[~CadensMommy~]

Hi everyone,
I'm mostly just needing to talk to people who understand so don't mind the rambling.
I think I can officially say I'm having my first TTC breakdown. Got back from the fertility clinic this morning with good news, that the clomid is working and I have 2 follicles maturing which seemed like such an accomplishment at the time but....

Just a little background...my 2nd best friend just got married in May and her and her DH decided to go off the pill last month to start getting ready to TTC in the next 6 months. Well last Friday she tells me she should have gotten AF but it never came and I told her not to worry that the first month off BCP your cycle is a little wacky but she had a dr's appt booked for yesterday anyways so she told me she would ask for a pg test. I honestly didn't believe there was any way she could really be pregnant.

So that brings me to today. I hadn't heard from her so I emailed her asking if she had any news and she writes back "Actually yes, please call me at work" so I do and she tells me she's pregnant!!

I didn't know what to say but I told her congratulations and she said it was ok if I was sad and that she had debated on whether to tell me or not since we had been TTC for a year next month with no luck so far and she knew how upset we were that it hadn't happened yet.

I know I should feel happy for her and I am but it's overshadowed by how upset I am as soon as I got off the phone with her I started bawling and now I can't stop. It just seems so unfair you know???

Please, someone tell me this gets better? How are you supposed to deal with this, she's one of my best friends and I should be rushing out to buy baby gifts but every time I think about it I just start crying harder. I feel like such a bad friend

[snsgirl336]

I'm so sorry that you are so sad! This should be an exciting time for us while we wait for and try for our babies, but instead we endure heartache after heartache. I just found out yesterday that DH's cousin is pregnant with a surprise honeymoon baby. I was so upset, I just shut down and didn't say much at dinner with my in-laws. I've been trying for a year and am constantly wondering when is my turn! You are totally not alone!

I wish I could say that it'll get easier, but in my experiences, it hasn't. For me, it gets harder. I do know that in my experience, when I find out a friend or family member is pregnant, While I'm happy for them I'm sad for myself. It seems like after their first trimester, I get over it somehow and become totally excited for them. I guess my mind and emotions just need that time to convince myself that it's ok and I will get pregnant someday.

I hope that you start to feel better soon, I know you're happy for your friend deep down, but it's okay to be sad too. At least she was considerate enough to worry about your feelings! Have yourself a good cry and then you can try what I usually do- treat yourself to something you normally wouldn't! A massage, an extra dessert, dinner at that really nice restaurant you never go to, a girls night out, retail therapy.... anything that will help you maybe feel a little better! Lots of

[*becky*]

First of all, you are NOT a bad friend.

I think we all have good moments and bad moments along the way. I have a relative who found out she had an oopsie pregnancy. She has 3 kids already with 3 different fathers. She lives with her parents. When I found out I bawled my eyes out. How could someone who wasn't trying and already is in over their heads be blessed with another child while there are SO many women out there trying so hard.

What helped me was to realize that those of us who have to try hard to get pregnant appreciate things SO much more when it does happen. Positive thinking and the "I'm not going to stoop to their level" type thinking really helped.

That is great that the clomid is working!!!! Just give yourself some time to deal with your friend's news. Like Cris said, go do something nice for yourself.

(((hugs)))

[~CadensMommy~]

Thanks for the support guys. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this when I hear someone else's good news. You're completely right, I'm going to try to stay thinking positive and maybe doing something special for myself would help.
I really really really hope my turn comes really soon though.........

[dng]

Let me help you feel better. I know a billion prego people just like everyone else on this board. My DH cousin is one of them. I was getting ready to go to his grandma's bday party and knew I would see her. I was sad, but then I heard about this other girl I know that is pregnant. She got engaged after I did and got married before me using a lot of the ideas I had. It is stupid but we kind of had a falling out over both of our wedding drama. Now, they got pregnant on their first month of trying and I feel like it is happening all over again. Anyway, at the party I was talking to another friend of mine (the cousin's SIL and former roomie of this other girl). She brought up the pregnancies and I for whatever reason told her about mine and DH problems. I must have sounded crazy, but for whatever reason, I felt like I needed to justify why we did not have a kid yet. I am sooooo embarassed looking back on it.

[~CadensMommy~]

Aww I'm sorry you're embarassed I always feel like I have to justify why we don't have kids yet either since we've been saying for so long that we want them.

Update....
I actually ended up talking to my friend tonight. She wanted to know if I was ok and she told me part of why she was so excited to find out she was pg was because we had always talked about being pg together and how fun it would be to be on mat leave together and have play dates so now she actually wants it to happen for us even more. I felt so guilty that she felt so bad about telling me and she said she was so worried that now I would stop talking to her about what was going on with us. So long story short I'm still not 100% about the whole thing but I do feel a little better for right now.

[snsgirl336]

I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better! I hope that you and your friend get to be pregnant together! I still think that you should treat yourself to something though!!!!