So I' having a bad day today. I hate Monday's to begin with. But today has been hard. (Hope you ladies don't mind if I vent a lil.....)
Well for starters, Ottie has discovered his voice and barks 24/7....and he likes to bite. Grrr it's frustrating.
Second, I went to the passport place to get my passport in my new married last name and the lady was a witch with a B. (and she was pregnant!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) She was soooooooooooooo mean. I left in tears!!!
I was on facebook and found out about this girl I went ot middle school with and did gymnastics with just had a baby. She's not married and single. (wasn't trying and here we are trying so hard and wanting to be a family so badly and everyone else around us gets "accidentally" knocked up.) It just really hurts me.
Thirdly, I've just been having a hard time. I've been super irritable and emotional. I've been having cramping off and on and I
really think and feel AF is coming. I really really don't want her too obviously. I want a BFP. I don't want to go on to cycle #19 or month #15.
Lastly, I've been a lil stressed/worried because of DH's job. He applied for a job in London, UK. And we're praying he gets it. It'd be awesome hours 9:30 - 5:30 M-F instead of 9-10pm M-S. It'd be great pay and he'd get 2 weeks off for Christmas, a week for Easter and 10 other vacation days. And if he works over time, instead of overtime pay he'd get vacation days! Currently he has none of that. No vacation days. The studio only closed for one day- Christmas day. That's it! They always work on holidays and weekends. His BF lives there with his wife and baby boy- so I'd have someone to hang out with!
(the down side is we'd have to leave Ottie behind
)
Our rent here ends May 31. So if London goes through then I need to start packing up our place. We'd be putting everythign in storage here and driving back to TX and FL to visit our families before we'd fly to London. So the thoguth of packing and moving and a big change is a lil bit stressful. And DH working 24/7 is a lil difficult too. I really need him at times like this, but he can't be home. Which is a main reason he applied in London. So we can spend more time togehter
I am trying not to think of the future, but it's a lil difficult, mainly with such a possible BIG move in a month or so. And a long road trip from CA to FL on top of that, packing, trying to get pregnant and dealing with these crazy emotions. And if we're not pregnant this cycle next cycle would be our last chance with the meds/RE, if we would be moving overseas. If next cycle doesn't work either we'd be on a flight to the UK. Infertility treatment over there is difficult....yes some is free, but there's a LONG waiting list. I honestly can't wait much longer, the urge and desire gets stronger each cycle and the emotions get harder with each AF/BFN. Then there's the option of paying out of pocket for private infertility treatment, which would mean, going through the whole infertility doc process again. Basically starting all over. (I don't think my curent reconds would work there since a different country and stuff) So there'd be many fees we'd have to pay and tests we'd have to go through that we already have done...such as New patient fee, blood work fees, S/A fee, meds, U/S, each visit fee, IUI or IVF. So that would probably mean, waiting a month + to get in for a new patient visit, then another cycle for procedures/bloodwork and testing and then maybe another cycle for an ultrasound and then another till treatment. And that's so long to be waiting. It was SOOOOOO hard for me when we want to wait from Jan till April for the fertility meds. It was torture. There is no way I can wait that long again. We want to be pregnant already. (which was another factor we wanted to happen before we would move to London, to make it an easier transition for us. Cause we know it'd be hard for me to see Dh's bf son.
I was pretty positive about this cycle before, since I had the meds (was on a higher than normal dose too) and we BD every other day, pretty good timing I think. So I thought and was hoping that it'd work the first time. But lately I've jsut not been feeling it. I've been sooo down. I feel and think AF is coming and that's the last thing I want. She's the last thing I wanna see. I really want to be pregnant. (we were hoping we'd be pregnant so for our road trip, I'd be like 7.5 weeks along, we decided we'd want to after 6 weeks to make the announcement. And it'd be fun to do it in person to our families. Especially with my SIL accidentally pregnant again, she's 9 weeks along and has a 6 month old! (so she got pregnant when my nephew was 4 months) I wish I could be a fertile myrtle like that!! I'd give anything to have babies, be pregnant and be a mommy and a family. This is not getting easier, only harder. I don't know how much more I can take
I'm aching inside. Is being pregnant to much to ask for??? I didn't think so. Why am I fertility challenged??
Sorry for the lengthy ramble.
I'm just sooooooo emotional right now. I'm in tears.
They won't stop, just like the heartache and pain. I'm just having a very bad/hard day/time. I really wish DH was home. I hate Mondays and I hate being infertile and not pregnant.
But on a good note- Jamie and I are hanging out tomorrow~!!
And I'm so excited to go shopping and hang with her!!
We'll post pics!!
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having a bad day
Lindsey. I hope you guys find out news on the job soon. I know how stressful it can be to have all that up in the air. I am also praying that this is your month. It would be perfect if you guys got a BFP, and DH got the new job. It would just be wonderful going to visit your family and tell them the good news in person.
Pending how long we'll be there we may ship him over there, but it's realllly $$$$$. So I doubt we'd have extra money to bring him there and back whenever we came back. So that's one of the main/sad issues. 
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