[richmond_girl]

I am out of the running - I will be leaving the TTC 6+ months board but unfortunately not for the reason that I wanted... we got DH's SA results back today and we are clinically sterile. The doctor basically said there is no way we will get pregnant unless we use donor sperm. I am in shock as is DH (I almost wish it were me with the problem, I think it would be easier to deal with). So, I'm not sure what's going to happen from this point forward. We never expected this would happen. We are both from huge families, and none of our parents/siblings had fertility issues. I guess it's just the luck of the draw - it wasn't meant to be. But we will accept it, be grateful for the other blessings in our lives, and move forward...

I know it looks like I haven't been around long anyway (I had to set up a new account recently when JM locked me out) but I've been using these boards for several months now and they have been such a tremendous source of comfort, humor and much needed distraction. THANK YOU for all the support and stories (both happy and sad) which made this journey a little less lonely. I wish you all the best of luck in your TTC efforts...

Juli

[dng]

Juli,

I am so sorry that those are the circumstances you are in. You seem to have a great attitude. Maybe you and DH can talk and find another solution for you two. You guys are in my prayers.

[Jessica C]

Oh, Juli, I'm so sorry!! I'm sorry, I don't know/remember your whole story but you might want to consider a second opinion, or even just a second test. I am truly sorry to hear this.

[SavaAngel]

I am so sorry. I can just imagine how that would be hard to deal with. Do you think a brother of DH's would be willing to "donate" for you? Do you think you might adopt? I will be thinking of you!

[~April04~]

I'm sorry hun!. I STRONGLY recommend getting a second SA done and to get an appointment with an urologist to see if it's something they can fix. I wouldn't count yourself out of the running yet hun. Theres a new board on JM for TTC w/ MFI (male factor infertility), I post there as well because DH's count and motility are a little low.

[snsgirl336]

Oh I'm so sorry that you got this devastating news! I would definitely suggest a second test and a second opinion. I wish there was something we could do or say to help make this better for you! Please know that you'll be in my thoughts and I'll be sure to say some prayers for you!!!

[~Lynda~]

my heart is truly breaking for you!!! i just want to give you a hug!!!! please don't give up. it's far too important to do so. i agree with one of the other posters, get a second opinion and see if there is another way or a way to improve the current situation. i'm sooo sorry!

[~*Jackie*~]

I'm so sorry that you have gotten this news. I do agree with the others that a second test/opinion are in order before you abandon all hope (your decision of course..). We'll be sending thoughts and prayers your way.

[richmond_girl]

My friend (a self-described lurker) told me there were replies to my post, so I came back to check it out. Thank you to everyone who replied... your kind words and thoughts mean more than you could ever know.

I thought I would give you an update on where we are right now, and also share more details on our story.

10/14/08 was truly one of the worst days of our lives. We heard the words no one ever wants to hear: "You will most likely never conceive your own child." We had been TTC for 10+ months , and all this time I thought the problem was me (I have irregular cycles, although I've tested normal on all my bloodwork and seem to ovulate each cycle). I have spent ridiculous amounts of money on OPKs, Pre-Seed, cough syrup, thermometers, digital fertility monitor, and who knows what else trying to "fix" whatever was wrong with me. A couple weeks ago, on a whim, we decided to get DH tested - I remember us saying, "it'll be good just to rule out any issues". I always expected bad news when the doctor called me with my test results. I never expected anything other than "everything looks great!" for DH.

When the doctor called to tell us that he had ZERO sperm in his sample - yes, ZERO (I didn't even know that was possible), we were shocked and devastated. Not only was the news the worst possible we could hear, it was so sudden and unexpected. We weren't even planning on DH getting tested until we'd been TTC for over a year so how was this possible? DH is one of 11 kids and has over 15 nieces and nephews, and in the 10 years we've been together, he's never even gotten a cold! It just didn't make sense. But we looked at the test results ourselves and it made me numb - his results were so bad that the lab tech couldn't even fill out any of the sections regarding morphology, motility, etc because there was literally nothing to analyze. My doctor didn't help in delivering the message - she said "wow, I've never seen anything like this before" (gee, thanks, just what we wanted to hear), advised us to accept the possibility that we would never have biological children, and to my questions regarding possible causes and remedies, simply replied "I don't know, Juli - I'm a gyno, not a sperm specialist".

I remember coming home, crying, and then finally - out of exhaustion mostly - deciding that it wasn't meant to be and convincing myself to just move on.

The past 2 days have been extremely difficult - I find myself insanely jealous of even strangers on the street because I know they're not going through this (well, at least 99% of them aren't), and I desperately wish we didn't have to either (for that matter, I wouldn't wish this upon even my worst enemy). What makes it even harder is that DH, who has been my rock through this journey, is obviously broken inside. He has to deal with the news that he's clinically sterile, while also shouldering the (undeserved) guilt of our fertility issues. So, I've tried to stay strong for him while also dealing with my own grief. I am not doing great, but I'm trying.

We have decided to see a urologist and also get a SA done, thanks to the great advice of the ladies on this board. I'm not optimistic at all that the results will change - but at least we'll have confirmation either way. I also made an appt with an RE because I've heard that some forms of advanced IVF can help couples who have this problem.

I want to thank everyone again for their advice, support, and prayers. April, I will check out the MFI board - thank you, I didn't even know there was one. I wish I could say I now see a twinge of light at the end of this dark tunnel, but I'm not there yet. But hopefully things will get a little bit brighter as we talk to specialists and learn more about our options. I will keep you all posted...

[~~*Ashley*~~]

I am going to send you a PM because I have just found out the EXACT same problem yesterday. It is absolutely AMAZING how similar our stories are...!

[SavaAngel]

We are here for you if you ever want to chat or vent. I hope you get a surprise and have your own child very soon! Crossing my fingers for you!

[snsgirl336]

I'm glad that you'll be going to get some further testing done. Hopefully there was just some fluke and you'll get better news.

Like Christina said, we're all here for you whenever you need us!!!! Sending you lots of

[Bakin8th]

I am so sorry

I am glad your seeking a 2nd opinion and with IVF advances you may still have a chance.

[drewbears]

((((HUGS)))))))

Im hoping with more testing you will find out some good news!