[Kendora]

So this is where I am at. I have a sister-in-law who bless her dear sweet little heart, has to be the dumbest person i've ever met. My husband and I have been TTC #1 for over a year. SIL got herself knocked up and married at 17, dropped out of school, married the loser, you know, the works. Her baby is now about 4 months old. I swear if I have to hear her refer to her child as "taking a 7 lb dump" (yeah I know, not white-trash sounding at all) one more time, i'm going to freak out. She knows we have been trying (I am 25, he is 30) and she is so insensative. All she can say to me is how she is always in tears because her baby is getting so big, so they are trying for #2 now and she's going to keep having kids one right after the other (never mind that they can't support the kids, and the marriage is in shambles...)

And me being so prideful, I refuse to talk about trying to concieve or anything that's going on with me- with her because she just rubs in my face how wonderful it is to be a mom and how I should stop being so selfish and have a child instead of only worrying about myself. SHE KNOWS WE HAVE BEEN TTC!!!!!! Then in the next sentence, she'll say something like, "Well, being pregnant probably wouldn't agree with you anyway."

So besides the fact that I feel she is totally ill-equipped to be a good parent, I harbor the resentment that it seems like those who aren't very deserving to have kids, have no problem getting pregnant. I try to talk myself out of judging her, but to no avail, I find myself very judgemental. I am also getting from everyone around me the question "Why don't you guys have any kids yet"....I guess I just don't feel that I need to discuss our conception dilema with everyone. I tend to be a very private person. So I am trying to deal with my issue by myself.

Any suggestions? How can I not let the pregnancies around me, or the insensative people who try to hurt me on purpose get to me? Thanks!

[Hopingfor1soon]

I know how hard it can be to be around all of the people that can get pregnant without even trying, and even worse yet, when they dont deserve it. It sucks and it hurts BIG TIME!!!
The one and only thing that I do is to keep telling myself that God has a plan for me. That is my one and only strength right now. I also have to think that there is a reason that God has given these people children and that the time will come for me too.

If you need to talk ever, dont hesitate to send me a PM!!!

[DoulaMama]

I was just about to post something like this. This dumb girl got knocked up, has a poor paying job, not really in a stable relationship- won't BF b/c she'd rather smoke...., but this is so hard for me, the exact opposite, born to be a mommy, how is that fair!!!!

GRRR!!!!!

ranting does help tho.

[*becky*]

First of all, welcome to JM! I see that was your first post!

I'm sorry that your SIL is being so insensitive. Unfortunately people who don't have to TRY to get pregnant don't understand the frustration and heartache involved when you TTC for a long period of time.

We're all in the same boat - so feel free to vent as much as you want to us. (((Hugs)))

[Emilymac]

I'm so sorry. Although I have not experienced that personally, I know that I would be frustrated as well. I think we all get sad when we see pregnant women around us. Hopefully we will all have our BFPs soon!

[Kendora]

Thanks guys, today i'm feeling a little bit better. It does help to rant and rave about it for a minute though, and I guess misery loves company; it's nice to know i'm not alone in how I am feeling.

[DoulaMama]

Welcome to JM!

[ShannonMVT]

Hey, I'VE got a dumb SIL who got herself knocked up by accident too! I'm sorry, it really does feel like the people who deserve babies don't get them and those who don't deserve get "knocked up". And I don't see anything wrong with feeling that way either, because there are many cases where it is TRUE.

I'm sorry you have to deal with people asking about when you're going to have kids. I used to get that a lot when we were waiting and it really annoyed me then. Like just because I was waiting for financial reasons, it meant I was an evil child hater or something.

I'm sure it's even worse when you ARE trying. I just haven't had people ask me because our families and many of my co-workers know about my miscarriage, so for better for for worse, they I'm sure know we are TTC again.

[babypea09]

I can realate. I know a handful of perople that are pregnant right now, only one is married and none of them were trying.