I'm so embarrased to asked this

Lilacs · #1 December 27th, 2005, 05:30 PM

Does anyone's DH have trouble finishing the deed?

DH and I have been TTC for awhile now with no luck because of my very long cycles due to PCOS. I am now starting fertility treatments (on metformin, will start clomid next cycle) and we are waiting for an appointment with a fertility clinic.

Athough at this point I know that I am the primary cause of our infertility, I'm also beginning to wonder if there might be a male factor too. DH and I have a great sex life, but about 2/3 of the time he just isn't able to finish. Is there anything that we can do that might help with this? Vitamins etc? Anyone know?

iamkc · #2 December 27th, 2005, 05:43 PM

Welcome! And please don't be too embarrassed to ask anything...we're all pretty open--maybe more than we should be.

Have you talked to your DH about why he can't finish? Mine used to be that way, but as it turns out, most of the time, he would just take a very, very long time and get too tired to finish! *I* had to figure out ways to get him there faster. If it's something else, like he has a hard time getting erect and staying that way to begin with, then you might consider vitamins, FertiliTea, and a few other things. Ask him what it is in particular that makes it difficult...by his answer, you should have a better starting point from which to seek help!

Good luck!!!

Isabelle · #3 December 27th, 2005, 06:21 PM

I kinda help DH out and we sometimes have porn on. So he gets bombarded with 'oral' stimulus as well as visual. He's on Paxil and it can take him a VERY, VERY long time to 'finish'!

Lilacs · #4 December 28th, 2005, 04:37 AM

Yes, DH and I have talked about it. I think most of it is in his mind. After all of the years you spend trying not to get pregnant, it's a bit of a switch going from that mentality to actively TTC. Not to mention the pressure that has been added because of my fertility issues. The stress of my really long cycles and doctors appointments as a result doesn't help.

I know that once I start Clomid, he will feel even more stressed about the situation because essentially there are days where we will have to do the deed. Talk about pressure.

iwantababy19 · #5 December 28th, 2005, 05:35 AM

My DH had a wreck in Oct 03 and after that It took a while to get hard. I would have to do everything and I even thought about giving up on it but some how it fixed itself and now only does it if we bd alot and also takes him a while to get off if we bd alot but switching positions (doggie style really does it) and turning up the volume of moaning helps that ...(sorry TMI)

iamkc · #6 December 29th, 2005, 10:14 AM

Quote:

My DH had a wreck in Oct 03 and after that It took a while to get hard. I would have to do everything and I even thought about giving up on it but some how it fixed itself and now only does it if we bd alot and also takes him a while to get off if we bd alot but switching positions (doggie style really does it) and turning up the volume of moaning helps that ...(sorry TMI)[/b]

Hehe...not TMI. I was going to say the same thing. If I moan more, contort more, tell him he's good, it's good, whatever, that speeds things up. And even though he already took a very long time, going from not trying to trying DEFINITELY did something to him...except it had the opposite effect it seems to have on most men. DH has always been sure that we should have kids. He actually sped up when we started trying! Still, I have to pull out all the trucks sometimes because *I* want it to be over with.

There also seems to be a delicate balance between not doing it enough and doing it too much. Too much in either direction usually means a more difficult time getting and maintaining an erection for him...

I hope you get it resolved. It has to be so difficult for our SOs, too. Good luck!

jlk · #7 December 30th, 2005, 06:22 AM

Quote:

I kinda help DH out and we sometimes have porn on. So he gets bombarded with 'oral' stimulus as well as visual. He's on Paxil and it can take him a VERY, VERY long time to 'finish'![/b]

Around the time my husband said he was ready to start TTC he began to have panic attacks for the first time in his life. When he went to the Dr. he was put on Paxil and let me tell you the month after that was LONG! He could never finish and we both got so stressed out he called the Dr. and was put on another anti-anxiety medicine and now he is back to normal.

#8 December 31st, 2005, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Does anyone's DH have trouble finishing the deed?

DH and I have been TTC for awhile now with no luck because of my very long cycles due to PCOS. I am now starting fertility treatments (on metformin, will start clomid next cycle) and we are waiting for an appointment with a fertility clinic.

Athough at this point I know that I am the primary cause of our infertility, I'm also beginning to wonder if there might be a male factor too. DH and I have a great sex life, but about 2/3 of the time he just isn't able to finish. Is there anything that we can do that might help with this? Vitamins etc? Anyone know?[/b]

I am having the same problem with my DH. We have tried doctors and had diagnoses like urinary tract infection and prostate infection. This has put a BIG wrench in my trying for the past four months. We are trying this month, so I hope the problem is solved.

Good luck!

#9 January 2nd, 2006, 05:16 AM

Yeah, sometimes you have to pull out all the tricks like the girls were saying...Around O time, we do it more often than we usually do so by the time we have done it lots days in a row, its gets harder to finish...
Like they said, the moaning works..and if there is a position like doggie style that works than use it as a last resort...Because if you overuse it, it won't be as effective.....
Also are there other factors? like medications or alcohol? If my husband has more than 2 beers it def. effects the 'finish' time....

Good luck and believe me, no question is too embarrassing here!

wewantaminime · #10 January 2nd, 2006, 06:54 AM

try spending more time orally, surprise him with a naughty outfit. I know when we were TTCing sex was more like work and men can sense it if you want it to be over already and they really get wrapped up into the pressures. And there is such a thing as too much noise. Try new places and positions. Although military is the best position for conception doggy style gives them a nice angle to go in further. We used the stairway once

Hope that helps.

Blue Eyes 409 · #11 January 2nd, 2006, 07:59 AM

My DH does not have that problem unless he is not into it. Sometimes when Bd'ing on Demand it was a little hard from him to get into it. Our hardest part was getting him out of the 3 hour Bd'ing!

Can't Wait · #12 January 2nd, 2006, 03:58 PM

He has had problems a few times when he knows it is O time. He says sometimes it is just to much preasure. When we went for the 1st IUI we were both worried he wouldn't be able to provide his sample. Our Dr. requires you do it at his office, talk about preasure. Luckily he has been able to provide his sample everytime we have gone.

#13 January 2nd, 2006, 04:14 PM

A few times, DH also had problems with finishing. Other than the mental stuff, we found that sometimes we'd swtich positions and it can change the rythym we had before the switch so it made him not finish... I dunno.. But I'm glad you asked. (I think all guys like to know if they're normal... what the heck is normal anyway!)

vachicklet · #14 January 6th, 2006, 06:05 AM

The more BD we do, the longer it takes him to finish and he sometimes has difficulty. I think it's a combination of too much pressure and too much BD

This month we went from trying every other day to almost every day (we go about three days with a 1-2 day break) and I think it's really wearing him down. Try switching back to every other day if you're BDing all the time and only go every day for three days in a row when you get a positive OPK reading. Also, as the others suggested, try something new to keep him excited. Apparently, though, based on the responses from everyone here, it's not that uncommon for a man to experience some difficulty when TTC.