[richmond_girl]

Well, this emotional roller coaster just will not end. RE called this morning. DH did his second SA yesterday and the results were just as bad. RE said we will need to do IVF with ICSI and TESE. TESE for those of you don't know is when they actually go directly into the testicles and extract sperm, and ICSI is when they inject that sperm directly into the egg (I kinda see it as force fertilization).

I knew that with his counts from the first SA that the ICSI would be non-negotiable, but I was praying that the TESE would be unnecessary - the RE had even said "if I can just find 20 sperm in his sample, we don't need to do the TESE." 20 sperm - is that too much to ask?? Apparently so, because there was literally nothing they could use/freeze from the sample.

I knew this was a possibility but it's real now. We are in that tiny little population of the universe that needs the most extreme medical intervention to have biological children. I am devastated. And I am so confused about why this is all happening. DH wants to do the TESE and I thought I did too, but now that we really have to make that choice I am torn. Part of me can't help but think that we are not meant to have children. I feel like if we were, this wouldn't be happening. It should not take the work of countless doctors, thousands of dollars, and crazy & somewhat unnatural technology to have children (and for anyone going through IVF and/or ICSI and/or TESE - I hope my personal comments do not offend you because they are not meant to be hurtful. If they do, I deeply apologize. I am just trying to understand God's plans for me and DH - not make judgements on anyone else's decisions.) When I dreamed of having kids, shots, needles, hormones, drugs, biopsies, and petri dishes were just never a part of that dream.

We have our urologist appt on Tues and after that our urologist and RE will work together on our course of action if we decide to proceed with the IVF/ICSI/TESE. I don't know right now what will happen. I just pray that the right answer will come to me in the next few days and at some point in the future, all this makes sense.

[TTCagain]

Wow...you have been hit with some pretty heavy information. I can totally understand your mixture of emotions and questioning of why things are working out this way....

I hope the next few days--and your appt. on Tuesday--are able to give you some clarity and peace of mind about the next step, whatever you decide.

(((HUGS)))

Keep us posted about the urologist appt this coming week!

[SavaAngel]

I hope the next few days give you the direction that you are meant to take. I hope if you decide to go along with the IVF/ICSI/TESE that it works for you guys.

[~Lynda~]

if you have the money, you gotta try!!!! it's so worth it!! don't give up, do whatever it takes, especially if DH is game!!!! just my thoughts, and i know you're on this rollercoaster, but when you can clear your head a bit and really think about what you want, i hope you'll find that you will cross all bridges or in your case road blocks to get your little miracle. we are here for you Always!!!! HUGS

[Celry]

I'm so sorry. I know you and DH will make the best decision for the two of you.

[purduegrad2005]

I am devastated. And I am so confused about why this is all happening. DH wants to do the TESE and I thought I did too, but now that we really have to make that choice I am torn. Part of me can't help but think that we are not meant to have children. I feel like if we were, this wouldn't be happening. It should not take the work of countless doctors, thousands of dollars, and crazy & somewhat unnatural technology to have children (and for anyone going through IVF and/or ICSI and/or TESE -[/b]

I firmly believe that God allows things like this to happen for a reason. I think you should go through with it. You never know who you will run into in the future that is going through the exact same thing that you are and are questioning why God is letting this happen to them. Be an example - keep the faith, and allow God to work through you just as He is. That is what I am trying to do as I go through TTC for 11 months. I will have a story to share about how it wasn't easy for me and maybe I can help the next person who is having troubles as well.

I also believe that God uses others (including doctors).

Take care and don't forget to pray! He'll lead you in the right direction if you keep asking!

[snsgirl336]

I'm so sorry Juli. I wish that this was easier for you guys. I know that you will make the right decision together. It's a difficult time, I'm sure, but this will probably bring you and your DH closer as only the 2 of you know what you are going through and how you are feeling. Be sure to lean on each other for support. We're all here for you too!

[heatherslittlesis]

Well, this emotional roller coaster just will not end. RE called this morning. DH did his second SA yesterday and the results were just as bad. RE said we will need to do IVF with ICSI and TESE. TESE for those of you don't know is when they actually go directly into the testicles and extract sperm, and ICSI is when they inject that sperm directly into the egg (I kinda see it as force fertilization).

I knew that with his counts from the first SA that the ICSI would be non-negotiable, but I was praying that the TESE would be unnecessary - the RE had even said "if I can just find 20 sperm in his sample, we don't need to do the TESE." 20 sperm - is that too much to ask?? Apparently so, because there was literally nothing they could use/freeze from the sample.

