[DreamChaser]

I saw this on another site - one of the ladies was having the opportunity to share with the members of her church her struggles with TTCing and she was asking the ladies what would they want to teach those out there who always have the answers (for example -"Just relax, may be you are trying to hard" or "You've got plenty of time... don't worry"). Personally I found it very theraputic - so come on ladies, if you had a open form with the "experts" out there - a chance to educate them, what would you say?

For me they would be:

1) Don't assume someone doesn't have a child (or more children) by choice. Yes despite the idea of "family planning", most people cannot wake up one morning, decide they want a baby (or another one) and boom are pregnant. Struggles to get pregnant are real. So please stop asking me when am I going to decide to have kids - I have decided, I just haven't been blessed yet to have one.

2) Don't tell me all I need to do is relax/may be you are trying too hard. This is one of the biggest myths going. Yeah it may affect your O, but it doesn't explain why you are still not pregnant afterwards. Besides this is important to me and with my irregular cycles, you know I have to track when I O - otherwise I may not know if I am late or still waiting to ovulate. Besides I will also need to know the approximate due date should I find myself pregnant!

3) Please don't tell me about Sarah. Being 37, if I ever express concern over my age being a factor in trying to have kids, many well meaning people will give me the example of Sarah in the Bible. First of all I am still in child-bearing age (although advanced) thank you, but also that is also a story of a promise, one that I don't have - yes I believe it is possible, but what if it isn't in the plan.

[bookwormmommy]

Those are good Donna. How about this?
Please don't tell me about your friend who adopted/gave up/ relaxed/ was ABOUT to try fertility treatments and BOOM! She got pregnant. I know you are trying to give me hope but it isn't working. Those stories just depress me because that actually happens very rarely.
Please don't tell me what I need to do. I have educated myself pretty thoroughly on how one becomes pregnant. I am doing everything I am supposed to be doing. I am still not pregnant.
Please stop telling me that "sometimes it takes a little while" Guess what? I know that--I have been ttc for almost a year!
Please don't constantly remind me of how fertile every woman in my family is (mom.) If fertility was hereditary we could all get pregnant. Also (mom again) please stop suggesting that it must be dh who has the problem. For one, that is hurtful, for another it doesn't matter. We are a unit trying to have a baby together. If one of us has a fertility issue we both do and we will work to overcome it together.
Whew! I feel better already!

[groovie]

I know I will just be repeating what ya'll have said already, but maybe I'll fell better if I let it out anyway

I have to agree with Donna's #1. I hate when people assume that I dont have children or that Im not pregnant intentionally. I am so sick and tired of EVERYONE asking when Im going to have children or when we're going to start 'trying' (we havent told that many people we're ttc to avoid these comments, obviously it doesnt help)
Don't assume you know everything. Anytime I tell someone that I have PCOS they act like its no big deal and actually usually dont even know what it is. It is real, it does make it harder for me to have children, and it does affect my life every day. I have to live with it for the rest of my life. It will not go away. Getting pregnant is hard enough as it is, but knowing that I dont ovulate or only ovulate rarely makes it that much harder.
I always hear the 'fertile women' thing from my family too. Im tired tof hearing how I should have 'no problem' getting pregnant
I dont need anymore advice. I know what needs to happen, but wehn my body's not cooperating, it doesnt make it any easier
Don't tell me "it takes time" I know that, Ive been TTC for 9 months and have nothing but problems since i went off the pill 9 months ago. I know 9 months is not a long time, compared to some others that have been TTC for years, so I dont mean to offend anyone when I say that.

Thanks for letting me get that out!

[iamkc]

Oh, those are all so good!!! Especially the fertility one (everyone else is fertile and they didn't even have to try) and assuming that we're waiting. At the same time, I don't want anyone to know that we're TTC, either.

I hate being told to relax, that so many babies are unplanned and no one even had to try. I hate being reminded that my clock is running out and I've had more than my fair share of reproductive problems. I hate being asked in a whisper if I've done anything in my past that would make me less fertile. I hate being told that it probably means that I don't deserve kids, or that it will happen. I've tried to assume that it will happen, too, it's just that I haven't gotten that confirmation.

To everyone who tells me those things, I want to say, I know. Believe me, after 2 years, I've thought about every little bit of it and have assessed and reassessed everything I've done/am doing. But you don't know me. You just heard that I'm trying and have given me so much advice because you did XYZ and got pregnant in the first month!!!

And I'll shut up because I'm pretty sure that I'll start getting more offensive. Hehe.