits you again. Hopefully you'll have a BFP soon and will be able to enjoy your pregnancy along with hers.

[~Andrea~]

I know exactly how you feel. My brother, who is 20, has a child who just turned a year. Granted, he had his baby before we started TTC, but everytime I see my nephew with my younger brother, I get a little twinge in my heart. I love my nephew, and my brother dearly, but its hard. My brother doesn't have a job, no solid place to live, is always in trouble with the law for not paying rent and such...and he is the one who has a baby. The mom isn't any better either.

I also have a good friend of mine who is 5 months pregnant. Her and her DH told us she was pregnant at a bad time for me. (I had gone over 100 days without a period and I couldn't figure out why since I wasn't pregnant). Now I am really happy for her, but talking to her about being pregnant and her baby is still hard sometimes. Atleast she is grateful and she doesn't complain about being pregnany.

AND...(sorry for all of the stories here, Im just on a roll!) A couple of weeks ago, DH had one of his contracted vendors over. He got married the same day we did. Let me tell you how the converstation went.

Him: Did you know we got married the same day
Me: Yeah, thats what I was...
Him: Are you planning to have kids soon?
Me: Umm...We are probably going to wait...
Him: Wait!?!? See, my wife threw out her BCP as soon as we got back from the honeymoon and she was pregnant that cycle!
Me: (Shoots a darting look at my husband to get this guy out of my kitchen) LOL

That was probably the hardest one to take. That was MY story. Well, should have been.

(((HUGS)))

[Mum2three]

Shannon first of BIG

I understand your feelings and to be honest we all go through that. Its only natural. Dont doubt yourself. Sometimes God does things to wake the person up to smell reality. I would of reacted the same way as you.
But remember you will be the next one to announce that your expecting. Keep your chin up high and just remember that. We are all here for you! Just keep thinking that God has a plan for you. and hes going to give you the baby you have been longing for.

I can tell you after i lost my son, my best friend was pregnant with her daughter, and both babies were a day apart for the due dates. and when she had her baby and i didnt have mine, it wasnt that i hated her, but i was really upset. And now she still has her daughter and shes 9 months old. But i had put it like this, well god took my son cause he needed him up with him, and her baby had to be here to give me hope for the future. It took awhile to realize that. but it brought my attitude down.

we all care for you here, and we want you to announce that your pregnant!!!!

Loves ya like a fat kid loves cake!

[dng]

I have been through the same thing. In fact, I am a nurse on a med-surg floor but we occasionally get OBGYN. I have had two people tell me that they did not care what happened to their baby, they just wanted to be able to go home. My SIL is now pregant with their 3rd child. THey depend on my parents financially when they get in a bind. I am in a place where I feel like I could do it all. I am ready. I will say a prayer for you when I say mine today!!

[ShannonMVT]

Thanks everyone. I have been so upset and emotional about it this weekend. I know part of it is that it's just a hard month for me anyway, since our angel was due this month, so this is just heaping more heartache on top of that you know? Because I haven't been able to get pregnant since then and now I have to deal with that? And like I said, I know it is so much worse for her. Even though she gets a baby and I know she will love it, it's not what she had planned for her life and she is not with a man that she loves.

Just plain and simple, it hurts. I know I have to and will somehow find a way to deal with it, but it does hurt to feel like everything keeps getting worse and worse for me. I just don't understand why it has to be this way or why it is this way for any of us really.

I'm feeling a little better after venting on here, talking online and talking to my mom. I just hate it because I know it is something that is going to continue to be hard. At least I can "get past" my due date, but I will have to be reminding of what I don't have every time I see SIL's belly or later, her baby.

I wish I could hope that I'd get pregnant soon so that it wouldn't hurt so much, but that just doesn't seem to be my luck. I don't feel very optimistic anymore because it just seems like God would rather keep throwing more and more crap at me than to actually answer my prayers with a baby.