I knew this was a possibility but it's real now. We are in that tiny little population of the universe that needs the most extreme medical intervention to have biological children. I am devastated. And I am so confused about why this is all happening. DH wants to do the TESE and I thought I did too, but now that we really have to make that choice I am torn. Part of me can't help but think that we are not meant to have children. I feel like if we were, this wouldn't be happening. It should not take the work of countless doctors, thousands of dollars, and crazy & somewhat unnatural technology to have children (and for anyone going through IVF and/or ICSI and/or TESE - I hope my personal comments do not offend you because they are not meant to be hurtful. If they do, I deeply apologize. I am just trying to understand God's plans for me and DH - not make judgements on anyone else's decisions.) When I dreamed of having kids, shots, needles, hormones, drugs, biopsies, and petri dishes were just never a part of that dream.

We have our urologist appt on Tues and after that our urologist and RE will work together on our course of action if we decide to proceed with the IVF/ICSI/TESE. I don't know right now what will happen. I just pray that the right answer will come to me in the next few days and at some point in the future, all this makes sense.[/b]

Juli,

I know that I am new and wasn't around during this time but your story touched me. I can not express why I have tears for you right now. My heart sunk when I read this as it is exactly how I felt. It is so nice to have someone have the same feelings that you have. It is sad that something so horrible that has happened to you relieves me, please do not be angry for me saying that your turmoil is comfort for me. My life seems to be playing before me with your story. I feel very lucky to get to meet you and get advice from you. keep your head up. Everything happens for a reason. Though we did not plan needles, drugs and etc were apart of it, it is what makes us who we are. If ever you need anything I am here even if it is to be angry together. I have found in my life that a child is a blessing but doesn't come with out a cost. I do not mean that litterally. My biggest blessing came when I had my daughter and my deepest loss came at the same time. My sister, my best friend, my reason for living was killed in a car accident the day before my daughter was born. It is horrible what loss us women have to endure to share in the joy of children.

[richmond_girl]

Missy, thanks for your sweet response. I understand exactly what you are saying and I hope my story (and those from the other wonderful ladies here on JM) will continue to inspire you. Whether God blesses us in a few weeks with a miracle, or we're challenged with yet another roadblock that we never anticipated, I hope either our faith, or our strength to continue, provide you with the sustenance you need to make it through this often heartbreaking TTC journey.

Everything happens for a reason, and the last 6 months have been the hardest and most painful I've ever been through. Since August, DH and I have gotten nothing but bad news after bad news, and I wouldn't be here today, still trying and still believing, if it weren't for my wonderful "sisters" on JM. If I can inspire someone else to keep going, just like my "sisters" here have inspired me, then I feel I've done my part to turn a painful experience into something positive, and to make something good come out of it all.

to you and your family. I am so, so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister and your best friend. I hope life turns around for both of us very soon.

[~*Jackie*~]

Juli, I'm so so sorry. Like everyone has said, I believe that you will do what is best for you and your DH. Just know that whatever decision you make, we'll be here for you.

[richmond_girl]

Thanks, Jackie. But luckily, Missy revived an old post - this was from when we first found out about our issues (Oct 2008)!! So I'm still good for now - no bad news for this cycle yet!! I'll still take your prayers if you're offering them - DH has his biopsy on Friday, and they need to find at least 20 sperm for us to do IVF. Send me spermie dust if you can LOL

[SavaAngel]

Spermie dust and prayers for you this week Juli!

[~*Jackie*~]

Thanks, Jackie. But luckily, Missy revived an old post - this was from when we first found out about our issues (Oct 2008)!! So I'm still good for now - no bad news for this cycle yet!! I'll still take your prayers if you're offering them - DH has his biopsy on Friday, and they need to find at least 20 sperm for us to do IVF. Send me spermie dust if you can LOL [/b]

This cold has completely clogged up my brain... HONESTLY. I've had you on my mind because I knew you had this biopsy coming up, and I have no idea why I thought this was "different". Please forgive me. I am definitely sending prayers your way! DUST

[drewbears]

(((((HUGS)))))) I am so sorry sweetie!

[richmond_girl]

Jenn - it's all good! See my post a couple responses above. This was a very old post that was revived - I am still all set for this cycle!! Thank you for your T&P anyway though

Jackie - LOL. Well I'm honored to be on your mind this week. I hope that darn cold is getting better!

Christina - thanks for the dust!!