[snsgirl336]

And why can't I jump on the bandwagon???? Seriously???
We went to his family's Christmas party tonight. There were a ton of people there (His grandmother had 12 brothers and sisters, so the remaining few were there with their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren- you can imagine how big that is). Anyhow, I knew that there would be some pregnant cousin's there and lots of babies, and I made my peace with that... Why punish them or be angry at them for having something I want and can't seem to get, right? Moving along, we make our very long rounds saying hello to everyone and during those rounds we found out that 3 more of his cousin's are pregnant. Of course I smiled and congratulated them.

Fast forward a bit, and now we're sitting there eating dinner and talking and I took a look around the room... DH and I are the only couple of our generation that were there (and married) who were not pregnant, recently had a baby, or had one within the past 3 years. Honestly! I kid you not! I wispered that fact to my DH and once he looked around he realized it was true, he just hung his head.

Now, before I tell you the next part of my night, please let me preface it but saying I absolutely love my MIL to pieces. She is one of the sweetest women I know and while she can get a little wacky, she has a heart of gold. Also- NO ONE knows we've been ttc for like 18 months.

Tonight my MIL decides that everyone she talks with needs to know how much she wants a grandchild, and asks them to join her in requesting one from DH and I. Yes, Men, women, young and old (even one small child told me that I should have a baby) we coming up to us saying how my MIL needs to become a Grandmother. DH's 45 year old male cousin comes up to us and says, "You NEED to give this woman a grandchild! This family is popping them out all over the place and you need to join in!" Followed by a comment to my DH.... "Do you need any instructions on how to do it?" Mind you I know this was all in good natured fun, but seriously... come on people! Say it once and move on... no need to beat a dead horse! On our way out to the car, I gave DH's great-aunt a big hug and she says she can't wait until I have a baby. It was kinda cute, and I replied to her... "well apparently everyone is very anxious for this to happen... can I just borrow one of your great-grandchildren unitl we decide to have one? I promise I'll give it back." We laughed about it cause she told me to pick one out!

DH and I had one saving grace tonight. It actually came from DH's cousin's baby. She somehow knew when I was having a rough moment and would reach out for me saying "Nina... Hug Meeee!" and I'd grab her and hug her (she calls me Nina cause she can't say Cristina). She did it with DH too... "Shawnyyyy... hug peeese" She kept both DH and I sane through the enitre party. Thank goodness!

Ok... sorry for my long-winded rant-type-thing... I just had to share that fun little story with you all! If you read it all... you deserve a gold star! Now I'm going to get into bed and try to warm up... it's so cold outside!!!

[KDD]

Aw Cris, I really wish people wouldn't do that, even in jest. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. You guys handled it well and your cousin's baby sounds so cute!

[~Lynda~]

so i just gotta ask, what was your response to everyone when they told you, you had to give that woman a grandchild????

that must have been excrutiating at times!!! HUGS girl, maybe she'll get that grandchild sooner than she knows!!!!

[~April04~]

o man Cris thats horrible.. I don't know how you dealt with it..

[SavaAngel]

I am so sorry Cris! Won't they be surprised and maybe even a little ashamed when you do end up pregnant and tell them you have been trying for so long!

[Hopingfor1soon]

I am so so so sorry!! That is ridiculous and I completely know what you mean. People who are the sweetest in the world can make that hurt sometimes. See I have the opposite problem. DH and I are the first of our generation married on BOTH of my families sides...and then first on his moms side and second on his dads side. We have only been married for a year and a half and are only just now graduating college, yet we get all the time "Arent you two pregnant yet?" Or if we are sitting by one of our mothers someone will ask them, "So are you going to be a grandma yet?" Ugh...it drives me crazy and I dont want to be like...NO, we've only been trying for 18 months and have gone through various medical assistance cycles, but NO...no baby for us!!! SORRY to inconvenience you!

Anyways, if you ever want to just chat about that stuff, let me know!! haha I am good at listening and at venting! lol

[richmond_girl]

DH is one of 11 kids - and his mom is one of 8 and his dad is one of 15. I hear ya, Cris.

[TTCagain]

Aw, I am sorry that happened, even if it was "in fun." (((HUGS)))

Your time WILL come!!!

[~*Jackie*~]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that... You are so strong to deal with it so well and that you and DH could keep your cool. I'll be 100% honest. If that happened to me, I'd probably burst into tears, say how long we've been TTC, and that they all just need to please lay off the subject. Then leave!

Not Kidding. I wouldn't deal with the pressure like that well...

[snsgirl336]

Thanks girls! I knew you guys would understand! It was really hard to keep my cool... I honestly would have walked away and left, but it was a difficult year for the family (Shawn's Grandma lost 3 sisters in the past 3 months) and leaving would have made many people angry. Plus we paid $30 to go and eat and darn it, if I was being picked on, I was at least going to get my money's worth and eat!

