[dng]

I really wanted my temp yesterday to be wrong and today's to be back up with the others that looked triphasic, but no. I am having a slow swan dive towards yet another failed month. It has been a year and a half of having no children, no two lines, no gaurantee that we can even get pregnant.

A year and a half of jealousy every time someone gets pregnant the first month they are trying (and now even the first month that they see a RE). For some while I have been depressed becasue of all of this. I have been questioning my faith because I don't know how you can feel so destined to do something (like it might be the one thing you could excel at) and it be your unanswered prayer.

I kept my 3 month old niece yesterday and wanted to cry all day. My two older brother have a total of 5 kids. The one that is only 18 months older than me has three of them.

I hate getting my hopes up month after month. I hate that feeling knowing that femera has not worked for two months why should it work this time. If we go on to do IUIs I will have to find an RE that is closer to my area. Dallas is still 1.5 hours away (and I have no idea where anything is), but OKC is 2.5 hours away.

Sorry for the rant; I am just so exhausted with the whole TTC process. I know I probably need a break, but I don't want one because I am scared that I will miss my chance.

[TTCagain]

Big :hugs


I'm sorry you're feeling sad and overwhelmed....TTC is sooooo emotionally trying, I know we can all attest to that.

It will happen for you, one way or another....just keep believing that!

[richmond_girl]

Diane - I know this doesn't take away the pain but you are in good company here. Sometimes life just seems so unfair. I agree with you, our faith has never been tested more. When we found out we had to do IVF with ICSI/TESE, it was the final straw - I thought, "How could we be meant to have kids if we can't just do it on our own? It shouldn't have to be this hard." Then I remembered that God never gives us more than we can handle. And I started to think that maybe all of us are on this journey because we're the only ones strong enough to handle it. The only ones who won't give up, the only ones who'll keep persevering despite all odds.

RachelK posted this quote on another board yesterday, and I think it is so true.

"The brick walls are there for a reason. Right? The brick walls are not there to keep us out, the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough."

Keep climbing over that wall, Diane!!! One day we'll all get to the other side!!

[~*Jackie*~]

[dng]

Thanks girls. I went camping to take some me time. I did not temp either since it was way cold last night. Now I just need to get that smoke smell off of me.

[snsgirl336]

I'm sorry Diane... who would have thought that TTC would have been so difficult, right? I know it's hard, but hang in there! We're all here for you and we are all cheering you on!!!