if it came down to it

dng · #1 May 30th, 2008, 10:28 AM

This is a question I have been thinking about a lot lately. I told my DH that both cost lots of $. With adoption, you will have a child, but if you ever want another, you start all over again. With IVF, you may end up with none, one, or many children. We would love to do IVF and get multiples (2 or 3) and be done with the TTC.

I know I would love to feel what it is like to be pregnant, but maybe I could find somebody who would let me experience it with them if I were going to adopt their baby. I would also consider a surrogate, I think anyway. I don't know much about it and it would depend on the person.

How far will you go to have your own child?? When would you consider adoption??

Sorry for the long questionare, but I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I just am not sure that we will be able to concieve ever. I just don't want to put life on hold and stress about TTC when I could choose another road and have a baby in my arms sooner. If we go to the RE next week and the following test don't look good, I think we will seriously start to discuss adoption.

mom 2 haley & tyler · #2 May 30th, 2008, 10:32 AM

I think adoption is great. There are so many children out there that no one wants. I won't do adoption or IVF. I do have a child already. If it's not meant for me to have another, then I am happy with her. I hope you will be able to get some answers from the RE. Please KUP

lauren in hi · #3 May 30th, 2008, 10:33 AM

I have one child & to tell you the truth, if it were those choices left, I'd probably not TTC any more. But, if $ weren't an issue, I'd consider IVF.

dng · #4 May 30th, 2008, 10:34 AM

I want to see your replies. I will try to check in, but I am going to be driving back and forth to Muenster tons this weekend. My BIL graduates tonight. My DH tomorrow. We have been packing (the computer is about the only thing not packed) and will be moving on Sun. Then come back to clean the apartment and go to RE next week. Who knows when we will get the computer going at the new house.

I was thinking how much different it might be if I already had a child.

Celry · #5 May 30th, 2008, 12:22 PM

I don't think we'd do IVF. Everyone has to do what's right for them, but I don't want to put my body through all the drugs/hormones they use for that. I want children, and while I also want to experience pregnancy, I'm only willing to go so far. I would love an adopted child just as I would a biological child. One of my siblings is adopted and because of him, I know how successful it can be.

A couple I know have been ttc for 7 years. They've done many rounds of IVF and the doctors don't have any answer for them as to why they aren't getting pregnant. They announced last night that they're starting the adoption process. I was so excited for them.

snsgirl336 · #6 May 30th, 2008, 02:05 PM

To be honest, we've talked about both situations and while we haven't decided on IVF or not, we are totally open to adoption. DH said that he'd love to adopt even if we have our own kids. His cousin is adopted and he's always thought that was the coolest thing. So, I guess we're still in the discussion stages!

Emm17 · #7 May 30th, 2008, 02:26 PM

I would do anything I could to have my own babies.
If that were not possible I would adopt for sure.
I just want to raise a child.

LynneD · #8 May 30th, 2008, 02:37 PM

That is also something I have been thinking about alot lately. My body has been through so much since DD was born. I'm not sure I am up for what is involved in IVF. It was a big decision to even TTC again. I think DH is okay with IVF and I know he would adopt. I'm just not sure I can handle the emotional roller coaster of adoption. I'm playing it by ear I guess. I want to see how my testing goes. So my answer is...I have no answer! I'm in the thinking stages.

*becky* · #9 May 30th, 2008, 03:02 PM

I've been thinking about this alot too...honestly, I think we would adopt.

~Andrea~ · #10 May 30th, 2008, 04:02 PM

I think we would do either. But DH has his own rule that he doesn't want to talk about it until it happens. IF things progress that far, we will have more serious talks about it. But until that time, we are counting on the Clomid working.

ShannonMVT · #11 May 30th, 2008, 05:51 PM

I know Dh is not really for IVF. With adoption, he said "maybe" and I think he considers it an option if we haven't had a baby after several years.

As for me, I'm not sure. IVF is so expensive. But part of me really wants to be pregnant again and have that experience. I also want to be able to look at our baby and see me and Dh in him/her. And also if we adopted, it would likely be international and then you don't get the child until they are 9 months -1 year so you miss out on the baby stage.

BUT, I do know the main thing is having a child to raise and love. I have no doubt about how much I would love an adopted child but I think I would need time to grieve the loss of not getting to be pregnant/give birth and all those things.

Here's another monkey wrench...would you ever use donor eggs or donor sperm? Donor eggs, probably not because then you're looking at IVF and a major expense. Donor sperm, it would be tough, but I think if male factor was our only problem, I'd rather do that than adopt.

Carmela · #12 May 30th, 2008, 08:34 PM

We would do IVF and then it that failed consider trying adoption. I would not consider donor anything. If I give birth to the child I want it to be mine AND my DH's, not only half of us.

Hopingfor1soon · #13 May 30th, 2008, 08:54 PM

We will/are definitely open to IVF first. We want to do anything we can to have our own child first. If after lots and lots of years of trying with 0 luck then maybe adoption. Dont get me wrong I think adoption is great, but Im just not sure if its for us.

#14 May 30th, 2008, 09:40 PM

We would do IVF if we had insurance coverage. I don't see how it is that far off from what we are doing now and the IUI we had originally planned for.

We would have no problem with adoption either. Of course I would love some biological children as well.

samspain · #15 May 31st, 2008, 03:13 AM

I would love to have my own children in the first instance and would do IVF, we recently had elections here, and the party that won has promised IVF treatment within 6 months of referral from your family DR, the only requirement is that you have been ttc for a year before they refer you. When I heard about this I went to do the preconception visit and register as "trying". The best thing about it all is that it is 100% covered under the state health system.

You get as many tries until you are pregnant, or decide to try other routes. I also have no problems with adoption, open adoptions and surrogacy is ilegal here, so its more difficult to organise. But DH and I have decided to give it 2 years ttc naturally before considering things.

branbran345 · #16 May 31st, 2008, 07:39 AM

Neither. I am only willing to go as far as IUI. I am not open to adoption.

sethsgirl · #17 May 31st, 2008, 02:07 PM

DH and I plan to adpot a child whether we have our own first or not...however we would like to experience pregnancy and would most likely try IVF if it comes down to it (hoping it doesn't though).

wishingxxx · #18 May 31st, 2008, 02:59 PM

We would definately try IVF,then afterwards if it failed we would certainly adopt.If we manage to have our own baby,then i think we would look to adoption too.
We have looked into fostering respite for children with downs syndrome but it just isnt possible at the moment as we dont have the space,but once the house is sold and we move then we will probably look at that again whilst still TTC.