Feeling Sad

ShannonMVT · #1 April 27th, 2008, 10:07 AM

Realized maybe I should post this here.

Dh and I went to go see his aunt and uncle yesterday to work out some business stuff. Well his aunt ended up showing us pictures of Dh's cousin's new baby. She was born in March, just a month before Thomas was due. It hurt so bad to have to see those newborn baby pics and how happy their family was and to know how much I want that.

I want this to be my month so much but I am so afraid it's not. I'm afraid of getting tests run next month. I'm afraid of going on Femara. I'm afraid of doing all that and giving it my everything and still having it not be enough. I'm afraid that even if I do finally get pregnant, that I'll lose that baby too.

I'm afraid I'm never going to have a baby in my arms.

I just never thought it would take this long to get pregnant again and I feel so broken.

I just wish my Dh would tell me that it's going to be okay and we will have a baby someday. Instead I end up feeling like he may not even go for the Femara and not anything after that. So I'm scared about what if trying on our own doesn't work?

Instead it seems like he is more "it will happen when/if it's meant to happen" and I just can't stand the thought of it not being meant to be.

I wish he was on the same page as me. It's like it doesn't even bother him at all that we should already have a baby by now. Whereas it just kills me because I want it so much.

I'm just so emotional lately and crying about everything and I hate it.

LindsLuvsSi · #2 April 27th, 2008, 10:23 AM

Awwww

Shannon. I'm so sorry. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. The same situation is here. (I have a feeling AF is coming and we may be moving to the UK in June, so if AF does show we'd only have one more cycle with Femara :'( and I'm afraid it won't work either. Then after that we'd be on our own and that just kills me. Cause I know we need medical assistance. My DH sounds like yours with the "it'll happen when it's supposed to" attitude and yea I agree it doesn't really help too much. I wish he understood my pains and feelings.)

I hope yours agrees to the Femara if it comes to that, but I hope it doesn't for you. (Mine really wasn't for conceiving unnaturally, he wanted to conceive naturally but it won't happen that way so we have to go to the next step. hopefully yours will rise that sometiems it doesn't work/happen that way) Good luck and big hugs

Hang in there, believe me I know it's NOT easy, TTC for me & the loss has been the hardest thing ever. I wish it wasn't/didn't have to be like this. But I am sure we're supposed to be learning something in the process and we'll love our child even more than we can imagine. ANd I know we'll get those miracles too.

Mum2three · #3 April 27th, 2008, 10:51 AM

Oh hun!! im so sorry to hear about that. You are a good person to have even looked at the pictures.
Its very hard to do something like that. We are all here for you no matter what!!

Hugs to you

and its ok to be emotional, we are only humans.

lil.Guppy · #4 April 27th, 2008, 10:52 AM

I wish I could be there to give you a hug. I get so bummed out when I hear other women getting upset about these subjects.
Stay strong and positive.

#5 April 27th, 2008, 10:59 AM

I think a lot of us have these same fears, and it sucks. I have come to the conclusion that the only rational and sane thing to do is to take it one small step at a time, without thinking too far ahead about "what ifs". I know that is hard to do, especially with your loss, and being in the tww is emotional. But I have decided that if I didn't stop doing the "what if" game, I was going to go crazy and stress out to the point that it may hinder pregnancy even more. So just focus on the tests and be positive that any results will get you one step closer to conceiving again. Only after that point should you worry about what the dx is and what drugs you will need to take. And then the worries about what to do if the drugs/procedures don't work come after that, but they are at least 2 or 3 months away from now, so don't stress about it now when all it does is hurt you.

That is my voice of reason, but I do completely relate to how you feel. It is hard, and your feelings are so normal. Even knowing I shouldn't get too worked up about things that aren't on my plate right now, I do sometimes. We all do. But we are here for you, and I firmly believe you will get pregnant again, carry to term, and be the BEST mom to your child!