[ShannonMVT]

Okay first off, I don't want to sound rude but *please* don't reply and tell me how much your Dh is dying to have a baby. It's just depressing to me.

Mine is just so neutral. He doesn't WANT kids but he doesn't NOT want kids. He is TTCing with me because he knows how much I want children and he believes that once our baby is born, he will love the baby. It's just not something he desires for his own personal self, if that makes sense.

Like today when I told him about the BFN, he said he was sorry and that maybe it would happen next month. And that was it. I asked him if he was sad and he said no. I totally believe him. Trust me, it's not one of those things where he is just saying that to put on a brave face. He is honestly not sad about it. To him, he just thinks it will happen eventually so there's no point being sad about it.

If I told him tomorrow that I didn't want to have kids, he would say that is fine by him. And we wouldn't be TTC anymore.

Does anyone else have a Dh like this? Anybody?! Is this normal at all?

Because it really bugs me. I just want to feel like we are totally in this together but there is nothing I can do to change his feelings about it.

[Mum2three]

Shannon, first of Big hugs.

your DH is completely normal. men sometimes never take anything like this to heart. They just dont think. But im sure when you get a bfp he will be more excited. He may just feel to blame cause your not getting pregnant fast. At least your DH is in the situation, and whats to make a baby. most men dont.

I will be honest. When i was trying for Makenna, i had to hide it all from Dwayne. The reason being is he would make sure to fall asleep when i was "o"ing. he didnt want to take the time to have or make another baby. but i knew in my heart that i wanted another child. And when i called him at work and told him we were pregnant, he couldnt make sense of it. i had to hide it all from him..lol..

you are a lucky girl, that you have all of us on here.
Men tend to never think about the heart breaks we go through every month. they just want to see it happen so the big stress of catching that egg isnt left to them. and sometimes woman can make there men feel like crap for not getting a bfp every month.

I hope that kinda helped. We are all here for you. And every day i wish there was a BFP..
You and dh will make it.

[ShannonMVT]

Thanks Brandy. I think he was a little excited when I was pg before, although it was never as "real" to him as it was to me. When we lost the baby he was sad, he just got over it quickly.

I don't even think he feels bad about me not getting pg quickly. He just thinks there is nothing wrong with either of us, and it will happen eventually. Like it will happen when it's meant to happen so there is no point stressing over it or being upset that it didn't happen that particular month.

I always try not to make him feel like it's his fault. I feel like it is my fault, like I am broken or defective because I ovulate each month but I still don't get pg. WTH, you know?

It just leaves me feeling uneasy when I feel like he doesn't want this the way that I do. I don't know if he will ever really "get it" until he has a baby placed in his arms.

[xanada101]

Hmmm.... well my DH honestly doesn't care either way, it basically my call. Of course he HAS two children, so my situation is a little different. I mean yeah he gets excited at the thought of us having one together (on occassion), but he's totally fine not having one either. For a long time I wasn't sure if he really even wanted one or if he would love it as much as his first two. I mean he has a boy and a girl already, so what excitement is left for him, or so I thought. I think part of it was what I was reading into it. So yes, I think your DH is normal.... and when you finally DO hold your baby, I bet he will be happier than you can ever imagine.

[FyreMommy2B]

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

Shannon, my dh is the same exact way. When I was pg with Haley, he was happy but....not like me. It didn't hit him until he held her. I'm sure it will be the same with yours. Mine could also care less if we get pg again. He says if it is meant to be, it will happen. He got over my m/c very quickly. Like it was nothing. I know how you feel. It sucks to feel like you are in this alone every month. I hope it gets better for you and you get a BFP very soon!

[~Kate T~]

I am just lurking since I have not been TTC 6+ months however, I do have experience w/ my DH that sounds a lot like yours. I think it is very normal. Most men are not maternal. We have maternal hormones that give us such a strong pull to have children.

My DH was not even trying (but I was) when we got pg wtih our DD and he was not very excited or supportive during the pregnancy but, he did change after our little girl was born.

He did agree to try for our DS (I think he didn't want an only child and he wanted a boy). He was still not very excited or supportive during the pregnancy. But, he is a decent dad and loves our children very much. Now I am hoping for #3 and he is extemely hesitant. He is not saying No, never. But, he is avoiding and I am trying. I actually had to laugh when I read Brandi's post. That is how it is for me now. DH is avoiding fertile times but, doesn't want to flat out admit that he is. Lucky for you Brandi that it happened--Congrats!

So, hang in there Shannon and just realize you need to continue to reach out to other women like you have been b/c many men like your DH and mine just don't understand.

Best of luck for your sticky BFP

[Hopingfor1soon]

Hey Shannon....
I know exactly what you are talking about!! My DH was one that said "It will happen when (if) it happens". That drove me absolutely nuts!! Some days I just wanted to smack him!! haha I actually scheduled the RE consultation and all of that without even talking to him first...then when I told him he was like "Why would you do that, I am sure we are fine". I made him come anyways....and come to find out we were not fine....so he felt really bad about that afterwards.

But even now that he knows we are going to struggle to get pg he doesnt seem to care that much. In fact yesterday I had a complete melt down after my RE appt....and he just kept saying "Im sorry...it will happen when it happens" I just wanted to tell him to stop saying that and maybe act like he truly cared about having a baby right now!! I didnt say that, but I am pretty sure that next time something like that gets said, I will be saying it! haha

If you ever need to talk about anything like that or otherwise...I am here for you! I can totally relate!! Things will get better honey!! I promise!

[ShannonMVT]

\and he just kept saying "Im sorry...it will happen when it happens" I just wanted to tell him to stop saying that and maybe act like he truly cared about having a baby right now!![/b]

Girl, it is like you are reading my mind.

Thanks for all of you who understand, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one with a clueless Dh. I know he'll love our baby so much when it gets here but it sucks that it's not something he can get his mind around and look forward to!

[~Andrea~]

Just wanted to give you big