I just smiled and laughed off all the comments... it was the only thing I could do. I got in the car (on the way to another party) and had my few tears and had calmed down a bit after that. I can't tell you how close I was to just blurting out the fact that we've been trying for so long to DH's cousin (who I've gotten really close to- the one with the little girl who kept me sane). She had a very rough pregnancy with her first (who sadly passed away) so I knew out of all of them, she'd understand. But I didn't. I know she'd keep the secret, but I just didn't feel it was the right time. Maybe after the holidays it will be time for me to tell ONE person in real life about it all. I don't know... I probably won't

Anyhow, I really appreciate your support and your friendships. You guys always know how to lift me out of a slump and I love you for it! I'll keep you all posted on the coming weeks and how many times we'll be asked when we're having a baby... we have a ton of family get-together's coming up!!! Whooo hooo Fun!!!!

[Hopingfor1soon]

HAHA wow....well we should all keep a tally of how many times we get asked and then we can make a blinkie for the winner!!!! haha Cause I have a million get togethers now too!! haha

[xanada101]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that... You are so strong to deal with it so well and that you and DH could keep your cool. I'll be 100% honest. If that happened to me, I'd probably burst into tears, say how long we've been TTC, and that they all just need to please lay off the subject. Then leave!

Not Kidding. I wouldn't deal with the pressure like that well... [/b]

I give you alot credit Cris, because I wouldn't have handled myself as well as you seemed to.

[snsgirl336]

HAHA wow....well we should all keep a tally of how many times we get asked and then we can make a blinkie for the winner!!!! haha Cause I have a million get togethers now too!! haha[/b]

That sounds like a plan... especially now since I know I'm not pregnant through the holidays! I do think I have a great head start though!

I give you alot credit Cris, because I wouldn't have handled myself as well as you seemed to. [/b]

Thanks Toni. I hope it seemed to them like I was handling myself well... cause inside my head, I was chewing out each and every one of them!

[Ash]

Cris...first of all

You are such a great person! I don't know how you handled all of that with such grace. It just proves what a strong, mature woman you really are. You are my hero, really!! I know what you mean about being the only one in your generation without kids. DH and I are that way, and even many of his cousins aren't even married (never have been) and have kids (with ease). It's tough for sure, and my family knows our struggles. I can't imagine how hard it would be if they didn't know.

[snsgirl336]

Wow Ash... you give me far too much credit! LOL I'm definitely not an (anyone who could have read my thoughts would attest to that!). But thank you!

I keep on thinking about how like 30% of the kids at the party were "surprise" babies and here we are still waiting, and waiting, and waiting... So not Fair!

[ShannonMVT]

Popped in here and read this and wanted to say OMG, that sounds horrible! If they only knew I'm sure they would bite their tongues in a hurry. But at the same time I can understand not wanting to inform everyone.

((hugs)) WHEN you have your baby, it will be a sweet, sweet day because you'll know that yours is so special, loved and planned for.

[Christine-MA]

I was just thinking of this thread today (and thought I responded, sorry!)

First off, you ARE an angel because I'm with Jackie, I definitely would have burst into tears and say that you've been trying! It must be so hard for you that no one knows you're trying and just thinks that you don't want to start a family yet. I can't imagine, really!

I have a family xmas party in a few hours, and it's my biological father's side, who I really only see once a year at this xmas party/family reunion thing. My father died a few years ago, and my grandmother died this year, so I have one aunt that I still keep in tough with, but there is a very large extended family. Well, "unfortunately" I told everyone I was pregnant at my grandmother's funeral in August when I was 9 weeks. Since then I had told 2 cousins who are my age and told them to tell their parents I miscarried, as well as my aunt. But #1 I'm sure some people won't know, and wonder why I'm not showing when I'm "due" in 3 months. The second part is that that will be bad enough, but I'm sure some people will ask if we're trying again, and then I get to tell them (or at least think) that I'm going through another miscarriage as we speak.

Boo for Christmas parties this year lol

[richmond_girl]

We're not going to Xmas this year with DH's family. Like I said, they're huge, and they're a big fan of procreation. Not only do we get the "When are you going to have kids" question incessantly, we also get the lectures to go along with it - such as "You know, you're not getting any younger" (gee, really? thanks, I needed that reminder), and "When you're on your death bed, don't you want your kids and grandkids to be by your side? I mean, you don't want to die ALONE, do you??" (seriously?) I hate that they all assume since we are not pregnant, that we DON'T want to have kids and we're NOT actively TTC. I guess since none of them had trouble conceiving, they just assume that we must not want kids if we're not pregnant yet - not that we can't have them BAD ASSUMPTION FOLKS!!

