[Phoenix Rising]

I am sick and tired of TTC. Ok so the first what? 36 MONTHS? We werent trying - we were lucky if we bd'd more than 4 times a month and even then I know it was all at the wrong times so I dont know, maybe technically we werent TTC we were just letting nature take its course. OK fine. Whatever.

Then last month we decided to start temping. Learned TONS and dont regret it at all. This month, I ovulated on CD 16 and we bd'd on CD 16, 15, 13 (and 11, 9 and 6 - but those are the days that we were supposed to be really fertileh) - with ovusoft saying we bd'd the two best days and the one good day if that makes any sense at all.

Now, I am sitting here at 10 dpo and freaking myself out that we won't get pregnant. Heck we couldnt have timed the bding better when I had ewcm the entire time right? Short of doing it everyday that is...

I am going to be so devistated if we dont get pregnant this month I dont even want to test I am so scared. I dont want to feel like this every darned month - all the time before when AF arrived it wasnt a big deal - I would feel mildly disappointed, perhaps cry for a minute every few months and then I got over it. This month feels like a REALLY big deal - like its going to make or break whether or not we TTC anymore or something...

Gosh I am so hormonal I just cant stand it and I have been like this (fluctuating from happy to irritated and scared) since I ovulated.

I just want to sit down somewhere and cry or scream or maybe even BOTH - if we arent meant to have more children I want a clear neon sign with flashing freaking lights from GOD because this wondering and not knowing for sure is slowly killing me. I just want to KNOW one way or the other so that I can get on with my LIFE know what I mean?

OK rant over. Thanks for listening.

[rollopodio]

i know what you mean. ttc is so emotionally draining. ((HUGS))((HUGS))((HUGS))((HUGS))((HUGS))

Rant away!

[crowdreamer]

Well I could almost have written that rant, except for the details. We've been actively trying for months now, charting, OPK'ing, BD'ing every day right before I o, and nothing. Sorry you are going through it too. I have an appt. the end of this month, because I don't want to wait around another year to finally have somebody tell me I have a problem.

GL to you, have patience. If this is your first month actively trying, maybe you just haven't been timing it right.

[instant_oatmeal]

I'm sorry. We all go through the same thing every month. I was ready to give up last month until dh talked me back into it. I hope that you get your bfp this month.

[Blue Eyes 409]

I am so sorry. Have you thought about going to the Dr maybe he can help. TTC is soooo hard some people can get a BFP the first month that they try and then others like us it takes us several months. Don't give up it will happen!

[medicgirl]

Myfairladies how are you today?

[Phoenix Rising]

Myfairladies how are you today?[/b]

Hey hun!

I am doing ok actually - temps went up a little and I have had really THICK mucus at my cervix that was tinged with brown blood (IB maybe?) so time will tell. Thanks for asking!

[vachicklet]

I feel the same way. The first 10 months we were just letting nature take it's course but that got us nowhere - in fairness, we weren't really tracking ovulation so I can't blame nature. But for the past three months we have been actively trying - BDing to the point of exhaustion. And everytime AF comes, I feel so dejected. I was always sad when we were just taking things easy, but in the back of my mind I didn't really "expect" anything because we weren't trying that hard. But now I think of all the BD we do and get so disappointed when AF comes. Last month I broke down in tears when AF arrived. And is it just me, or does *everyone* else in the universe seem to be getting pregnant around us - with little or no effort Not that I'm not happy for all of them - I just selfishly wonder why it isn't happening for us.

[Jacquie]

I'm glad you're doing better today!