[jennk]

I just need to vent, and I'm sorry if this is a little jumpy.

So, I am 33 and my husband is 34. We have TTC since December 2007 (on top of relocating to a new town and me not working full time). My husband had testicular torsion when he was a teenager which meant one was removed. While I've read that it shouldn't effect fertility, it also says there is the chance if the torsion was not treated fast enough...his doctor at the time said is should be fine. I have known more couples with fertility issues than those who have got pregnant easily and quickly.

The last few months have been just really bad for me. I have become obsessed with trying to get pregnant as I am not filling my day with work. A friend who had IUI told me that it is normal to feel crazy and sad when you see babies.

I have done the OPK, even spent the money on the clear blue which just shows me my peak day not any high fertility days...essentially it does the same as the cheap little sticks.

I do my temps and I ovulate and it spikes and my cycles last 26-30 something days., "normal". I tend to start spotting anywhere from 9-11 days after ovulation.

I went to my OB to ask questions and to ask about the spotting. She offered to do a pelvic and I said sure why not... So first she feels what she thought was a cyst, and then it also turns out I had bacterial vaginitis (great) (and to think if I had said no to the pelvic all this wonderful info wouldn't have been found out). Interestingly enough, my OB (who in Jan was sure I'd be pregnant in 3 months) said that we can start doing the testing anytime I was ready that I didn't have to wait for that year.. she said considering your husband when through a trauma maybe that is something we should look into... so of course the fact that she now thinks this is a concern makes me feel even more worried. Of course she ends the appt with "lots of people end up pregnant as soon as they start testing." okay great, thanks.

Anyways, a few days later I go for a pelvic ultrasound... no one told me about the internal part... great. Turns out that I have 2 uterine fibroids, one the size of a grape and one which is 1/2 the size of a grape. She didn't think it would affect my ability to get pregnant (of course the internet is full of stuff which suggests that there could be some issues).

So, ended up ov on day 18 (latest for me yet) and day 29 rolls around and no spotting..hopeful?.. but of course I start feeling crampy and day 30 start spotting, but it is different then before it is brown/black instead of the usual red. I know that this cycle is prolonged due the the utter stress of this month. As well Monday we get to make an appt for DH SA and I'm honestly terrified about those results. I have always wondered about it, but the fact that we will actually find out makes it so real and scary.

Emotionally this has sucked. I am worried about things I simply can't control that I realize I just have to surrender because I can't keep going this way. I always think I am going to try to destress and I never end up doing anything about it, well I feel like I've hit the bottom and I have to make a change.

I am sorry this was so long, but this is just what is constantly in my head and I have to get it out. I think TTC and it taking a while is so stressful because the only person I can talk to is my husband, as it is not something I want to be sharing with my friends or family as it is personal. And I love him but he doesn't get it, he tells me to relax it will happen, of course now he is starting to worry about the results of the SA.

So if anyone has some helpful suggestions or mediations or prayers I will gladly listen.

[*becky*]

First of all, I wanted to say welcome to JM and to TTC 6 Months +!!!

You have come to the right place for comfort and support. (((hugs)))

Yes, TTC for an extended period of time can be very stressful. Everyone will tell you to "just relax it will happen"...Ummm...HELLO, relaxing doesn't make babies!! But I do know that stressing too much is bad for you in general and therefore can have a negative impact on TTC.

It sounds like you are taking the necessary steps to find out what is going on. That is good that they are not worried about the fibroids. If your spotting this cycle isn't normal and AF is late, then I would test - you never know!! It is best to find out what the problem is so that you can work on fixing it. I hope the SA comes out ok, but if not, at least you know what the issue is and there are lots of things that they can do to help.

Now - I must give this advice - do NOT go internet research overboard - you will drive yourself crazy. I understand the need to research, but only go to medically backed sites like WebMD, Mayo Clinic, etc. There are plenty of sites out there with false information, so its best to go with authentic sites.

Feel free to vent or ask as many questions as you want - the ladies here are awesome!!

[Melanie0507]

Hi Jenn

I understand you are going through a rough time right now, but in my mind, it is better to have all of the information on the table (so to speak ) so you know exactly what you are dealing with. Once all the testing is done, you should know exactly what extra steps, if any, you will need to get pregnant.

As far as obsessing, I don't have much advice for that. I know that TTC can become pretty overwhelming at times, and if you aren't working and able to get your mind off of things that way, maybe take up a new hobby or start volunteering somewhere? I think it might help to be able de-stress a little bit to do something else and not think about TTC for a little while!

I hope that helps somewhat. I look forward to getting to know you and hope you get your BFP soon!

[Ash]

I just wanted to say welcome to our group!

[Jessica C]

to JM and our board!

I'm sorry you're going thru such an ordeal right now. I know it's harder to do than say, but you really should try to relax. I understand that doing and waiting on tests and results can worry you, but try not to worry. Once you know the results you can then come up with a plan. Good Luck and "TRY" to relax, believe me I know it's hard to do.

BTW, I'm Jessica (40) and DH is Paul (38) and we are TTC#1 and are on our 7th cycle.

GOOD LUCK!!!

[caseyb]

Hello and welcome to the group. I don't have any suggestions, but I'll say a prayer-as I often do for everyone here.
Best of luck...

[jeanbean]

Welcome..I'm Pam (31). I think it's good that you are finding answers.....it's always better to know what the problem is, than not to know. Make yourself at home here! And good luck!

[snsgirl336]

I just wanted to say Welcome! I know that you'll find this board a great place for support and advice. Good luck to you!

[~April04~]

Welcome to the board!

[fuzzysunshine]

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Welcome! I'm so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed right now. I think we all have those moments (some of us every month ) but it's great that your doctor wants to move ahead, and not wait. That's very refreshing to hear! If you have questions, feel free to ask away, someone here is bound to know the answer, or point you in the right direction!