One of the ladies who works for me, she found out she was infertile at the age of 35 (total ovarian failure). After getting similar questions from her family, one day she just blurted out that they had been trying for 4 years and requested that they not ask her about TTC ever again. She said her aunts just kind of glanced at each other and then one of them said, "ok, one last question then - are you sure you're doing "it" right??" WTH???!!!

Christine: good luck at your holiday party today. I feel for you!!

[snsgirl336]

Popped in here and read this and wanted to say OMG, that sounds horrible! If they only knew I'm sure they would bite their tongues in a hurry. But at the same time I can understand not wanting to inform everyone.

((hugs)) WHEN you have your baby, it will be a sweet, sweet day because you'll know that yours is so special, loved and planned for.[/b]

Thank you so much Shannon! You are so right about knowing that my baby will be loved and special. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will happen one day!

I was just thinking of this thread today (and thought I responded, sorry!)

First off, you ARE an angel because I'm with Jackie, I definitely would have burst into tears and say that you've been trying! It must be so hard for you that no one knows you're trying and just thinks that you don't want to start a family yet. I can't imagine, really!

I have a family xmas party in a few hours, and it's my biological father's side, who I really only see once a year at this xmas party/family reunion thing. My father died a few years ago, and my grandmother died this year, so I have one aunt that I still keep in tough with, but there is a very large extended family. Well, "unfortunately" I told everyone I was pregnant at my grandmother's funeral in August when I was 9 weeks. Since then I had told 2 cousins who are my age and told them to tell their parents I miscarried, as well as my aunt. But #1 I'm sure some people won't know, and wonder why I'm not showing when I'm "due" in 3 months. The second part is that that will be bad enough, but I'm sure some people will ask if we're trying again, and then I get to tell them (or at least think) that I'm going through another miscarriage as we speak.

Boo for Christmas parties this year lol[/b]

Again, I'm definitely no angel! TRUST ME! I'm sure in the coming days I'll be asked that fun question time after time and to be honest, I'm not sure how I'll take it this time! (I'll be sure to let you know though!)
Oh wow Christine, what a complicated situation! I hope that the people at the party will have the common decency to offer their sympathies and leave you alone when you have to share the unfortunate news with them. I'll definitely be thinking of you today!

We're not going to Xmas this year with DH's family. Like I said, they're huge, and they're a big fan of procreation. Not only do we get the "When are you going to have kids" question incessantly, we also get the lectures to go along with it - such as "You know, you're not getting any younger" (gee, really? thanks, I needed that reminder), and "When you're on your death bed, don't you want your kids and grandkids to be by your side? I mean, you don't want to die ALONE, do you??" (seriously?) I hate that they all assume since we are not pregnant, that we DON'T want to have kids and we're NOT actively TTC. I guess since none of them had trouble conceiving, they just assume that we must not want kids if we're not pregnant yet - not that we can't have them BAD ASSUMPTION FOLKS!!

One of the ladies who works for me, she found out she was infertile at the age of 35 (total ovarian failure). After getting similar questions from her family, one day she just blurted out that they had been trying for 4 years and requested that they not ask her about TTC ever again. She said her aunts just kind of glanced at each other and then one of them said, "ok, one last question then - are you sure you're doing "it" right??" WTH???!!!

Christine: good luck at your holiday party today. I feel for you!![/b]

Do people know when to stop talking these days? Sometimes I wonder! You're smart for foregoing the holiday parties this year! I totally wanted to, but like I said earlier, it was a rough year on Shawn's family, so we thought the best thing to do would be to go. I know it was the right thing for us to do, but I certainly didn't enjoy it any!

It just amazes me that people think you don't want children just because you don't have any. Does anyone even think of the possibility that you are actaully trying and have problems? UGH! I hope that one day, when we all get to announce we're pregnant to our friends and family, we can also offer them a lesson in common courtesy- a list of things that are definitely not appropriate to say to any couple of child-bearing years. And if people get angry that we're so blunt, we can blame it on months and years of trying for a baby, and pregnancy hormones!

[Christine-MA]

It just amazes me that people think you don't want children just because you don't have any. Does anyone even think of the possibility that you are actaully trying and have problems? UGH! I hope that one day, when we all get to announce we're pregnant to our friends and family, we can also offer them a lesson in common courtesy- a list of things that are definitely not appropriate to say to any couple of child-bearing years. And if people get angry that we're so blunt, we can blame it on months and years of trying for a baby, and pregnancy hormones![/b]

Definitely!

My party got canceled because we've gotten maybe a foot and a half of snow and it's supposed to go until 8pm (party was at 1pm). I felt bad because the family puts a lot of effort into it each year, but I can't say I was disappointed when I got the phone call!