[ShannonMVT]

I just need to roooooll my eyes about my MIL here.

Background: Dh's sister is pregnant with an unplanned baby in August. She's not sure yet if she will keep the baby and get married to her bf (I don't think he wants to get married until later) or give the baby up for adoption. My inlaws want her to give the baby up for adoption for various reasons, including her maturity level and the fact that she's Christian and her bf is not.

Anyway, the inlaws are planning a vacation since FIL needs to use up vacation time by September. They were talking about how we need to go on vacation (it'll help us get pregnant! ) and then all of a sudden they are asking about us going on vacation with them. Umm. I haven't gone anywhere "big" with my Dh since our honeymoon 4 years ago. If they want me to destress so that we can make a baby, how in the heck is that going to happen if we go on vacation WITH them!? We get along with them, but I guess I am just not cool with the idea of going on vacation with my inlaws. Is that just me?!

So what is really making me is that it JUST NOW dawned on my MIL that "Oh yeah! SIL is due in August" so she calls to find out the exact date and she is due August 20. They want to go on vacation for a week starting August 19. My SIL told them to go ahead and go since the due date could be wrong anyhow. So she said they are going. I can't believe it!

1. That she didn't even know the exact date her daughter was due.
2. That after starting to plan the vacation it took her DAYS to remember that her daughter was due in August.
3. That she is still going to go!

I mean, if SIL does give the baby up for adoption, she is really going to need some support at that time. If she doesn't *shrug* I guess MIL figures her bf will be there and that is good enough?

I just think it's strange. I really can't believe she just "forgot" that she was due that month. DUH.

[MamaAnna]

Wow that sounds really... not right. First there's no reaons she couldn't be an unwed mother. I did it for four years and my children are happy and healthy (excluding their current colds). Marital status and religion should not force her to give up her baby. She could come to resent both later in life and I doubt she will ever, ever stop wondering what happened to that precious life that she gave up. If she's going to be a bad mother then I could understand, but she won't know that until the time comes. Believe me, I'm pro-adoption, I just think that there needs to be way more reasoning into the giving up of a child. Anyways!

Does your MIL talk to anybody about your SIL's pregnancy? That's really screwed up that she didn't know anything about when her grandchild is being born. It sounds almost like they're ashamed of her/it because she's not married. They need to cancel that vacation and be there for their daughter. Whether she keeps the baby or not it is going to be such a hard, frightening day for her. She's going to need her mother there.

I wouldn't go on vacation with them. If nothing else you'll be there for your SIL if she does go into labor around her due date so she won't feel completely abandoned by family. Plus as much as I love my in-laws, I wouldn't think a vacation WITH them would be ideal for baby making. I don't understand that logic.

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I agree with MamaAnna. That's just not right about them just up and leaving her then. Whether they agree with what she did or not, she is still their child. I would never leave my child (no matter the age) alone at a time when they needed me. That's horrible.

As for going on vacation with the ils. We do it sometimes, but certainly not when we're trying to make a baby. I think you need time alone together to do something fun. That's just my opinion though.

I hope everything works out how you want it Shannon!

[ShannonMVT]

Well it's my opinion that she should give the baby up for adoption. But that's partly because I don't really believe that she can trust this guy to be there for her and I really don't think she would do a good job as a single mom. She's had a lot of problems in the past, like being unable to wake up and go to a job on time. But anyway, that's my opinion. I think it has to be something that she decides for herself. And I still think that her mom should be there for her.

I definitely don't think we will be going on vacation with them. When we go somewhere I really want to be able to spend that time as "couple time". Not just baby making but spending time one on one with my Dh.

I don't think I could handle being there with her while/right after she has the baby though. It's just too hard because I am bitter that I was so ready for a baby and lost mine. She is totally not ready and gets to have hers. I have to do what I can emotionally do...

[mom 2 haley & tyler]

I agree with you about the couple time. I hope you get to go somewhere fun.

If it's too hard for you to be around her, then don't be. You have to think of yourself first. I don't blame you one bit about being bitter either.

[SavaAngel]

Your MIL is unbelievable. I agree - couple time is important.

[wishingxxx]

One on One time is what u need,no doubt about it.Just dont let her pressure you into going,tho it doesnt sound like you will.
I hope everything works out with the baby,for the babys sake.

[*becky*]

Wow...your MIL sure has a mind of her own!!

I agree - you can not have "couple" time on a vaca with inlaws or any other parental authority.

As for the SIL issue - they should be there for her whether they support her decision or not. Either way she will need support.

I hope everything works out ok!

[ShannonMVT]

Dh told MIL that we would rather go on vacation by ourselves. I got an email from her saying she understood. Whew. She also acted like she wanted to be there for SIL but that SIL didn't want her to be? So I'm really not sure on the whole story of that.