Bad news :(

LynneD · #1 July 14th, 2008, 02:33 PM

It looks like I'm losing this pregnancy. I went to the ER this afternoon to get bloodwork done b/c the test line on my hpt this morning was back to being very faint (yesterday afternoon it was dark). My hcg level came back as only 8.7. That is way to low for 17 dpo, especially since I got my bfp last tuesday. I'm not bleeding or cramping yet. They want me to keep an eye on that in case it is ectopic.

I'm very sad and empty right now. After 8 cycles of ttc, finally getting a bfp and having it taken right back hurts.

To add to it my very pg SIL is here at my parent's house right now and probably having the baby anytime. Just not what I want to deal with at this very moment.

I wish my husband was here right now. I'm here in MA and he is still in SC working. He won't be here until the 25th.

I'm not sure what my plan is. I'll KUP when I figure it out. DH wants to keep trying. Right now I don't know how I feel. I can't handle all the constant disappointment.

Today...
The bleeding started. Not very crampy right now, but I have a migraine. I knew that was coming since I always get one with big hormone changes.

I feel a little better mentally today. I know I have to move on. I just can't stop feeling sad everytime I think about how happy I was to finally get a bfp. Now I just keep wondering if there is something wrong with me and I can't hold on to a pregnancy (like my egg quality, uterine lining or progesterone). I don't even see the RE until the end of August. I'm also afraid of it taking another 8 cycles to even get a bfp again.

DH definately wants to try again. It's just so exhausting and I'm afraid of spending too much time obsessing over having another baby and not enjoying my family I have now. On the other hand, I don't want to look back later in life and regret giving up because I thought the struggle was too hard, you know?

Thanks for listening ladies.

caseyb · #2 July 14th, 2008, 02:39 PM

Lynn,
I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about this happening. I read the title to your post and my stomach just sank.
Please keep us update don what is happening.

~April04~ · #3 July 14th, 2008, 02:45 PM

o hun. I am so sorry

snsgirl336 · #4 July 14th, 2008, 04:00 PM

Oh no! I am so so sorry that this is happening!

Emilymac · #5 July 14th, 2008, 04:31 PM

Oh no Lynne. I'm so very sorry for this loss. I know from experience that there are no words to ease your pain, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you. If you need to talk or vent, please PM me. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.

Melanie0507 · #6 July 14th, 2008, 05:06 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this...my heart is breaking for you.

Celry · #7 July 14th, 2008, 05:38 PM

Lynn hugs. I feel for you as I know exactly how you feel. It's horrible to try so long to have it end like this.

jennifer_reif · #8 July 14th, 2008, 06:09 PM

I am so very sorry that you are suffering through this, especially when your DH is 1000 miles away. My heart aches for you.

*becky* · #9 July 14th, 2008, 07:19 PM

Oh no Lynne. I am so sorry...I know how it is to see your HPTs fade and it breaks my heart that you are going through the same thing.
There are alot of ladies on JM who are thinking and praying for you. We are here if you need to vent or talk or if you need a cyber hug.

Do you have any relatives or close friends nearby who you can lean on until your DH comes home?

I will pray that God heals your body and your heart.

(((Hugs)))

LynneD · #10 July 14th, 2008, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Oh no Lynne. I am so sorry...I know how it is to see your HPTs fade and it breaks my heart that you are going through the same thing.
There are alot of ladies on JM who are thinking and praying for you. We are here if you need to vent or talk or if you need a cyber hug.

Do you have any relatives or close friends nearby who you can lean on until your DH comes home?

I will pray that God heals your body and your heart.

(((Hugs)))[/b]

Thanks Becky. Your post brought on a good cry, but it is okay b/c I really needed that.

DD and I have been visiting my family in MA for the month so I have everyone here except DH. He had to stay back at our house on Parris Island tp work. He is meeting us here on the 25th for a visit and we will all drive back together a week later.

The worst part right now is I don't feel any different than I did yesterday and just waiting for the bleeding to start. I don't know how long it will take. Walking around knowing I am still a little pg but knowing it is going to end is painful. I never imagined being this heartbroken if this happened this early on. Even though it was so early, it is the loss of that "hope of a baby" that makes me feel so empty.

*becky* · #11 July 14th, 2008, 07:59 PM

Try to take it easy and drink lots of water. For me, it took about 3 days for the bleeding to start but of course everyone is different.
I hope that your family brings you the comfort you need.

It doesn't matter how early you are, the love is there. Take the time to grieve. Take the time to pamper yourself too. Gets lots of hugs from Corinne - her smile may be the best medicine there is.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing...we'll be thinking of you.

samspain · #12 July 15th, 2008, 12:48 AM

I am so sorry Lynne, I can�t imagine how you feel. I hope that you take the time you need to heal and that your family are there for you until your DH comes back. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

~Andrea~ · #13 July 15th, 2008, 04:33 AM

I am so sorry to hear that. You are in my thoughts and prayers hun.

caseyb · #14 July 15th, 2008, 06:32 AM

Quote:

Try to take it easy and drink lots of water. For me, it took about 3 days for the bleeding to start but of course everyone is different.
I hope that your family brings you the comfort you need.

It doesn't matter how early you are, the love is there. Take the time to grieve. Take the time to pamper yourself too. Gets lots of hugs from Corinne - her smile may be the best medicine there is.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing...we'll be thinking of you.[/b]

Ditto to all that great advice. Mine started to fade at about 15 DPO (I tested positive at 10DPO) and the bleeding started two days later. My son was about the only thing that could come close to offering comfort at that point. I think I gave him about 1000 hugs within the first 24 hour period of it all happening.
And I also concur that it doesn't matter how far along you are, it hurts regardless.

Lo_and_Behold · #15 July 15th, 2008, 08:50 AM

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. A painful ordeal for sure. I hope the time goes quickly & that you'll be with your dh before you know it. I'll keep you & your family in my T&P.

babyblue · #16 July 15th, 2008, 10:11 AM

Miscarriages are so horrible, no matter if you are 4 weeks or 14 weeks. A loss is a loss. I am so sorry!

I know your heart is broken and it is even worse b/c your DH is gone. I hope for you that things happen quickly and you are able to move on and heal.

Hugs to you!

LynneD · #17 July 15th, 2008, 10:48 AM

Thank you ladies. Nothing has happened yet. No bleeding or cramping yet. The dr. at the hospital wanted me to to get my levels checked again in 48-72 hours. I asked if that was really necessary since they obviously dropped down to 8 already. I just don't want to deal with the er again and I am not in the same state as my doctor right now. I guess I should go though to make sure it's not ectopic and that that the level goes down more, especially if something doesn't happen in the next day or so.

Thanks for all your support. It means alot to me.

ShannonMVT · #18 July 15th, 2008, 04:02 PM

I'm so sorry. It is so heartbreaking to lose a baby now matter how far along you are. You love and look forward to that baby coming the moment you see those two lines.